Luke Loud in The Loud House
by SGWarrior
Summary: Welcome to Nickelodeon's hit show, The Loud House, starring my very own OC, Luke Loud. Follow Luke and his family on these loud adventures you'll never forget.
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

Hello! And welcome to Nickelodeon's hit show, The Loud House, featuring my brand new OC…

Introducing… Luke Loud!

* * *

-Luke is 10 years old between Lincoln and Lucy; the second older brother of the younger sisters.

-His favorite hobbies include drawing and playing video games most of the time.

-He wears a cerulean hoodie, dark gray shorts, black socks, and black sneakers. His hair is spiky and dark brown.

-Luke does his best to keep his family under control with his brother Lincoln as well. Even if things get a little crazy.

* * *

 _That's all you need to know about him. I wanted to make this series for a long time and never had the courage to share it to the world, until now that is. I hope you like this series and stay tuned for the first chapter :)_


	2. Left in the Dark

**Left in the Dark**

 _February 28, 2016_

Our story begins with a TV promo playing on the TV.

 **Hunter Spector:** Do you believe in ghosts? Join me, Hunter Spector, spectre hunter, leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, or ARGGH! As I descend into the scariest place in any home, the basement! Sunday night at 8 PM! Don't miss it, or you'll be left in the dark! ARGGH!

 _[fade transitions to Lincoln's room]_

Lincoln Loud, 11 years old, the boy with ten sisters and one brother, is getting ready for a special night.

 **Lincoln** : _[marks calendar]_ It's finally here! The live season finale of the greatest, show, ever! _[Lincoln looks at the viewers.]_ All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself "Lincoln, with eleven siblings, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show." And, you'd be right. Every Sunday at 8, it's the same thing.

Apparently, every Sunday at 8, there's always a fight over the TV remote and the "I was here first."

 **Lincoln:** But tonight, I have a plan. _[busts out his walkie talkie]_ Cadet Lincoln calling Cadet Clyde, do you read me?

On the other end was Lincoln's best friend, Clyde McBride, also 11 years old.

 **Clyde:** This is Cadet Clyde, I read you loud and clear! I'm so excited! We finally get to watch "ARGGH!" together. And by together, I mean you at your house, and me at mine, right?

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ For such a landmark event, we decided that it'd be best for us if we watched it separately. Clyde's got a huge crush on my sister Lori. It gets awkward.

 **Clyde:** _[Looking dreamily at a drawing of Lori.]_ Hubba hubba.

 **Lincoln:** _Clyde? Clyde? Do you read me?_

 **Clyde:** Uh, you better hurry, Lincoln. It's almost 8:00!

 **Lincoln:** It's time to put Operation Distract My Siblings So That I Can Get to the TV First and Watch the Special Live Season Finale of "ARGGH!" and Think of a Shorter Name For This Operation into action.

Right on cue, a bedroom door opens. So, the first thing he had to deal with was the twins, Lola and Lana, both 6 years old, who couldn't wait to march down to the living room to watch cartoons.

 **Lola & Lana: **Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons!

 **Lincoln:** Did someone say tea party? _[reveals a tea pot and a box of cookies.]_

 **Lola:** Eeeee! Thank you, Lincoln! _[takes the items and goes back to her room.]_

Lana, being the opposite of her twin sister, isn't interested in tea parties.

 **Lana:** Hey, I don't want to be part of some dumb old tea party, I want to watch TV!

 **Lincoln:** Not even if… _[pulls out two frogs from behind him]_ …these guys are invited. _[one frog croaks]_

 **Lana:** Eeeee! Thanks, Lincoln! _[takes the frogs and goes back to her room.]_

Next was his 14 year old comedian sister, Luan.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Luan!

 **Luan:** I was just heading downstairs to watch TV.

 **Lincoln:** You might want to grab your video camera instead. The twins are at it again.

It is shown that Lola and Lana are fighting.

 **Lola:** You can't come! V.I.P. only!

 **Luan:** This is totally gonna go viral! _[goes back to her room to get her video camera]_ Thanks, Linc!

 **Lola** : Ow. Ow!

Coming out of his room was 10 year old Luke, Lincoln's only brother. Whose hobbies are drawing and playing video games.

 **Lincoln:** Oh! Luke!

 **Luke:** _[notices Lincoln]_ Hey, Lincoln. I was going to go watch TV because I just got done drawing and I got bored.

 **Lincoln:** Hmm, perhaps _this_ would change your mind. _[pulls out a copy of "Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare]_

 **Luke:** _[amazed]_ Whoa! Is that the new "Call of Duty" game?! It's not even out yet! Thanks, Linc! _[takes the game and goes back to his room]_

Next was the 4 year old genius sister, Lisa and the 1 year old infant, Lily.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Lisa. I saved you a trip downstairs and got that stuff you needed.

 **Lisa:** The lactose, triticum protein, sodium chloride crystals, sucrose, and galus galus ovum?

 **Lincoln:** Uh, you mean milk, flour, salt, sugar and eggs? _[holds out ingredients as said]_

 **Lisa** : You say tomato, I say solanum lycopersicum. Thank you. _[takes the ingredients and goes back into her room.]_

Then there's the 13 year old athletic sister, Lynn.

 **Lynn:** Yeah! Two minutes to game time! Whoo!

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Lynn, check it out. _[holds out a football that starts floating]_ I filled it with helium for the extreme player who demands more.

 **Lynn** : I demand more!

Right on cue, 16 year old Leni Loud comes out of her bedroom.

 **Lincoln:** Uh, go long!

 _[Whistle blows, Lynn struggles to get the ball.]_

 **Lynn:** Get over here, you!

Lincoln then went over to take care of Leni. He shouldn't have a problem with her getting in the way of his plan because…well…let's just say she's not the brightest apple on the tree.

 **Lincoln:** Oh my gosh, Leni!

 **Leni** : What, is there a spider on me? _[frantically rubs her head]_ Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!

 **Lincoln:** Worse. There's a zit on the end of your nose!

 **Leni:** I'm a hideous monster! _[runs away]_

Then, Lincoln's 15 year old rockstar sister, Luna, comes out of her room.

 **Luna:** Hey, bro! TV tonight is gonna be rockin'! _[Strums her guitar]_ Yeah!

 **Lincoln:** Or, you can have your very own flashlight rock show in your bedroom. _[holds out a colorful flashlight]_

 **Luna:** That is sweet! Thanks, Linc! _[takes the flashlight and goes back into her room]_

And last but not least, the oldest sibling of the Loud House, the 17 year old bossy, phone-obsessed teenager, Lori.

 **Lori:** Has anyone seen my phone? I need to live-tweet my show!

 **Lincoln:** _[Takes out Lori's phone and dials a number on it.]_ Hey, Lori!

Lincoln rushes over to Lori and holds out her phone.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Lori, I found your phone!

 **Lori:** Give me that! _[snatches her phone]_ How many times do I have to tell you to keep your hands of my stuff! _[phone rings.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[as Lori was saying this]_ 3, 2 ,1…

 **Lori:** _[answers]_ Hello? Oh, hi Bobby. _[laughs]_ No, I didn't text you to call me, but I'm glad you did! _[to Lincoln]_ Thanks for nothing, twerp!

After taking care of the last sibling, Lincoln looks to see that Lily has fallen asleep on his shoulder. He gently puts her in the laundry basket and kisses her forehead.

 **Lincoln** : And that makes 11.

Lincoln then slides down the banister of the stairs and heads to the living room to sit on the couch.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the v_ _iewers]_ Like I said, I might not be the fastest, and I might not be the strongest. But to get all of my siblings out of the way, it pays to have a plan.

Unbeknownst to Lincoln, sitting on the couch was his 8 year old gothic sister, Lucy.

 **Lucy:** You forgot me.

 **Lincoln:** Ahh! _[As an organ pipe plays; falls to the ground after getting startled by his sister]_ Lucy! I always forget about Lucy!

 **Lucy:** Story of my life.

 **Lincoln:** What are you doing here?

 **Lucy:** It's the season premiere of my favorite show, "Vampires of Melancholia".

 **Lincoln:** This is the episode of "ARGGH!" that everyone is going to be talking about at school tomorrow! Please let me watch it? Pretty please with a black cherry on top?

 **Lucy:** I'm sorry, Lincoln, but you know the rule. I was here _[in slow motion]_ first.

 **Lincoln:** NOOOOOO! _[Looks at the remote and licks it]_ Ha!

 **Lucy:** _[holds up another remote]_ That's the old remote that Lily threw into the toilet.

Lincoln gags, rubs his tongue, and spits out the germs. He then weeps.

 **Lucy:** Sorry, Lincoln, I can't miss my vampires. Edwin is so cold and tormented and mysterious. Sigh. If only he wasn't from another century.

 **Lincoln:** _[gets an idea]_ Another century! _[to Lucy]_ That's okay, Lucy. You watch your show on the big color TV. I'll just go watch my show on Dad's crummy, old, black-and-white TV.

 **Lucy:** Black and white are my favorite colors.

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, it'll make watching my show a little bit more... _spooky_!

 **Lucy** : Spooky is also my favorite color.

 **Lincoln:** Well, enjoy your vampires.

 **Lucy:** Wait! I'll take the old TV!

* * *

Later in Lynn and Lucy's room, Lincoln struggles to get the black-and-white TV to the other side of Lucy's bed, where Lucy's sitting at.

 **Lincoln:** How can only two colors be so heavy? _[Puts it on the bed.]_ Here you are. Now to plug it… _[holds out the plug to the TV which appears to be a bit broken- looking]_ …in. _[to Lucy]_ So, you can be happy or sad or whatever that emotion is. And I won't be left in the dark.

But the second Lincoln plugs in the TV, the power to the whole house goes out. Leaving everybody in the dark.

 **Lincoln:** Dang it.

Meanwhile in the hallway, the other siblings murmur in confusion about why the power went out.

 **Lori:** All right! All right! Everybody just calm down!

 **Leni:** Guys! I can't see anything! I think I've gone blind!

 **Lori:** No, you didn't go blind. What the heck happened?

 **Lincoln:** I was just plugging in the old TV for Lucy and it must've made the lights go out.

 **Lori:** Of course it was your fault, Lincoln.

All the other siblings, expect Luke, complain about what their brother did.

 **Luke:** Guys! That's enough, alright? Right now, we have to get the power back on!

 **Lincoln:** Yeah! All I did was plug in some dumb old TV!

 **Luan:** Hey! I know why the lights went out! Cause they liked each other! _[laughs as her siblings sigh]_ Get it? Get it?

 **Lisa:** That one was so good, it deserved a cookie. _[hands Luan a cookie]_

 **Luan:** Oh, thanks. _[takes the cookie and eats it]_ So anyway, what did one light bulb say to the other?

Suddenly, Luan starts glowing a greenish-yellowish color from head to toe. The rest of the siblings gasp at this **.**

 **Lincoln:** You're glowing.

 **Luan:** Oh. I already told you that one?

 **Luna:** No, dude. _You_ are glowing.

 **Luan:** _[notices she is]_ Hey, wow!

 **Lori:** Everyone back away from Luan. _[the siblings step back]_ Lisa, Mom and Dad said you're not allowed to use your siblings as experimental guinea pigs anymore!

 **Leni:** Yeah! Not after what you did to me!

She wasn't lying when she said that. The last time Lisa tested an experiment on Leni, her face ended up extremely swollen and covered in blemish like substances.

 **Luke:** _[shudders]_ Don't remind me of that.

 **Lisa:** _[smirks at the memory]_ Classic. _[focusing on the situation]_ All I did was infuse the bioluminescent DNA of the _Aequorea victoria_ jellyfish into a cookie. I call them Gloweos. Besides, now we can see.

The siblings realize of what Lisa just said.

 **Lori:** Okay. Everyone huddle around Luan **.**

The siblings do as Lori says _._

 **Luan:** I always knew I was the light of your life. _[giggles as the rest of her siblings sigh.]_

 **Lincoln:** Okay. So, how about we get that power back on.

 **Lori:** Hey, when Mom and Dad are out, I'm in charge. So first, we need to get a head count to make sure we're all here.

 **Lincoln:** One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, and me, that's 12. Yep, that's all of us. We are all here and accounted for.

 **Lucy:** _[appearing behind Lincoln]_ You forgot me.

Lincoln screams and falls to the ground after getting startled by Lucy.

 **Lincoln:** Can I go flip the circuit breaker and get the lights back on before Lucy gives me a heart attack?

 **Lori:** Again, in charge. I'll do it. Where's this circuit breaker thingy?

 **Lincoln:** In the basement.

* * *

The Loud siblings arrive at the basement as Lori's silhouette peers over the basement's darkness.

 **Lori:** Why am I the one who has to do this?

 **Lori's Siblings:** _[at the same time angrily]_ Because you're in charge!

 **Luke:** _[sarcastically]_ Duh!

 **Lori:** All right, all right! Come on, Luan. Light the way.

 **Luan:** That's the brightest idea you've had all day! _[giggles]_

But when Lori pulls Luan away from the group, her glow suddenly vanishes and is back to normal. The siblings gasp at this.

 **Luan:** _[notices]_ Oooh. I thought I was staying in tonight, but I guess I'm going out! _[giggles as the rest of her siblings sigh.]_

 **Lori:** Lisa, give her another one of those cookies. We won't tell.

 **Lisa:** _[On her clipboard]_ Negative. That was the only one. Prototype.

 **Lori:** Just great...

Suddenly, a wooden creak is heard, Lori gasps in fear.

 **Lori:** _[scared]_ There's something in the basement! I'm not going down there!

 **Lynn:** _[taunts]_ Ooh! You're scared of the dark!

 **Lori:** _[to Lynn]_ I am not! You're the one who's scared.

 **Lynn:** I'm not afraid of anything.

 **Lucy:** Boo.

 **Lynn:** AAH!

 **Luke:** You were saying?

 **Lynn:** _[to Luke]_ Don't you start.

While most of the siblings start arguing, the twins start to tremble with fright.

 **Lola & Lana: **THERE'S A GHOST IN THE BASEMENT! _[sobbing]_

 **Lincoln:** Guys! I'm running out of time! It's really important that I...I...I... _[sighs in realization]_ ...fix this. OKAY, QUIET! _[_ _the siblings grow quiet; to the t_ _wins]_ Come here, you two. It's okay. _[the twins hug Lincoln tightly]_ There's nothing to be afraid of. Your big brother will protect you. In fact...I will protect _all_ of you! Because for I am Cadet Lincoln! Highly trained student of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters! Or...ARRGH!

Lincoln puts on his night vision goggles and busts out his walkie-talkie.

 **Lincoln:** Cadet Clyde, this is Cadet Lincoln. Forget the plan. I'm going to need backup.

Then without hesitation, Lincoln's right hand man Clyde came in on the situation.

 **Clyde:** Cadet Clyde, reporting for duty. _[notices Lori and gets aroused]_ L-L-L-Lori? _[starts acting like a robot]_ RED ALERT. RED ALERT. DOES NOT COMPUTE. CIRCUIT OVERLOAD. MUST ABORT MISSION. _[leaves]_

 **Lincoln** : _[to the viewers]_ I told you it gets awkward. _[_ _prepares to enter the basement]_ I will now descend into the scariest place in the house: the basement. But fear not, with my official "ARRGH!" branded night vision goggles, I can see in the dark.

Lincoln spoke too soon when he entered the basement and fell down the stairs and loses his walkie-talkie. The siblings rush up to the steps.

 **Lori:** Lincoln, are you okay?

 **Lincoln:** The bad news is, my goggles are just a toy, and do not really see in the dark! The good news is, they cushioned my face from the hard basement floor!

 **Luke:** _[rolls his eyes]_ No kidding.

 **Luan:** _[looking at her camera]_ Hey! I think my video camera has a night vision setting.

 **Lincoln:** _[rushes back up]_ Sweet! _[takes it]_ It's just like the cameras they use on ARRGH! I'm going in.

 **Lori:** Wait! You're not leaving us up here all alone, are you? I mean, we couldn't possibly let you go down there all alone. We should all go down together. As a group. _[grins pleadingly]_

 **Lincoln:** Very well. I'll lead the way.

Soon, the Loud siblings enter the basement with Lincoln leading the group, and with Luan's camera as his guide.

 **Lincoln:** You may want to stay close. There's no telling what could be lurking down here in the dark.

 **Luan:** There's nothing funny about this situation. Although, I do like _dark_ humor.

 **Luke:** Maybe now's not the time, Luan.

 **Leni:** Is someone touching my hand?

 **Lynn:** You're touching your own hand _ **.**_

 **Lori:** I hate basements.

Suddenly, an eerie sound is heard in the distance.

 **Lori:** _[gasps]_ What's that moaning?!

The siblings all gasp and Lincoln turns to the source. Which seems to be a settling pipe.

 **Lincoln:** Don't freak out. It's just the pipe settling.

Another scary sound is heard in the distance.

 **Leni:** What's that scratching?!

The siblings gasp again and Lincoln checks to see that it's only the house cat Cliff scratching its scratching post.

 **Lincoln:** Don't be scared. It's just Cliff the Cat.

 **Cliff:** Meow!

 **Lynn:** _[plugs up her nose]_ What is that smell?!

The siblings gasp again and Lincoln sees something familiar. Which turns out to be that Lily soiled her diaper, while being held by Luna, understandably grossed out.

 **Lincoln:** It's just Lily with a full diaper.

 **Lily:** _[giggles]_ Poo-poo!

 **Lincoln:** See, guys? I told you. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Lincoln once again spoke too soon when he sees something that suprises him and his siblings.

 **Lori:** What is it?!

To the siblings' eyes, it was some sort of strange creature with glowing green eyes.

 **?:** _Lincoln...LINCOLN..._

 **Lincoln:** _[terrified]_ IT'S A GHOST AND IT KNOWS MY NAME!

The siblings all start running around screaming, except Lucy, because she likes the darkness. And Luke just froze in place, shocked.

 **Lincoln:** _[bravely]_ I'LL SAVE YOU, SIBLINGS! _[charges at the ghost]_

Just then, the lights come back on and it turns out the "ghost" Lincoln was attacking was just a basket of laundry with his walkie-talkie on top of it.

 **Lincoln:** Hi-yah! Take that, evil spirit!

 **Lori:** _[After finding the circuit breaker and turning the lights back on herself.]_ Cool it, Lincoln. It's not a ghost. It's just our laundry.

Lincoln emerges from the laundry and sheepishly grins. It also turns out that the sound was actually Clyde trying to contact him _ **.**_

 **Clyde:** _Lincoln! Lincoln! Do you read me?_

 **Lincoln:** _[picks up]_ Clyde?

 **Clyde:** _I was just calling to say sorry for not being such a good ARRGH! cadet. And is your sister ready to date younger men?_

 **Lori:** _[offscreen]_ Never gonna happen!

 **Clyde:** _Was that your sister?! [robot act] RED ALERT. RED ALERT. OVERLOAD. OVERLOAD._

Lincoln has one of those "The things I have to put up with" looks on his face.

 **Leni** : _[with her eyes closed]_ Guys! I still can't see!

 **Lisa:** Open your eyes.

 **Leni:** _[opens her eyes]_ IT'S A MIRACLE!

 **Luke:** _[deadpanned]_ Seriously?

 **Lori:** First one to the TV is couch commando!

 **Lincoln:** I can still get there first!

In a slow motion transition, Lincoln hurries to the couch so he can be the first one to watch his show and races past all of his siblings. He manages to get there first, grabs the remote, and turn on the TV, only to be find out that his show had just ended.

 **Hunter:** _WOW! That was by far the best episode of ARRGH! ever! I'd hate to be you if you missed it!_

 **Lincoln:** _[shocked]_ NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! _[lamenting]_ I can't believe I missed my show...

Lincoln starts to break into tears and his siblings see how miserable he is and feel pretty bad for him. Because after all, they _are_ family.

 **Lori:** _[hands him some popcorn]_ Sorry you missed your show, Lincoln.

 **Luke:** Look on the bright side, there's always next season.

 **Luan** : But you just _lived_ it. Check it out. _[plugs her camera into the TV and shows him what he filmed.]_

The siblings watch and enjoy their little adventure on film and get a good laugh about it. And for Lincoln, he's pretty happy to have actually lived the show instead of just watching it.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ You know, I may have missed my show. But sometimes, it's not about being there first. Sometimes, It's about being there together. All of us.

 **Lucy:** _[appears next to them]_ You forgot me.

 **Siblings:** _[as one final organ pipe plays; gets startled by her appearance]_ AAAHH!


	3. Get the Message

**Get the Message**

 _February 29, 2016_

Today was just another day in the Loud House, Luke is sitting on the couch playing a console game in the living room. Just then, Lincoln comes in the room with VR goggles on his head and jumps on the table, who seems to be dancing.

 **Lincoln:** Take that, zombie! _[twerks]_ Feel my twerk, you evil jerk! _[killing zombies; does a pelvic thrust.]_ HOO!

Lincoln continues to breakdance while Luke just stared at him with a confused look.

 **Luke:** Lincoln, what are you doing?

 **Lincoln:** Playing _Zombie Killer 4._ The objective of the game is to defeat zombies by breakdancing. I think it's a cool objective.

 **Luke:** No offense, but you look stupid doing that. Also, why would that objective exist in a game?

 **Lincoln:** Don't know and don't care. I got some zombie killing to do!

Lincoln goes up the stairs while Luke snickers at his brother's antics. Lincoln does more moves in the hallway until he enters one particular room he's not supposed to set foot into.

 **Lori:** Lincoln!

 **Lincoln:** _[takes the goggles off and sees Lori making an angry face at him.]_ AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

 **Lori:** There's only one rule in this house: Stay out of my bedroom! If I catch you in here again, I will literally turn you into a human pretzel! _[on the phone]_ No, not you, Bobby. _[giggles]_ One sec, okay? _[kicks Lincoln out of her room.]_

Lincoln puts his goggles back on and continues to dance the zombies away and goes into the bathroom. He realizes that he still has his goggles on.

 **Lincoln:** Zombies don't need to see this. [takes the goggles off and sets them on the sink.]

Lincoln starts to do his business until he was interrupted by someone knocking.

 **Lincoln:** Occupied!

The knocking then turns into a pounding.

 **Lincoln:** I can't believe some… _[answers door to see Lori is there.]_

 **Lori:** _[on the phone]_ Bobby, you'll never guess what Whitney said to me today.

 **Lincoln:** _[rhetorically]_ That you don't respect a man's privacy?

 **Lori:** _[ignoring Lincoln and kicking him out.]_ No, silly! Not even. She was all like...

Lincoln goes to his room and realized that he left his goggles in the bathroom.

 **Lincoln:** Oh no! My gaming glasses!

Lincoln rushes back to the bathroom to retrieve his VR goggles but is stopped by Lola and Lana, who are dressed in some kind of authority attire.

 **Lana:** No running in the hallway!

 **Lincoln:** _[confused]_ Huh? What are you talking about?

 **Lola:** Lana, is this maggot giving you lip? _[writes Lincoln up]_

 **Lana:** We're the new hall monitors at school, so we're practicing at home.  
 _[The twins give Lincoln a ticket.]_

 **Lola:** If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown! We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes.

The twins show Luan, who is in a cardboard jail cell.

 **Luan:** Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months! _[laughs to rimshot]_ Get it?

 **Lola:** That's five more minutes, dirt bag!

 **Lincoln:** Okay, okay. I'll walk within the speed limit. I swear.

 **Lana:** NO SWEARING!

As the twins leave for their room/office, Lincoln rushes into the bathroom, only to find that his goggles are now totaled on.

 **Lincoln:** Someone stepped on my glasses! NOOOOOO!

Lincoln thinks back to when Lori kicked him out when he left them in there, he then automatically blames her and sees that she's left in the family van.

 **Lincoln:** _[enraged]_ **LORI! YOU DIRT BAG!**

Lincoln slams the front door in anger. This startles Luke as he was in focus of defeating the second boss on his console game. Luke turns to look at him.

 **Luke:** Whoa! You ok, dude?

 **Lincoln:** _[angrily]_ No, I am _not_ ok!

 **Luke:** Well, what happened?

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ Come with me, I'll tell you.

* * *

Later in Lincoln's room, Lincoln invited Clyde over and the two of them are being told the story of the incident _ **.**_

 **Lincoln:** One minute I'm electric-sliding with the undead, and the next... _[groans]_ IT'S ALL LORI'S FAULT!

 **Luke:** Okay, I can see why Lori would do that. But that doesn't mean she didn't do it on purpose.

 **Lincoln:** You don't get the picture, Luke! Lori doesn't even care that she stepped on my goggles!

 **Clyde:** _[holding the goggles]_ I can't believe it!

 **Lincoln:** I know! She didn't even say sorry!

 **Clyde:** _[lovestruck]_ No. I can't believe these were touched by Lori's beautiful tootsies... _[cradles the glasses]_

 **Luke:** _[rolls his eyes]_ Oy vey…

 **Lincoln:** Snap out of it, Clyde! Lori's a monster! All she cares about is talking on her stupid phone! Well, I'm going to give her a call she'll never forget...

 **Luke:** Wait, what exactly are you talking about?

 **Lincoln:** Oh. You'll see.

Lincoln opens his desk drawer, pulls out a sheet of paper and shows it to Clyde and Luke.

 **Clyde:** _[reads the paper]_ "Why 'blank' is the worst sibling ever?"

 **Lincoln:** _[evilly]_ I knew this would come in handy someday. I just didn't know which sibling would be getting it. _[writes Lori's name in the blank.]_ But you, Lori Loud, have made my decision very easy.

Lincoln starts to dial Lori's number on his duck phone.

 **Luke:** Uh, Lincoln? I don't think this is a good idea…

 **Lincoln:** Oh hush, Luke. I know what I'm doing.

Luke gives a deadpan expression while Lincoln is waiting. Lori's ringtone can be heard throughout the hallway. Luna is jamming and riffs to the last note of Lori's ringtone.

 **Lincoln:** _[impatient]_ Agh. Must be charging her phone. No worries. I'll just leave it on her voicemail.

 **Voicemail:** _"Hey, this is Lori. You know what to do."_

 _[Beep]_

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln. There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are...

Lincoln then goes into a blindingly raging rant about Lori. Luna comes into his room and rocks out to censor the harsh and foul message for any profanity it may contain. All the while Clyde watches in despair as his dream girl gets roasted, while Luke covers his ears with his fingers, with a shocked expression.

 **Lincoln:** _[finishing up.]_ …AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE THE WORST, SIBLING, EVER! _[hangs up]_ What do you think, Clyde?

Clyde faints and Luke takes his fingers out of his ears, still with that shocked expression on his face. Just then, Lori comes into his room.

 **Lori:** Hey, bro. I just wanna say I'm so sorry I stepped on your stupid toy. So I went out and bought you a stupid new one.

 **Lincoln:** _[shocked at her generosity]_ You did what now?

 **Lori:** _[hands him new glasses]_ Also, I'm very impressed you didn't freak out over this. Very mature.

 **Lincoln:** _[nervously chuckles]_ Yep. That's me. Mr. Mature.

As Lori leaves his room, Lincoln realizes he made a terrible mistake.

 **Lincoln:** What have I done?! I called Lori a- _[guitar riff]_ -when she's actually a- _[harp string]_ What am I gonna do?!

 **Luke:** Maybe listen to your brother next time?

 **Lincoln:** Not helping, Luke. _[gasps in realization]_ Wait a minute! Lori clearly hasn't listened to the voicemail yet, or I'd be a human pretzel. We gotta delete the message!

 **Clyde:** _[comes to]_ Huh? _[falls over]_

 **Lincoln:** Good talk.

* * *

Lincoln, Luke, and Clyde peak out the door. Lola and Lana are tracking a trail of poop that leads from Lynn and Lucy's room to Luan and Luna's. Lori has locked up her room and entered the security password before she went downstairs.

 **Luke:** _[confused]_ Okay, where did she even get the money for that security junk?

 **Lincoln:** That's not important. Lori doesn't have her cell which means it's still in there charging. Our mission is to infiltrate her room and delete the message before she gets back.

 **Luke:** And how exactly are you going to do that?

 **Clyde:** Yeah, Lori's room is off limits.

 **Lincoln:** _[to Clyde]_ I know. That's why I need you to be a lookout for her.

 **Clyde:** That's easy. I'm _always_ on the lookout for Lori.

Lincoln spots the twins, still tracking the trail of poop.

 **Lincoln:** _[to Luke]_ And Luke, I need you to distract the twins so I can sneak past them in order to get Lori's room.

 **Luke:** Wait, whoa, whoa, why am _I_ getting involved in this? You're the one who messed up in the first place.

 **Lincoln:** _[begging]_ Come on, Luke. Pleaaaaaaase do this for me?

Luke crosses his arms and gives a small glare to Lincoln.

 **Luke:** And what's in it for me? Huh?

 **Lincoln:** _[thinking]_ I'll show you how to defeat Wiz Pig in _Angry Birds: Epic._

 **Luke:** _[raises an eyebrow]_ For real?

 **Lincoln:** Yes.

Luke hesitates for a bit but finally gives in, considering he really wanted to defeat that stupid pig.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ Fine! I'll do it.

 **Lincoln:** Alright! Let's do this!

Lincoln and Clyde fist bump each other for luck. Clyde hops over to his position and pulls out his walkie-talkie.

 **Clyde:** I'm in position.

 **Lincoln:** Roger that. _[puts on a black snow hat]_

Lincoln looks over to where the twins are. He sneaks by while the twins check the sound he made only to see he's nowhere. He is seen hiding up on the top of the doorway. Lincoln nods to Luke, who is hiding behind his bedroom door, signaling him to distract them. Luke nods back, comes out of his hiding spot, and starts walking past the twins. Lola is the first to spot him.

 **Lola:** Hey! You got a hall pass, young man? _[spots Lincoln hiding up the doorway]_

 **Luke:** _[jerks a finger in the other direction]_ Look! Luan's making a run for it!

The twins turn their backs on him. Luke quickly takes out a pellet from his back pocket and tosses it behind him, making Geo, the house hamster, chase after it.

 **Lana:** _[notices]_ Hey, fur ball! No speeding!

The twins start to give chase to Geo, giving Lincoln the chance to slide down the doorway and sneak past them.

 **Lola & Lana: **Hey! What did we just say? Get back here!

Lincoln makes his way into the vents and pulls out his walkie-talkie **.**

 **Lincoln:** I'm in.

 **Clyde:** _[with a schematic of the house]_ Great. Proceed two clicks north, hook a left, and you should be right over the target.

Lincoln heads down that pathway.

 **Lincoln:** I've got eyes on the package.

Lincoln successfully breaks into Lori's room and finds that her phone still charging. Just then, Lori comes upstairs.

 **Clyde:** _Lincoln! Lori's coming!_

 **Lincoln:** You're going to have to stall her!

 **Clyde:** _Roger that..._

Clyde draws a mustache on his upper lip with a marker and tears off his shirt, revealing a white tux underneath it and acts so suave as Lori approaches.

 **Clyde:** _[suave]_ Hey, beautiful, you take these stairs often?

 **Lori:** _[throws her arms around him and swoons]_ I will now... _handsome~_... _[winks to him]_

Meanwhile, Lincoln grabs the phone and starts playing the message.

 **Message:** _"_ _Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln._ _"_

Lincoln successfully deletes the message and sneaks out right before Lori enters. And it all turned out to be a dramatization of what could happen before the plan even started.

* * *

 **Lincoln:** …And that's how we're gonna do it!

 **Clyde:** I love it! Especially the part where I get to talk to Lori. _[starts applying perfume onto him.]_

 **Luke:** _[coughs]_ Why do you even have perfume on you?

 **Clyde:** Oh, it's my Nana's.

 **Lincoln:** Here are the blueprints for the vents. _[hands Clyde a drawing of them with some red stuff all over it.]_

 **Clyde:** Are these food stains?

 **Lincoln:** I eat ketchup-sandwiches while I floor-plan.

Clyde turns to look at Luke.

 **Luke:** I just don't question it…

Just then, a door opening is heard.

 **Lincoln:** Quiet! Lori's coming!

Lori locks the door to her room and enters the security password just like in the dramatization.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, let's do this.

 **Luke:** Let's hope this is all worth it.

Clyde and Luke take their positions form the dramatization. Clyde takes out his walkie-talkie.

 **Clyde:** I'M IN POSITION!

The loud feedback on the other end knocks Lincoln back, and Luke from his hiding spot.

 **Lincoln:** Roger that.

Lincoln spots Lola writing Lily up for not wearing her diaper.

 **Lola:** No, I can't let you off with a warning!

 **Lily:** _[laughs]_

Lincoln puts on his black snow hat and starts making his way to Lori's room. Just then, Cliff gets on his hat and starts padding it, Lincoln shoos him off only for the cat's tail to hit his nose and stifles a sneeze onto what he thought was a tissue.

 **Lola:** Next time, remember. This is a mandatory diaper zone!

Lincoln realizes that the "tissue" he used was actually Lily's diaper and starts to throw up. This gets the twin guards' attention and Lincoln quickly hides up the doorway. But his hands are covered in ketchup from the sandwiches he had earlier, causing him to slip.

 **Lincoln:** Gah...ketchup fingers...

Luke knew he had to distract the twins from finding Lincoln. Taking a deep breath, he starts to sprint from his hiding spot to the stairs, causing the twins to jump and turn their heads.

 **Luke:** _[yelling]_ COME AND GET ME, COPPERS!

Suddenly, Luke trips and falls to the floor. He slowly sat up groaning as he notices the twins were right in front of him.

 **Lana:** _[suspicious]_ Just where do you think you're going, buster?

 **Luke:** _[nervously]_ Uhhhh…

Luke was about to say something until he sees Lily crawling by him and the twins.

 **Luke:** I think I'm the least of your problems right now. _[points to Lily]_

The twin guards turn to the direction where Luke is pointing.

 **Lana:** SHE'S MAKING A CRAWL FOR IT!

The twins chase after Lily, but not before Lola went up to Luke's face.

 **Lola:** You are lucky I'm letting _you_ off with a warning. _[runs off with Lana]_

Luke sat up, sweeping the dust off his shorts.

 **Luke:** This is so not worth defeating that stupid Wiz Pig…

Meanwhile, Lincoln makes his way into the vents and pulls out his walkie-takie.

 **Lincoln:** Clyde, I'm in.

But what he doesn't realize is that Lucy is right next to him.

 **Lucy:** Hey, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** _[as an organ pipe plays; screams]_ Lucy! What are you doing in here?

 **Lucy:** I come here to think. I actually just wrote a new poem called "Ventilate".

 _Inside the wall_  
 _I choose to be alone_  
 _If I ever get stuck_  
 _Please listen for my moan._

 **Lincoln:** _[nervous]_ Riiiiight. _[chuckles]_ Clyde, get me to Lori's room, now. _[creeps away from Lucy]_

 **Clyde:** _Go three clicks, and a right. Or was it three rights and a click? Wait. What's a click?_

 **Lincoln:** _[crawling around]_ Never mind. I think I'm there.

Suddenly, Lincoln falls through the vent hatch and slips. Lucy manages to catch him before he hit the bathroom floor.

 **Lucy:** Hey, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Phew. Thanks, Luce.

Lincoln's walkie-talkie then falls into the toilet.

 **Clyde:** _Lincoln! Everything okay?_

 **Lincoln:** _[sw_ _ings and plunges the walkie-talkie out]_ Yeah, Clyde. _[groans at the soggy texture his radio has been contaminated with.]_ Everything's perfect.

Later, Lincoln continues to excavate through the vents until he finally reaches Lori's room.

 **Lincoln:** I've got eyes on the package.

 **Clyde:** _Package? What about Lori's phone?_

Lincoln facepalms and enters Lori's room via a red rope. But the rope seems to be coming undone.

 **Lincoln:** Clyde, what kind of rope is this?

 **Clyde:** _Cherry licorice rope._

Lincoln then falls onto the floor with a thud. This gets Lori's attention as she heads up the stairs to check it out.

 **Clyde:** _[frantic]_ Lincoln! Lori's coming! _[suave]_ Don't worry, I'll stall her.

Clyde then draws a fake mustache on his upper lip, takes his shirt off and approaches Lori, only to be stunned by her beauty.

 **Lori:** What?

Clyde suddenly gets a nasty nosebleed from his shyness.

 **Lori:** Ugh! Gross! _[runs to her room]_

Lincoln was about to delete the message when he hears Lori approaching her door. She enters and looks around with an displeased look on her face. Lincoln is seen hiding under her bed and Lori kicks off her shoes right under him and they hit Lincoln in his face.

 **Lincoln:** Ugh! _[shuts his mouth]_

 **Lori:** _[suspiciously checks under her bed]_ So, this is where all my shoes are. _[sees all her shoes under her bed]_

Lincoln had escaped her line of sight as he was now hiding behind one of the curtains as he tries to reach for the phone. But then, Walt, the house canary, perches right onto it and bites Lincoln's finger, making him hold in his yelp of pain. Lori hears that her phone is fully charged.

 **Lori:** Finally. _[takes phone]_ Ooh! New messages! I'm so loved!

As Lori leaves her room, things are looking extremely bad for Lincoln right now.

 **Lincoln:** _[on his walkie-talkie; panicking]_ Mission is compromised! The package is on the move? Clyde?

Clyde has covered his nostrils with tissues to clear up the bleeding.

 **Lincoln:** _[on the other end]_ Clyde! Do you read me?!

Just then, Luke comes back upstairs into the hallway.

 **Luke:** _[satisfied]_ That was some good lemonade. _[sees Clyde with his nosebleed]_ Uh, what…happened while I was gone?

Luke then sees Lincoln sprinting out of Lori's room, hurrying to stop Lori from getting to his message, but the twin guards stop him.

 **Lola:** We warned you, dirt bag!

 **Lana:** It's the clink for Linc!

 **Lincoln:** Look! Luan's making a jailbreak!

The twins turn around and Lincoln makes a break for the stairs.

 **Lana:** _[notices]_ Hey!

 **Lola:** Oh, forget that bum. He's out of our jurisdiction now.

 **Lana:** Yeah. Let's get doughnuts.

As the twins head out for a doughnut break, Luke rushes down the stairs to catch up with Lincoln.

 **Luke:** _[stops Lincoln]_ Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it! What's going on?

 **Lincoln:** _[grabs Luke's shoulders; panicking]_ Lori has her phone! And I didn't have enough time to delete my message!

 **Luke:** _[shocked]_ What?! Lori's going to kill you!

 **Lincoln:** Not if I stop her first!

Lincoln turns to see that he was too late as Lori was already listening to his hateful message.

 **Message:** _"Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln."_

 **Lincoln:** Lori! _[slow motion diving at her]_ NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! _[thuds at normal speed]_ Ugh!

 **Message:** _"_ _There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are..."_

Lincoln looks on in horror, but luckily for him, Lori deletes the message before the rant can begin.

 **Lori:** Ugh! Delete! Lincoln, there are _two_ rules in this house: stay out of my room, and never call my phone! My voicemail is full enough without useless messages from you!

 **Lincoln:** _[sarcastically relieved]_ Gee, Lori, I'm sorry.

 **Lori:** But, I'm gonna let it slide this time 'cause you were so mature when I broke your stupid toy.

 **Lincoln:** _[sheepishly chuckles]_ Yeah, right. That's me. Mr. Mature.

Just then, Lori gets a call and answers it as she starts to head upstairs.

 **Lori:** Bobby. Only 12 messages today? I thought you cared about me.

As soon as Lori was out of sight, Lincoln and Luke sigh with relief.

 **Luke:** Well, Lincoln, you can put this sorry chapter behind you now.

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, that's for sure. _[to the viewers]_ Next time I have a problem with one of my siblings, I'll just talk to them instead of leaving a message or writing a nasty letter. _[realizing]_ Speaking of which, where _is_ that letter?

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Lori is plucking out nose hairs while talking to Bobby.

 **Lori:** If you want our couple name to be Lobby, you're going to have to show a little- _[sees something on the floor]_ What's this? "Why Lori is the worst sibling ever?" Bobby, I gotta go. _[angrily]_ I'M ABOUT TO TURN LINCOLN INTO A HUMAN PRETZEL!

Lincoln and Luke sprint back upstairs to find the letter, but Lori beats them to it as she shows the letter to them, enraged.

 **Lori:** _[enraged]_ **LINCOLN! WHAT IS THIS?!**

 **Luke:** _[leans to Lincoln; whispering]_ You might want to start running.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Well, it's time to do the official dance of the Loud House: the Running Man!

Lincoln puts on his new game goggles and starts dancing away from Lori's wrath.

 **Lori:** _[livid]_ **WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'M GONNA-!**

Luna rocks out to censor Lori's rant of revenge, just like she did for Lincoln. The furious teen turns to Luke, who was grinning nervously.

 **Luke:** _[nervously]_ I was just leaving… _[sprints back to his room]_


	4. Heavy Meddle

**Heavy Meddle**

 _March 1, 2016_

Today of all days at school for Lincoln was not a good day to begin with. To start things off, he got pantsed while opening his locker. Then in class, when he got up from his desk, the same kid tied his shoelaces together causing him to trip. Then at lunch, as he was sitting down at his lunch table, a fart noise is heard and he finds that he sat on a whoopee cushion that the same kid placed on his seat before he got here. Finally, at the end of the day, he checks for any more shenanigans before opening his locker, only to find a huge pile of garbage burying him the second he opened it. Lincoln finally had enough and decided to settle things straight with his bully.

Later on the walk home, Lincoln talks his settlement to Clyde.

 **Clyde:** So, you really confronted that bully?

 **Lincoln:** That's right. I said to meet me at 3:30 in front of my house, and we're gonna settle this.

 **Clyde:** _[worried for his friend]_ Whoa! You're gonna fight?!

 **Lincoln:** I'm not an animal, Clyde. I'm going to deliver a strongly worded speech...as soon as I write it.

 **Clyde:** _[noticing something]_ Looks like that bully left you a note of their own.

 **Lincoln:** Huh?

Lincoln looks up to see a sticky note on his head. He pulls it off and reads it.

 **Lincoln:** _[reading the note]_ " _Lame-O._ "

There was also a piece of gum stuck in Lincoln's hair, unbeknownst to them before.

 **Clyde:** _[sniffs the gum]_ Ooh! Watermelon lime!

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ Well, better not let my sisters see this.

 **Clyde:** Wait, don't you have a brother too?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, but here's the thing. My sisters would want to get involved in every situation I get into and make things worse, the way they always do. I know this for a reason.

 **Clyde:** I don't know. Maybe they'd be helpful. Your sister Lori gives great advice. She told me to never be myself. I love that woman. _[looks lovesick]_

 **Lincoln:** Aw, Clyde. Sweet, innocent Clyde. _[to the viewers]_ He has no idea what it's like to have ten meddling sisters.

He wasn't kidding when he said that. The last time they tried to help was when it looked like Lincoln was sick. And things ended pretty badly, as in hot chicken noodle soup all over his crotch and was bandaged from head to toe.

 **Lincoln:** _[holding up a finger with a bandage wrapped around it.]_ And that was just a paper cut!

 **Clyde:** Well, then, you'd better get that gum out. You wanna look intimidating for that bully.

 **Lincoln:** I was _born_ intimidating.

Lincoln then tries to pull it out, but it's too grody for him to touch _._

 **Lincoln:** Ew, ew! Gross!

 **Clyde:** You know, peanut butter will get that gum out.

 **Lincoln:** Should I use chunky or smooth?

 **Clyde:** Well, if you use chunky, you're gonna have to use smooth to get the chunks out.

 **Lincoln:** Good point. Thanks, pal.

Lincoln goes into his house and looks around to see if any of his siblings are lurking. It looked like the coast is clear as he steps inside and puts his backpack on the floor.

 _ **LHN 6 LIVE  
WEATHER REPORT: CLEAR SKIES  
LINGERING BUTT-INS  
KEEP UMBRELLA HANDY**_

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ The National Weather Service reports clear skies with only a 20% chance of meddling sisters. But we advise keeping your umbrella handy.

Lily was playing with some of her toys when she notices Lincoln coming in.

 **Lincoln:** _[to Lily]_ Shh...

Lincoln then accidentally steps on a squeaky toy and lifts his foot up with some squeaking aftershocks from said toy.

 **Lily:** Shh...

 **Lincoln:** _[to Lily]_ Shh... _[sneaks off]_

 **Lori:** _[from the other room]_ Hold it right there!

Lincoln froze in fear, thinking Lori has spotted him, but she's really talking to a friend of hers on her phone.

 **Lori:** He wore cargo shorts on your date? That is literally the worst thing I have ever heard.

 **Lincoln:** _[relieved]_ Phew.

 **Luke:** _[appears behind Lincoln]_ Hey, dude!

 **Lincoln:** _[jumps]_ GAAAH!

 **Luke:** Whoa, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. _[looks at the gum]_ Uh, why is there gum in your-?

Lincoln quickly covers his mouth as Luke muffles in shock. Luke yanks Lincoln's hand off his mouth.

 **Luke:** _[angry]_ Dude! What's your-!

 **Lincoln:** _[cuts Luke off]_ Shhhhh!

 **Luke:** _[whispering]_ What?

Lincoln looks around for a second to see if any of the sisters are lustering about. Then he turns back to Luke.

 **Lincoln:** _[quietly]_ Don't tell our sisters about this. But I got bullied at school today, and if they find about the gum in my hair, you know what's gonna happen when it comes to these kinds of things.

 **Luke:** _[surprised; quietly]_ Wow, that's tough stuff. You better hope that they don't find you. Believe me, it happened to me before when I got into a situation like that. You don't wanna know.

 **Lincoln:** _[quietly]_ But you won't tell the others, right?

 **Luke:** _[quietly]_ Lincoln, do I look like I'm stupid? I'm not going to tell anybody about this, I got your back.

 **Lincoln:** _[quietly]_ Thanks, Luke. See ya.

Lincoln sneaks into the kitchen, gets to the fridge and looks for the peanut butter.

 **Lincoln:** Peanut butter, peanut butter...where's the peanut butter?

Just then, Luna comes in humming a tune and Lincoln quickly hides the gum by sticking his head in one of the crisper drawers.

 **Luna:** Hey, bro.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, hey, Luna. What's the haps?

 **Luna:** _[sees Lincoln's position]_ Rad way to chill out, bro.

 **Lincoln:** Right. Totally rad.

 **Luna:** Hey, hook me up with some pudding.

Lincoln feels around for a pudding cup and touches a piece of quickly shakes off the broccoli texture off his hand and finds a pudding cup and hands it to Luna.

 **Luna:** Thanks. Stay cool.

As soon as Luna was out of sight, Lincoln gets his head out of the crisper drawer with a head of cabbage on the gum and shakes it off. He finally manages to find the peanut butter jar.

 **Lincoln:** Peanut butter!

Lincoln opens the jar and discovers that it's empty to his surprise _._

 **Lincoln:** _[frustrated]_ Ah! Why do people put empty jars back in the fridge?! _[puts it back in despite what he just ranted about]_ I need a Plan B.

Lincoln looks to see that Lori is still on the phone.

 **Lori:** Socks and sandals? Cut it out!

 **Lincoln:** _[gets an idea]_ "Cut it out." That's it! _[sneaks past Lori]_

 **Lori:** Now _that_ is literally the worst thing I have ever heard.

Lincoln sneaks back into the living room, where Luke is now playing a console game. He sneaks into his parents' room and grabs a pair of scissors to cut the gum out with as he makes his way to the staircase. Suddenly, Luan is coming down the stairs and Lincoln sticks the gum to the wall to hide it.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Luan.

 **Luan:** Hey, Lincoln. What do you think of this joke? "If I were you, I'd go for the baboon!"

 **Lincoln:** _[puzzled]_ I don't get it.

 **Luan:** Oh. Well, that's just the punchline. I still gotta think of the setup. _[walks away]_

Lincoln heads up the stairs and makes it to the door to his room. Just as he about to enter, his mom calls him.

 **Rita:** _[offscreen]_ Lincoln, honey! I need you to take out the trash!

 **Lincoln:** Okay, Mom! Five minutes!

 **Rita:** _[offscreen]_ Not five minutes! Now!

 **Lincoln:** I will! Just give me three minutes!

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[offscreen]_ Lincoln, listen to your mother!

Lincoln groans, sneaks around to avoid his sisters, and takes the trash out by the yard. Leni approaches him and he puts the trash lid on the gum to hide it.

 **Leni:** Hey, Lincoln. Is my desk lamp in there? I can't find it anywhere.

 **Lincoln:** Nope. Have you tried looking on your desk?

 **Leni:** So smart! _[sees the lid on Lincoln's head]_ What's up with that hat?

 **Lincoln:** Oh, this? _[striking a few poses]_ These are all the rage right now. I'm surprised you didn't know. [ _leaves]_

 **Leni:** _[inspired]_ Hmm...

Lincoln sneaks back inside the house and to the door to his room. He was just about to head inside until Lisa catches him.

 **Lisa:** Greetings, human. There's _Liquidambar Styraciflua_ in your follicular area.

 **Lincoln:** A what in my who now?

 **Lisa:** You've got gum in your hair.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, yes. I'm sure it's just-

 **Lisa:** I assume that being of average intelligence, you didn't place it there yourself. Therefore, I can only deduce that someone has been picking on you.

 **Lincoln:** _[begging]_ Lisa, please! You can't tell! I don't want everyone getting involved.

 **Lisa:** Don't worry. I do not have enough room in my brain for this kind of tomfoolery. _[walks away]_

 **Lincoln:** Phew. _[enters his room]_

* * *

Meanwhile, Luke is still playing his game as he gets killed by a boss, he throws his controller onto the couch.

 **Luke:** Dang it! Almost had him.

Just then, he hears a bunch of commotion coming from upstairs. He gets off the couch and heads up into the hallway and to his surprise, he sees all his sisters surrounding Lincoln's door.

 **Luke:** Whoa, what's going on?

 **Lana:** We just heard that Lincoln was being bullied at school!

 **Lori:** So we're gonna try to help him like we always do.

 **Luke:** _[shocked]_ Wait, what?! How did you-?!

Luke was once again cut off when Lynn kicks his door open to find that Lincoln was about to dispose the gum.

 **Lynn:** You're being picked on!

 **Lincoln:** _[irritated]_ Lisa, I thought you weren't going to say anything. And Luke, you too?!

 **Luke:** _[holds his hands up in innocence]_ Hey, I had nothing to do with this.

 **Lisa:** Besides, what I said was I did not have room in my brain for your secret. Hence, I removed it and transferred it to Lynn, whose brain apparently has ample room.

 **Lynn:** Thanks. _[beat]_ Hey!

 **Luna:** So, you _are_ being picked on!

 **Lincoln:** _[nervous]_ Of course not!

 **Luan:** _[points to the gum]_ Then what's _that_?

 **Lincoln:** That's just my gum.

Lincoln chews it, attempting to try to cover it up but was obviously disgusted by it.

 **Lincoln:** Mmm...watermelon lime. AND HAIR!

Lincoln coughs it out and the girls start demanding him to let them help him.

 **Luke:** _[to himself; sighs]_ Here we go again…

 **Lincoln:** _[begging them]_ Guys! Guys! _Please_ stay out of this! You'll only make it worse!

 **Lori:** If by worse you mean better, I agree.

 **Luke:** No, that's not what he-!

 **Lola:** You should go straight to the school principal!

 **Lori:** Forget that. You should literally text an embarrassing picture of him to all his friends.

 **Luan:** I'm gonna write an insult comedy routine that will leave him in tears!

 **Lynn:** _[flips at Lincoln]_ HOO-WAH! _[kicks him]_ Basic stealth ninja kick. That's how you're gonna take him down.

Lincoln groans and gives us an update on the weather of his life with storm clouds coming in over his face.

 _ **SISTERNADO WARNING: CATEGORY 1 BUTTING IN  
PRIMARY RISK: Making things worse for me  
Damaging childhood  
Bad advice  
BREAKING NEWS: FIRST ALERT SEVERE SISTWISTER THREAT**_

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Well, folks, the National Weather Service has just released a Category 1 Sisternado Watch. We advise boarding up your windows and preparing your emergency supplies.

Lynn suddenly grabs Lincoln and has him in a hold.

 **Lynn:** That's the camel clutch. Another good option for ya. _[gets off him]_

 **Lincoln:** Look, I don't need any-

 **Luan:** We'll start with some basic dumb jokes. Like, you're so dumb you locked yourself _inside_ your car. That kind of thing.

 **Lola:** Ooh I know! I'll invite him to a tea party and make him use the chipped cup!" _[has a sinister smile with a sinister sting to accompany it]_ I'm so evil, sometimes I scare even me.

 **Luke:** How is that gonna help him exactly?

Lincoln notices Lynn standing in a strange pose _._

 **Lincoln:** What are you doing?

 **Lynn:** _[pulls Lincoln's shirt over his face]_ SURPRISE MIME ATTACK! I invented that one myself.

 **Lincoln:** _[pulls his shirt back down]_ Lynn, I'm not going to fight. I-

 **Lynn:** Ugh! Fine! I'll take care of this myself. _[walks off]_

 **Luna:** You should do this! _[slams a pair of cymbals right in Lincoln's ears]_ His ears'll be ringing for days!

 **Luan:** Ugly jokes are always good, too. Like, "You're so ugly, you have to trick-or-treat over the phone!"

 **Lincoln:** _[his ears still ringing]_ WHAT?!

Lynn returns with a boy that she found and carries him by the seat of his pants.

 **Lynn:** Look! I found him!

The girls surround him and are not very happy with him.

 **Lori:** How dare you bully our brother! Only we get to do that.

 **Luke:** What?

 **Lana:** _[spits the gum right into Lincoln's hand]_ Smoosh your watermelon lime gum in his hair, Lincoln! _[sees that Lincoln is too hesitant to do it]_ Fine. I'll do it.

 **Lincoln:** Wait! Stop! This guy isn't my enemy! Although, thanks to you, he probably will be now.

The boy growls at him for what he's been put through.

 **Lynn:** Oh. _[kicks the boy out]_ Why are _you_ still here?

 **Lana:** I can't believe I almost wasted perfectly good gum on him. _[takes the gum back and chews it]_

 **Lynn:** I'll go get another boy. _[proceeds to do so]_

 **Lincoln:** No! Lynn, stop! IT'S NOT EVEN A BOY!

Lynn suddenly stops surprised at that fact and the others start to get perplexed.

 **Leni:** Is it a dog?

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ It's a girl...

The siblings are flabbergasted and gasp to hear the news, but then, all of them, except Lisa and Luke, start squealing with delight.

 **Lincoln:** _[perplexed]_ What?

All the girls except Lisa give him a big group hug and suffocate him.

 **Lisa:** Normally, I don't care for inane human emotions, but... _[squeals just as delighted as they did and joins the hug.]_

 **Luna:** Lincoln! Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?

 **Lola:** She sounds so pretty.

 **Lincoln:** _[suffocating]_ What is happening?

The girls all release Lincoln from their hug.

 **Lori:** When a girl picks on you, that only ever means one thing: _she likes you~_.

The girls all squeal again and Lincoln is just dumbfounded at this explanation _._

 **Luke:** Seriously?! That is the most stupidest thing I've ever heard!

 **Lincoln:** I agree with Luke. Besides, she shoved a sandwich down my pants! I was picking sesame seeds out of my butt for days!

The girls swoon over such a flirty prank.

 **Leni:** So romantic...

 **Lori:** That's a classic.

 **Luke:** Totally not a classic, nor romantic.

 **Lori:** Oh, come on, Luke. What do you know about romance?

Luke sighs in annoyance.

 **Lincoln:** You guys are nuts! She hates me! I'm gonna meet her today and give her a piece of my mind.

 **Lori:** You need to give her a piece of your heart instead.

 **Lincoln:** _[scared]_ WHAT?!

 **Leni:** I think he needs to kiss her.

Lily makes kissy faces in agreement _._

 **Lincoln:** _[petrified]_ WHAT?!

 **Sisters:** KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!

At that moment, as the girls continue chanting Lincoln to kiss his bully, they all start forming miniature tornadoes around them and merge together to create the Sisternado.

 **Luke:** Oh, no. Not the Sisternado!

 _ **SISTERNADO RED ALERT  
BREAKING NEWS  
S.O.S./TAKE COVER/#AAAHH!**_

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ This just in from the National Weather Service! The Sisternado watch has been upgraded to a Sisternado warning. TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY!

 **Sisternado:** KISS HER! KISS HER! _[traps Lincoln inside]_ KISS HER! KISS HER!

Lincoln and Luke escape and run into the bathroom to seek shelter. Lincoln picks up his walkie-talkie.

 **Lincoln:** MAYDAY! MAYDAY! Clyde, do you copy?

 **Clyde:** Roger. I mean, this is Clyde, not Roger. But yeah. Roger, it's Clyde.

 **Lincoln:** _[panicking]_ My sisters have lost their minds! They think the bully likes me! They want me to kiss her!

 **Clyde:** I don't know. Maybe they're right, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** My sisters are _never_ right! All they do is meddle.

 **Clyde:** They're girls, Lincoln. They know more about these things than we do. It's a scientific fact.

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, but there's no way that- _[suddenly starts considering the possibility]_ Wow. Me? You really think she might like _me_? How would I know?

 **Clyde:** There's only one way to find out.

Lincoln turns off his walkie-talkie and starts to head out of the bathroom.

 **Luke:** Wait, you're actually going to do it?

 **Lincoln:** Sorry, Luke. Besides, I think she might actually like me.

 **Luke:** _[to himself]_ Why do I get the feeling this isn't going to end well…

Lincoln goes out to confront the Sisternado.

 **Sisternado:** KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!

 **Lincoln:** Hold it!

The Sisternado comes to a stop and the sisters turn back to normal.

 **Lincoln:** So am I going to kiss this girl or what? _[smirks]_

The sisters sans Lisa squeal again.

 **Lisa:** Again... _[squeals again]_

 **Luke:** _[walks up]_ You sure about this?

 **Lincoln:** _[confident]_ Trust me.

* * *

 _3:30 PM_

 **Lincoln:** It's 3:30. Lola, lip balm. _[Lola applies it]_ Lana, breath mint. _[Lana puts it in his mouth]_ Let's do this. _[heads on out to meet the girl of his dreams.]_

 **Lynn:** Go get her, Romeo.

 **Lori:** You so got this, little bro.

 **Lola:** Aw, our little Lincoln.

 **Lana:** All grown up.

Lola hands Lana a tissue for her to blow her nose. Luke notices that Leni wearing a trash lid on her head, having fallen for Lincoln's lie.

 **Luke:** Uh, Leni, what are you wearing?

 **Leni:** Oh, this is the latest new trend. All the bridesmaids should wear these hats at Lincoln's wedding. These are all the rage right now.

Lincoln steps outside, marches up to his bully, and gives her a kiss.

 **Sisters:** _[sweetly]_ Aww...

The bully, however, responds to this romantic gesture by punching Lincoln in the face.

 **Siblings:** _[concerned]_ Ooh!

Lincoln steps back inside with a black eye and now incredibly furious at his sisters.

 **Luna:** Sorry, buddy. Our bad.

 **Luan:** Well, at least, you gave it a shot.

 **Lynn:** I'll get some ice for that shiner.

 **Lisa:** X-ray machine, stat.

 **Leni:** I'm really sorry, Lincoln.

The girls all try to apologize to Lincoln for their meddling, which he is through hearing _._

 **Lincoln:** _[infuriated]_ QUIET! Every time you guys butt into my life, you make things worse! Well, guess what? Never again! NO! MORE! _MEDDLING_!

Lincoln walks to his room and slams the door in rage as his sisters stand there feeling guilty. Luke turns to them and crosses his arms.

 **Luke:** See? What did I tell you? And you guys didn't listen to us at all!

 **Lori:** Ok, ok! We were wrong! I get it.

 **Lynn:** I guess we deserve it.

 **Lucy:** I just hope Lincoln's going to be ok.

 **Luke:** _[looks up at the stairs]_ We'll just hope for the better...

* * *

Lincoln is now in his room sitting on his bed, angered by the fact that he actually listened to his sisters for once.

 **Lincoln:** I knew it all along. I should never have listened to them. My sisters are always wrong.

Just then, someone whistles from outside to get Lincoln's attention.

 **Lincoln:** Huh?

Lincoln looks out his window on one end as a rock comes flying in through the other end and sees there's a note attached to it and reads it.

 **Lincoln:** " _Sorry, Lame-O. Here's my number. Text me?_ "

He looked confused for a second but then smiles and looks out the window to get a steak thrown at his eye, he notices it has a note too and reads it.

 **Lincoln:** " _For your eye. XOXO, Ronnie Anne._ "

Lincoln smiles hopefully and places steak over his shiner and turns to the viewers.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, maybe just this one time, my sisters were right. But don't tell them that!


	5. Making the Case

**Making the Case**

 _March 2, 2016_

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ The Loud Family trophy case. My siblings have done some pretty impressive stuff to get in here. There are Lynn's soccer trophies, Lola's pageant crowns, Lisa's Junior Nobel Prize, Luke's art show ribbons, even Lily's won her thumb sucking contests! And then there's me.

The trophy case is shown that such trophies are in their proper spots, but Lincoln's spot is completely vacant.

 **Lincoln:** I've tried everything to get into this trophy case.

And tried he did, but no so well. Lincoln tried to run a marathon once but ended up arriving at the finish line hours after it had finished. He then tried participating in a karate tournament and ended up breaking his arm when trying to display a karate chop and was sent to the hospital. Finally, he competed in a beauty pageant, which is usually Lola's territory, but ended up losing afterwards.

 **Lincoln:** But now, I finally have my chance! The 5th Grade Video Contest. Whoever's video gets the most votes wins this beauty. _[points to trophy on display, breathes on the glass, and draws a heart around it]_

 **Clyde:** _[wipes it off]_ You really think you're going to win, Lincoln?

 **Lincoln:** With what I have planned, I'm a shoe-in.

 **Clyde:** You said the same thing about the Cutie Pie pageant.

 **Lincoln:** _[defensively]_ I was robbed! _[calmly]_ Grab your camera.

* * *

Later outside the Loud House, Lincoln's wearing some kind of uniform for a stunt as Clyde films it.

 **Lincoln:** Are we rolling? _[in character]_ Hey, fifth grade! Lincoln Loud here! Ever wonder what happens when 672 breath mints meet 88 gallons of diet soda? Well, you're about to find out!

Lincoln rides on Lana's skateboard off a ramp onto a catapult, where he is launched by Charles and Cliff into a swimming pool full of diet soda, causing the soda and mints to shoot out like a geyser.

 **Clyde:** _[drenched in soda]_ That was amazing! You're right. Everyone's gonna vote for this.

However, a while after uploading to the school's website's contest page, the video doesn't have any votes at all.

 **Lincoln:** Why isn't anybody voting for this?

 **Clyde:** Maybe because they're all voting for this HamstaCam video. _[uploads video of what is simply a hamster just running around in his wheel like any other hamster.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[notices the vote total]_ 50 votes?! Pssh! What's so great about some dumb hamster?

Geo overheard that and chitters at him angrily

 **Lincoln:** Not _you_ , Geo. You're awesome.

 **Clyde:** Hey! We got a vote! No, wait, it's a comment.

 **Lincoln:** " _Nice try, U shld go to UR BIG SISTER'S site for some tipzz. Her videos R sick: L.O.L. COMEDY CHANNEL_ ".

 **Clyde:** Sick? Oh, no! Do you think they have a virus!

 **Lincoln:** It means awesome, Clyde. Click the link. _[Clyde does so]_

 **LUAN OUT LOUD'S COMEDY CHANNEL**

 **Lincoln:** Cute, but how many people wanna watch Luan- _[notices her fan total]_ 50,000 followers?! Clyde, do you know what this means?

 **Clyde:** People waste a lot of time on the internet?

 **Lincoln:** No! It means Luan can help us win the video contest! Come on!

* * *

In Luna and Luan's room, Luan is looking over Lincoln's video while Lincoln and Clyde awaits her response.

 **Luan:** Mm-hmm...

 **Lincoln:** Pretty sick, right?

 **Clyde:** That means awesome.

 **Luan:** Yeah, not in this case.

 **Lincoln:** _[shocked]_ What?!

 **Luan:** Sorry, Linc. Stunts are so last year. If you want to win the contest, you have to make funny videos.

 **Lincoln:** Well, how do I make those?

 **Luan:** Easy. You just follow my one simple rule. Keep your camera on at all times, because you never know when you'll strike comedy gold. Ooh! Like this! _[films Clyde picking his nose]_

 **Clyde:** Aw, come on! Erase that!

 **Luan:** Don't worry, Clyde. I would _never_ post it without your permission. Besides, I said comedy gold, not _digging_ for gold. _[laughs]_

* * *

A few hours have passed and Lincoln and Clyde still had nothing to film for their video.

 **Lincoln:** We've had the camera on all day! Where exactly is this comedy gold? _[beat]_ Clyde? Are you listening to me?

 **Clyde:** Sorry, Lincoln. I was just worried that Lynn was going to accidentally step on that rake, resulting in a series of escalating mishaps.

 **Lincoln:** That's great, Clyde, but-series of escalating mishaps?! _[hides in a bush to film Lynn]_

 **Lynn:** _[bouncing a Soccer ball off her head]_ 56...57...58...59... _[steps on the rake and gets hit]_ Ouch!

The ball bounces off a pole and onto her face, sending her flying onto a trampoline where she bounces off and lands in the soda pool.

 **Lincoln:** That was hilarious!

 **Clyde:** Let's go upload it! This is gonna get a ton of votes!

 **Lincoln:** I don't know, Clyde. Enough votes to beat HamstaCam?

 **Clyde:** _[shakes his fist]_ _HamstaCam!_

 **Lincoln:** _[gets an idea]_ If we struck comedy gold with one sibling, with eleven, we'll have Comedy Fort Knox!

They laugh evilly as they go to film more stuff for their video. First off, they started to film Luna.

 **Luna:** _[in a British accent]_ Just like me idol, Mick Swagger. ALL RIGHT! _[splits and rips her new jeans; in her normal accent]_ Oof! Ooh, drafty.

Lincoln and Clyde zoom-in on her rip and laugh and move onto Lucy who's holding a bust of a vampire.

 **Lucy:** Oh, Edwin, I know you're forbidden to love a mortal like me, but I can't resist your piercing gaze, your sparkly skin, your icy lips… _[kisses the bust and gets its wax lips over hers.]_

 **Lincoln:** Hmm...maybe something like this is a little _too_ personal.

 **Clyde:** _[checks the school's site's poll]_ HamstaCam just got 10 more votes!

 **Lincoln:** _[shakes fist]_ _HamstaCam!_ Eh, it's not _that_ personal. Keep rolling.

They then secretly film Lori who is walking up to the fridge and looks around and thinks she's alone, she then lets out what looks like a fart. Next, they film Lola who is sleeping with a mud mask, a sleeping mask, hair curlers, and a retainer to make herself beautiful. They move onto Lana who rummages through the trash and finds a piece of gum and chews it. They film Lori again while she's texting and she presumably lets out another fart. They film Luke who was trying to beat an impossible stage on one of his console games, the character he's playing as dies on the screen and Luke throws his controller against the wall and screamed in rage. They film Lisa who is reading a science book until she walks into the banister, Leni comes in and walks into the wall next to the banister. They film Lori yet again while she's getting ready to go out for a drive and she presumably farts again, she notices the stench and rolls down the window.

 **Clyde:** _[intoxicated]_ Ah, Lori's toots. It's like music to my ears.

 **Lincoln:** Now, this is gonna beat HamstaCam! Let's go upload it!

Clyde remains under the guise of Lori's flatulence and Lincoln drags him with him.

* * *

 _March 3, 2016_

The next day at school, all the kids are talking about Lincoln's video.

 **Female Classmate:** Lincoln, your video rocks! You got my vote!

 **Male Classmate:** Man. Lucy and that sculpture? What a weirdo!

 **Female Classmate:** And how about Lori?

 **Male Classmate:** You mean Miss Toots-A-Lot? She should see a doctor about that.

 **Male Classmate #2:** Oh, what about Luke's little rage quit?

As the kids laugh, Lincoln starts to look a little worried.

 **Female Classmate:** So embarrassing.

 **Lincoln:** _[worrying]_ Embrrassing?

 **Male Classmate:** Yeah! My siblings would pulverize me if I posted a video like that!

 **Lincoln:** _[scared]_ Pulverize?

* * *

Later, Lincoln and Clyde are walking home from school.

 **Clyde:** You can't get pulverized, Lincoln! I'd never be able to find another best friend!

 **Lincoln:** You won't have to. After I win the trophy on Friday, I'll just delete the video.

 **Clyde:** _[hugs his best friend]_ Just in case...we had a good run, buddy.

 **Lincoln:** Don't worry, Clyde. My siblings will never know.

Lincoln, once again, spoke too soon. Because when he opened the door, his siblings are right there, and they are incredibly furious. Lori is holding her cell phone with the video on it.

 **Clyde:** They know.

The siblings rant angrily about Lincoln's video.

 **Lincoln:** Wait, wait, wait! Let me explain!

 **Lori:** You've got exactly three seconds before we pulverize you!

Lynn cracks her knuckles and Lisa starts a stopwatch to time Lincoln's very limited time.

 **Lincoln:** There was this video contest at school and I really wanted to win!

 **Lola:** YOU SHOWED MY SLEEP FACE FOR SOME STUPID CONTEST?!

 **Luke:** Really, Lincoln? That's low! Even for _you_!

 **Lincoln:** I just wanted a trophy to put in the case like you guys!

 **Luna:** You think you deserve a trophy for that, bro?

 **Lincoln:** No. I don't deserve it. Look! I'll delete the video!

 **Lucy:** Too late, Lincoln. The damage has already been done.

 **Lynn:** You made me look like a fool!

 **Lucy:** You made me look like a freak!

 **Luke:** You made me look like an embarassment!

 **Lori:** You made me look like I fart! And for the record, it was these shoes! See?

Lori then tries to make it look like they were making the farting noise but fails.

 **Lori:** Of course it's not working now.

 **Lincoln:** Lori, I'm sorry! Wait! _[chases after his siblings]_

Clyde leaves nervously, not wanting to be involved in this situation Lincoln's in.

 **Lincoln:** Luna, let me explain!

 **Luna:** _[drowning Lincoln out with heavy metal frustration]_ Can't hear ya, bro! _[slams her door]_

 **Lincoln:** Leni! Lori! I'm sorry!

 **Lori:** You literally disgust me!

 **Leni:** Yeah! _[walks into the wall and gets dragged in by Lori.]_

 **Lincoln:** Lola! Lana! Please!

 **Lola:** You're uninvited to my birthday party FOREVER! _[slams the door]_

Lincoln sighs and Lana opens it in which he thinks she will forgive him.

 **Lana:** I wanna slam it, too! _[does so]_

 **Lincoln:** _[knocks on Lisa's door]_ Lisa! Lisa?

Lisa slides a note under her door.

 **Lincoln:** " _Vengeance shall be mine._ " _[turns to Lynn and Lucy]_ Guys, come on! I'm your brother!

Lynn growls in fury.

 **Lucy:** I have no brother! _[starts to close the door then opens it]_ I know I say that a lot, but this time...I mean it. _[slams door]_

Lincoln then turns to Luke, who was about to shut his door to his room.

 **Lincoln:** Come on, Luke, please. You have to believe me.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ Lincoln, what you did was incredibly stupid of you. You could've at least filmed something else besides our little embarrassing moments of what you call "funny". But I can't seem to forgive you after what you did to me and our sisters. I'm sorry, but this is on _you_! _[closes the door]_

Lincoln desperately went over to Luan.

 **Lincoln:** Luan, you gotta help me! I was only doing what you said!

 **Luan:** You broke the unspoken rule: never post a video without the person's permission!

 **Lincoln:** Why didn't you tell me that?

 **Luan:** Because it's unspoken. _[slams door]_

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ How am I going to fix this? Well, goodbye, trophy. _[deletes the video]_ Well, HamstaCam, looks like you win.

Extra footage of HamstaCam shows the hamster slipping out of his wheel and getting sprayed by his drinking tube.

 **Lincoln:** I guess it's hard for anyone to have the camera on you all the time. _[gets an idea]_ "Camera on you all the time!" That's it! _[goes to Luan]_ Luan! You said your one simple rule is to always have your camera on, right?

 **Luan:** That is correct, Captain Obvious.

 **Lincoln:** Then I'm going to need to borrow all your footage of me.

 **Luan:** You mean...Comedy Fort Knox? _[reveals a vault of footage of Lincoln she's filmed over the years.]_

* * *

In Lincoln's room, Lincoln is now filming a new video about himself.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, fifth grade! Lincoln Loud here! Ever wonder what happens when one brother messes up and embarrasses all eleven of his siblings? I didn't think you would. But this is how you fix it. _[holds up a copyright card]_ Oh, and for legal reasons, all videos were provided by Luan Out Loud, LLC. All rights reserved, patent pending. Let 'er rip!

The first clip is of Lincoln in his underwear pretending to flex muscles and kissing his arm. The next clip is of him holding a photo of a girl named Cristina.

 _ **Lincoln:** [suavely] Well, Cristina, I can't say I'm surprised you asked me out. I've seen the way you look at me in the lunch line._

The next clip was him dancing around in some silly outfit. The next clip has him combing his one chest hair and for some reason watering it. The next clip is of him watching a sappy reality show about a man choosing his woman.

 _ **Man:** Bentley, will you accept this rose?_

Lincoln starts weeping.

The next clip was just more footage of him admiring Cristina.

 _ **Lincoln:** Oh, this manly thing? Yes. It is a chest hair. The first of many, I'm sure._

The next clip is of him sleeping with Bun-Bun and sucking his thumb, the next clip is of Lori cutting a fart and Lincoln walking by and falling over from the stench. The next clip is of him singing in the shower.

 _ **Lincoln:** Groomin' the chest hair, I'm groomin' the chest hair, I'm groomin' the- [slips and falls]_

The final clip was even more footage of him and the Cristina photo.

 _ **Lincoln:** Come on, Cristina. I've thought about it, you've thought about it, why are we fighting this?_

Lincoln puts on breath spray, but the photo slips off Lucy's bust he taped the photo on and he kisses the bust instead.

The video ends and all of the kids are laughing at it, except a stunned Cristina.

 **Female Classmate:** Oh, Lincoln.

 **Male Classmate:** And just to be clear, we're laughing _at_ you, not _with_ you.

 **Female Classmate:** I thought your siblings' video was embarrassing, but this takes the cake! And still to lose out to a hamster? Ouch!

Lincoln sighs in defeat.

* * *

Outside the Loud House, a depressed Lincoln comes back.

 **Lincoln:** I sure hope that worked.

Lincoln opens the door only to find out that his siblings are _STILL_ furious.

 **Lincoln:** It didn't work.

 **Lori:** _[sternly]_ Lincoln...

 **Lincoln:** _[apologetically]_ Look, I know I embarrassed you and I can't undo it, and I'm sorry. But the least I could do was embarrass myself right along with you, that way we'd all be even!

 **Lynn:** Even? You think this makes us even?

 **Lincoln:** Well, I was trying to-

 **Lynn:** Yours was way worse!

 **Lori:** _[cheerfully]_ Yeah! That video was hysterical!

The siblings surround Lincoln and ensure him that they forgive him.

 **Lincoln:** So, we're good?

 **Lucy:** We're good... _brother_.

 **Luan:** Sorry you didn't win the trophy.

 **Lori:** But we really appreciate what you did and thought you deserved _something_. _[hands him a tiny trophy]_

 **Lincoln:** Wow. Thanks, guys.

Lola and Lynn hug him and Luna pats him on the head. He runs to the case and puts the trophy in his spot.

 **Lincoln:** " _Most Improved Brother._ " I did it.

 **Luke:** _[puts an arm around him]_ Nice work, Lincoln, I'm proud of you.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, Luke. _[to the viewers]_ Well, my siblings no longer despise me, Cristina's switching classes, and I finally made the case.

Another flatulent sound occurs and the other siblings look at Lori suspiciously.

 **Lori:** It was my shoe!


	6. Driving Miss Hazy

**Driving Miss Hazy**

 _March 4, 2016_

 **Lincoln:** Come on, Lori! This is a lot of laundry! I don't think it's worth it.

In Lori and Leni's bedroom, Lincoln is seen carrying a huge load of Lori's laundry and Lori is holding the keys to the family van.

 **Lori:** Do you want a ride to the comic book store or not?

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ Fine. _[prepares to leave but Lori stops him.]_

 **Lori:** Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where are you going? Those are just my jeggings. Let me get the rest. _[tosses remainders into pile]_ Wore that yesterday...wore that Tuesday...whoops! That definitely needs to be washed!

The pile falls on top of Lincoln and he pulls it off.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Lori's the only Loud kid with a driver's license. Which means that, in this house... _[gets one of Lori's socks tossed on his face]_ ...there's no such thing as a free ride.

Lisa comes into the room with a piece of paper.

 **Lisa:** In exchange for transporting me to the planetarium, I've done your calculus homework. Next time, I would appreciate a challenge.

Lucy appears out of nowhere and scares everyone, making Lincoln lose the load.

 **Lucy:** Thanks for the ride to the cemetery. I finished your poem for your ten week anniversary. It's called "Bobby".

 **Lori:** Let's hear it.

 **Lucy:**

 _Bobby, I thought you were a stalker_

 _When you left brownies in my locker_

 _Bobby-_

Lucy was interrupted when Luke slammed a hand on the side of the doorway, sweating. He seems to be holding some pearl earrings.

 **Luke:** I found your… _[pants]_ …missing earrings… _[pants]_ … under the couch.

 **Lincoln:** Why are you sweating?

 **Luke:** Because, _Lincoln_ , I was running around the entire house, even the front yard and the backyard, looking for them in order to get a ride to Skye's house.

Luke groans in exhaustion and collapses. Lana comes into the room.

 **Lana:** Hey, big sis! _[holding Lori's retainer]_ I found your missing retainer in the garbage, and there was some perfectly good gum stuck to it! _[blows a bubble showing she's been chewing it.]_

 **Lori:** So, where do _you_ need a ride to?

 **Lana:** Ride? I just like digging in the trash.

 **Lori:** _[picks up her homework]_ Thank you… _[picks up the poem]_ Thank you… _[picks up the earrings]_ Thank you… _[picks up the retainer.]_ …and thank... _ew!_ See, Lincoln? _[Holds her siblings]_ These guys respect our arrangement. Oh, and here are my dirty gym clothes, too.

Lori piles it on the laundry pile, stacking it up high. Lincoln smells the horrible stench in it.

 **Lori:** And don't forget, I like the lavender scented dryer sheets. _[closes door]_

Lincoln heads off to the laundry room. At the same time, Leni is coming in with a hammer, nails, and boards. They bump into each other and make a mess.

 **Lincoln:** _[with Leni's shades on his face]_ Sorry, Leni! _[Leni's hammer drops on his foot]_ Yeowch! _[groans in pain]_ What are you doing with all this stuff?

 **Leni:** I need a ride to the mall, so Lori told me to make her bed, which is weird, cause I'm pretty sure she already has one.

 **Lincoln:** Wait. Why are _you_ doing chores for Lori? Aren't you old enough to drive _yourself_ to the mall?

 **Leni:** Yeah, but I failed the driving test 12 times. Everyone's given up on teaching me. Dad's still mad about the Fire Hydrant Paperboy Nun Incident.

 _[Flashback to said incident; Leni had crashed the van into a tree and set a fire hydrant to spring a leak with a nun screaming at the top of her lungs in a panic and a paper boy is hanging by a branch.]_

 _ **Leni:**_ _Should I leave a note?_

 _Lynn Sr. is sobbing over his daughter's failure through the airbag in his face._

 _[End flashback]_

 **Lincoln:** What if _I_ teach you to drive?

 **Leni:** _[excited]_ Wow! You have your license?

 **Lincoln:** Well, no, but I _do_ have a crazy high score on... **Total Turbo XXII** , the world's awesomest racing video game!

 **Luke:** _[appears]_ Did I just hear my favorite racing game?

 **Lincoln:** _[jumps]_ GAH! Er… yeah! Hey, you think you could help me teach Leni how to drive?

 **Luke:** Again? I thought Dad gave up teaching her how to drive days ago. Besides, why exactly?

 **Lincoln:** Because, if we can help Leni get her license, she'll drive us anywhere! And Lori will have to wash her own jeggings.

 **Luke:** Oh, heck yeah! Finally, I won't have to deal with finding Lori's stuff anymore! Let's do this.

* * *

Lincoln, Luke, and Leni are now in the living room. Lincoln puts the game into the console and gives Leni the steering wheel controller.

 **Leni:** Wow! It's just like a real spinny thingy!

 **Lincoln:** Technically, it's called a steering wheel. So, you ready to get started?

 **Leni:** WAIT! I need my special driving outfit!

Leni changes into her special driving outfit and makes a couple of poses.

 **Luke:** Great. So, can we get sta-

 **Leni:** WAIT! I need my special driving smoothie!

Leni makes a smoothie and takes a sip.

 **Leni:** It's a soy pumpkin cookie crumble cream. It's seasonal!

 **Lincoln:** Great. So, _now_ can we-

 **Leni:** WAIT!

 **Luke:** _[exasperated]_ Oi…

 **Lincoln:** _[also exasperated]_ What is it now?

 **Leni:** Aren't you gonna open the door for me? _[takes another sip of her smoothie.]_

Lincoln sighs and pretends to open a car door with the sofa as the car.

 **Lincoln:** Click! Creak!

 **Leni:** What a gentleman. _[sits down]_

Lincoln and Luke sit down on the couch next to Leni on each side. The game starts and Leni's image is the player.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, all you have to do is keep the steering wheel straight, and you'll-

As soon as Leni starts playing, she crashes into the wall and the game is over.

 **Leni:** Like that?

 **Lincoln:** Um...let's try again.

Leni chooses to continue _._

 **Luke:** Just keep the wheel straight.

Leni crashes again.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, one more time. The road is straight, so keep the wheel straight.

Leni crashes again and her virtual self jumps out of the car and it explodes, resulting in yet another game over.

 **Luke:** Wow, it's official, she's bad at virtual driving too.

 **Lincoln:** _[irritated by his sister's incompetence]_ Leni! You have to stay on the road!

 **Leni:** _[tosses controller in frustration]_ But, what's the point? We're not going anywhere fun!

 **Lincoln:** Sure we are! We're-

 **Luke:** We're going to the mall.

 **Leni:** _[gasps and takes controller back]_ Why didn't you say so?

 **Game Announcer:** GAME ON!

This time, Leni plays the game like a pro with words of praise such as _"Good!"_ , _"Holy Cow!"_ and _"Dang, Girl!"_ appear on-screen.

 **Lincoln:** Wow! Go, Leni!

 **Luke:** Do I know my sister or what?

 **Leni:** _[her player stuck behind a Sunday driver.]_ Move it, slowpoke! Mama needs a new driving dress!

Leni's virtual self drives off a billboard and moves ahead and gets to the mall at the end of the level, beating Lincoln's high score.

 **Lincoln:** _[amazed]_ That was incredible!

 **Leni:** _[has her virtual self punch an old lady.]_ Outta my way, granny!

 **Luke:** Whoa, this just turned into _Grand Theft Auto_.

 **Lincoln:** Easy there, Fast and Furious. _[takes away the controller]_

 **Leni:** BUT I HAVE TO GET TO THE MALL!

 **Lincoln:** The mall can wait. You've got a driving test to pass.

Leni grins and heads out the door to pass her driving test.

 **Lincoln:** Go, Leni, go! Go, Leni, go! _[notices Leni went in the wrong direction.]_ Wait! The bus stop is that way!

Leni turns around and heads the other way.

 **Lincoln:** Go, Leni, go! Go, Leni, go!

 **Luke:** You sure she's got it down this time?

 **Lincoln:** I sure do. Soon, we'll be free from Lori's tasks in no time.

* * *

Later, Lincoln and Luke are pacing around waiting for Leni to get home. Leni opens the door.

 **Lincoln:** Did you pass?

Unfortunately, a cop is right behind Leni to give some bad news.

 **Cop:** No, she did not! She did, however, refuse to obey the speed limit, fail to use her turn signals, and she redirected the test vehicle toward the mall, where she proceeded to hip-check and tackle Mrs. Jelinsky!

Mrs. Jelinsky is seen in the police car yelling at Leni for her maniacal driving.

 **Leni:** It's not fair! When I did all that in the game, I won! You guys need to get your rules straight! _[heads upstairs]_

The police car leaves and Lincoln sighs in disappointment.

 **Luke:** I should've known something like this would happen…

 **Lori:** _[having heard everything]_ Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln. That's your plan? Teaching Leni to drive? She can't even drive a lawnmower.

 _[Flashback to when Leni tried mowing the lawn.]_

 _ **Leni:**_ _[panicking]_ _AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!_ _[drives the mower through the hedges]_

 _[End of flashback]_

 **Lori:** Trust me. You're gonna fail. You, Luke, and Leni. Now, where's Lynn? She owes me a pedicure. _[looks for Lynn]_

 **Lincoln:** This isn't over yet." _[shakes fist]_

* * *

In Lori and Leni's room, Leni has gone back to literally making Lori's bed.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Leni. _[amazed at how she's doing]_ What are you doing?

 **Leni:** Going back to making Lori's bed.

 **Lincoln:** Nice craftsmanship. But you can't give up on driving. It was my fault you didn't pass the test.

 **Leni:** Maybe I'm just not meant to be behind the spinny thingy. You know?

 **Lincoln:** No. See, my video game approach was all wrong. Let me try a different method. _[holds up an instruction manual.]_

Lincoln has set up a pretend car test for Leni to practice on. Luke is standing next to them, cross-armed.

 **Luke:** So, you're going with the ol' driving manual this time, huh?

 **Lincoln:** Yup, and she'll definitely pass for sure! Okay, lesson one: preparing to drive.

Just then, Lynn enters with a sanding tool.

 **Lynn:** Ah, you're teaching Leni to drive? Score! Can I help? I'm sick of sanding Lori's calluses! Ugh, barf! _[tosses tool away]_

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, Lynn.

 **Lucy:** _[out of nowhere]_ Me too.

Lincoln and Leni scream at their sister's appearance _._ Luke just jumped.

 **Lucy:** I can't write another poem for Bobby. I've run out of words that rhyme with "babe".

 **Lincoln:** _[chuckles nervously]_ Thanks, Lucy...

Suddenly, all of the other sisters come in wanting to help Leni learn to drive and get out of doing tasks for Lori.

 **Lola:** I can help!

 **Luna:** I'll help! I'll help!

 **Luan:** _[takes off her gag glasses]_ Me, too! I wanna help!

 **Lana:** Me me me me!

 **Lisa:** I can be of assistance.

 **Lincoln:** Alright guys, we need to set it up like a real car.

The siblings gather up some of their things and do as Lincoln told them.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, guys! Luna's bass drum is the brake. And Luan's whoopee cushion is the accelerator. _[puts his foot on them to demonstrate their uses.]_

 **Luan:** Accelerator? Don't you mean _gas_? _[chuckles]_ Get it?

 **Lincoln:** This golf club's the gear shift. The wreath is the steering wheel. Car horn, turn signal, and...oh! These keys... _[grabs Lily's baby toy keys]_ ...are, well...the keys. Got all that?

 **Leni:** _[obviously confused]_ Sure?

 **Siblings:** GREAT!

 **Lincoln:** Okay, first, fasten your seat belt.

Lola puts some of her beauty pageant sashes on them to simulate the seat belts.

 **Leni:** That was easy.

 **Lincoln:** Next, check your mirrors.

 **Leni:** _[panicking]_ Why? Do I look bad?

 **Luke:** No, he meant to say that-!

 **Leni:** _[runs off]_ Stop the car! I can't drive in this hideous condition!

Everyone else groans. Leni comes back now wearing a helmet.

 **Leni:** That's better.

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ Lesson 12: Avoiding road hazards. There's a squirrel in the road. What do you do?

Lily walks in dressed in a squirrel costume and makes squirrel chatter sounds. Leni gets out of her side and screams in horror. Lincoln throws the manual on the floor in frustration. Eventually, it seems hopeless as the others seem to have already given up.

 **Lincoln:** Use your turn signal! _[Leni taps Luna's drum]_ No, that's the brake! _[Leni taps Luan's whoopee cushion]_ No, that's the gas! _[Leni slaps him]_ No, that's my face! _[points to ladle]_ _This!_ This is the turn signal!

 **Leni:** Oh! You mean the blinky blink?

 **Lincoln:** _[discombobulated]_ The... blinky blink?

 **Leni:** Yeah. It's right by the spinny thingy. _[points to wreath]_

 **Lincoln:** The spinny... _[realizes]_ That's the problem! I haven't been speaking Leni!

 **Leni:** There's a country named after me?

 **Lincoln:** No. I mean, I haven't been using words you understand. Let me try again. Use the blinky blink.

Leni nods with a rattle sound effect and flips the "blinky blink."

 **Lincoln:** Good. Now turn left. _[Leni doesn't know]_ I mean, turn to your good side.

Leni gets it and turns the wreath left.

 **Lincoln:** Now we're getting somewhere! Hey, crew, we're gonna need some new car parts.

The siblings salute and get to work. They replace Luna's bass drum with a white high heel shoe.

 **Lincoln:** This is a break pedal. What does the break pedal do? _[Leni doesn't know]_ White shoes after Labor Day!

 **Leni:** Ew, _stop!_

 **Luke:** Exactly!

 **Luan:** _[takes back her whoopee cushion]_ I _gas_ you won't be needing this. _[Giggles and skips away.]_

Lola scowls painfully at Luan's pun and hands Lincoln a Go-Go boot.

 **Lincoln:** This is the gas pedal. What does the gas pedal do? _[Leni doesn't know]_ Boots from the 60's.

 **Leni:** Go-Go!

 **Lincoln:** Yes! Leni, I think you're ready for the next level!

Outside the backyard, Leni is practicing on her old enemy, the lawnmower.

 **Lincoln:** Remember what we practiced, Leni!

 **Leni:** Go-go boot! _[accelerates]_ White shoe! _[stops for a squirrel to pass]_ Go-go boot! _[accelerates]_

Just then, Leni is approaching the hedges. The siblings worry about what might happen.

 **Siblings:** Whoa! Watch out!

 **Leni:** Good side! _[turns left in the nick of time.]_

Everyone starts cheering for her.

 **Luke:** She's actually doing it!

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, nice job, Leni!

 **Leni:** I'm doing it!

Meanwhile in the house, Lori is trying to do her laundry herself.

 **Lori:** Stupid jeggings!

She pulls them through the door only for them to fall on top of her.

 **Lori:** Where is everybody? LYNN! I'M STILL WAITING ON THAT PEDICURE!

Lori hears the others cheering outside and finds out that Leni has improved so much on her driving that she can now sign her name on the lawn.

 **Lori:** I'm not giving up the car keys that easily.

* * *

It is now nighttime and Leni is getting ready to go to sleep.

 **Lincoln:** Night, Leni! You're gonna do great tomorrow! _[leaves]_

 **Leni:** Night, Lincoln! Night, Lori!

Lori is fast asleep. Leni shrugs and puts on her sleeping mask and reaches for the lamp switch.

 **Lori:** Click.

 **Leni:** Got it! _[goes to sleep]_

Lori was only pretending to sleep. She then slips a fake driving instruction tape over Leni's ears to ensure that she will remain the only kid in the family with a driver's license and Leni will be doomed to fail yet again.

 **Recording:** " _Never_ _check your mirrors._ _Always_ _comment on your driving instructor's weight. In America, we drive on the_ _left_ _side of the road."_

Lori goes back to bed with a sinister grin on her face with Leni being none the wiser.

* * *

 _March 5, 2016_

The next day, Lincoln is waiting for Leni to get back from her driving test, unaware of what happened last night.

 **Lori:** _[with her load of jeggings]_ Ah! There you are! Don't you need a ride to the comic book store? And lavender sheets. Don't forget. _[hands him her jeggings]_

 **Lincoln:** No, thanks. _[hands jeggings back]_ I think I'll wait for Leni to get back from taking her driving test, _with_ her new license.

 **Lori:** Pssht. She's not gonna pass. Now, get to washing. _[passes jeggings]_

 **Lincoln:** _[passes back]_ Actually, I'm pretty sure she _will_ pass.

 **Lori:** No she won't. Because I made sure of it.

 **Lincoln:** _[shocked at what Lori just said]_ Wait. What?

 **Lori:** Nothing!

 **Lincoln:** Oh, no, you don't!

Lincoln grabs a sweater with a wolf howling at the full moon.

 **Lincoln:** So help me, Lori, I will shrink your favorite Bobby sweater in the dryer if you don't tell me what you-

 **Lori:** _[admitting defeat]_ STOP! FINE! _[grabs sweater and puts it on]_ I might have sabotaged Leni by giving her bad driving instructions while she slept, but it's just because if Leni can drive, my room will never be clean and no one will ever need me for anything ever again! _[Raises her voice pitch near the end.]_

 **Lincoln:** Are you crazy, woman?! What if your bad driving instructions make Leni crash? What if she gets hurt?

 **Lori:** I didn't think of that...

 **Lincoln:** We gotta get to the DMV!

Lori busts out the keys and the two head out into Vanzilla.

They arrive at the DMV where it looks like Leni has just come out of the building; it doesn't look like she's hurt.

 **Lori:** _[relieved]_ Oh, thank goodness, she's okay.

 **Lincoln:** _[still hopeful]_ And maybe she passed!

Unfortunately, the same cop from before arrives meaning only one thing.

 **Cop:** No, she did not! She did, however, drive on the wrong side of the road, neglected to check her mirrors and commented on the driving instructor's weight!

 **Leni:** _[gets in the van; heartbroken]_ Well, that makes 14. Guess I'll have to drive a lawnmower forever.

 **Lincoln:** Look, Leni. It wasn't your fault.

 **Leni:** Yes, it was. You worked so hard to help me pass. You even learned to speak Leni. Which I still can't believe there's a country named after me. _[sighs]_ I blew it. I was just thinking about all the fun places I would drive us to. The mall, the comic book store, the mall...I'm sorry I let you down.

As Leni laments at her failure, Lori feels extremely guilty for her follies and couldn't hold it in much longer.

 **Lori:** I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! It was my fault! I sabotaged your test.

 **Leni:** : _[not knowing the meaning of the word]_ Sabo...tage?

 **Lincoln:** It's like she went and bought the dress she knew you wanted.

 **Leni:** _[gasps]_ HOW COULD YOU?!

 **Lori:** I'm really sorry, Leni. But I know how to make it up to you.

 **Leni:** _[excited]_ You'll buy me the dress?!

Lincoln and Lori facepalm at her taking Lincoln's example literally.

* * *

 _And so..._

 **Lincoln:** It was really nice of you to help Leni practice for her next test.

 **Lori:** _[a little shaken]_ It's the least I could do.

It is shown that Leni has driven the van into a swimming pool, having forgotten all she learned from Lincoln's training.

 **Leni:** Is this the carpool lane?


	7. No Guts, No Glori

**No Guts, No Glori**

 _March 11, 2016_

Today is a relaxing Friday night at the Loud House. Lincoln is enjoying a nice glass of lemonade with a crazy straw and turns to the audience.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Ah, Friday night. You survived another week of school. Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles, and crack open a brand new video game.

Lincoln gets out a copy of _Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter_ _XXIV_ and smells it.

 **Lincoln:** Love that new game smell.

Suddenly, Lincoln picks up another scent, one that worries him.

 **Lincoln:** Wait a minute. _[sniffs again]_ Is that...Oh no!

His siblings start picking up the scent as well one by one.

 **Lucy:** Sniff. Sniff.

 **Luke:** Is that what I think it is?

 **Lincoln:** Mom's expensive perfume. Which can only mean one thing.

Lincoln rushes over to the kitchen and checks the calendar and finds out what tonight is.

 **Lincoln:** Date night! Which can only mean one _other_ thing!

He dashes out of the kitchen to see Rita and Lynn Sr. at the front door, who are about to leave the house.

 **Rita:** Lori's in charge! Do as she says! Bye! _[leaves]_

 **Lincoln:** NOOOOOOOOO! _[to the viewers]_ She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around! In this house, we call her the Queen of-

 **Lori:** _[from upstairs]_ NO! _[unplugs Luna's amplifiers]_ NO MUSIC! _[tosses Lana's mud pie in the trash]_ NO MUD PIES! _[approaches Leni who's talking on the phone]_ NO-

 **Leni:** Way! That's totes cray cray!

 **Lori:** _[hangs up Leni's call]_ No phone calls. _[takes away Luke's game]_ AND NO VIDEO GAMES!

 **Luke:** But that's not-! _[Lori gives him an intimidating look;_ _nervously]_ Er… never mind.

 **Lori:** That's what I thought. _[takes away Lincoln's game as well]_ That goes for you _too,_ Lincoln!

* * *

Lori is now dressed up in a military uniform and blows a whistle that summons her siblings and the pets to the front room.

 **Lori:** At ease! _[Everyone feels calmer now]_ JUST KIDDING! NOBODY IS TO BE AT EASE IN MY PRESENCE! _[the others regain their forms]_ As you know, Mom and Dad left me in charge. That means, you have to do as I say, whether you're tall, short, or covered in fur and can only understand the word "sit".

Charles, Cliff, and Geo sit down on command. But when Walt gave it a try, he tips over and knocks Geo's hamster ball to the side.

 **Lori:** _[busts out a chart of tonight's schedule]_ Now, here is our schedule for this evening.

 _ **6:00 to 7:00:**_ _Sitting on bed with arms folded._

 _ **7:00 to 7:30:**_ _Chow._

 _ **7:30 to 8:00:**_ _Thorough cleaning of mess hall._

 _ **8:00:**_ _Staring at wall until falling asleep._

 **Lori:** Everyone got that?

 **Lincoln, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Luke, Lucy, Lola, Lisa, and Lily:** MA'AM, YES, MA'AM!

 **Lana:** SIR, YES, SIR!

Lori glares at Lana for calling her "sir". Lana quickly covers her mouth.

 **Lori:** DISMISSED!

Everyone rushes back upstairs while Geo hops in his ball up each step.

* * *

Later, Lincoln opens his door and puts a note in Geo's hamster ball.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Geo. Want a snack, boy? _[tosses the snack over to Lola and Lana's door.]_

Geo rolls over, opens his ball, gets the treat, and gets the twins' attention, Lincoln does this with his other siblings. The note tells them to meet in Lincoln's room and they sneak over to his room. Leni is the only one who still hasn't snuck out of her room since she's with Lori at the moment. She begins to sneak off while wearing a scarf.

 **Lori:** _[suspicious]_ Leni, what are you doing?

 **Leni:** I'm not Leni. I'm wearing a scarf.

 **Lori:** _[not fooled one bit]_ You've got five minutes to do your business.

Leni goes out and sneaks over to Lincoln's room to join the others for a big meeting.

 **Lola:** This better be good. You know how much trouble we'll be in if Lori finds out we're not in our rooms?

 **Lincoln** : _Rooms?_ More like _prison cells!_ Every time Lori's left in charge, she makes our lives miserable. Well, I say no more! It's time to take back our Friday nights! Luna, do you like it when Lori unplugs your amp mid-jam?

 **Luna:** It's way harsh.

 **Lincoln:** And Lana, how about when Lori throws out your mud pies?

 **Lana:** I work hard on those!

 **Lincoln:** And Luke, how about when Lori won't let you play video games?

 **Luke:** You kidding me, dude? Nobody's gonna take away the king's controller!

 **Lincoln:** And Lily, what about when Lori won't let you run around naked?

Lily takes off her diaper and blows a raspberry in protest.

 **Lincoln:** Then let's do something about it!

 **Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Luke, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa, and Lily:** YEAH!

 **Luke:** Okay, Lincoln, how are we gonna do this?

 **Lincoln:** Just leave everything to me.

Back in Lori and Leni's room, Lori is trying to paint her toenails like in _Sixteen 1/2 Magazine_ , but she doesn't seem to have gotten it down. Just then, Luna's jam is back on, which Lori does not take well as it's going against her orders. She steps out of her room to see Lily sitting on top of one of Luna's speakers playing Luna's guitar.

 **Lori:** _[sees Lily playing]_ Lily? What are you-

Just then, a creak noise is heard and Lori notices that her siblings are right behind her. They tackle her and she screams for help. It is revealed that they tied her up to a chair.

 **Lori:** _[furious]_ Hey! What is going on?

 **Lincoln:** Your power trip is over! We're taking back our Friday nights!

 **Lori:** **"** Power trip?"

 **Lincoln:** Just admit it. You get a sick thrill out of bossing us around.

The other siblings concur.

 **Lori:** You think I _enjoy_ this? Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble! It's not like any of you could do it.

 **Lana:** Yuh-huh. Lincoln could.

 **Lincoln:** _[surprised]_ I could?

 **Luke:** Yeah!- Wait, he could?

 **Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa, and Lily:** WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN! WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN!

Lincoln, Luke, and Lori are flabbergasted at this.

 **Lori:** _[condescendingly]_ _Lincoln_ in charge? Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box.

Cliff is right next to his little box and suddenly goes right on the carpet.

 **Lincoln:** Oh yeah? Challenge accepted! _[takes the whistle]_ Take her away!

The other siblings start to carry Lori to her room.

 **Lori:** You won't last five minutes! _[laughs maniacally]_

 **Lincoln:** _[shuts the door]_ Lola, guard this door. No one goes in, no one comes out.

Lola nods in agreement and gets a golf club to guard the door while dressing up as a security guard.

 **Lincoln:** Say goodbye to the Queen of No... _[tosses whistle on the floor]_ ...and hello… _[puts on some shades]_...to the King of Yes!

The siblings, except Luke, cheer in victory and run off to do their things at last. Luke walks up to Lincoln.

 **Luke:** Wait, are you sure you can handle this, dude? What with being man of the house and all.

 **Lincoln:** Don't worry about it, Luke. Everything's gonna be okay. Besides, what could go wrong? _[holds up his game]_ You up for a round of _Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter XXIV_?

 **Luke:** _[confident]_ Game on!

Lincoln and Luke dash down the stairs to the living room and Lincoln boots up the system while they grab their controllers as the game starts up.

 **SUPER MEGA BRAWLERS TURBO FIGHTER XXIV**

 **Game Announcer:** _Round 1: Fight!_

But just before the two boys could start playing, Leni screams and Lincoln pauses the game.

 **Luke:** What was that?

 **Lincoln:** I'll go check it out. Be right back.

Lincoln runs up the stairs and it turns out that it was just Luan chasing Leni around with a rubber spider.

 **Lincoln:** Uh...okay. Have fun. Just don't get too crazy.

Just then, Luna's amps are at a really high volume.

 **Lincoln:** _[shouting over the noise]_ RAD SOUNDS! MAYBE NOT SO LOUD!

Lincoln turns it down a little which Luna doesn't understand. He walks back to the living room.

 **Luke:** Are we good?

 **Lincoln:** Yup. We're good.

Lincoln spoke too soon when all of a sudden, there's an explosion and the smoke alarm goes off.

 **Luke:** That doesn't sound like everything's _good_.

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ Be right back. Again.

Lincoln runs back up the stairs and sees Lisa coming out of her room.

 **Lincoln:** _[concerned]_ What was that?!

 **Lisa:** It's science. You wouldn't understand.

Just then, a tentacle grabs Lisa and drags her back in.

 **Lisa:** AAH! _[the door closes.]_

 **Lincoln:** Just keep it on a leash!

Lincoln runs back down to the living room and sees that Luke is getting impatient.

 **Luke:** Are you _sure_ everything's good now?

 **Lincoln:** Positive!

Just before they can resume the game, Lincoln finds Lily on top of a bookshelf, throwing books on the floor and walking over to the edge of the shelf.

 **Luke:** Is that Lily?!

 **Lincoln:** _[gasps]_ LILY! STOP!

Lily walks over the edge and Lincoln catches her. At that moment, Lana casts a fishing rod right into the fish tank.

 **Lincoln:** Lana! You can't fish in there! Those are _pets_.

He notices Lily has escaped and uses Lana's fishing rod to reel her back in.

Lynn comes in the living room with a bucket of dirt and pours the dirt on the floor and Luke is observing with this.

 **Luke:** Lynn? What are you doing?

 **Lynn:** Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt.

 **Luke:** You're gonna ride a dirt bike in the house?!

 **Lynn:** Yeah. Where else, genius?

As Lynn pours more dirt on the carpet, Luke has a deadpanned look on his face.

 **Luke:** Why didn't I see this coming?

Suddenly, there is a crossfire of pizza slices and waffles tossed by Lana and Lucy who are having a food fight. Luke jumps and ducks behind the couch for protection.

Meanwhile, Lincoln gets in the middle of the fight and shields himself with a cookie sheet and the pizza and waffles plaster all over it and make a rather gorgeous painting, which impresses him. Lynn is pouring water from the hose all over the carpet and then gets pegged by an incoming gourd, the hose then starts going wild. Leni is on the phone while Luan is still chasing her with her rubber spider.

 **Leni:** Hi, exterminator guy! Do you do spiders? _[sees the hose]_ Ew! What about water snakes?

The hose squirts Luan but she resumes chasing Leni. Lincoln trips over the telephone wire and lands in the mud and notices Lucy built a fort of diapers.

 **Lincoln:** Lucy! What are you doing with all those diapers?

Lana screams like a madman and fires a barrage of meatballs.

 **Lucy:** Incoming. _[gets down]_

Lincoln takes cover with her only for their fort wall to be damaged.

 **Lincoln:** Diaper wall breach!

Lana fires a cupcake at them, but Lucy stops it by plugging up the hole with Lily's butt, Lily giggles.

 **Luna:** FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK!

Luna sets her amps to "Super Max" and has fireworks all set up for a big finale.

 **Lincoln:** LUNA! _[slow motion]_ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Lincoln runs toward Luna for her to stop, but it was too late. Luna plays a chord and the noise blasts Lincoln right into the wall which leaves a dent of unsightly residue.

 **Luke:** _[dashes over]_ Whoa! You alright, dude?

Lincoln opens his mouth to say something, but then Lori's taunting words echo in his mind.

 **Echo Lori:** Lincoln _in charge? Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box._

Cliff is right next to his litter box, but goes on the fireplace instead.

 **Lincoln:** _[irked]_ Oh, really, Cliff? _[gets steamed up; unplugs Luna's amps]_ No guitar playing... _[takes Lana's food]_ ...no food fights... _[stops Lynn from riding her bike in the house]_ ...no dirt bikes, and no science experiments!

Lincoln takes Lisa's beakers and tosses them, causing an explosion. The others aren't too happy with Lincoln suddenly changing his mind.

 **Lynn:** Who do you think you are? _Lori_? _[laughs]_

The others all start laughing at him and go back to enjoying their Friday night.

 **Luke:** _[puts a hand on Lincoln's shoulder]_ Welp, it looks like you were wrong. Again.

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ You were right, Luke. I guess I _can't_ handle being in charge in a house like this.

 **Luke:** But there's only one person who _can_.

 **Lincoln:** _[gasps with realization]_ Lori! Come on, Luke, let's go!

 **Luke:** Right behind ya!

Lincoln and Luke head upstairs and approaches Lori and Leni's door, but Lola stops them.

 **Lola:** Hey! No one goes in, no one comes out! Boss's orders!

 **Lincoln:** Those were _my_ orders! Let me in!

 **Lola:** I'm gonna need you to step back, sir.

 **Lincoln:** Sorry about this, Lola.

Lincoln charges at Lola with a war cry, Lola whacks him with the golf club and knocks him out.

As soon as Lincoln comes to, he sees that Lola tied him up like they tied Lori up.

 **Lola:** Uh, no no no. I'm sorry, Lincoln. ANYONE ELSE?! _[beat]_ I DIDN'T THINK SO!

After Lola leaves, Lincoln struggles to free himself, but then Luke comes up from behind the couch, heads over to him, and unties him from behind.

 **Lincoln:** Wow, thanks, Luke.

 **Luke:** Don't mention it. Come on, we still have a job to do.

Meanwhile, Lori has somehow already broken free of her rope bindings and is filing her nails. Lincoln and Luke come in through the window.

 **Lincoln:** Lori! Lori!

 **Lori:** Ha! I knew you wouldn't last five minutes.

 **Luke:** _[surprised]_ It's only been five minutes? Wow.

 **Lincoln:** Anyway, you gotta help me, Lori! It's a mad house down there!

 **Lori:** Nah. I'm thinkin' _Lincoln_. _You_ handle it.

 **Lincoln:** I can't! You're the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble. _[Luna's fireworks go off]_ Or ashes.

 **Lori:** And?

 **Lincoln:** I couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box.

 **Lori:** And?

 **Lincoln:** I'm sorry.

 **Lori:** That's all I needed to hear. _[puts on military shades]_ Let's roll!

The three peek their heads out of the door and find Lola still standing guard.

 **Lincoln:** I don't know how to get past her. She's an animal.

Lori covers his mouth, holds up a pile of glitter, and blows it in Lola's direction.

 **Lola:** _[giddily chases after the sparkly cloud]_ GLITTER!

 **Lincoln:** _[impressed]_ Glitter. Nice.

They go downstairs where Lincoln shows Lori the chaos caused by their sisters' antics.

 **Lincoln:** _[scared]_ See what I mean?!

 **Lori:** Observe.

Lori busts out her whistle and blows it and gets their attention.

 **Lori:** MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA BE HOME IN 10 MINUTES!

That got their attention as the other siblings hurry and get to cleaning up the mess they made.

 **Luke:** _[impressed]_ Wow. You sure know your stuff.

 **Lori:** Yeah, you learn a few tricks as you get older.

Just then, Lori hears her phone ringing and answers it.

 **Lori:** Hello? Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Bye. _[hangs up]_

 **Lincoln:** Who was that?

 **Lori:** Mom and Dad. They're gonna be home in 10 minutes.

 **Lincoln:** _[panicking]_ WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!

 **Lori:** I got this. _[to Luna]_ Luna. A little clean up music?

 **Luna:** You got it, sis! 1, 2, 3! _[starts playing]_

Lori blows her whistle and everyone does what they can to clean the house. Lana puts the fish back in the tank, Lisa scrubs up the living room with a soap cannon and the help of her tentacle friend. Leni and Luan untangle the phone wire, Lynn uses the hose to clean the kitchen and then puts it outside. Cliff is about to go on the carpet, but Lori glares at him and he obeys to go in his litter box. Lola ties up some trash and Lynn yanks it up on her dirt bike. Lincoln fishes out Lily's diaper and puts it on her. And Luke adjusts some of the crooked frames. They do the finishing touches and carry everything else away as if the house was the same as it was when their parents left.

 **Luna:** GOODNIGHT, LOUD HOUSE! _[goes back to her room]_

The other siblings go back to their rooms as well after a crazy Friday night. Their parents are approaching and just as it seems all is well, there's still a dent in the wall from Lincoln's impact caused by Luna's power chord.

 **Lincoln:** _[gasps]_ The wall!

Lincoln spots the painting from the food fight.

 **Lincoln:** Lori! Catch! _[tosses it to Lori.]_

Lori catches it and puts it right over the dent right before their parents enter.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Wow! I can't believe the house is still standing!

 **Lincoln:** What'd you expect? Lori's in charge.

 **Rita:** So, what are you guys up to?

 **Lori:** Oh, we were just about to play a video game. _[to Lincoln]_ You can't say "no" all the time.

 **Rita:** Oh, and look at this lovely piece of food art the kids made.

It looks like all's well that ends well and Lori and Lincoln begin to play some _Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter XXIV._

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[screams]_ WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GOLF CLUB?!

Lori and Lincoln realize they forgot something and are gonna get it. Luke observes this from upstairs.

 **Luke:** _[to the viewers]_ Well, at least it was one heck of a night we're sure to never forget.


	8. The Sweet Spot

The **Sweet Spot**

 _March 18, 2016_

It is nighttime in the Loud house, Lincoln is getting dressed up and is packing up for tomorrow's road trip.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Ah, road trips. That beloved tradition for families everywhere. Tomorrow, the Loud family's going on a trip of our own. Sounds fun, right? Not with 14 of us packed into the family wagon. Or as we affectionately call it: 'Vanzilla'. _[looks down at the family van]_ Every seat in Vanzilla offers one kind of torture or another.

Lincoln pulls up his mattress to reveal the above view of the van and circles the third seat from the front row.

 **Lincoln:** _[continuing]_ Getting stuck next to Lily's car seat is no good.

 _[Flashback; Lincoln is seen reading his book. Offscreen, Lily's saliva gets on it.]_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _Gah! Lily!_

 _Giggling, Lily throws a beet, juice, and finally another beet at Lincoln. The boy is rendered unconscious._

 _[End of flashback]_

Lincoln x's out that seat and points to the back row.

 **Lincoln:** The back row is so far away from Mom and Dad, that it turns into the wild, wild west.

 _[Flashback; Lola and Lana look at each other angrily while Lincoln is seen with a comic book and soda between them.]_

 _ **Lola:**_ _Stop looking at me._

 _ **Lana:**_ You _stop looking at_ me _!_

 _Lola and Lana fight near Lincoln. The fight stops shortly with Lincoln looking messy._

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _Come on! We haven't even left the driveway yet!_

 _[End of flashback]_

Lincoln crosses out the back row and points to the first seat from the front.

 **Lincoln:** And this seat has the exact opposite problem.

 _[Flashback to Lincoln reading a comic book with his foot behind a seat.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[voiceover]_ It's right in Dad's sight line.

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _Feet off the seat!_

 _Lincoln looks at Lynn Sr., whose furious eyes can be seen in the driver's mirror. He scowls and takes his foot off. A sappy tune plays over the radio._

 **Lincoln:** Plus, it's next to the one-working speaker.

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _Ooh, honey. It's our prom theme. Prrrrrrrr!_

 _He turns up the music even louder, much to Lincoln's annoyance._

 _[End of flashback; he x's out that seat.]_

 **Lincoln:** And the rest of the seats only get worse. There's the sticky, the soggy, the springy, and the slanty. _[x's out more seats until he points to the first seat from the second row.]_ From my calculations, that leaves just one seat safe from it all. I call it _'The Sweet Spot.'_ And tomorrow, it will be mine, 'cause I'm gonna stake it out tonight.

* * *

Later, all the lights are out and everyone else in the house has fallen asleep. Lincoln takes notice of this.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ There's my cue. Everyone's asleep. _[grabs his duffle bag]_ It's go time.

Lincoln tiptoes out of his room and accidentally steps on Cliff's tail. Cliff meows loudly in pain until Lincoln pets him to sleep. He goes out the house and into the car.

 **Lincoln:** _[takes out his walkie-talkie]_ Come in, Nose Bleeder. This is Road Tripper.

 **Clyde:** Sorry, Road Tripper. I have to keep the line for my friend Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** This _is_ Lincoln.

 **Clyde:** Oh. Hi, Lincoln!

 **Lincoln:** Operation Sweet Spot is a success. I've secured the seat.

 **Clyde:** Great job. _[pause]_ So, who did you get to sit next to you?

 **Lincoln:** Who did I get to sit next to me?

Outside the van, Lincoln shouts in anger and is now back in his room.

 **Lincoln** : _[to the viewers]_ I'm sorry you had to see that. Having the wrong sibling next to me could totally wreck the sweet spot. Okay, it definitely can't be Luan.

 _[Flashback; Lincoln is sitting next to Luan in the car.]_

 _ **Luan**_ _: [_ _hits Lincoln with a pillow_ _] Airbag deployed!_ _[Laughs]_

 _[Switches over to Lola giving Lincoln a manicure while his hand is oddly bobbing up and down.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[voiceover]_ And it can't be Lola.

 _ **Lola:**_ _Hold still!_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _[voice vibrating; bobbing up and down due to the spring]_ _I can't! I'm on the spring seat!_

 _[Switches over to when he sat next to Lynn.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[voiceover]_ And it can't be Lynn.

 _ **Lynn:**_ _Let's play Auto Attack._

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _How do you play that?_

 _ **Lynn:**_ _I punch you every time I see a car._ _[sees a car carrier with a ton of cars driving by.]_ _Ooh...good timing._ _[starts throwing a barrage of punches at Lincoln; end flashback.]_

 **Lincoln:** I got it! Luke! He never punches me or hits me with pillows! Plus, he's just gonna be playing his 3DS the entire trip! Perfect!

And so, Lincoln sneaks into Luke's room and sees that Luke is sleeping. He nudges him a couple of times until Lincoln sees that he's half awake.

 **Luke:** _[yawns; groggily]_ Lincoln, what do you want? It's the middle of the night.

 **Lincoln:** I know, but, would you sit next to me in the car tomorrow?

 **Luke:**...Why?

 **Lincoln:** Well, think about it. Would you rather sit next to Lynn or Luan on the trip tomorrow, or would you rather sit next to me?

 **Luke:** _[thinking]_ Well... if it gets you out of my room faster... Sure. Why not. See you in the morning, bro… _[yawns and goes back to sleep]_

 **Lincoln:** _[whispering]_ Yes!

Lincoln sneaks back to the Sweet Spot.

 **Lincoln:** _[on his walkie-talkie]_ Road Tripper to Nose Bleeder.

 **Clyde:** Sorry, Road Tripper. I have to keep this line-

 **Lincoln:** It's Lincoln! Operation: Seat Next To The Sweet Spot is a success.

 **Clyde:** Excellent! _[pause]_ So, who's sitting _behind_ you?

 **Lincoln:** Who's sitting _behind_ me? _[shouts in anger again; back in his room.]_ Ah, so many ways to ruin the Sweet Spot! All right, who can I have behind me? Definitely not Lana.

 _[Flashback to Lana sitting behind Lincoln and torturing him with a peashooter.]_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _Can you please stop?_

 _Lana fires a pea right into his mouth and he starts choking._

 _[Flashback to a trip where Lori was behind him.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[voiceover]_ Definitely not Lori. She spends the whole ride texting with Bobby. Which means...

 _ **Lori:**_ _[gags from nausea]_ _CARSICK!_ _[throws up on Lincoln and takes a picture of her vomit.]_ _I totally have to text that to Bobby! What did I eat?_

 _[End flashbacks]_

 **Lincoln:** I got it! Lisa! True, she won't shut up about all the dangers of car travel...

 _[Flashback to Lisa behind Lincoln.]_

 _ **Lisa:**_ _Tires could blow, a low-flying plane could shear the roof off, the brakes could fail, and we could plunge off a cliff..._

 _Lincoln gets notably irritated from her babbling._

 _[End of flashback.]_

 **Lincoln:** ...but the beauty of the Sweet Spot is that it has one working window. The wind of the road will drown her out.

Lincoln is now making a deal with Lisa in her and Lily's room.

 **Lincoln:** So, you'll sit behind me tomorrow?

 **Lisa:** Sure. It's safer there anyway in case the engine comes loose and flies into the car, crushing everyone up front. _[goes back to sleep]_

 **Lincoln:** That window better work.

Lincoln is back in his room and continues setting the arrangements. Just then, Lisa opens his door.

 **Lisa:** Hey, Lincoln?

 **Lincoln:** _[yelps and hides the chart]_ What Sweet Spot? I mean, hey!

 **Lisa:** I have one addendum to our legally binding verbal agreement. I'll sit behind you only if Luna's not next to me. Her singing gives me an extreme case of tinnitus.

 _[Flashback to an irritated Lisa sitting next to Luna who's wailing to her music.]_

 _ **Lisa:**_ _Where is a low-flying plane when you need one?_

 _[End flashback]_

 **Lincoln:** No problem. I think I can move some things around to accommodate you.

Lisa leaves his room and Lincoln looks at the chart again and talks to Luna about Lisa's request in her and Luan's room.

 **Luna:** Sure. I'll sit up front, dude. As long as Lori isn't near me. I don't need to get ralphed on by the Princess of Puke.

Eventually, Lincoln makes many seating negotiations with the rest of his siblings and arranges it perfectly.

 **Lincoln:** …And Leni goes here, and we're done!

Lincoln is now back in the Sweet Spot and pulls out his walkie-talkie.

 **Lincoln:** Road Tripper to Nose Bleeder. Operation: Fill All The Sweets Around The Sweet Spot is complete.

 **Clyde** : That's awesome. But what about the-

Before Clyde can finish, Lincoln abruptly tosses the walkie-talkie out of the car into a tree, smashing it and rolls up the window.

 **Lincoln:** Sorry, Nose Bleeder, but your questions are compromising the mission. _[yawns]_ Now, to get a little shuteye.

Lincoln fluffs up his travel bag and uses it as a pillow as he sleeps. Just then, there's a banging at the window, waking him up and it's revealed to be his sisters looking pretty miffed.

 **Lincoln:** _[rolls down the window]_ Hey, guys. What's up?

 **Lola:** What are you up to, Lincoln?

 **Lincoln:** _[acting]_ Me? I'm not up to anything. Just, you know, catching some Z's in the car like guys do.

 **Lori:** _[livid]_ Oh yeah? Then what's...THIS?

They show Lincoln his seating chart, having found out about his operation.

 **Lincoln:** _[infuriated]_ You went in my room?!

 **Lori:** That's not the hot issue right now.

 **Lana:** What's the Sweet Spot? And why are _you_ in it?

 **Lincoln:** Oh, it's, uh...it's the worst seat in the whole car! I put myself in it so none of you would have to suffer.

 **Lucy:** Then why is it called the Sweet Spot?

 **Lincoln:** Because I'm being sweet?

 **Lisa:** _[calculating on the trunk door]_ According to my calculations, the Sweet Spot is actually the _best_ seat in the car for various reasons including air circulation, proximity to parental units, and the lack of chewable adhesive on the cushion.

 **Lincoln:** _[outraged]_ It took me eight months to figure that out! _[headpalms in frustration as his sisters glare angrily at him.]_

 **Lisa:** Shocker.

 **Luke:** _[approaching them; rubbing his eye]_ Guys, what is going on?

 **Lola:** Lincoln made a plan about getting the best seat in the car!

 **Luke:** …So? Who cares?

 **Lori:** I do! Because I should get it. _[Look down at her siblings]_ I'm the oldest.

 **Luna:** You'd just barf all over it, dude! I should have it!

 **Lola:** Beauty before age!

 **Lana:** _[retorts]_ Yeah! So I should get it!

 **Luna:** That seat belongs to me!

 **Leni:** No! I want it!

 **Lincoln:** You can yell all you want, but I'm already in the seat. And possession is 9/10 of the law.

 **Lynn:** _[threatening]_ You're gonna possess a bruise in a minute!

The girls all glare at Lincoln, demanding him to hand over the Sweet Spot.

 **Luke:** _[to himself]_ Uh, oh…

 **Lana:** Get him!

Lincoln quickly ducks down, rolls up the window, and locks the door before they can attack and thinks he's safe. His sisters angrily yell at him as he stares at them and laughs in triumph. But to Lincoln's shock, Luan opens a door and is peeved.

 **Lincoln:** _[laments]_ Dang it. I forgot about the broken lock.

Luan immediately decks Lincoln and both of them are brawling, Luna joins in and the rest as well, Luke nervously backs up, not wanting to be involved in the fight. They all start fighting over the Sweet Spot at an intense level that causes everyone in the neighborhood to wake up over the commotion. A light goes on from upstairs and shows that Rita is there.

 **Rita:** _[from Lori and Leni's room]_ THAT IS ENOUGH!

The siblings stop fighting and look up at the window.

 **Rita:** EVERYONE BACK TO THEIR ROOMS THIS MINUTE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE IN THAT CAR UNTIL 7:00 AM! _[rolls window down and turns off light]_

The girls exit Vanzilla and head back into the house.

 **Lori:** Good luck getting the Sweet Spot _now_.

The girls laugh at him and Lincoln growls at the situation in anger and punches the car only to wince in pain from it. He covers his mouth to silence himself. Luke looked at Lincoln confused.

 **Luke:** Sweet Spot? What are they talking about?

 **Lincoln:** _[nervously]_ Uhh, I may have planned to get that seat all to myself.

 **Luke:** What, why? What's so special about it?

 **Lincoln:** Because it's the only seat that doesn't have a loose spring, have pee stains, not be in the sight of Mom and Dad, or slant. And it only has one working window next to it.

 **Luke:** _[surprised]_ Wow, that's one heck of a seat. No wonder you guys were fighting over it.

 **Lincoln:** _[suspicious]_ You're not gonna get that seat to yourself, are you?

 **Luke:** Lincoln, you and I both know that I never fight. Nor a lay a hand on you guys.

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, that is true. _[panicking]_ But what am I gonna do?! I can't lose that seat!

 **Luke:** Sorry, Lincoln. Wish I could help you but I have to get some sleep. Later.

Luke heads back into the house and Lincoln is still panicking. He is now back in his room.

 **Lincoln:** _[panicking]_ This is bad! I can _not_ lose that seat!

Lincoln peeks out of his room to see his siblings doing the same.

 **Lynn:** Don't even think about it, Lincoln. I'm watching you.

 **Lori:** Well, I'm watching _you_.

 **Lola:** And _I'm_ watching _you_!

 **Lana:** And _I'm_ watching _you_!

 **Luke:** Could you guys shut up already?!

 **Lincoln:** _[shuts the door]_ Ugh! Okay. I just have to be the first one out the door tomorrow. _[his eyes close]_

 **6:30 AM**

Lincoln's alarm goes off.

 **Lincoln:** _[wakes up and gasps]_ Only 30 minutes until Operation Save the Sweet Spot- _[yawns and slaps himself awake]_ Come on, man! Stay with me!

 **6:35 AM**

Lincoln is dancing.

 **6:40 AM**

Lincoln is doing push-ups and some aerobics.

 **6:45 AM**

Lincoln pours orange juice all over his head.

 **6:59 AM**

Lincoln takes a quick peek, only to see that his sisters are just as ready as he is. The clock strikes 7:00 AM and they all rush for the front door to get to the Sweet Spot first. The others shove Lincoln and Luna off the stairs and burst out the door. Luan gets knocked into the yard from behind by Lana, Lori opens the door, but Lynn pulls her back. Lincoln dives in, but Luan pounces him, Leni attacks them and Lisa gets on the roof of the car and wails like a maniac, Lana beans her with beets and Lola tackles her. The fight gets so out of hand and brutal that the onslaught wrecks Vanzilla down to scraps, as the dust bubble expanded.

 **Lynn Sr.:** ENOUGH!

The siblings stop fighting and Vanzilla is totally destroyed. Clearly, no one gets the Sweet Spot.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[weeping]_ That was my first car! And my dad's first car! And _his_ dad's first car! _[continues to sob]_

 **Rita:** _[enraged]_ ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, BACK INSIDE! THE ROAD TRIP IS _OFF_! YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THIS WEEKEND SITTING _TOGETHER_ IN THE LIVING ROOM UNTIL YOU LEARN TO _GET ALONG!_

 **Siblings:** Awww!

 **Luke:** _[offscreen; angry]_ What is wrong with you guys?!

The siblings turn their heads to see that Luke is standing in front of them and he is upset.

 **Luke:** _[angry]_ I was really looking forward to this vacation and you just had to ruin it! _Now_ look what happened! _[waves a hand at the destroyed van]_ Well, I hope you guys are happy! _[storms back inside the house]_

The sisters look at each other for a second and are now filled with guilt. A defeated Lincoln walks back inside the house, enters his room and puts his duffle bag on his dresser.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ I'm sorry you had to see that. _[shuts his door]_ Well, Operation: Sweet Spot went sour. I guess I should have known that in a family this big, you just can't control every little thing. _[slyly]_ That said, there's a Sweet Spot in the living room too.

Lincoln pulls down his _Amazing Space_ poster and it is revealed that he had drew a Sweet Spot plan for the couch too.

 **Lincoln:** _[continuing]_ It's at the end of the couch. Close to the bathroom with a great view of the TV. And it's going to be mine! _[grabs his walkie-talkie]_ Nose Bleeder, this is Couch Potato. Operation: Snag the Sofa is a go!

Lincoln then wails crazily and heads out the door to catch the best spot on the sofa. Meanwhile, Luke is laying on his bed until he hears Lincoln's crazy wailing. All he could do is just sigh in annoyance.


	9. A Tale of Two Tables

**A Tale of Two Tables**

 _March 20, 2016_

Lincoln is quietly eating dinner when Lana suddenly pokes him in the face with a wiener.

 **Lincoln:** Would you cut it out?

As he resumes eating, Lola also pokes and smacks him with a wiener.

 **Lincoln:** Come on, man! Stop! _[the twins continue hitting him with their wieners.]_ I said cut it out!

It is revealed that Lincoln is having dinner at the kiddie table with his six younger siblings, he gets up to go to the fridge.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ In most families, the 'kiddie table' is something you only see at holidays. But in a family as big as mine, it's part of everyday life. _[pours a glass of milk]_

 **Lana:** Hey, Lincoln. You like seafood? _[sticks her tongue out showing mushed up pieces of food on it.]_ See? Food! Bleeeeegh!

 **Lola:** Hey, Lucy! _[sticks two french fries between her teeth as "fangs" and acts like a vampire; in a Transylvanian accent]_ I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD! _[squirts ketchup]_

The ketchup splatters all over Lincoln's face and his younger sisters smear their fries on it to get some ketchup.

 **Lincoln:** For gosh sakes, you guys! Cut it out! _[rubs ketchup off his face and groans.]_

Lincoln turns to Luke, who is sitting next to Lola and was sipping some of his chocolate milk.

 **Lincoln:** Luke, how are you not bothered by this? Do you not see that this is a problem to me!

 **Luke:** Lincoln, we're kids, what do you expect? We're always playing with our food and have a good time. Say what you want but I think it's fun, just saying.

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs; to the viewers]_ It's not right. My five older siblings get to sit at the grownup table with Mom and Dad, while I'm stuck here with my six younger siblings. _[sticks a piece of broccoli on his fork]_

 **Lucy:** _[_ _smacks the piece of broccoli off Lincoln's fork]_ How can you eat that broccoli when you know how much it suffered to get here?

 **Lincoln:** Uh, Lucy...broccoli doesn't feel pain.

 **Lucy:** Oh, no? _[shoves a piece of broccoli in Lincoln's face.]_ Listen to the broccoli screaming, Lincoln! LISTEN TO IT!

Lincoln screams in frustration and agony, much to the shock of his younger siblings.

 **Lincoln:** CAN'T I JUST EAT MY DINNER IN PEACE?!

 **Lana:** Did you say _peas_? _[jokingly flings peas at Lincoln.]_

Lincoln blocks Lana's peas with his plate, causing them to bounce off and onto Lisa, which Lola laughs at her.

 **Lisa:** Oh, you wanna play? Let's play...

Lisa brings out a tiny catapult and launches mashed potatoes only to hit Lincoln instead of Lana, much to Lana's surprise.

 **Lisa:** My calibration seems to have been off by about sixteen degrees.

Lana hits Lisa with her wiener.

 **Lana:** Mine wasn't.

The younger sisters now engage in a food fight. Lincoln turns to Luke, annoyed.

 **Lincoln:** You see what I have to deal with? _[gets pelted by mashed potatoes]_ It's every day with this!

 **Luke:** Lincoln, calm down. You didn't seem to have a problem with it the last few times.

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, but this is different. I'm growing up, Luke, and I feel like I need to be in a more sophisticated crowd. _[looks over at the grownup table]_

 **Luke:** _[looks to where Lincoln is looking]_ The grownup table? What about it?

 **Lincoln:** Well…

Lincoln imagines himself at the grownup table, where everyone is dressed in fancy attire and the decor is exquisite.

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _So, I said to the Prime Minister, "Two breads are better than one!"_

 _Everyone at the table laughs at his joke._

 _ **Luan:**_ _Your comedy is so mature. Just like you._

 _Everyone raises their glasses to propose a toast to Lincoln._

 _ **Lori:**_ _To Lincoln! He puts the 'grownup' in 'grownup table'!_

 _ **Rita, Lynn Sr., Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn**_ _: To Lincoln!_

Lincoln blows kisses to them all only for the food fight to come and ruin his fantasy. He finally had enough.

 **Lincoln:** That's it! I don't belong here! I'm gonna go ask to join the grownup table!

 **Lola:** Ha!

 **Lana:** Good luck.

 **Lucy:** You really think they're gonna let _you_?

 **Lily, Lisa, Lola, and Lana:** _Oooooooh!_

Lincoln suddenly imagines everyone at the grownup table laughing at his request to join them which causes his younger sisters to laugh as well.

 **Lincoln:** You'll see. I'm gonna make it to the grownup table and leave all you _children_ behind. _[gets hit by mashed potatoes again.]_

Lincoln wipes the mashed potatoes off his face and heads upstairs to his room.

 **Luke:** Man, why does Lincoln want to join the grownup table so bad?

 **Lola:** Ah, let him be. He just doesn't know what it's like to be at that table.

 **Luke:** Really. Like what?

 **Lola:** I've seen what goes on over there. They just sit there, talking about boring stuff.

 **Lana:** Never telling a single joke.

 **Lisa:** They never know the true joys of a simple food fight.

 **Lucy:** A tragedy indeed.

 **Luke:** Wow. Sounds like the grownup table is gonna stink for Lincoln.

 **Lana:** You could say that.

 **Luke:** _[looks torward the kitchen entrance]_ I just wonder if he'll be able to take it.

We now turn over to Lincoln, who has called Clyde over to help him.

 **Clyde:** Well, Lincoln, you've come to the right place. As an only child, I've been at the grownup table my whole life.

 **Lincoln:** So, you think you can help me?

 **Clyde:** Did Napoleon have a Napoleon complex?

Lincoln responds with a dumbfounded look on his face.

 **Clyde:** That's a grownup table joke. You don't get it now, but you will soon. Now, don't worry. I have a sure-fire program that'll get your family to stop seeing you as a kid. _[lays right on top of Bun-Bun.]_

 **Lincoln:** And start seeing me as a grownup! _[notices Clyde's position]_ Careful! You're giving Bun-Bun an ouchie! _[grabs Bun-Bun and protectively holds him]_

Clyde stares at us in confusion.

* * *

 _March 21, 2016_

 _Training By Clyde: Phase One: Act Like A Grownup_

The next morning, Luke walks into the kitchen to get some waffles when he sees Lincoln with a cup of joe.

 **Lincoln:** Ah, nothing like that first cup of morning joe. _[smells it]_ Ah, mountain grown. _[takes a sip but then spits it out disliking the taste.]_

The coffee was spat all over his older sisters who aren't too happy about that, making him nervous. Luke walks up to him.

 **Luke:** Lincoln, what are you doing?

 **Lincoln:** Just enjoying the taste of coffee, little brother.

 **Luke:** You just spat it out-

 **Lincoln:** See ya!

Lincoln walks out of the kitchen leaving Luke confused. Later, Lori and Leni are on the couch in the living room. Lori is texting on her phone and Leni is filing her nails. Lincoln walks in with a newspaper in his hand.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, guys. There's a really interesting article in here about how kids are maturing faster these days. They say 11 is the new 15.

Lori and Leni take a quick glance at Lincoln and go back to what they were doing. Lincoln then turns on the TV to a White House press conference.

 **Lincoln:** Ooh, the House is debating the new highways bill. This should be fascinating.

 **Lori:** _[worried about her brother]_ Are you feeling okay?

 **Lincoln:** Me? Never better. Though the back's a little stiff. Getting older ain't easy. Am I right, ladies?

Lori and Leni look at each other, shrug, and return to their tasks. Later, Lola and Lana are fighting over a jump rope.

 **Lola:** I was using it first!

 **Lana:** Nuh-uh! I was!

 **Lola:** Give it to me!

 **Lana:** You clearly took it away from me!

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[from downstairs]_ Lola! Lana! What's going on?

 **Lincoln:** Don't worry, Dad. I got this. Now, children, if you can't share the jump rope, then neither of you gets to use it. _[pulls out a pair of scissors and cuts the jump rope in two.]_ Heh, kids. They just don't get it, huh, Dad?

Lynn Sr. scratches his head in confusion and walks away, the twins beat Lincoln up for ruining their jump rope. Later, Luke is rushing to the bathroom.

 **Luke:** Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!

Luke sees that the bathroom door is closed and knocks on it.

 **Luke:** Whoever's in there, could you hurry up, please?

 **Lincoln:** _[from the other side]_ One second, Luke. I'm shaving.

 **Luke:** _[bewildered]_ Shaving? You don't even have any facial hair yet.

 **Lincoln:** True, but there's nothing like a nice, smooth face to start the day.

Luke just looked confused, having no idea what's he talking about and walks away.

 **Lincoln:** Yup! _[prepares to shave]_

Lincoln returns to his room, who appears to have cut himself a lot in his attempt and placed shreds of toilet paper on the cuts.

 **Lincoln:** Maybe I shouldn't have used the razor Mom shaves her legs with.

 **Clyde:** Never mind that. Our plan is working. You're showing your family that you belong at the grownup table. Now comes phase two: how to act once you get there.

 _Training By Clyde: Phase Two: Advanced Table Manners_

Clyde has set up cardboard dummies of Lincoln's older sisters and parents to practice with.

 **Clyde:** This is the grownup table simulator. Now, show me your salad fork.

Lincoln grabs a fork as a wild guess.

 **Lincoln:** This one?

 **Clyde:** _[blasts an air horn]_ Wrong. That's your dinner fork. Now, have some bread.

Lincoln grabs the piece of bread on the Lori dummy's plate.

 **Clyde:** _[blasts the air horn again]_ Wrong! You just ate Lori's bread! _[flirting with the Lori dummy]_ Don't worry, beautiful. I'll share my buns with you.

 **Lincoln:** _[blows the horn at him.]_ Clyde!

 **Clyde:** Sorry. Where were we?

The training continues.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the Lynn dummy]_ So, Lynn...how about those Republicans?

 **Clyde:** _[blows the horn]_ Wrong! Never talk politics! Again.

 **Lincoln:** Um...we can really use some rain?

[a bell chimes; now they're using flash cards.]

 **Lincoln:** Soup spoon. Salad fork. Butter knife. Dessert plate. _[confused]_ A...candid picture of Lori?

 **Clyde:** _[realizing]_ Oh! How'd that get in there?

Later, Lincoln is preparing himself with Clyde dressed as a boxing trainer.

 **Clyde:** You're making great strides, Lincoln. You feel it? Keep it up! You got heart, kid!

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, yeah! I'm all grown up!

 **Clyde:** Not yet. You have one last step.

 _Training By Clyde: Phase Three: Look Like a Grownup_

After some suiting up and grooming, Clyde has Lincoln ready.

 **Clyde:** I think my work here is done. Ready for the grownup table, big guy?

 **Lincoln:** Did Napoleon have a Napoleon complex? _[they laugh]_ I still don't get it.

 **Clyde:** Me neither.

* * *

 _Later at dinner…_

 **Luke:** Have you guys noticed that Lincoln's been acting a little weird lately?

 **Lola:** No, but he _did_ ruin our favorite jump rope.

 **Lana:** Like what?

 **Luke:** Well, the close he has done kinda weird was when he started shaving. I don't know, this whole thing was just confusing.

 **Lisa:** _[pondering]_ Hearing this specific odd behavior, I'd say that Lincoln has finally adapted into the grownup world.

 **Luke:** _[turns his head around]_ So he must've been accepted into the grownup table, huh?

 **Lucy:** It looks like it.

 **Lola:** Meh, he's probably having the time of his life right now.

 _Meanwhile at the other table…_

 **Lincoln:** _[slightly disgusted]_ Liver? I thought we were having chicken nuggets.

 **Rita:** That's just for the younger kids, honey. At the grownup table, we eat grownup food.

 **Lincoln:** And thank goodness for that! _[hands the liver over to Luna and picks up a fork.]_ Liver fork!

Everyone stares at him and he just starts eating. Time passes and eventually, the conversation gets a little boring for him.

 **Rita:** So, Lynn, how did you do on your math test today?

 **Lynn:** Good, Mom. I think I really nailed those integers.

More time passes…

 **Lynn Sr.:** So, Lori, I heard Bobby's dad had a hernia operation. How'd that go?

 **Lori:** Um...okay, I guess.

 **Lincoln:** _[trying to beat the boredom]_ Hey! I heard a funny joke today.

 **Luan:** We don't tell jokes at the grownup table.

 **Luna:** Or sing, brah.

Lincoln now feels even more bored after what he was just told and hears his younger siblings over by the kiddie table having fun **.**

 **Lisa, Lola, Lana, and Lucy:** Beans, beans, the musical fruit! The more you eat, the more you-

Lana then makes fart noises with her armpit and they all have a good laugh. Lincoln slightly chuckles at their antics.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Something funny, Lincoln?

 **Lincoln:** Not at _this_ table.

More time passes…

 **Lynn Sr.:** So, it turns out we didn't need the service call in the first place. The darn copier was just unplugged.

 **Rita:** _[laughs]_ How about that?

Later, Lincoln's younger siblings are all having sundaes for dessert, giving Lincoln hope that there is one thing to look forward to at the grownup table.

 **Rita:** Okay...you're all excused.

 **Lincoln:** _[calmly]_ Uh, Mother...I believe you forgot something. Dessert?

 **Rita:** Oh, that's just for the younger kids.

 **Lincoln:** _[exasperated]_ Ugh. Seriously?! _[his older sisters stare at him]_ I mean, uh, seriously, who needs the extra calories?

 **Lynn Sr.:** That's right, son. Say, how does it feel sitting at the ol' grownup table, huh?

 **Lincoln:** _[disappointed]_ It's everything I dreamed it would be.

Later at bedtime, Lincoln calls Clyde on his walkie talkie.

 **Lincoln:** Clyde! The grownup table is a nightmare! I didn't realize how good I had it at the kiddie table! I gotta get back.

 **Clyde:** Negative, Lincoln. You can't ask to leave now. Next time you ask your family for something, they won't take you seriously. Is that what you want?

 **Lincoln:** No, but-

 **Clyde:** Now I gotta run. My parents and I are doing our taxes! _[hangs up]_

 **Lincoln:** I gotta do something.

* * *

It appears to be dinnertime the next night.

 **Lincoln:** Look, you guys. I thought about it, and I really don't belong here. I think I should go back to the kiddie table.

 **Luna:** _[in a trance]_ You _can't_ go back. You can _never_ go back, bro!

The room suddenly gets darker, and Lincoln is shackled to his chair.

 **Leni:** You're one of us now...a grownup... _[reveals tonight's dish which appears to be Clyde's head.]_

 **Clyde:** Better start working on those taxes, Lincoln!

Lincoln reviles in horror, breaks free, and runs for the kiddie table only to be stopped by his parents.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Where do you think _you're_ going?!

His parents' heads are now cooked turkeys, scaring Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** _[panicking]_ PLEASE! I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE KIDDIE TABLE! I'M NOT A GROWNUP YET! I'M STILL A KID!

Suddenly, he is chained and bound to the grownup table, doomed to be a grownup like his older sisters.

 **Lynn, Luan, Luna, Leni, and Lori:** _[chanting]_ One of us. One of us. One of us.

 **Lincoln:** NOOOOOOOOOOO!

He falls into a void of despair as his sisters continue chanting his fate.

* * *

Lincoln wakes up in his room, revealing it all to have been a nightmare.

 **Lincoln:** _[gasps]_ It's all my fault. I worked so hard to prove I'm a grownup. _[looks at Bun-Bun and then gets an idea.]_ Hmm...maybe it's time to act my age.

* * *

 _March 22, 2016_

 _The next night at dinner…_

 **Lincoln:** Lincoln Loud in the house! Where my grownups at? _[plays with his silverware]_ Are you ready to chow?

His sisters stare at his behavior confused.

 **Lincoln:** _[puts pieces of asparagus between his teeth; Transylvanian accent]_ I vant to suck your blood!

 **Rita:** Lincoln! Please don't do that!

Lincoln wipes the asparagus from his mouth and takes Luna's piece of bread.

 **Luna:** Yo! That's mine!

 **Lincoln:** Was it? Hey, Leni. You like seafood? See? Food! BLEEEEEGH! _[sticks his tongue out with mushed up bread on it.]_

 **Leni:** _[disgusted]_ Lincoln! Gross!

 **Lincoln:** _[talking with his mouth full as pieces of food gush out.]_ Hey! How about those republicans?

 **Lynn:** _[blocks her face; disgusted]_ Ugh! Lincoln! Say it, don't spray it!

 **Lincoln:** I didn't hear the magic word...PEAS! _[flings peas at Lynn.]_

 **Lynn:** _[starting to give in]_ Oh, it is on! _[but holds back]_ I mean...grow up, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Good grub, Dad. It reminds me of a song. Beans, beans, the musical fruit! The more you eat, the more you- _[farts on cue]_ Everybody now! _[keeps farting]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[fed up with his son's immature behavior.]_ Lincoln Loud, that is enough!

 **Rita:** _[also fed up]_ I thought you were ready for the grownup table, but clearly, you are not.

 **Lincoln:** You're a tough lady, Mom, but fair. Laters! _[he leaves; back at the kiddie table]_ Hey, guys! I'm back! _[gets hit by mashed potatoes and rubs it off]_ Ah, it's good to be home. _[sits down]_

 **Luke:** So, you changed your mind after all, huh?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, it turns out that the grownup table wasn't really meant for me. I'm happy to be where I want to be.

 **Luke:** Well, welcome back, dude.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, Luke. So, what did I miss? Let's... _ketchup_! _[squirts ketchup at his younger siblings; laughs and gets hit by potatoes three times.]_

They all begin a food fight to celebrate Lincoln's return and Lynn pops in on them.

 **Lynn:** Hey...can I join you guys?

 **Lincoln:** Sure. The more, the merrier.

 **Lynn:** _[sits down next to Lincoln]_ Oh. I never knew it was possible to make it out of the grownup table.

Both of them stare to their left to see Lori, Leni, Luna, and Luan.

 **Lori:** Can we join, too?

Much to the joy of the younger siblings, they too are happy to be at the kiddie table as they pull in chairs and sit down altogether.

 **Luan:** _[in between Lincoln and Lana]_ Wow! Chicken nuggets! I haven't seen these in years! _[gets hit by mashed potatoes.]_

Excited, all the Loud siblings engage in a big food fight, altogether at the kiddie table laughing with joy.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ There really is no rush to get to the grownup table. It's gonna happen eventually. So in the meantime, might as well enjoy being a kid.

While the siblings are having their food fight, Rita and Lynn Sr. are still at the grownup table observing this.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Finally, a little peace and quiet.

 **Rita:** Did you say _peas_? _[flings peas at her husband]_

They both laugh as they too enjoy these kinds of shenanigans.


	10. Project Loud House

**Project Loud House**

 _March 23, 2016_

It is an early weekday morning at the Loud House, and Lincoln is putting the finishing touches on something in his room.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Ever wonder what it's like to grow up in a big family? Well, so does my teacher. Our class assignment is to do a report on our families. With eleven siblings, I can sum up mine in one word: "Chaos!"

It reveals a diorama of Lincoln's daily chaos in the Loud House that he has been working on.

 **Lincoln:** _[continuing]_ It took 3 weeks, 4 boxes of pasta, 2 tubes of glue, and 27 popsicle sticks, but the centerpiece of my project is finally finished. Pretty accurate representation of the Loud Family, I'd say. But making this thing was the easy part. The real challenge is getting it to school on time and in one piece to give my report. Sounds easy, right? Not in my house. If you want to get all eleven of your siblings out the door on time, you have to get up pretty early… _[points to his Muscle Fish clock, which reads 7 AM]_ ...and you have to have a plan.

Just then, a commotion starts to take place and the water from Lincoln's glass starts to shake, indicating only one thing.

 **Lincoln:** The eleven-headed beast has awoken. _[to the viewers]_ Wish me luck.

Lincoln takes his diorama and steps out the door but quickly busts out an umbrella because Luan has planted a bucket of water for him and he saves his diorama.

 **Lincoln:** _[deadpanned]_ Not today, Luan.

 **Luan:** Oh, we'll see about that. _Pailure_ is not an option! _[laughs]_ Get it?

 **Lincoln:** I'll just take this to the car later. But first... Luna, a little "Man with the plan" music?

 **Luna:** You got it, man! _[starts playing while Luan prepares to strike again.]_

Meanwhile in Luke's room, Luke had just gotten up and had his usual clothing on, lacing up his sneakers. He hears Luna jamming, so the others must be up as well. He gets off his bed and opened his desk drawer to look for something, but seem to can't find it.

 **Luke:** Wha-? Where's my sketchpad? I swore I put it in there before I went to bed!

He then frantically looked around the room, from under his bed, to behind his game shelf, to his nightstand drawers, to the top of his dresser, and finally, on the desk where his computer sits and his gaming PC.

 **Luke:** Uh oh…

Luke opens his door and rushes out of his room to be greeted by Lincoln helping the twins settle their fight over a dollar by giving them half each.

 **Lincoln:** Half for Lola, half for Lana.

 **Lola & Lana:** Thanks, Lincoln!

The twins head back to their room and Luke sprints up to him.

 **Luke:** Lincoln, do you know where my sketchpad is? I can't find it anywhere!

 **Lincoln:** Uhh… I'm not really sure. But, can it wait, I've got a plan to do.

 **Luke:** Come on, Lincoln, at least help me find it! That sketchpad is important to me! It had my first drawing in it!

 **Lincoln:** _[thinks for a moment]_ Ok, after I take care of this, I'll help you look.

 **Luke:** Sweet! Thanks, Linc! _[runs offscreen]_

 **Lucy:** _[right behind her brother]_ Good morning, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** _[startled]_ Yah! Good morning, Lucy.

 **Lucy:** For my new poem, I need a word that rhymes with "choose".

 **Lincoln:** Uh...how about "lose"?

 **Lucy:** That works. _[writes it down]_

 **Lincoln:** _[sees Lily and holds her baby clothes]_ Time to get dressed, Lily!

 **Lynn:** _[with a football]_ Hey, Lincoln! Think fast! _[tosses it]_

Lincoln tosses Lily in the air and catches the football.

 **Lynn:** _[chuckles]_ Nice catch, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Nice throw, Lynn. _[gives it back and catches Lily and starts to dress her.]_

 **Lori:** _[on her phone with Bobby]_ OMG, Bobby. I literally had to call you right away. I am just so excited about the homecoming dance.

Lincoln notices that Luan has placed another bucket right above Lori and Leni's door and quickly opens his umbrella to save Lori before she gets drenched.

 **Lori:** I know, right? You're so sweet! _[giggles]_

Lincoln makes the "I'm watching you" gesture to Luan.

 **Luan:** _[determined]_ I'll get the _drop_ on you yet. _[laughs]_ Get it?

 **Lori:** _[to Lincoln]_ What do you want?

 **Lincoln:** Lori, could you maybe hang up the phone and get ready for school?

 **Lori:** Cool it, twerp. I'm quite capable of doing two things at once.

Leni comes by with a bubble from her gum and trips.

 **Lincoln:** Leni?

 **Leni:** Note to self: never walk and chew gum at the same time.

 **Lincoln:** Time's running out! _[rushes to his room.]_

 **Lynn:** _[with a Soccer ball]_ Lincoln! Think fast! _[kicks it]_

Lincoln catches the ball while Lola and Lana walk out of their room. He heads into his room to get his project.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, let's get you downstairs.

Lisa comes out of her room with a steaming flask.

 **Lisa:** Scatter! She's gonna blow!

 **Lincoln:** Or not. _[puts his project back in his room.]_ Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Lincoln adds an extra chemical to the flask and stops it from exploding.

 **Lincoln:** Phew. Lisa, you're always forgetting the dinitrotoluene.

 **Lisa:** Silly me. Much appreciated. _[it explodes anyway]_ I'M STILL ALIVE!

 **Lynn:** _[dressed as Lunatic Lynn]_ AYYYEEE! LUCHA LIBRE! _[lunges and falls down the stairs.]_ Todo bien...

 **Lincoln:** _[sees Lily]_ Lily! Pants! _[slips baby pants on Lily]_

Lola and Lana are arguing over who gets to use the bathroom first.

 **Lola:** I was here first!

 **Lana:** No, I was!

 **Lola:** Nuh-uh, I was!

 **Lana:** No way! I was!

Lincoln smirks and holds up a pair of roller skates.

 **Lola:** You always say that!

 **Lana:** No, you do!

He roller skates into the bathroom.

 **Lola & Lana:** _[notices]_ Hey! No cutting!

Lincoln gives them their toothbrushes and liberally applies toothpaste to them.

 **Lola & Lana:** Thanks, Lincoln!

Lincoln tosses the toothpaste tube back where it belongs and skates down the hall.

 **Leni:** Has anyone seen my zit cream?

Lincoln hands it to her.

 **Lori:** I literally found the cutest dress to wear!

Lincoln looks annoyed at her lack of punctuality.

 **Lucy:** A word that rhymes with "stuck".

 **Lincoln:** "Luck".

 **Luan:** How do you stop a rhino from charging?

 **Lincoln:** You take away his credit card!

 **Luan:** _[laughs]_

 **Lincoln:** _[leaping over Lisa who's writing a mathematical formula on the wall.]_ Mom said no solving for X on the walls! _[passes by Lucy who's about to ask him for another rhyme for another word in her poem.]_ Same! Blame! Game! Fame!

 **Lynn:** Where did I put my roller skates? I've got field hockey today!

 **Lincoln:** _[takes them off and returns them]_ Wait. There's no roller skates in field hockey.

 **Lynn:** The way I play it, there is! _[grabs them and goes to put them on.]_

Lincoln sees Lily toddling by.

 **Lincoln:** _[grabs her]_ Gotcha! _[to the viewers]_ Phase one of Operation Get Ready For School and Into the Car on Time is complete. Now comes phase two: breakfast.

 **Luna:** _[finishes her number]_ THANK YOU!

* * *

In the living room, Luke is seen tossing the pillows on the couch behind him, then looks under the couch.

 **Luke:** Dang it. Still nothing! _[groans]_ Where could that stupid thing be? _[tosses more pillows behind him]_

Just then, Lincoln comes in the room and gets hit by a pillow. Luke turns his head.

 **Luke:** There you are. Can I get a little help lifting this chair?

 **Lincoln:** Later. Come on, it's time for breakfast.

Luke groans in annoyance, not satisfied that Lincoln didn't want to help him right now for the second time as Luke follows him to the kitchen. Breakfast is being made, an egg falls onto the skillet and it's shown that Lincoln is in charge of cooking today.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Cooking is usually Dad's territory, but I gave him the day off 'cause I have to kick things into high gear. _[begins serving certain eggs to the certain siblings.]_ Egg whites for Leni, sunny-side up for Luna, _funny_ -side up for Luan...

 **Luan:** Great _yolk_! _[laughs]_

 **Lincoln:** ...scrambled for Lynn and Luke, fried for Lisa, deviled eggs for the twins, and...

 **Lori:** _[still on the phone with Bobby]_ Oh, and I picked out the perfect tux for you to wear, Bobby.

 **Lincoln:** _[growing more irritated]_ ...hard boiled for Lori. _[serves some runny eggs on Lily's high chair.]_ Extra goo goo gooey for Lily.

 **Lily:** Goo-goo!

 **Lincoln:** _[serving some rather burned eggs to Lucy.]_ And for Lucy, extra well done.

 **Lucy:** If I had a heart, it would be swelling right now.

* * *

Later, everyone has finished breakfast and is heading for the front door _._

 **Lincoln:** All righty, then, we are dressed and fed, and now we have our backpacks and lunches prepared to dietary needs. We're just waiting on Lori.

 **Lori:** _[comes in with the keys to the van]_ No, not puke, Bobby. Puce. It's like a reddish brownish.

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ Everyone, wait here while I grab my project!

 **Luke:** _[stops him]_ Wait, what about my sketchpad?

 **Lincoln:** _[groans in frustration]_ Luke, can you please let me go get my project. I'll help you find it afterwards.

 **Luke:** _[deadpanned]_ Really?

 **Lincoln:** Yes!

 **Luke:** _[rolls his eyes and sighs]_ Fine. Go ahead.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks!

Lincoln runs up the stairs and to his room and grabs his project.

 **Lincoln:** Time for phase three: getting you out the door and in one piece.

Suddenly, Geo's hamster ball rolls in right under Lincoln's foot, causing him to lose his balance.

 **Lincoln:** Whoa, whoa!

He rolls down the stairs and stops right in front of the door before impact.

 **Lincoln:** Phew. Okay then, we're all ready to go? Time for phase four, out the door!

Just then, Lincoln sees a black book with spiral binding on it with an ink pen inside the spiraling on one of the stairs. It was Luke's sketchpad.

 **Lincoln:** _[picks it up]_ Hey, Luke! I found your sketchpad.

 **Luke:** _[joyful]_ Finally! _[realizing]_ Man, I can be blind sometimes. Thanks, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** No problem, Luke. _[to_ _the viewers]_ Like I said, if you want to get all your siblings out the door on time, you have to have a plan.

But right before they can get out the door, Lincoln runs into one, little problem.

 **Lori:** _[angry at Bobby]_ Fine! If you don't wanna wear the tux, then I don't wanna go to the dance! In fact...I DON'T EVEN WANNA GO TO SCHOOL! _[screams in frustration and storms up the stairs]_

 **Lincoln:** So close... _[puts his project down]_ Wait! _[stops everyone from going back to their rooms.]_ No no no. Everyone, stay right where you are. _[heads upstairs]_ Lori, wait! You're the only one who can drive us!

 **Lori:** GET MOM TO DRIVE YOU! _[shuts herself in her room.]_

 **Lincoln:** But she's already left!

 **Leni:** _[suddenly with a light blue skin pigmentation.]_ AAAHH! I'M BLUE! MY SKIN'S TURNED BLUE!

 **Lisa:** Technically, it's a shallow shade of cerulean, but why split hairs?

 **Luke:** Talk about a Code Blue.

 **Lincoln:** Lisa, what did you do?!

 **Lisa:** I secretly switched Leni's blemish cream for an experimental skin pigmentation ointment I've been working on.

Leni starts shaking with worry.

 **Lincoln:** Why would you do that?!

 **Lisa:** Because she wouldn't let me try it on her if I had asked.

 **Lincoln:** You go upstairs right now and get something to fix it!

 **Lisa:** Fine. Hairless apes: one, science: zero. _[heads upstairs]_

 **Lincoln:** _[starting to lose it]_ Can't something go my way for once?

 **Luna:** You can't always get what you want, bro.

 **Luke:** Sorry, dude.

 **Lucy:** _[right behind him again]_ Lincoln, I've finished my poem. It's called "Failure".

 **Lincoln:** _[too down to be startled by her lurking.]_ Lucy, I really don't have time for-

 **Lucy:**

 _Failure._

 _It is not an option, yet it's something you choose._

 _The man with the plan is destined to lose._

Just then, Lincoln runs into another problem, this time involving Lily.

 **Lincoln:** LILY! Where are your clothes? And where's your diaper? _[gives chase]_

 **Lily:** I go poo-poo! _[laughs and walks behind the sofa]_

Lincoln then steps in something nasty.

 **Lincoln:** _[nauseated]_ I found the diaper...

He changes his shoes into a fresh pair after that incident.

 **Lucy:** _[still reading]_

 _Failure._

 _You know there is no one else to blame._

 _For the choices you make are always the same._

 **Lincoln:** _[knocking on Lori's door]_ Come on, Lori! Please? I have my report this morning!

 **Lori:** _[refusing to_ come _out]_ GO AWAY!

Downstairs, the twins are arguing over different kinds of sandwiches in their lunches.

 **Lola:** The peanut butter sandwich is mine!

 **Lana:** No, the jelly sandwich is yours!

 **Lola:** No!

Lincoln groans in frustration and goes downstairs.

 **Lana:** You like peanut butter and I like jelly!

 **Lola:** No, I like jelly and you-

Lincoln takes their sandwiches.

 **Lola & Lana:** Hey!

Lincoln makes it so that both sandwiches have peanut butter AND jelly on them.

 **Lincoln:** Now you _each_ have a peanut butter _and_ jelly sandwich. Now, get to the car.

 **Lola & Lana:** Thanks, Lincoln! _[head to the car]_

 **Lisa:** _[with a first aid ointment]_ Here's the antidote.

 **Lincoln:** Thank you! _[suspicious]_ Wait a second...

Lincoln tests it on Walt who suddenly blows up like a blimp and finds out that Lisa was about to trick him.

 **Lincoln:** The _real_ antidote?

 **Lisa:** Fine. _[hands him the actual antidote]_ Hairless apes: two, science: zero. _[goes to the car.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[hands it to Leni]_ Here.

Leni sighs with relief and goes to use it.

 **Lucy:** _[still reading]_

 _Failure._

 _It's all your fault, this streak of bad luck._

 _No escape from this cycle in which you are stuck._

 **Lincoln:** Stop! I've got a poem for you now. It's called "Lucy".

 _Dark as night, hair like tar._

 _Take your spooky self to the car._

 **Lucy:** Sigh. Once again, your poetic brilliance has put me to shame. _[heads to the car]_

 **Lynn:** Think fast!

Lynn comes rolling through the hall and crashes into Lincoln, knocking him down to his underwear.

 **Lincoln:** Ow...

 **Lynn:** Where is my field hockey stick? I have roller derby today!

 **Lincoln:** There's no field hockey sticks in roller derby! _[spins her around and launches her to the car.]_

 **Lynn:** The way I play it, there iiiiiiiiis! _[crashes into her seat]_ Ow!

Leni is walking to the car and her skin is back to normal.

 **Leni:** Finally. I look perfect and beautiful again.

Just as she's about to get in, Lincoln shields her with the umbrella because Luan was at it again, leading him to glare at her angrily.

 **Luan:** _[also fed up at Lincoln]_ Oh, come on! I thought we were _pails_! _[_ _laughs]_ Get it? Get it? _[Leni gets in]_

 **Lincoln:** How am I gonna deal with Lori? _[gets an idea]_ Got it!

Lincoln is calling her using the family phone.

 **Lori:** _Hello?_

 **Lincoln:** _[falsetto]_ Hey, babe. It's your boyfriend, Bobby. I just wanted to say that I'm...I'm sorry and that I will wear any tux you want.

Lori gasps and squeals with delight, having fallen for it. She laughs with joy and comes out of her room as Lincoln hangs up and is now in a good mood.

 **Lori:** Would you hurry up, Lincoln? It's always such a hassle getting you out of the door in the morning. _[picks Lily up and heads to the car.]_

Lincoln smiles knowing everything's back on track, grabs his project and closes the door. However, he sees Luna is getting some help putting her amps into the van.

 **Lincoln:** What's all this?

 **Luna:** It's my gear, dude. I have rehearsal.

 **Lincoln:** And who's that?

 **Luna:** This is my roadie, Chunk.

Chunk tips his hat to Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** No no no. _He_ was not part of the plan. _[to Chunk]_ You, out! I'll take care of this.

 **Luna:** Thanks, bro! _[gets in the car]_

Lincoln gets Luna's gear into the trunk and heads to the shotgun seat, but he left his project right on the driveway.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Operation complete! And with ten minutes to spare. A Loud House first, I might add. _[to Lori]_ Let's roll!

As Lori starts up the car, Luan can be heard laughing in the background. Lori is about to roll out, but realization hits Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** STOP!

Lori stops the car and Lincoln rushes out in a panic. Thankfully, his project is safe.

 **Lincoln:** _[picks it up]_ Phew. That was close.

Lincoln once again spoke too soon when he slips on one of Lynn's skates and slips, sending his project flying in the air.

 **Lincoln:** _[in slow-motion]_ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lincoln dashes to save his project from falling to the ground, but it was too late as the diaroma crashes onto the pavement and is ultimately ruined.

 **Lincoln:** _[lamenting]_ All of this work...for nothing. How could I be so stupid?! How? How? How?!

 **Lori:** If you're done with your pity party...maybe we could help.

 **Luke:** You _did_ get us ready on time. And find my sketchpad.

 **Lynn:** Yeah. 12 heads are better than 1.

 **Luan:** Try not to lose yours. _[hands him the piece of Lincoln's head and_ _laughs]_

 **Luna:** Yeah. Every little thing is gonna be alright.

 **Lincoln:** _[hopeful]_ Really? You'll help?

 **Lola & Lana:** It's what families do.

 **Lincoln:** But I'm supposed to give this report in ten minutes and this thing is destroyed. What can you guys do?

Although Lincoln has lost all hope, his siblings smile confidently with an idea.

* * *

 _And so..._

 **Lincoln:** "In conclusion, in my family, every day is a challenge. But you can be sure that when I need them, my siblings will always be there for me. All of them."

It is revealed that his siblings are all standing perfectly still and replicating his project.

 **Lincoln:** _[continuing]_ "And sure, life in the Loud House can be summed up in one word: chaos. But I love that chaos. And I wouldn't trade it for the world."

 **Mrs. Johnson:** _[applauding Lincoln's performance]_ That was a fantastic report, Lincoln. I'm giving you an A. _[gets drenched by one of Luan's buckets.]_ Aaahh!

Lincoln gasps and the bucket falls on her head.

 **Mrs. Johnson:** Make that an A-minus.

Everyone except Luan is speechless to see Mrs. Johnson's expense.

 **Luan:** _[triumphant]_ _Pailed_ it! _[laughs]_


	11. In Tents Debate

**In Tents Debate**

 _March 25, 2016_

It was a bright afternoon in the Loud House. The siblings are having a sibling meeting in Lori and Leni's room.

 **Luan:** And finally, the motion to ration shampoo due to chronic shortages passed. By a _hair_! _[laughs as her siblings groan at her joke.]_

 **Lori:** So, the minutes from our last meeting are approved. _[bangs shoe on Leni's sewing table like a gavel.]_ Any new business? _[Lincoln raises his hand.]_ Anyone? Anyone? No one?

 **Lincoln:** _[agitated]_ Lori!

 **Lori:** I'm just messing with you. Lincoln has the floor.

 **Lincoln:** As you all know, our annual trip to Scratchy Bottom Campgrounds is quickly approaching.

The siblings groan.

 **Lynn:** That place is the worst. _[to Lily]_ Bears always steal our food.

Lily roars like a bear.

 **Leni:** And we have to sleep on the hard ground!

 **Lola:** And poop in the woods!

 **Lana:** I like pooping in the woods.

 **Luke:** Yeah, 'cause that's the only reason you'll go.

 **Lana:** _[shrugs]_ True.

 **Lisa:** And the _Dipterum Culicidae_ are the size of _Mustelas Nivalis_.

The others look at her confused with crickets chirping.

 **Lisa:** The mosquitoes are the size of weasels.

 **Lincoln:** _[scared]_ And don't forget the scary hill people hiding in the trees! _[imagines the hill people.]_

 **Lori:** There's no such thing as hill people, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** My point is, why can't we go someplace different like... _[holds up two brochures]_ ...Aloha Beach or Dairyland Amusement Park?

 **Lori:** Because Mom and Dad will never go for it.

 **Lincoln:** How do we know? We've never asked.

The others seem to like the idea.

 **Lori:** Fine. All in favor of Lincoln wasting his time and asking Mom and Dad?

Lincoln and the other siblings raise their hands.

 **Lori:** _[sighs]_ Motion passes. _[bangs her shoe]_

Lincoln has just asked his parents in the living room.

 **Rita:** Fine with us, sweetie.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Sure, son. I don't see why not.

Lincoln has told them the news and all except Lori are cheering.

 **Lori:** So? Which is it? Aloha Beach or Dairyland?

 **Lincoln:** Oh. They didn't say. I guess it's up to us decide. All in favor of Aloha Beach? _[Lori, Leni, Lucy, Lola, and Lily raise their hands.]_ One, two, three, four, five…

 **Luna:** _[surprised Lucy voted for Aloha Beach.]_ You wanna go to the beach, Lucy?

 **Lucy:** Two words: "Shark Attacks".

 **Lincoln:** All in favor of Dairyland? _[Luna, Luan, Lynn, Luke, Lana, and Lisa raise their hands.]_ One, two, three, four, five, six.

 **Leni:** It's five against six! We win!

 **Luke:** Not exactly, Leni.

 **Lola:** Wait a minute. Lincoln didn't vote.

 **Lori:** Well, Lincoln, what's it gonna be?

 **Lincoln:** It's so hard to choose. I really like the beach…

Lori, Leni, Lucy, Lola, and Lily cheer while Luna, Luan, Lynn, Luke, Lana and Lisa complain.

 **Lincoln:**...But I love Dairyland.

Luna, Luan, Lynn, Luke, Lana, and Lisa cheer while Lori, Leni, Lucy, Lola, and Lily complain.

 **Lincoln:** I don't know. I can't decide. I need more time. Can I have till the end of the day?

The siblings are indifferent on this.

 **Lori:** Fine. You have until the end of the day to decide. _[bangs shoe and adjourns meeting.]_

After the sibling meeting, Lincoln is now in his room, holding the two brochures.

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ Now I've done it. If I choose Aloha Beach, five of my siblings are gonna be mad at me. And if I choose Dairyland, the other six will be mad. Making a decision is gonna be rough.

Just then, Lola comes in his room with a silver tray in her hands.

 **Lola:** Hey, Linky. I brought you something! _[reveals pancakes]_ A short stack from your favorite short stack! You should never make a big decision on an empty stomach.

 **Lincoln:** Wow! Thanks, Lola! _[starts eating]_

Lola leaves and Lynn comes in after.

 **Lynn:** Hey, little bro. I was just thinking. With all the pressure you're under to decide... _[takes away pancakes]_ ...maybe a massage would help you relax. HIYA!

Lynn flips Lincoln onto his back and starts patting his back repeatedly and rapidly.

 **Lincoln:** _[in a shaking tone]_ Uh...this is awkward. D-Down a little...I carry most of my stress in my lower back...Aw...

* * *

Later, Lincoln goes to the bathroom to take a shower but sees Lori, believing he barged in by accident.

 **Lori:** Shower time.

 **Lincoln:** Huh?

Lori has set up the shower for Lincoln.

 **Lori:** Take a nice long one. I cleared the bathroom schedule. _[helps him in while Leni, Lola, Lily, and Lucy arrive at the door.]_

 **Lincoln:** Wait. You guys aren't trying to get my vote for Aloha Beach, are you?

 **Lori, Lucy, and Lola:** _[sweetly]_ No.

 **Lily:** No, no, no.

 **Leni:** _[confused]_ Wait, I thought we were!

Lori, Lucy, and Lola sigh and Lily looks blankly at her stupidity.

After Lincoln's shower, he hears noise through his door. He finds Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lana, and Lisa cleaning his room.

 **Lincoln:** Cleaning my room? You guys aren't trying to get my vote for Dairyland, are you?

 **Luna, Lynn, and Lana:** _[faking denial]_ What? No no no.

 **Luan:** Now that's funny.

 **Lisa:** _[honestly]_ Of course, we are.

They go back to cleaning Lincoln's room.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ I amend my earlier statement. Deciding on where to go for our vacation might not be so rough after all.

After Lincoln leaves, Luke comes in after and looks at this.

 **Luke:** Uh, what are you guys doing?

 **Luan:** Convincing Lincoln to vote for Dairyland, that's what.

 **Luke:** _[beat]_ "Vote"? By cleaning his room? Yeah, great convincing, you guys.

 **Lana:** Come on, Luke, we're on a mission here! And I know you, yourself, would want to go to the most funnest place in the world as much as we do. What do you say? You want to join us?

The others stare at him, waiting for an answer.

 **Luke:** _[thinking]_ They did open that new ride I've always wanted to try out... _[_ _enthusiastic]_ You know what, count me in!

The sisters cheer in excitement.

 **Luke:** So, what's next?

They think for a moment when Luan comes up with an idea.

 **Luan:** Ooh, I got the perfect idea!

* * *

Lincoln is in the kitchen, a clown horn honks and Lincoln sees someone he admires. Luan has dressed herself up as the Dairyland mascot, Tippy the Cow.

 **Luan:** _[in a goofy voice]_ Hiya, Lincoln! _[honks nose]_

 **Lincoln:** Tippy the Cow!

 **Luan:** Well, that's right! _[puts an official Dairyland udder hat on Lincoln's head.]_ And guess what I have for my favorite fan! _[holds Lincoln's laundry all done.]_

 **Lincoln:** You did my laundry? Wow! Thanks, Tippy!

 **Luan:** You're welcome! _[honks nose]_ I'll see you soon at America's favorite dairy themed a-moo-sement park! _[dances off]_

 **Lincoln:** Bye, Tippy! I love that cow.

Luan walks in the dining room and takes the head off. Luke was observing all of this.

 **Luke:** Laundry?

 **Luan:** Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Lola has seen what just went on and knows she and her team must try harder.

* * *

Lincoln enters his room where the Aloha Beach girls have made some renovations to it.

 **Lori:** Welcome to your own private beach. Where we have sun, sand, and surf.

Lori turns on a heat lamp for sun, puts Lincoln's feet in a bucket of sand, and puts a surfboard on his bed. They put Lincoln on the board and he pretends to surf with Leni moving his arms and Lucy spraying water in his face.

 **Lucy:** Don't forget screams.

A shark fin pops from under Lincoln's bed and it reveals to be Lily pretending to be one as the other girls scream in a fake tone.

 **Lori:** And if you vote Team Beach, the fun will literally never stop.

 **Leni:** Yeah. If you need anything else, just give us a toot. _[holds out a conch shell and blows into it.]_

Lana has been watching them and realizes that she and her team can do better than that. Later, Lana talks to them about what she saw.

 **Lana:** Those beach girls are trying to up their game. We have to try to up ours too!

 **Lynn:** So what should we do about it?

 **Luke:** _[brightens up]_ I got an idea!

Lincoln is in the dining room eating a bowl of cereal. Suddenly, his chair begins to move on its own.

 **Lincoln:** What's happening?!

It is shown that the Dairyland siblings are pushing it around.

 **Lynn:** ALL ABOARD THE _I SCREAMER_!

 **Lisa:** Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times.

They start pushing him around the table as if he's on a roller coaster.

 **Lincoln:** _[joyful]_ WOO-HOO! FASTER! FASTER!

The ride eventually comes to a complete stop.

 **Luna:** Hope you enjoyed the ride, bro.

 **Luan:** If you vote for Dairyland, you'll have _two_ percent more fun! _[laughs as she pours in 2% fat milk into his cereal.]_

 **Lisa:** If you require our services... _[holds out a cowbell and rings it]_ ...just call on Team Tippy.

As Team Tippy leaves, Lincoln realizes that with the bell and the conch, he can have his siblings do anything for him. Later, he rings the bell and Lana brings him hot cocoa with marshmallows and blows on it to cool it. He blows into the conch and Lucy fluffs his pillow. He rings the bell and Luna turns the page on his comic book. He blows into the conch and Leni gives him a pedicure while he's playing video games. He rings the bell and he shoots hoops with Lynn. He blows into the conch and Team Beach gives him the works where Lori peels and feeds him grapes, Leni fans him with a giant palm tree leaf, Lola blows bubbles and Lucy tosses flower pedals. He rings the bell and Team Tippy has him lounging in a hammock where Luna, Luan, and Lisa rub his muscles and Luke and Lana provide some relaxing music for him.

* * *

 _The end of the day…_

 **Lynn:** Alright, Lincoln, your time's up. What's it gonna be?

 **Lincoln:** I know I said I'd decide by the end of the day, but I'm still torn. Can I have just one more day?

 **Luke:** Seriously, dude?

 **Lola:** _[starting to snap]_ Why, you lousy little-

 **Lori:** _[holds Lola back]_ Uh...not a problem. _[chuckles]_ We understand.

The siblings agree and leave.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Can you blame me? No matter what I decide, half of them are still gonna be mad at me. But this day has been amazing. So I figure, why not take advantage of it a little longer?

Meanwhile, Team Tippy is having a meeting in Luna and Luan's room.

 **Luna:** Dudes, what are we going to do? We need to try harder to show Lincoln why Dairyland is better.

 **Lana:** _[gets an idea]_ Or...maybe we should show him why Aloha Beach is _worse_!

 **Luke:** How are we going to do that?

 **Lana:** I have a plan. Huddle up, guys!

They all huddle and Lana discusses the plan.

* * *

 _March 26, 2016_

The next morning, Lincoln is in the bathroom taking a shower.

 **Lincoln:** Ah...sweet relief!

Lynn is seen turning the hot water off.

 **Lincoln:** AAAAAHHHH! FREEZING! What happened to all the hot water?

 **Lynn:** You'd better get used to it if you vote for the beach.

 **Lisa:** Because the average ocean temperature is 16.6 degrees Celsius.

 **Luke:** It's a true fact.

Lola sees what's going on and gets an angry look.

 **Lola:** So that's how they wanna play it, huh?

Later, Lincoln is rushing to the bathroom.

 **Lincoln:** Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee! Note to self: no more cocoa before bed! _[stops]_ What's going on?

 **Lucy:** Waiting in line for the bathroom. Better get used to standing in lines if you're gonna vote for Dairyland.

One by one, Team Beach takes their turn using the bathroom while Lincoln is struggling to hold it. Finally he gets his turn, but there's a Dairyland style sign saying the toilet's out of order.

 **Lincoln:** What? " _Sorry! This ride is temporarily closed?_ " NOOOOOOOOO!

Lynn rushes over and sees what Team Beach did.

 **Lynn:** Oh, it is _on_ …

* * *

Lincoln goes to change into his clothes and, as soon as he puts on his underwear, finds that it's filled with sand and confronts Team Beach.

 **Lincoln:** Uh, guys, FYI. Sand in my crack does not make me want to vote for the beach!

Team Beach is shocked and Lana and Luna snicker, knowing their plan is working.

Later, Lincoln is having breakfast, and Team Beach starts making some modifications to the _I Screamer_ by pushing it too fast.

 **Lincoln:** Guys! Guys! Too fast! Too fast, guys! Guys, too fast! I'M GONNA HURL!

Team Beach gets out of the way and Lincoln pukes under the table and sees Team Tippy.

 **Lincoln:** Word of advice. Blowing chunks does not make me want to vote for Dairyland!

Later, Lincoln goes into his room and finds a gift bag on his bed with a card on it.

 **Lincoln:** " _Everything you'll need for fun in the sun. Enjoy. Team Beach._ "

He finds a beach ball, a pair of sandals, and something he'll definitely need.

 **Lincoln:** SPF 800 sunscreen. Perfect for my fair skin. _[rubs it all over the uncovered parts of his body.]_ Hm. Tingly.

However, this "sunscreen" causes Lincoln to get a severe sunburn and scream in pain.

 **Lincoln:** News flash! Giving me a sunburn is not the way to win my vote! _[hands her the bottle and runs to the bathroom]_

 **Lori:** Huh?

Lori checks the sunscreen bottle, peels the label and finds it's a fake.

 **Lori:** " _Sodium Hydrochlorite? Avoid contact with skin?_ " This has Lisa written all over it!

 **Leni:** So that's how you spell Lisa?

* * *

Later, Lincoln has cooled his burn down a little bit and sees Tippy again.

 **Lincoln:** Tippy!

But this time, Tippy looks like a grotesque mad cow.

 **Lincoln:** Gah! Mad cow! Mad cow!

Tippy chases Lincoln around the house until he escapes her. Team Beach is in the kitchen.

 **Lori:** Well?

It turns out Lucy was in this version of the Tippy costume.

 **Lucy:** Worked like a charm. Aloha Beach is in our future.

Team Tippy enters the kitchen and they are angry.

 **Luan:** We knew it! You've been sabotaging us!

 **Lori:** _We_ sabotaged _you_? You started it with the hot water going off!

 **Luke:** Didn't _you_ make him blow chunks everywhere!?

The siblings start arguing over whose fault it is that Lincoln isn't voting for their side. Meanwhile, Lincoln is in agony and calling for help on the conch and the bell, but no one is coming for him because they're too busy arguing.

 **Lincoln:** _[agonizing]_ Can I get an ice pack? Some bandages? A hug? Where is everybody?

The siblings are still arguing and Lincoln comes down to get their attention with the instruments.

 **Lincoln:** I'm blowing the conch, I'm ringing the bell, and yet, nothing!

 **Lynn:** YOU! This is all your fault!

 **Lori:** Yeah! If you had just made up your mind, none of this would have happened!

The siblings all start blaming Lincoln for their warfare on each other.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Great. I was afraid of making half of my siblings mad at me. But now all eleven are! There's only one thing left to do.

Lincoln has just asked his parents.

 **Rita:** Fine with us, sweetie.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Sure, son. I don't see why not.

The siblings are still arguing. Lincoln bangs his shoe on the counter.

 **Lincoln:** Quiet down! I've made my decision! We're going to...Scratchy Bottom Campgrounds!

 **Siblings:** WHAT?!

 **Lynn:** But what about the bears?!

 **Lisa:** And the _Dipterum Culicidae_ bites?

 **Lola:** And the pooping in the woods?

 **Lana:** That's still the only reason I'd go.

 **Luke:** _[rolls his eyes]_ Obviously.

 **Lori:** Ugh. This is literally going to be the worst vacation ever.

* * *

 _And so..._

 **Lori:** This is literally the best vacation ever!

The siblings agree. They're at Scratchy Bottom Campgrounds and having the time of their lives.

 **Luna:** Why were we so against this place? _[rings cowbell]_

It is revealed that Lincoln is serving them during the vacation to make it up for taking advantage on his vote and is serving them up some drinks. Leni blows the conch and Lincoln puffs up her air mattress. The bell rings and Lincoln is distracting the mosquitoes and getting bitten by them while the siblings are enjoying a nice nature hike. The conch is blown while the siblings are trapped on the picnic table and Lincoln comes to fend off what seems like a harmless woodland creature but is really a bear eating their food and it chases Lincoln instead. The bell rings and Lincoln digs a hole in the woods and sets up a seat and toilet paper, having made a make-shift toilet for them to use.

 **Lincoln:** _[gathering firewood; to the viewers]_ It may not be much of a vacation for me, but it's worth it if all eleven of my siblings are happy. I'd say everything turned out A-okay.

At that moment, some voices are cackling and some eyes are watching him. It was none other than...

 **Lincoln:** _[screams and runs for his life]_ THE HILL PEOPLE HIDING IN THE TREES!


	12. Sound of Silence

**Sound of Silence**

 _March 29, 2016_

Sometimes in the Loud House, peace and quiet is something that you won't be able to find, no matter what you want to do for yourself. Today is Wednesday, Lincoln walks in the front door holding a new comic book.

 **Lincoln:** _[kicks off shoes]_ Shoes off. _[takes off shirt]_ Shirt removed. _[removes belt and drops pants]_ Pants, be gone. _[enters his room]_ Whoo-hoo! It's New Comic Wednesday! And there's no better way to read comics than in my undies! Ultra rare comic? Check. Optimal reading attire? Check. _[puts on rubber gloves]_ Comic protection? Check. Well deserved and much desired peace and quiet? Check.

However, Lucy is on his bed's headboard.

 **Lucy:** I have to tell you about this dream I had last night. _[Lincoln yelps at her presence.]_

 **Lincoln:** I'd love to hear it, but as you can see, I'm-

 **Lucy:** So, I'm hanging out in this coffin, and all of a sudden...

Lincoln knows she's not gonna stop anytime sooner and goes under the grownup table to read his comic.

 **Lincoln:** Peace and quiet? Check. Again.

But suddenly, a lizard comes crawling over his comic.

 **Lana:** Izzy! Where are you?

Lana hears Lincoln screaming and hitting his head under the table.

 **Lincoln:** Ow!

 **Lana:** _[looks under the table]_ There you are! _[notices Lincoln]_ Oh, hey, Lincoln! I see you met my new lizard, Izzy. Wanna pet him?

Lincoln glares at her and moves on to the houses vents.

 **Lincoln:** _[growing irritated]_ Peace and quiet. Check. _Again._

All of a sudden, Luna plays a really loud guitar riff, causing Lincoln to fall out of the vent and into her room.

 **Luna:** _[notices]_ NICE STAGE DIVE, BRO!

Luna continues playing, making Lincoln shake over the noise's vibrations. Lincoln is now in a dark place where only his eyes can be shown.

 **Lincoln:** _[starting to lose it]_ Finally, peace and quiet! Check! AGAIN! _[turns on a flashlight]_

It is revealed that he is reading in the garbage can outside, and Luan lifts up the lid with a garbage bag.

 **Luan:** Oh, hey, Lincoln. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck! _[laughs]_ I would talk _trash_ , but I _refuse_. _[laughs again as Lincoln just rolls the garbage can away in frustration.]_ Now we're both on a _roll_! _[laughs some more and bangs the lid on her knee.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[enters the house getting some trash off him]_ Sheesh! Is it too much to ask for a little peace and quiet so that a guy can read his comic in his undies?

Lincoln walks over to the couch to sit down. Luke was playing his console game and notices Lincoln sitting next to him.

 **Luke:** Hey, Lincoln. What's got you down?

 **Lincoln:** What's got me down is that I can't find any proper space to read my comic without any interruptions! _[sighs; to the viewers.]_ Sadly, when you've got eleven siblings, it's almost impossible to get a moment's peace.

 **Luke:** _[looks at his watch]_ Uh oh. It's almost time for my friends and I to start playing on our _Minecraft_ server. _[to Lincoln]_ Maybe we'll talk about it later, see ya. _[leaves]_

As Luke went upstairs to his room, Lincoln changes the TV setting to "satellite" and an ad comes on.

 **Announcer:** _Do you find it almost impossible to get a moment's peace?_

 **Lincoln:** _[exasperated]_ Yes. _[suddenly intrigued]_ Wait! Yes!

 **Announcer:** _Then you need the_ Noise-B-Gone 2000 Earbuds _! With 12 different soothing sounds, tune out that noisy world and enjoy a little me time. Only_ _$19.95._ _Call now._

 **Lincoln:** SOLD!

Lincoln goes around looking for some of his money he has been saving up in various places he would keep it and gets the exact total he needs and gets on the phone with customer service.

 **Lincoln:** "Same-day delivery?" How much more is that?

As he's told, he gets out some more money and has enough for the same-day delivery.

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, let's do it.

In just a short amount of time, a delivery drone comes by with Lincoln's package; Lincoln answers the door and picks up his package.

 **Lincoln:** Ah, _Noise-B-Gone 2000_. Take my money! _[Hands the drone the amount due.]_

The amount is too much for the drone to lift and it crashes down on the porch. Lincoln opens up the buds and puts them in his ears while seeing the ruckus his siblings are causing _._

 **Lincoln:** Noise...be gone.

Lincoln presses buttons on the buds and suddenly gets a wind chime sound over his siblings' commotion. He then tries other settings like trickling water, chirping birds, and waves crashing and is relieved _._ He goes back in his room and pulls out his comic.

 **Lincoln:** Goodbye, pesky, noisy siblings. Hello, me time.

Lori comes in to talk to Lincoln about something, but since Lincoln's earbuds have canceled out her dialogue, it is unknown what she is telling him.

 **Lincoln:** _[not paying attention]_ Whatever you say, sis!

Next, Luna comes in to show off a rocking solo, but Lincoln doesn't hear it.

 **Lincoln:** _[ignoring]_ Cool jams!

Finally, Lana and Izzy come in and Lana has something to tell Lincoln, but she is muted out like Lori and Luna.

 **Lincoln:** _[too focused]_ You know it, girl! _[takes buds off as Lana leaves.]_ _Noise-B-Gone_ , you...are...AWESOME! So, why stop at comics? _[puts them back on]_ Let the _quiet_ times roll!

In the kitchen, Lincoln is working on a model plane with Luan telling some of her comedy material.

 **Lincoln:** Funny! Funny stuff!

Lincoln is now playing video games in the living room with Lynn watching _._

 **Lincoln:** You betcha, Lynn-arino!

Lincoln is eating a sandwich with Luke asking him if he saw something of his that was missing earlier.

 **Lincoln:** I hear ya, Luke!

Lincoln is now working on a magazine puzzle in the hallway, walking past Lucy.

 **Lincoln:** Uh-huh! _[past Leni]_ I hear that! _[across Lisa who is holding some beakers.]_ Abso-tutely! _[goes into his room to shoot some hoops.]_

Lola comes in to talk to Lincoln about something important, but thanks to the buds, he can't understand what Lola's talking about that was worrying her, but he just tunes her out more.

 **Lincoln:** Aah...

 _Bedtime…_

 **Lincoln:** _[takes buds off]_ Thanks for a silent day, guys. _[polishes them]_ You're my new best _buds_.

Lincoln puts them away and awaits to use them again tomorrow.

* * *

 _March 30, 2016_

 _The next morning…_

 **Lola:** _[barges into Lincoln's room]_ LINCOLN!

Lincoln screams and falls out of his bed.

 **Lola:** Don't forget you promised to do that thing for me by 3 o'clock today!

 **Lincoln:** _[obviously confused]_ Huh? _[notices his ear buds are on the floor and quickly hides them.]_

 **Lola:** _[suspiciously irked]_ You didn't forget, did you?

 **Lincoln:** _[chuckles]_ Of course I didn't forget, Lola.

 **Lola:** Good, because you wouldn't want to make me _MAD_! _[storms off]_

 **Lincoln:** _[worried]_ Now, what did I promise?

Just then, Lynn comes in his room.

 **Lynn:** Hey, Lincoln!

 **Lincoln:** _[notices]_ Hey, Lynn. You don't happen to know what I promised-

 **Lynn:** _[grabs him]_ Come on, it's go time!

 **Lincoln:** For what?

Lynn takes him out into the backyard.

 **Lincoln:** Lynn, what's happening?

 **Lynn:** HIYAH! _[hits Lincoln with a dropkick.]_

 **Lincoln:** Whoa! Hey! _[getting kicked by Lynn multiple times.]_ Ow! What are you doing?

 **Lynn:** Practicing my kickboxing! HUAH! Yesterday, you said you'd be my sparring partner. _[throws more kicks at Lincoln.]_ Remember? HIYAH!

 **Lincoln:** I did? I mean, right. I remember. _[Lynn delivers a powerful kick to him.]_ So, uh, do you know where Lola went today?

 **Lynn:** _[hits him with another powerful kick.]_ Nope. Why?

 **Lincoln:** Well...I guess I promised to- _[avoids another blow]_ Whoa! -do something for her, but- _[another dodge]_ -I sort of forgot what it is.

 **Lynn:** _[punches him]_ WHAT?! You'd better remember! You know what happens when you make Lola mad! Did I ever tell you about the pudding incident?

 **Lincoln:** No.

 _[Flashback to the pudding incident;_ _Lola notices there's no more pudding in the fridge and Lynn has the last cup.]_

 _ **Lola:**_ _So, you ate the last pudding, huh?_

 _ **Lynn:**_ _[realizing]_ _Oh, did I? I don't know. Guess so._

 _ **Lola:**_ _[with a demonic grin on her face]_ _Oh, that's okay..._

 _Later, as Lynn is getting ready for bed. She notices something under her blanket, lifts it up, and discovers that Lola popped her Soccer ball with a soft knife and screams in horror._

 _[End flashback.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[terrified]_ All because you ate the last pudding?

 **Lynn:** _[suddenly calm]_ Yep. Now stay focused. HIYAH! _[kicks Lincoln right into her Soccer goalie net.]_ GOAL! _[runs off]_

 **Lincoln:** Whew.

 _[Enter Leni]_

 **Leni:** Lincoln, come on! I need you.

 **Lincoln:** For what?

 **Leni:** Don't be a dope. We talked about this tomorrow. I mean, yesterday.

In Lori and Leni's room, Leni is using Lincoln as a mannequin for a new design.

 **Leni:** _[sewing]_ I think my design for the Manotard is really working. Thanks for agreeing to be my model. _[pokes Lincoln with needle.]_

 **Lincoln:** Ow! Yeah, sure. So, um, let me ask you a hypothetical... _[realizing Leni would not know what "hypothetical" means.]_ ...I mean, a what-if question. Say you promised Lola you'd do something for her, but you forgot what it was.

 **Leni:** _[shoving needle into Lincoln in shock.]_ LANDON! You're in huge trouble!

 **Lincoln:** My name is Lincoln.

 **Leni:** You know what happens when you make Lola mad. Did I ever tell you about the tiara crisis?!

 _[Flashback to the tiara crisis; Leni sits down in the chair only to hear a crunching sound and finds out she sat on Lola's favorite tiara; Lola sees the aftermath while working on a puzzle.]_

 _ **Leni:**_ _Oops. Sorry, Lola._

 _ **Lola:**_ _[with the same demonic grin from Lynn's flashback]_ _Oh, that's okay..._

 _Later in Lori and Leni's room, all of Leni's stuff is gone when Leni accidentally sits on the floor of where her bed used to be._

 _ **Leni:**_ _WHERE'S ALL MY STUFF?!_

 _ **Lola:**_ _[outside]_ _Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! Free stuff!_

 _Leni looks outside and notices that Lola is giving away all her stuff and gasps in demise._

 _ **Lola:**_ _My sister doesn't need this stuff, but you do!_

 _[End flashback]_

 **Lincoln:** _[petrified]_ All because you accidentally broke her tiara?

 **Leni:** _[finished]_ And _viola_! Okay, girls, fashion show!

 **Lincoln:** _[embarrassed]_ What? Girls? No way!

 **Leni:** You promised.

Leni's friends pop in and ogle Lincoln in the manotard. One of them even takes a selfie with him much to his embarrassment.

* * *

 **Lincoln:** What are we doing again?

 **Luke:** Don't you remember? You agreed to help me sort through all my games.

It is shown that there are multiple towers of games stacked on each other.

 **Lincoln:** All of them?

 **Luke:** Yup, games I need for my ultimate collection and the ones I kinda don't need anymore. Let's get to it!

Lincoln and Luke start going through each game one by one and sort them into two piles. Lincoln breaks the silence.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, uh, Luke?

 **Luke:** What's up?

 **Lincoln:** Uhh… how should I put this? Say you had a favor to do for Lola, and, well… you kinda forget what it is…

 **Luke:** Wait, you forgot what you were supposed to do for Lola?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah…?

 **Luke:** Uh oh, that's not good. You know what happens when you make Lola mad. Did I ever tell you about the rage disaster?

 _[Flashback to the rage disaster; Luke is playing a hard stage on one of his console games while Lola is practicing her pageant walk. Luke then suddenly screams in rage causing Lola to trip and gets a bruise on her face; he takes notice of this.]_

 _ **Luke:**_ _[sheepishly] Heh. Sorry, Lola. I didn't mean to cause that._

 _ **Lola:**_ _[with the same demonic grin from Leni's flashback] Oh, that's okay..._

 _Later, Luke is about to play some more of his game when he realizes his controller went missing._

 _ **Luke:**_ _Where the heck did my…?_

 _He then sees a small chip on the floor, which confuses him. He picks it up and notices a bunch of parts leading up to the stairs. He follows the parts until it leads to his room where his controller has been smashed into tiny pieces. Luke screams in horror._

 _[End flashback]_

 **Lincoln:** _[gulps]_ She actually did that?

 **Luke:** Yup. It was my favorite controller too. Anyway, you better find out what Lola asked you to do. I don't know what she might do to you but best of luck, Lincoln. _[notices something and takes a game from Lincoln]_ That's supposed to go over there.

* * *

 **Lincoln:** You sure I agreed to do this?

 **Lori:** I believe your exact words yesterday were, "Whatever you say, sis".

It is shown that Lincoln is being used as an ottoman for Lori to paint her toenails.

 **Lori:** So, I hear you got a little Lola problem.

 **Lincoln:** _[surprised that she knew]_ How did you-

 **Lori:** Word gets around. Now, listen to me, Lincoln. You know what happens when you make Lola mad, so you'd better figure out what you promised her! Did I ever tell you about...Sneeze-ageddon?

 _[Flashback to Sneeze-ageddon; Lola and Lori are sitting on the couch bored; Lola suddenly sneezes.]_

 _ **Lola:**_ _Achoo!_ _[notices Lori right next to her and clears throat.]_ _I didn't hear a 'bless you'!_

 _Lori ignores her and Lola gets that demonic grin again. Later, a pot of boiling water on the stove is seen that Lori passes by._

 _ **Lori:**_ _Has anyone seen my phone?_

 _Lori notices the pot, opens the lid, uses tongs to pull out a familiar object. She gasps to see that it's her phone now destroyed and screams in panic._

 _[End flashback.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[fearing immensely]_ If she did all that stuff to you guys, what is she gonna do to me?

 **Lori:** Maybe you should talk to Lana. I'm sure she'll be able to help you.

 **Lincoln:** _[relieved]_ Of course! Thanks! _[gets ready to go]_

 **Lori:** Ah ah ah! I haven't done my top coat yet.

Lincoln resumes his ottoman position.

 _Lola and Lana's room..._

 **Lana:** You...WHAT?! You know what happens when you make Lola mad! I don't know what she wants you to do, but you'd better figure it out. Did I ever tell you about...the frog fiasco?

 **Lincoln:** _[fearing immensely]_ Do I wanna know about the frog fiasco?

 _[Flashback to the frog fiasco; Lola is trying to apply some mascara when a frog croaks from behind her and makes her mess up.]_

 _ **Lana:**_ _Aww! You're a burpy-durpy today. Isn't he the cutest?_

 _ **Lola:**_ _[chuckling menacingly under demonic grin]_ _So cute..._

 _Later, Lana is getting ready to feed her frog._

 _ **Lana:**_ _Who's hungry?_ _[notices he's not in his tank]_ _Seymour? Where'd you go?_

 _Just then, she hears Lola whistling and notices her carrying a shovel, seeing that Lola killed and buried Seymour._

 _ **Lana:**_ _NOOOOOOOOOO!_

 _[End flashback]_

 **Lana:** I mean, I can't _prove_ she took out Seymour...but I never saw him again.

 **Lincoln:** _[desperate and scared]_ Lana, what am I gonna do?! It's almost 3:00! YOU GOTTA HELP ME!

 **Lana:** Okay, okay. Take it easy. _[thinks for a second]_ I know! Why don't you just think of everything she might want you to do and then do it?

 **Lincoln:** Everything?

 **Lana:** _[despondently]_ Remember Seymour?

Lincoln realizes he has no other choice and gives it a try. He polishes Lola's tiaras and beauty pageant trophies, cleans her side of the room and her princess mobile, mows the lawn, and cleans the gutters.

 **Lincoln:** Why does Lola care whether the gutters are clean?

 **Lana:** I know. It's crazy, right?

Lincoln has even repaved the driveway.

 **Lana:** Lola does love a smooth driveway.

Lincoln even makes topiary sculptures in Lola's honor to the point where he's too tired to keep doing these tasks.

 _Lincoln's room..._

 **Lincoln:** _[fatigued]_ Phew...I did it...

 **Lana:** _[sees the time]_ One minute to 3:00. Good luck, Lincoln. _[prepares to leave]_

 **Lincoln:** Wait! Where are you going?

 **Lana:** Somewhere safe. You know...just in case. _[closes door and leaves]_

The time has come...and Lola is not pleased.

 **Lola:** LINCOLN! IT'S 3 O'CLOCK! YOU'VE FAILED ME! _[bursts in]_ YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MAKE LOLA MAD! _[sports her demonic grin and has flames of fury in her eyes.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[begging for mercy]_ I'm sorry! I would've done what you asked me, but I didn't hear you! _[reveals the buds]_ I was wearing these. All I heard was the sound of waves. Or was it crickets? Doesn't matter! The thing is-

 **Lola:** _[goes from blind with rage to suddenly calm and merciful.]_ I know you didn't hear me.

 **Lincoln:** _[confused]_ Huh?

The other siblings sans Lisa pop in with satisfied smiles.

 **Lola:** You're not as clever as you think, Lincoln Loud.

 _[Flashback to what Lola was trying to tell Lincoln yesterday.]_

 _ **Lola:**_ _[comes into Lincoln's room]_ _Lincoln, is this too much mascara? Be honest. It's super, super,_ _super_ _important!_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _[having muted Lola out]_ _Aah. I couldn't agree more!_

 _ **Lola:**_ _[confused]_ _Agree with what?_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _Right back at ya!_

 _ **Lola:**_ _Okay, you're weird._

 _Lincoln's basketball shoots out of bounds and knocks over his wastebasket revealing the_ Noise-B-Gone _package, which Lola notices, making her make that demonic grin she made in all those other flashbacks._

 _ **Lola:**_ _[slyly]_ _So, Lincoln, are you the biggest dork in the world?_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _[unable to hear her]_ _You can say that again!_

 _ **Lola:**_ _And do you love the taste of dog poop?_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _You know it!_

 _Lola slyly smiles and tells the other siblings about the earbuds._

 _ **Lori:**_ _So, he's been tuning us out all day?_ _[Lola nods]_

 _ **Luna:**_ _No wonder he didn't help me restring my guitar._

 _ **Lucy:**_ _Or come to my séance._

 _ **Luke:**_ _Or knowing where my headset was._

 _ **Luan:**_ _And that's why he didn't laugh at my jokes._

 _ **Lori:**_ _[sarcastically]_ _Yeah, that's why._

 _ **Lynn:**_ _[violently]_ _I'm gonna go rip out those earbuds and-_

 _ **Lola:**_ _Oh, no, no. I've got a better plan!_

 _[End flashback]_

 **Lincoln:** So, all that stuff you guys made me do today...that was all made up? _[the siblings nod]_

 **Lola:** Yep.

 **Lincoln:** I can't believe you guys pranked me like that.

 **Luke:** Sorry, Lincoln. But you had it coming.

 **Luna:** You can't just ignore us. We're your family.

 **Lori:** And remember, you're not the only one who has to live in a noisy house. We _all_ do.

 **Lincoln:** True.

Just when all seems to have been resolved, Lisa rushes in in a panicked state.

 **Lisa:** LINCOLN! LINCOLN! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME WITH MY LAB EXPERIMENT!

 **Lincoln:** _[thinking she's in on it]_ Okay, Lisa, you can give it a rest. I know all about your little joke.

 **Lisa:** _[confused]_ What joke? _[notices the earbuds]_ I'm gonna need those.

Lisa takes them, puts them on, and hides under Lincoln's bed. There's a rumbling going on in Lisa and Lily's room and it causes a giant explosion that blows the entire roof off the house and land back on top the house, upside down. The explosion has also caused the other siblings to go deaf.

 **Lincoln:** NOW I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING!


	13. April Fools Rules

**April Fools Rules**

 _March 31, 2016_

 **Lincoln:** _[marks April 1st on his calendar; to the viewers.]_ Tomorrow is April Fools' Day. Every year, my sister Luan creates a prank apocalypse and no one is spared! I present to you Luan Loud's April Fools' Highlight Reel.

He begins showing a montage of Luan's April Fools' Day pranks on the Loud Family.

 _First, the siblings are looking at their furniture, which is tacked upside down to the ceiling._

 _ **Luan:** I'd say this prank's a little over your head! [laughs]_

 _Now they open the door to find the room full of chickens._

 _ **Luan:**_ _Seems to be your_ clucky _day!_ _[laughs]_

 _Now the siblings are looking at their house all wrapped up in wrapping paper._

 _ **Luan:**_ _[rips through a window]_ _I guess that's a_ wrap _!_ _[laughs]_

 _Now the siblings are trapped in a humongous gelatin._

 _ **Luan:**_ _Aww, look at the Loud Family gettin'_ jiggly _with it!_ _[laughs]_

 _The pets' fur and Walt's feathers got shaved off and are scared._

 _ **Luan:**_ _[holding a buzz shaver]_ _I_ _shaved_ _the best for last!_ _[laughs; the video ends]_

 **Lincoln:** See what I mean? Nobody's safe from that evil pranking genius. But _this_ year's gonna be different. Luan is _not_ gonna prank me! Because I've got an April _Fool_ proof plan. _[towards his door]_ You're not the only one who can make a pun, Luan!

Lincoln opens his door to reveal Lily wearing a watermelon helmet and diaper, Lynn putting on padding, and Lola coating herself and Lana in bubble-wrap.

 **Lana:** Bubble-wrap me next!

 **Lucy:** _[enters with her head inside a gargoyle head.]_ I need more armor.

 **Luke:** _[rushing inside his room]_ I need to protect my stuff!

 **Lynn:** _[as Lisa enters in army gear]_ Where's my helmet!?

 **Lori:** _[talking on her phone]_ Bobby, we have to cancel all our plans in April. _[Bobby asks why]_ Because Luan might shave my eyebrows off again! And it takes a month for them to grow back.

 **Luna:** _[following Lisa]_ C'mon Lisa! Let me hunker in your bunker!

 **Lisa:** You should've been more prepared. We'd known this storm was coming for 364 days.

 **Luna:** _[dropping to her knees and begging]_ PLEASE! GIVE ME SHELTER!

Lincoln walks by whistling when Lola dashes out in front of him.

 **Lola:** Arms up, Lincoln! Your turn for bubble-wrap.

 **Lincoln:** _[puts his hand in front of Lola.]_ Not this year, Lola. I'm not getting pranked.

The Loud siblings are surprised by this and chatter.

 **Lola:** It's never been done!

 **Lynn:** Are you crazy?

 **Luke:** Don't you know what Luan is capable of?

 **Lincoln:** Guys! Guys! I got a plan! I'm simply gonna lock myself in my room till the day's over. I've got snacks, video games and a hose to pee in, which I call the _Tinkle Tube_. Patent pending.

 **Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, Lucy, Lola and Lily:** Ew!

 **Lana:** Cool!

 **Lincoln:** _[points to his window]_ It goes out the window! The point is, I'll never have to leave my room so Luan will never get me.

 **Luke:** That seems like a pretty good plan. But, one question. What if she set some pranks inside your room?

 **Lincoln:** Way ahead of you, I also plan to board up my door, window, and the vent.

The siblings look frightened as Luan slowly comes up the stairs while holding a sausage.

 **Luan:** Ooh! It's Pranksmas Eve...and I'm just _bubbling_ with excitement. _[pops a piece of Lola's bubble wrap and walks away.]_

 **Lola** : I'm gonna need more bubble wrap! And a fresh pair of undies.

 **Lincoln:** _[coming out of Lola and Lana's room]_ Thanks for the lumber, Lana! I'll return it on April 2nd. _[walks away with the lumber.]_

 **Lana:** Mahogany was a good choice. That'll hold nicely.

Lincoln closes his door, uses the drill to seal the nails and mahogany on it, then puts a chair by the doorknob.

 **Lincoln:** _[takes out his walkie-talkie]_ Clyde, wanna hang out tomorrow? I built us a fortress with snacks, games and a _Tinkle Tube_. Patent pending.

 **Clyde:** On Pranksgiving? No way! Not after what happened last year.

 _[Flashback to what happened during the past April Fool's Day where Clyde steps on a rope as one of Luan's prank traps. Water sprays on his face and he is covered in hay. Luan's laughing can be heard. Then, a flock of crows come to attack him as he screams. End flashback as Clyde looks a little scared.]_

 **Lincoln:** But nothing's gonna happen this year. I've got an April Fool proof plan. _[ringtone sounds]_ Hang on Clyde, Ronnie Anne just texted me. _[checks his phone]_ She said she's coming over tomorrow with a present for me. _[gasps]_ She can't come over tomorrow! She'll get nailed by Luan's pranks and then pulverize me!

 **Clyde:** Just tell her to come over another day.

 **Lincoln:** I can't do that! That will definitely get me pulverized!

 **Clyde:** You gotta get Luan to call off Prankapalooza. Appeal to her humanity. Beg if you have to!

 **Lincoln:** Good idea! Just as soon as I get the mahogany off the door!

Lincoln hangs up and tries pulling it off. In Luna and Luan's room, he arrives and Luan turns around in a Jester chair to face Lincoln while she has Cliff on her lap.

 **Lincoln:** Luan! You gotta call off Prankageddon! Please! Ronnie Anne is coming over tomorrow and I can't let her get pranked!

 **Luan:** Okay.

 **Lincoln:** _[surprised]_ Really? Wow, that was easier than I-

 **Luan:** APRIL FOOLS PRACTICE! Lincoln, you know the April Fools Rules. Anyone who sets foot on our property is fair game. Speaking of which, is Clyde coming over? 'Cause I'd love to just say _HAY!_ _[chuckles insanely]_

Lincoln storms back to his room, puts the mahogany back on his door, and calls Clyde.

 **Lincoln:** Clyde! Pleading with Luan did not work! She's an animal! _[hears a cat noise]_ What was that?

 **Clyde:** Oh, that's Cleopawtra. She's been feisty lately so we put her in a timeout crate.

 **Lincoln:** "Timeout crate." _[gets an idea]_ That's it!

Lincoln runs to brainstorm his idea and tries to pull the mahogany off the door.

 **Lincoln:** Why did I choose mahogany?

In the basement, Lincoln flicks the lamp on.

 **Lincoln:** _[to his siblings who are not Luan]_ Okay, we're all here? Good! So, about Luan...

 **Lola:** Shh! She's got ears everywhere! _[turns on the washing machine]_ I saw this in a mob movie once. She won't hear us over the noise.

 **Luke:** What mob movie was that?

 **Lincoln:** Not now, Luke. Anyway, we all know tomorrow is going to be awful. But it doesn't have to be. If we combine forces, we can prevent Luan from setting up any pranks in the first place.

 **Lynn:** Uhhh, how exactly are we gonna do that?

 **Lincoln:** Let me tell you my plan.

 **Lisa:** Better make it snappy. We're almost done with the spin cycle.

* * *

Later that night in Luna and Luan's room, Luan is snoring. Luna then gets up and gives a bird-like call to signal that Luan is asleep. Everyone then enters the room. Luan then opens her eyes as her siblings tie her down, trap her in a cage, and keeping her fingers together with Chinese finger traps.

 **Luan:** _[enraged]_ LET ME… _[starts screaming her words]_ …OUT OF HERE!

 **Lincoln:** Okay.

 **Luan:** _[surprised]_ Really? Wow! That was easier than I-

 **Lincoln:** APRIL FOOLS! We aren't letting you out until April 2nd! _[The other siblings begin to cheer.]_

 **Lynn:** That was a _crate_ plan, Lincoln! _[The siblings laugh during a rimshot.]_

 **Lori:** I've been _crating_ for this moment all my life! _[The siblings laugh again.]_

 **Lana:** Well, better _crate_ than never! _[The siblings laugh again.]_

 **Luke:** What a _crate_ way to end the night. _[The siblings laugh again]_

 **Leni:** You're in a crate! _[The other siblings don't seem to get it.]_ Get it?

 **Lincoln:** Maybe we should just go to bed.

* * *

 _April 1, 2016_

The next day, Luna is heard screaming. The cage is now broken, meaning that Luan just escaped, much to the horror of everyone.

 **Lola:** _[panicked]_ We're doomed! Luan escaped, and now she's gonna be mad!

 **Luke:** How the heck did she get out of that?!

 **Luna:** She's a black magic woman, dude!

 **Lincoln:** _[holds up a loose chain]_ I gotta get my money back for these.

As Lincoln pulls the chain, it sets up a bucket full of honey that spills on him, followed by a blast of feathers while the siblings gasp in surprise.

 **Lisa:** Peace out. I'll be in my bunker. _[dashes off]_

 **Lincoln:** Everyone else to my room! We'll be safe there.

As the siblings runs towards Lincoln's room, their parents shows up by the stairs. Rita is wearing a padded gear while Lynn Sr. is wearing bubble wrap.

 **Lynn Sr.:** What's all this ruckus about?

 **Lori:** Luan's on the loose! TAKE COVER!

 **Rita:** But we thought you locked her up!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Plan B! RETREAT! RETREAT! _[He and Rita run back downstairs.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[ringtone sounds as he checks his phone.]_ Oh no! Ronnie Anne's on her way? Could this day get any worse?

He bangs his head on the wall. A rope on the wall is attached to the vacuum cleaner that's taped on the ceiling and its bag opens up to drop dust on Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Well, that's my answer. But on the plus side, that's one less prank Ronnie Anne could suffer. _[gets an idea]_ That's it! If I set off all the pranks in the house, there won't be any left for her.

 **Lynn:** Lincoln! It's not safe out there!

 **Lincoln:** Save yourselves! I got a job to do.

Luke starts to get a bit miffed and goes up to Lincoln.

 **Luke:** _[gruff voice]_ Gosh dang it, soldier! Have you have no freaking idea that girl has planned out there! You'd best be dead as soon as that one single shot gets ya from behind!

 **Lola:** _[confused]_ Why are you talking like that?

 **Luke:** _[normal voice]_ Oh, I've seen a lot of war movies recently. It kinda feels right to do it.

 **Lincoln:** Luke. I'll be careful out there, I swear.

 **Lucy:** Don't worry, Lincoln, I'll plan your funeral.

 **Luke:** _[gruff voice]_ You make me proud, private. May heaven have mercy on your soul. Good luck. _[salutes]_

Lincoln salutes back and the siblings close Lincoln's bedroom door and puts the mahogany on it as Lincoln puts on a helmet and takes out the house map and circles "kitchen".

 **Lincoln:** I'll start by de-pranking the kitchen.

Lincoln goes downstairs and looks at a sign that says " _Kitchen this way_ " while it points to the open front door.

 **Lincoln:** "Kitchen this way?" Ha! Does she think I'm dumb enough to fall for that?

Lincoln takes the original route and goes into the kitchen and finds grease on the floor.

 **Lincoln:** Well, here goes nothing.

Lincoln cautiously walks on the grease trap causing a boot contraption to kick him into the fridge while a box falls on his head. As he gets up, he slips on the grease, opens the fridge door, and is socked right in the face by a boxing glove on a spring. The force of impact propels him into the stove.

 **Lincoln:** OW!

His helmet breaks apart, and a bunch of vicious raccoons pop out of the stove and attack Lincoln as he screams in pain.

 **Luan:** _[popping in from the dining room.]_ I made that dish from _scratch_! _[laughs]_

Meanwhile in the backyard, the Loud siblings' parents are at Lisa's shelter.

 **Rita:** _[As Lynn Sr. knocks on the shelter.]_ Lisa Marie Loud! Let us in!

 **Lisa:** _[from inside the bunker]_ I'll need some of your assurances in return! One, I will never again be punished for the explosions in or around the house!

Just then, Luan appears from out a window with a pile of Lily's stinky diapers.

 **Luan:** Happy April _Stools!_ _[prepares to aim one with a slingshot towards her parents.]_

 **Rita:** Are those diapers? She wouldn't!

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[frantically pounds the shelter.]_ Whatever you want! Just let us in!

 **Lisa:** _[opens the shelter while holding a contract.]_ Sign here, here and initials here.

After the parents sign their names, they hide while Luan shoots diapers at them.

* * *

 _Back with Lincoln…_

Lincoln looks at the map and finds a flying flour in the bathroom and screams. He catches it, but the flour has a timer to explode.

 **Lincoln:** Uh oh!

The flour explodes and Lincoln starts coughing as he finds the sink to turn it on, but the water splashes him.

 **Lincoln:** Towel! Towel! Towel! Where's the towel?

As he blindly searches for a towel, he finds a raccoon and uses it to wipe himself but after he opens his eyes, he finds out he has one and screams as he runs away from it.

 **Luan:** _[pops out from her room]_ Don't give up. No one likes a _critter_. _[chuckles]_

 _In Lincoln's room…_

 **Lori:** I think if we ration the food, we should be okay.

 **Lana:** What does "ration" mean?

Lana is seen eating a bag of chips and drinking some apple juice. The others glare at her.

 **Lola:** _[scoffs]_ Typical. Now someone has to go into the kitchen for more supplies.

Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, Luke, Lucy, and Lily all talk at once.

 **Lana:** _[gasps]_ Let's draw straws!

 **Leni:** _[sighs]_ I'll just go. I know I'm gonna lose. I'm a terrible artist.

 **Luke:** Uh, actually, that's not what she mea-

 **Lola:** _[covers Luke's mouth]_ Good luck, Leni!

She and the other girls shove Leni out of Lincoln's room and put the mahogany back on the door. Leni makes it downstairs and finds the sign that says " _Kitchen this way_ " and read it.

 **Leni:** "Kitchen this way?" Oh. Thank you, sign. _[finds another sign that says the same thing.]_ Thank you, sign! _[finds another sign.]_ Thank you, sign! Thank you, sign!

She keeps following them into the town to parts unknown.

 _Back with Lincoln..._

 **Lincoln:** _[looks at map]_ Okay. Living room. So far, so good.

Then a red line comes when Lincoln crosses it and a projecter is switched on, showing an embarrassing video of Lincoln kissing a balloon with a face on it while Clyde is beside him.

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _I think this is how you kiss a girl._ _[kisses Edwin balloon]_

 _ **Clyde:**_ _Don't hold back, Lincoln. Girls like a guy with passion!_

 _Lincoln kisses the balloon and it pops._

 **Lincoln:** I can't let Ronnie Anne see this. _[goes on the couch]_ Stop! Stop!

He tries to stop the film, but the couch has a spring and Lincoln goes up the ceiling and gets stuck by sticky flypapers. He falls down on the couch and goes back up.

 **Luan:** _[appears]_ Looks like _spring_ is in the air. _[chuckles]_

 **Lincoln:** _[looks at the map]_ Just got to finish the bedrooms.

The house's exterior is shown as Lincoln gets attacked by Luan's pranks. Afterwards, Lincoln is tired, beat up and dirtied as he gets a call from Clyde.

 **Clyde:** _Lincoln! What's happening? Lucy just invited me to your funeral._

 **Lincoln:** _[takes a mouse trap out of his eye and screams.]_ OW! I've been setting off all the pranks in the house so Ronnie Anne doesn't get hit. _[lifts his shoe as sand pours out.]_ I've gone through every room except Leni and Lori's. _[Clyde hangs up]_ Clyde? Hello!?

The doorbell rings as Lincoln goes downstairs to open the door and shows that it's Clyde.

 **Clyde:** I volunteer to clear Lori's room.

Clyde goes to Lori and Leni's room offscreen as he gets attacked by Luan's pranks. He comes back downstairs in the same condition as Lincoln.

 **Clyde:** It was worth it. Lori's room smells like apple cinnamon.

 **Lincoln:** That might be this pie. _[points to the pie on his head and sighs.]_ Well, that's it. The Loud House is prank free.

Lincoln high-fives Clyde as the latter walks away and faints. Ronnie Anne arrives and is surprised when Clyde faints, before looking annoyed.

 **Luan:** _[chuckles as Ronnie Anne arrives]_ I won! You thought you'd outsmart me, but you got the worst pranking ever!

 **Lincoln:** You didn't really win, Luan. I only set off those pranks because Ronnie Anne was coming over.

Ronnie Anne looks rather touched at hearing her crush say this.

 **Luan:** Yeah! Well who do you think invited her over, genius? _[Ronnie Anne's expression turns to a confused look.]_ I knew I had to lure you out of your room, so I called Ronnie Anne, and told her how much you loved April Fools' Day. And here she is, to deliver the final blow.

Lincoln turns to Ronnie Anne, who pulls out a pie, with a villainous-looking smile on her face. Lincoln braces for impact, and a splat is heard... but to his surprise, he wasn't hit.

 **Lincoln:** Huh?

As Lincoln opens his eyes, he finds out that she instead threw the pie in Luan's face.

 **Lincoln:** But why'd you do that?

 **Ronnie Anne:** You took all those pranks for me. It's the least I could do. Come on, let's draw some eyebrows on you and go get a milkshake.

The two leave the house to hang out.

 **Luan:** That girl's a keeper!

Soon afterwards, the family come out of their hidings and are relieved that the prankfest is over.

 **Lynn Sr.:** I think it's over!

 **Luke:** _[looks around]_ It looks like it. Lincoln must've done one heck of a job. _[smiling; gruff voice]_ Good job, soldier. Sorry I wasn't able to help you.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Why are you talking like that?

 **Luke:** _[normal voice]_ Again, war movies.

 **Rita:** Wait! Where's Leni?

 **Lisa:** _[looking at the_ " _Kitchen This Way_ " _sign.]_ I have my suspicions.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Okay, everybody in the van. Let's find Leni, and then afterwards, frozen yogurt to celebrate! Ha ha!

Everyone cheers and hurries to the van. But just as they were about to get in, Luke starts to get a dreary thought and stops dead in his tracks, making his family turn to look at him.

 **Lynn Sr.:** What's wrong, son? Don't you want some frozen yogurt too?

 **Luke:** I do, but… what if Luan set some pranks to the van too?

 **Rita:** Oh, sweetie, I'm sure the van is perfectly safe.

 **Luke:** But-…

Luke was cut off when his family gets inside. And just as the van was about to start, the airbag explodes, splatting blue paint everywhere. Luke flinches at this.

 **Everyone:** _[furious]_ LUAN!

 **Luke:** _[winces; to the viewers]_ I tried to warn them…


	14. Picture Perfect

**Picture Perfect**

 _April 2, 2016_

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers while making something]_ The key to the perfect anniversary present for your parents is simple: know your audience. And since my folks love what I bring to the table, I make them the same thing every year: this awesome coffee mug! _[raises a "coffee mug" which doesn't look complete.]_

 **Lori:** Coffee mug? I thought it was a paperweight.

 **Lynn:** Paperweight? That thing is definitely a pencil holder.

 **Luke:** Actually, it kinda looks like a guy with multiple chins, if you look closely enough at it.

 **Lisa:** Negatory. Clearly it's a bust of German philosopher Immanuel Kant.

 **Luan:** _[in her gag glasses]_ I _Kant_ even tell what it is! _[laughs; All the other siblings walk in the scene to their brother.]_

 **Lola:** Clearly no one can figure out what that thing is. No wonder Mom and Dad just throw all your old gifts in the attic.

The siblings gasp at what Lola just said and Luna shuts her up.

 **Lincoln:** _[flabbergasted]_ WHAT?!

In the attic, Lincoln is looking around for evidence of what Lola just said.

 **Lincoln:** Lola must've been messing around with me. Mom and Dad love my paperweights. I mean, coffee mugs. _[notices a box]_ What's this? "DO NOT OPEN!" Okay. _[opens it and finds that Lola was telling the truth and gasps.]_ It's true...Mom and Dad _do_ hate my gifts!

Luna, Luke, and Lucy are looking at the mug Lincoln worked so hard on in the hallway.

 **Luna:** If you turn your head to the side and squint, it almost looks like Aunt Shirley.

 **Lucy:** Or an inflamed liver.

 **Luke:** Still think it's the chins thing.

 **Lori:** When he's this pathetic, it takes all the joy out of making fun of him.

 **Lincoln:** _[insulted]_ I CAN HEAR YOU!

 **Siblings:** WE KNOW!

Lincoln facepalms in anger.

 **Lincoln:** Mom and Dad's anniversary is tomorrow. What am I gonna do?

He sits down on a box that causes a flash to occur. He examines it and finds Dad's old camera and finds out there's still some film in it.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, I think an idea's developing! _[walks backwards and falls down the stairs]_ I've figured out the perfect present for Mom and Dad! _[holds up camera]_ Ta-da!

 **Lana:** You're giving them Dad's old camera?

 **Lola:** Wow! You _are_ cheap.

 **Lincoln:** No! Not the camera. A photograph of all of us!

 **Lori:** Why use that old thing when you can just use a cellphone? _[holds up her phone]_

 **Lincoln:** _[defensively]_ Because that would be like painting the Mona Lisa with a crayon.

 **Luke:** I guess that's a true fact.

 **Lori:** Wow. This may be the year you don't fail miserably and crush Mom and Dad's souls.

 **Lincoln:** _[sarcastically]_ Thank you for vote of confidence. _[confidently]_ Everyone, to the backyard!

They head on out to the backyard. Lincoln is focusing the camera to make sure everyone, kids and pets, stays perfectly in the frame.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, that's it. Leni, scooch to the left. _[Leni moves to her right which is Lincoln's left.]_ Your _other_ left. _[Leni gets it right.]_ Perfect! Someone grab Lily. _[Lucy grabs her and puts her back in the frame.]_ Thank you. Good. Just gotta set the timer, and... _[sets it and joins the others in the shot.]_ Everybody, say cheese!

 **Loud Siblings:** _[while holding big smiles]_ Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

The camera still hasn't gone off.

 **Lynn:** _[holding her smile]_ When is it gonna flash? My jaw's cramping up!

 **Lincoln:** _[holding his smile]_ Give it a second!

 **Loud Siblings:** ...eeeeeeee...

 **Lori:** _[gives up]_ Yeah, I knew he'd blow it. _[gets out her phone]_ Let's do selfies instead.

 **Leni:** _[gets out hers]_ Totes!

 **Lincoln:** No, wait!

Lori and Leni take a selfie with Lincoln getting caught by the flash and feeling dazed from it.

 **Luan:** I _nose_ just what this picture needs. _[puts on her gag glasses and laughs.]_

 **Lincoln:** Come on, Luan. You can't wear those in the photo.

 **Luan:** Oh, don't be such a _Groucho_. _[laughs and squeaks a fake cigar.]_

 **Luna:** _[with her guitar]_ What this photo needs are some tunes.

 **Lincoln:** No, no, no, no, no. Photographs don't have-

Luna plays a loud chord and blows Lincoln away.

 **Lincoln:** -SOUND! _[thuds]_

 **Lola:** You're ruining the picture! Maybe you should take off that gross hat.

 **Lana:** Maybe you should take off that gross _face_!

Lana throws mud at her but Lola ducks and the mud hits Lincoln and Luke's hoodie.

 **Luke:** No! This was my favorite hoodie! _[frantically tries to rub it off]_

 **Lincoln:** _[seeing a naked Lily]_ Lily! Where is your diaper!

The photo shoot goes out of control with the siblings and pets being themselves.

 **Lincoln:** GUYS, PLEASE! CAN WE ALL JUST SETTLE DOWN?!

The camera takes the picture.

* * *

Lincoln is looking at the photo that was taken with worry.

 **Lincoln:** Look at us. We're like a vision of insanity. I can't give this to Mom and Dad. _[holds up the coffee mug]_ That's worse than Aunt Shirley. Argh! I mean, my coffee mug! I gotta give them a better picture. _[gets an idea]_ The _perfect_ picture! Time for a do-over.

In Lola and Lana's room, Lola has worked on her face.

 **Lola:** Mirror, mirror in my hand. Who's the prettiest in the land?

Lana emerges from their closet covered in mud.

 **Lana:** Not you, once Mudzilla gets a hold of you!

Lana roars and Lola reviles in horror. Lincoln sprays Lana with the hose.

 **Lana:** _[coughs]_ Hey! You washed off my mud!

 **Lola:** Ha ha! You got spray-

Lincoln sprays her too.

 **Lincoln:** Perfect!

 **Lola:** Hey! You washed off my makeup!

 **Lincoln:** Good news, guys! We're taking another family photo!

 **Lola & Lana:** But we already did one!

Lincoln ties up them with the hose and drags them back into the backyard.

 **Lincoln:** Stay right here. And no more mud or makeup.

 **Lola & Lana:** WHAT?!

 **Lincoln:** Thank you for understanding.

The twins pout. Lincoln is talking to Lily in the living room.

 **Lincoln:** Look. I'm all about self-expression, but this new picture needs to be perfect, so I'm gonna need you to keep your diaper on. _[Lily babbles]_ Thanks for understanding. _[puts her diaper on]_

 **Lily:** _[takes off her diaper and throws it at Lincoln]_ Poo-poo. _[toddles around]_

 **Lincoln:** Let's just put a pin in this for now...

Lisa is working on her studies in the hallway.

 **Lisa:** If the hypotenuse of a right triangle is the mean proportional between segments, then-

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Lisa! We're doing another family picture. How about we lose the glasses and do something with your hair?

Lincoln fixes up Lisa's hair in different styles such as a shaggy wild do, an afro, and even a horned style until he settles on her normal style.

 **Lincoln:** Or just lose the glasses. _[takes her glasses]_

 **Lisa:** _[blind]_ But, Lincoln, my astigmatism! _[falls down the stairs]_ It's okay! It's just a hairline fracture!

 **Leni:** Did I hear we're taking more photos? Yay! _[her shades drop over her eyes]_ Uh-oh. Guess we'll have to wait till after the solar eclipse.

Lincoln just looks exasperated and removes her shades.

 **Leni:** Whoa. You're like a wizard. Or a weatherman.

Lincoln gets an idea of switching the glasses around and gives Leni Lisa's glasses.

 **Lincoln:** Maybe you should wear these for the picture, Leni. They make you look...um...even smarter than you already are.

 **Leni:** _[blind]_ Wow! Thanks! _[falls down the stairs]_ I'm alright! I landed on Lisa!

 **Lisa:** Okay, _now_ it's a break!

Lincoln facepalms and drags the two blind opposite minded sisters to the retake.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, just stay here. _[heads off]_

 **Leni:** But...

 **Lincoln:** Here's some ice packs and a bandage! _[tosses them to his blind sisters who are still waiting, unaware of that.]_

 **Leni & Lisa:** Okay! Throw them!

 _Lynn and Lucy's room…_

 **Lincoln:** Okay, guys, time to take a new picture.

 **Lynn:** A new picture? No way.

Lincoln grabs her football and she starts acting like an eager dog.

 **Lincoln:** You ready, Lynn? Fetch, girl!

Lynn runs on all fours out to the retake. Lincoln tosses her the ball and she catches it in her mouth.

 **Lincoln:** Good, Lynn! Now stay!

He grabs Lucy's macabre book and holds it with her, escorting her to the retake.

 **Lucy:** _[unaware of her surroundings]_ When did we get grass in our bedroom?

 _Luke's room…_

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Luke. Time for another picture.

 **Luke:** _[pauses his game]_ Another one? Didn't we just take one a few minutes ago?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, but, uh, I just want to do one more, just in case.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ Alright, just let me wrap this up first.

Lincoln then looks unpleased and takes Luke's controller.

 **Luke:** _[angry]_ Hey! Give me that! _[lunges for his controller]_

 **Lincoln:** _[holds him back]_ Sorry, Luke. You'll get this back after we take the photo.

 **Luke:** What?! Lincoln, this isn't funny! Give it _back_!

Luke is now at that retake with a ticked off look on his face.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks for understanding. _[walks off]_

Luke growls in annoyance.

 _Luna and Luan's room..._

 **Lincoln:** Time to take a new picture!

 **Luna:** Sweet! Let me just grab my axe.

 **Luan:** And I'll get my funny nose and glasses.

However, they find out that their items are gone.

 **Luna:** Dudes! Where's my axe?

 **Luan:** And where are my glasses?

 **Lincoln:** Uh...silly props are not going to be in this picture. You'll get them back after we get the shot.

 **Luna:** You took our stuff?

 **Luan:** Then we're not gonna be in your picture!

 **Lincoln:** Hmm...sure would be a shame if something happened to your things.

Luna and Luan strike shocked poses and are at the retake in those exact same poses.

 **Luna:** This picture thing has changed you, dude.

 **Lori:** Which is exactly why I'm not going to be in it.

 **Lincoln:** Which is exactly why I took the liberty of replacing you.

 **Lori:** _[angered]_ You _what_?!

The doorbell rings and Lincoln answers it. There's a girl who looks kinda like Lori in a way at the door.

 **Lincoln:** _[smugly]_ Oh, Lori. I believe you know Carol Pingrey. Didn't she beat you out for homecoming queen?

 **Lori:** _[slams the door on Carol; reluctantly]_ Let's get this over with.

* * *

 _The Retake_

The siblings are not happy about going through with this.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, everyone excited? So am I! _[notices Lily wandering around naked.]_ Ah! There you are! _[picks her up and tapes her diaper tight.]_ You aren't getting that diaper off now! Okay, pets, move on in!

 _[Enter the reluctant pets.]_

 **Lincoln:** Okay, almost there. Just a few more fixes. _[takes out a package of marshmallows and takes out two of them; to Lola]_ Open up!

Lola opens her mouth and Lincoln puts them in the gap where her two front teeth would be.

 **Lincoln:** _[to Lana]_ You too!

Lincoln does the same to Lana as he did to Lola. The twins notice how ridiculous they look with these fillings.

 **Lola & Lana:** _[with a lisp]_ You look thilly!

Lincoln puts a pacifier with a big smile print onto Lily's mouth.

 **Lincoln:** _[coaxing Lynn]_ Okay, give it here, girl.

Lynn growls in refusal and Lincoln gives her the "drop it" command and she acquiesces. He then looks at Luna's hair.

 **Luna:** _[bitterly]_ What?

 **Lincoln:** That hair.

 **Luna:** What about it?

Lincoln puts a big long wild wig on her.

 **Luna:** But this hair isn't me, dude!

 **Leni:** And this glasses isn't I, either.

 **Lincoln:** Trust me. You guys look great. _[looks at Luke's hair as well]_ I think the same goes for you too, Luke.

 **Luke:** Why? What's wrong with how it looks?

 **Lincoln:** _[licks his hand and combs Luke's hair flat]_ There. Much better.

 **Luke:** _[deadpanned]_ Seriously?

 **Lincoln:** Okay, Lucy, I'm gonna need you to smile.

 **Lucy:** I can't see that happening.

 **Lisa:** I can't see _anything_ happening!

 **Lincoln:** _[coaxing Lucy]_ You know, some folks think taking someone's picture actually steals their soul.

 **Lucy:** Oh?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah! Just think of it. Your soul trapped and tormented inside a camera for all eternity.

Lucy gives a small smirk.

 **Lincoln:** Close enough. Okay, I think we're ready. _[checks]_ Hmm...still needs something to pull it all together. I know!

Everyone is now wearing matching sweaters.

 **Lincoln:** Now _this_ is a perfect picture.

 **Lori:** What was wrong with the other one?

 **Lincoln:** _[nervous]_ Oh, well, uh...it was kinda...you guys were a little...

 **Lori:** _[curiously irked]_ A little _what_ , Lincoln?

 **Lincoln:** ...yourselves?

The siblings are offended by that reason and chastise Lincoln for it.

 **Luke:** _[angry]_ _Th_ _at's_ what this is all about?! You don't like us the way we are?!

 **Lincoln:** _[with his tongue tied]_ Well, I-you see, that is to say-I, uh...

 **Lori:** _[spiteful]_ Okay, guys, let's all put on perfect smiles for Lincoln's perfect picture, because heaven forbid we be our ACTUAL, LITERAL SELVES!

The siblings put on the supposed smiles Lincoln wanted.

 **Siblings:** Cheeeeeeeeee...

 **Lincoln:** _[talking over their cheese saying.]_ Lori, I didn't mean... _[takes a look at their smiles]_ Actually, that's pretty perfect.

They all hold their smiles and the photo is taken.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks so much, guys! I really appreciate your- _[sees that his siblings and pets are gone.]_ Guys? Guys? Huh. Guess they must have had something else to do.

Lincoln has gotten the photo framed.

 **Lincoln:** My days of giving lame anniversary presents are over.

He then notices his siblings tossed all their matching sweaters in the trash but focuses on the photo.

 **Lincoln:** Mom and Dad are gonna love this! Look at us. We're like a vision of perfection.

 **Lola:** _[having fixed herself up]_ Mirror, mirror in my hand. Who's the prettiest in the land?

 **Lana:** _[covered in mud once again]_ Not you, after the mud monster gets you!

Lana roars and Lola screams. But rather than picking on each other, they're treating it like a game. Lincoln looks on and sees how much fun they're having and takes a look at their smiles in the perfect photo.

 **Lincoln:** _[goes inside]_ Hey, guys! I got the picture framed!

Lincoln sees Lucy reading her macabre book and looks at her smile in the photo. Luan and Lily are playing and laughing together. Lincoln sees them and reflects upon their smiles in the photo. He then sees Luna rocking out and looks back on her smile and wig in the photo. Lisa is continuing her studies.

 **Lisa:** Computing of the original formulation. Okay, parameters...

Lincoln sees her studying and recalls how he made her smile and wear Leni's shades.

 **Luke:** _[shouting from his room]_ Yes! VICTORY!

Lincoln looks to see Luke playing _Infinite Warfare_ on his computer. He looks at his smile and the combed hair in the perfect photo. Leni and Lori are taking selfies together and giggling with joy. Lincoln remembers how he made Leni wear Lisa's glasses and what Lori said to him and how she got everyone to wear the fake smiles. Seeing his siblings being happy to be themselves causes him to rethink his decision on the so-called perfect picture.

* * *

 _April 3, 2016_

 **Loud Siblings:** HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

 **Rita:** Thanks, kids.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Ooh. Whose present should we open first?

 **Lincoln:** Mine!

The siblings and Charles resent this. Lincoln hands his parents his present.

 **Lori:** _[mocking]_ Oh, come on, guys. Let's all let Lincoln give his perfect little present.

 **Luan:** _[Also mocking]_ Yeah. I sure hope it's _perfect_ enough.

It turns out Lincoln gave his parents the picture from the first take where his siblings are being themselves.

 **Rita:** Oh, Lincoln, this is wonderful! It's the best gift we've ever gotten.

 **Lynn Sr.:** It's going above the mantle right now. _[places it there]_

The siblings, except Luke, are confused and unhappy with Lincoln's last-minute decision.

 **Lola:** Lincoln, you bonehead! You gave them the wrong picture!

 **Lori:** Yep! I knew you'd blow this, too.

 **Lincoln:** No, I gave them the right one. The one that shows the _real_ you. The _perfect_ you.

The girls embrace Lincoln in gratitude and happiness.

 **Girls:** Aww! Thank you, Lincoln!

 **Luke:** _[puts a hand on Lincoln's shoulder]_ Nice job, Linc. You really came through.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks. By the way, you might all wanna put your presents for Mom and Dad in here. _[shows them the box the discarded coffee mugs were once in; sneering.]_ Since they'll all look super lame next to _my_ awesome gift!

The siblings are taken aback by that comment and start arguing with him, which puts a smile on his face.

 **Lincoln:** Just perfect.

 **Lily:** _[throws her diaper at Lincoln]_ Poo-poo.


	15. Undie Pressure

**Undie Pressure**

 _April 4, 2016_

Today is a rainy day at the Loud House, Lana is running down the walkway, opens the front door, and enters the living room carrying mud.

 **Lana:** In a couple more hours, this mud will be perfect to play in! _[splashes the mud all over her face.]_

Lily is sitting on the floor, crying and Luan is folding laundry on the coffee table while Lola, Lisa, Lori and Leni are on the couch, and Luke is on the chair. Lola is admiring herself in her pocket mirror, Luke is playing console games, Lisa is looking back and forth at a clipboard and a set of test tubes, Lori is talking to Bobby, and Leni is doing Lori's nails.

 **Luan:** Hey, guys, why can't a comedian tell a dirty laundry joke? 'Cause it always comes out _clean_! _[laughs]_

Lynn bounces a basketball off the wall in the background.

 **Lynn:** She shoots! She scores!

Luna enters the scene, holding a radio toward her ear.

 **Luna:** _[in a British accent]_ I bloody love this song! Sing it like you mean it, Mick! _[Lucy pokes her head out of the fireplace, making her jump in terror.]_ BLIMEY!

 **Lucy:** I'm _trying_ to write here.

 **Lori:** _[on the phone, to Bobby]_ No, I love _you_ more, silly. _[to Leni]_ It's our six-week-iversary.

 **Leni:** You two are like, gonna be together for, like, _ever_.

 **Lisa:** Speaking of forever, Lori, my study indicates you haven't used the bathroom in quite some time.

 **Lori:** EWW! There is no way I'm being in your grody poop study!

 **Luke:** Hey. Do you mind? I'm trying to- _[sees that his character died]_ Oh, come on! I almost had him! Stupid large fire breathing, axe protecting turtle!

Lincoln appears in the doorframe between the living room and dining room.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Ah, rainy days. Perfect for hanging out with the family and reading comics.

Lola, while looking in her mirror, sees Lincoln throwing off his shirt and pants in its reflection.

 **Lola:** Groooooss!

 **Lincoln:** What?

 **Lola:** Why do you always have to read your comics in your underpants?!

 **Lincoln:** 'Cause reading my comics with my clothes on is uncomfortable and distracting. _[shakes his booty at Lola]_ And you know how I like to be comfortable while reading comics. Now, scootch!

Lincoln sits between Lola and Lisa. Lola, repulsed, jumps onto the armrest.

 **Lola:** ACK! It's an annoying habit, and you get butt germs everywhere!

 **Lincoln:** _Me_ annoying? You can't look away from the mirror for _five seconds_! _[holds up all_ _ **four**_ _of his fingers.]_

 **Lola:** LIES!

It turns out Lola is looking in her mirror rather than at Lincoln. She looks back, closes the mirror, and smiles sheepishly.

 **Lincoln:** And Lori, would it _kill you_ not to talk to Bobby _all_ the time?!

 **Lori:** I do not talk to Bobby _all_ the time! _[to Bobby, over the phone]_ Do I, Bobby?

 **Lincoln:** And Lisa, you always do your weird poop studies!

 **Lisa:** It's quite fascinating work.

 **Lincoln:** And then it goes to you, Luke.

 **Luke:** Me? What about me?

 **Lincoln:** Your little rage fits at playing games sometimes.

 **Luke:** Oi. Lincoln, each game has its own stage of difficulty, and sometimes I can't help it. Why don't you try beating this stupid turtle, why don't ya?

 **Lincoln:** See? You guys couldn't last ten minutes without doing _your_ annoying things!

 **Lori:** We could last longer than _you!_

 **Lincoln:** I bet you couldn't!

 **Lola:** Oh, _really_? Care to make it a little more _interesting_? _[hops onto the couch crest, and walks back and forth.]_ If we can stop doing _our_ things longer than you can stop doing _yours_ , then you have to give up reading in your underwear...FOREVER! _[raises her fist]_

 **Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana and Lisa:** YEAH!

 **Luke:** Hold on! What's in it for him if he actually wins this thing?

 **Lola:** If _he_ wins, we'll never complain about his butt cooties again.

 **Lincoln:** Hmm...okay. But if I beat you, you also have to buy me _these_ beauties. _[opens up an underwear catalog and points to a circled picture of red briefs.]_ Pure cotton, 2,000 thread count, non-binding elastic. I'll just call them my victory undies.

The girls go into a huddle and discuss the deal, whispering unintelligibly. Lola looks back once as they do.

 **Lola:** _Deal_.

 **Lincoln:** Great! So, if I have to read comics with my clothes on, Lola can't look in the mirror...

Lola closes her mirror, shocked.

 **Lincoln:** ...Luna can't speak in a British accent...

 **Luna:** _[British accent]_ Rock and roll! _[puts her hand over her mouth, also shocked.]_

 **Lana:** _[running for the front door.]_ MUUUUUD!

 **Lincoln:** ...Lana can't play in the mud...

 **Lana:** _[turns back and walks slowly, dejected.]_ Dang it.

 **Lincoln:** ...Lori can't talk to Bobby...

 **Lori:** No, I love _you_ more, silly _[hangs up]_ Bobby _who_?

 **Lincoln:** ...Leni can't say 'like'...

 **Leni:** Like, okay. _[grins sheepishly]_

 **Lincoln:**...Lucy can't pop up and scare people...

Lucy backs her head into the fireplace.

 **Lincoln:**...Lisa has to give up her weird studies...

 **Lisa:** _[apologetically]_ Forgive me, science.

 **Lincoln:** ...Luan can't tell bad jokes...

Luan literally zips her mouth shut _._

 **Lincoln:**...Luke can't go into a rage fit...

 **Luke:** What?! _[t_ _akes deep breaths.]_ You know what, game on.

 **Lincoln:**...Lynn can't turn everything into a sport...

Lynn, holding a broom like a hockey stick, dejectedly starts sweeping normally.

 **Lincoln:**...and Lily can't cry.

Lily puts her pacifier in her mouth.

 **Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Luke, Lana, Lola and Lisa:** DEAL!

 **Lola:** Pants up, buddy boy!

 **Lincoln:** Okay, competition... _[puts on his pants]_...starts... _[puts on his shirt]_...now!

 **Leni:** Wait, like, I wasn't clear on the rules.

 **Lori:** Leni, you _can't...say...'like'_!

 **Leni:** Oh, got it.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, competition starts _now_.

 **Leni:** I'm, like, totally gonna win this. _[a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]_

The siblings groan.

 **Lucy:** _[appears next to her siblings]_ Nice going.

They jump in terror. A red "X" appears over Lucy's face, and a buzzer sounds.

 **Lucy:** Dang it.

 **Lola:** Come on, guys, stay focused!

 **Lincoln:** Two down. I can practically _smell_ those victory undies. _[realizing]_ Wait, let me rephrase that!

* * *

Time passes and the girls are lying down, bored. Luke is occupying himself with his handheld.

 **Lola:** _[putting her makeup on unevenly]_ See? I don't even _need_ a mirror to put my makeup on. Comfy over there, Lincoln?

 **Lincoln:** _[shifting around, uncomfortable]_ Yep. Just about...to dive... _ugh_...into my...comics. _Agh_.

Lola smiles sinisterly. Lori's ringtone plays an electronic version of _"Here Comes the Bride"_ to see that Bobby is calling. Lori whimpers as she tries to press the hang-up button.

 **Lola:** _[presses the button]_ Control yourself, woman!

Lori sighs, exasperated. Luan and Lynn are folding laundry.

 **Lynn:** Well, nothing sporty about folding laundry.

 **Luan:** Or funny.

Lana looks big-eyed through the window, watching Charles and Cliff play happily in the mud out in the rain. She gets down on all-fours and runs toward the door like a dog, but Lola steps in front of her.

 **Lola:** Lana, HEEL!

Lana paws on the door, whimpering, but Lola sharply points the other way. Lana runs toward Charles' doggy bed and curls down in it, sad.

 **Luna:** _[Swedish accent]_ Herdie, verdie, verdie. Easy peasy, I just svitched to Svedish, ja?

 **Lisa:** You poor, fragile _Homo sapiens_.

 **Luke:** I'll say. _[notices his character died; takes deep breaths]_ Keep it together, Luke. You're the boss.

Lori's ringtone plays again, Luna grabs her phone.

 **Luna:** I vill take dat, ja?

 **Lori:** _[grabs the phone for a tug-o-war]_ No you von't! Dah, I mean _won't!_ _[wrestles with Luna for the phone in a tug-o-war.]_ GIMMIE!

While both girls fight, grunting all the while, they bump into the laundry basket, causing a folded pair of socks to bounce out. Lynn watches the bundle bounce in slow motion and imagines it as a basketball.

 **Lynn:** _[images of basketballs appear in her eyes.]_ Basket...ball...

 **Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lucy, Lana, Lola and Lisa:** DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT!

 **Lynn:** _[hits the bundle into the basket.]_ TWO POINTS! _[throws the remaining sock bundles in rapid succession.]_ TWO POINTS! TWO POINTS! TWO POINTS! TWO POINTS! TWO POINTS! TWO POINTS! _YAAAAAAY-AH!_ _[jumps into the air for a victory pose; a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]_

 **Lincoln:** Buh-bye. _[_ _continues to struggle in his clothes; he loudly groans.]_ Maybe the pants are the problem. _[goes toward the laundry basket and looks at some of the pants.]_ Too scratchy...too tight... _too_ far after Labor Day...Oh, these are perfect!

Bobby suddenly appears pressed outside the window.

 **Bobby:** _[desperate]_ Babe! Why aren't you answering my calls?!

Lori looks forlornly at Bobby, puts her hand on the window, then looks away.

 **Lori:** Forgive me, my love. _[draws the curtains over the window]_

 **Luke:** _[confused]_ When did _he_ get here? _[notices his character died again; deadpanned]_ Dang it.

 **Lori:** _[notices something]_ Lincoln, why are you wearing my leggings?!

 **Lincoln:** _[wearing Lori's leggings]_ Hey, you never said I had to wear _my_ pants. Plus, these are so comfy!

 **Lori:** _[smirks]_ Good luck. Those are the ones that really... _ride up on ya_.

 **Lincoln:** _[walks away]_ Sure, Lori, you're just trying to mess with my- _HELLO!_ Yep, those are ridin'! _[walks while pulling the seat area of the leggings down.]_

Luna is holding the radio toward her ear, and she listens to an announcement.

 **Jay Rock:** _[over the radio] Hey, cats and kittens, this is Jay Rock here! I'm giving away Mick Swagger tickets to the caller with... the best British accent!_

Luna's eyes widen, looks back and forth, and slinks away to behind the curtains. She signals for Bobby to shoo, and she calls the radio station on her phone.

 **Jay Rock:** _Hello, you're on the air! Let's hear your best British accent._

 **Luna:** _[whispering, in the accent]_ Come on, love, hand over those tickets.

 **Jay Rock:** _Yeah, sorry, caller, I can't hear you!_

 **Luna:** _[whispering, slightly louder]_ Come...on love, hand over those tickets!

 **Jay Rock:** _If you don't speak up, you can't win!_

 **Luna:** _[Shouting]_ HAND OVER THE BLEEDING TICKETS, MATE!

Lincoln draws back the curtains to reveal Luna to the others.

 **Luna:** _[sheepishly, back to Swedish]_ Herdie verdie? _[a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]_

* * *

More time passes as Lincoln is struggling to read his comic, and he pulls back the seat of the leggings.

 **Lincoln:** Ugh, I've read the same panel twenty times!

Just then, there's a "knock-knock" at the door.

 **Lincoln:** Who's there?

 **Bobby:** _[from outside]_ Bobby!

 **Lincoln:** _[gets an idea, and slyly addresses Luan.]_ Bobby _who_?

Luan was about to give a punchline, but Lola silences her.

 **Lola:** Don't you _DARE_ answer that joke, Luan!

 **Lori:** _[giving in]_ I gotta let him in!

Lori rushes to the door, and Lola fights her from opening it.

 **Bobby:** _[from outside]_ Geez, how many Loud siblings _does_ it take to open a door?!

 **Lola:** Luan, do _NOT_ answer that!

Luan is holding her cheeks, struggling to resist her urge to tell jokes.

 **Luke:** _[trying to keep calm while playing]_ Guys, please. You're ruining my concentration.

 **Lori:** _[points the other direction to distract Lola.]_ Hey, look, free makeup samples!

 **Lola:** Huh?

 **Lori:** _[puts Lola down]_ HA!

Lori opens the door to reveal Bobby on the other side and she stares adoringly at him.

 **Lori:** Bobby!

Lana stares at the mud Bobby is tracking and she stares adoringly at it.

 **Lana:** MUD!

Lana rushes outside and jumps into a mud puddle, giggling maniacally. A red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.

 **Lori:** _[In midhug with Bobby]_ Happy six-week-iversary, Bobby-Boo boo-Bear! _[a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]_

 **Bobby:** _[After hug; arms at each other's shoulders.]_ Thanks, babe! I would have been here sooner, but I had to wait for a chicken to cross the road.

 **Lincoln:** Why _did_ the chicken cross the road?

 **Luan:** TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! TO RUN AWAY FROM THE COOK! TO PROVE HE'S NO CHICKEN! _[laughs maniacally]_

 **Lola:** NOOOOOOOO! _[tackles Luan]_

At the same time, Luke is shaking having hearing this, trying to keep himself from freaking out as he trying to focus on the game he was playing.

 **Luan:** _[breathing deeply]_ Sweet comic relief. _[a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]_

Lola growls in frustration.

 **Luke:** _[shaking; gritted teeth]_ Guys, please! I can't- _[notices his character died again; struggles a bit but screams in rage] GRAHHHHHH!_ FORGET THIS STUPID THING! _[a red "X" appears over his face, and a buzzer sounds.]_

 **Bobby:** Here, babe, I brought you something special. _[hands Lori a milkshake.]_

 **Lori:** Awww. _[she drinks from it]_

 **Bobby:** It's the milkshake from our first date, six weeks ago.

Lori's eyes widen, and her stomach begins to growl. She clenches her stomach and rushes up the stairs for the bathroom.

 **Lori:** Coming through, _literally!_

 **Lisa:** _[gasp]_ The missing piece of my gastrointestinal study

Lisa runs upstairs for the bathroom. A door opening is heard and Lori screams of embarrassment.

 **Lisa:** _[offscreen]_ Sweet mother of discovery!

Lisa makes her way back downstairs and a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds. The "X" moves with her before disappearing.

 **Lisa:** _[to the viewers]_ I'm only human.

 **Lola:** YOU PEOPLE ARE USELESS!

 **Lincoln:** And then there were two.

 **Lola:** _[hides her eyes beneath her hair; acts sinister.]_ You may have outlasted those _amateurs_ , but now you've gotta deal with a REAL PROFESSIONAL!

A dramatic spotlight is cast on Lola, and she turns her face to reveal her uneven makeup. Her eyelid makeup and lipstick are smeared across her face, her hair is messy and shaggy, and her pupils are blank and colorless.

 **Lincoln:** I won't give up, for the sake of all things comfortable! _[snaps the seat of the leggings, causing him pain.]_ YIGH...gotta do something about these pants!

Lincoln is now wearing a pair of gray sweatpants.

 **Lincoln:** Now _these_ are pants I can read in! _[hops on the chair and continues reading.]_ You guys better start pooling your money, because I'm about to win this thing!

 **Lola:** Then perhaps it's time to _turn up the heat_. _[turns the thermostat up from 70 to 98 degrees.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[begins to sweat]_ Whew, is it hot in here? _[walks over to the thermostat]_ 98 degrees?! So _that's_ how she's gonna play it!

Some time later, Lola is walking down the stairs, and she sees Lincoln holding a rag.

 **Lola:** Lincoln, what are you doing?

 **Lincoln:** Just readin'. Oh, and I polished every surface of the living room. So shiny, you can see your face.

Lola sees that all the shiny surfaces around her bear her reflection, she shields her eyes.

 **Lola:** AAH! Must...not...look...at self! Beautiful...beautiful self! _[runs for the kitchen, screaming.]_

 **Lincoln:** And I waxed the kitchen floor, too! Such reflection!

Lola runs back into the living room, screaming, and she hits her face on the back of the chair, leaving an imprint of her makeup on it. She falls onto the floor, dazed.

 **Lola:** THAT'S IT! _[hops onto the chair, with a pair underwear in her hands.]_ Give up, Lincoln! You know you want these! _[rubs the underwear on Lincoln's face.]_ Smell 'em! SMELL THAT COTTON! YOU KNOW YOU WANT 'EM!

 **Lincoln:** I'm not giving up! You'd give up right now if you could see what's wrong with your face! _[holds up Lola's pocket mirror.]_

 **Lola:** WHAT?! Guys, is there something wrong with my face?!

The siblings clamor, trying to convince her otherwise.

 **Lola:** LIES! GIVE ME A MIRROR!

Lola looks into a shiny doorknob, and she screams at her hideous reflection. She dashes upstairs for her room, then comes back down a few seconds later, back to her normal self.

 **Lola:** Ahh, that's better. _[a red "X" appears over her face, and a buzzer sounds.]_

 **Lincoln:** I WIN! _[rips the sweatpants off]_ The victory undies are mine! _[opens up the catalog]_ Okay, guys, pay up!

 **Luke:** Hang on... I think you forgot someone, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** _[confused]_ Huh? What are you-?

Lily throws her pacifier at Lincoln to get his attention.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, hey, Lily.

Lily looks up at Lincoln, and he comes to a startling realization.

 **Lincoln:** _[gasp]_ LILY!

 **Luke:** Yup.

 **Lori:** And she didn't cry this entire time! That means...

 **Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana and Lisa:** _[toss Lily into the air in victory.]_ LILY WINS!

The girls cheer for Lily, who laughs along with them.

 **Lincoln:** _[collapses to the floor]_ And I lost!

 **Lola:** Well, Lincoln, guess you have to give up reading comics in your underwear _forever!_

A red "X" appears over Lincoln's face, and a buzzer sounds.

* * *

 **Lola:** _[doing her makeup in her mirror]_ Ahh, how I've missed this beautiful face.

Lincoln groans as he struggles to read his comic fully-clothed. Lola looks at this display with pity and sympathy, and she closes her mirror.

A few minutes later, there is a "knock-knock" at the door, and Luan goes to answer it.

 **Luan:** Who's there?

 **Delivery Man:** _[from outside]_ Delivery man.

 **Luan:** 'Delivery man' _who?_

 **Delivery Man:** Come on, kid, it's raining!

 **Luan:** That's your punchline? You really need to work on your _delivery_. _[skips away laughing]_

Lincoln answers the door.

 **Delivery Man:** Package for...Lincoln Loud. _[hands Lincoln a package.]_

Lincoln opens the package, and he gasps to see that it's his victory undies.

 **Lincoln:** My victory undies! I don't get it.

 **Lori:** We didn't order it for you.

 **Lola:** _I_ did.

 **Luke:** _[surprised]_ You _did_?

 **Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana and Lisa:** _[all angered]_ But he lost the bet!

 **Lola:** Come on, you guys, we clearly can't give up _our_ things. Why should Lincoln have to give up _his_? We should all accept each other's habits...even if some of them are really, really gross.

The girls clamor in agreement. Luke goes over to Lola and puts a hand on her shoulder.

 **Luke:** That was a really nice thing you did, Lola.

 **Lola:** Eh, don't mention it.

Lincoln runs for Lola and gives her a hug.

 **Lincoln:** Thank you! _[gets teary-eyed]_ They're almost too nice to wear. _[w_ _ipes his tears; sniffs]_ But not _that_ nice! _[rushes off and puts his new undies on;_ _to the viewers]_ Ah, rainy days. There's nothing like doing the thing you love surrounded by the ones you love...and 2,000-thread-count undies.

Lincoln snaps his underwear and reads his comic book, surrounded by his siblings, who are happily indulging in their habits. Meanwhile outside, Bobby is chasing a chicken in the rain.

 **Bobby:** Chicken, come back! Why _did_ you cross the road?!


	16. Linc or Swim

**Linc or Swim**

 _June 5, 2016_

The sun is shining really bright today, the sound of mosquitos buzzing and water splashing can be heard. The Loud siblings are at the Royal Woods Community Pool and Luke came out of the changing room wearing his black swim trunks with a blue stripe across from it and runs off to do something. Lincoln steps out of the changing room and tugs his trunks nice and tightly.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Ah! On a hot summer day, there's nothing like a refreshing dip in the community pool. _[dashes towards the pool.]_ CANNONBALL!

The sound of a whistle halts him to a stop, showing a concerned face on him.

 **Lifeguard:** Loud family, out!

The Loud kids are seen leaving the pool.

 **Lynn:** But we were just having fun.

 **Lifeguard:** Chicken fights during Senior Swim are not " _fun_ ".

 **Mrs. Jelinski** : _[shaking her fist in anger]_ I just replaced this hip!

The other seniors look back at the kids with concerned or angry expressions.

Yup, the Loud family have been known to have their own ways of fun at a community pool, and have always ended up forcing them to leave. This went from pool…

 **Lifeguard:** Loud family, out!

The Loud kids are seen leaving, while the lifeguard shoves Lincoln out. Lana can be seen holding a spoon.

 **Lana:** But we were just having fun.

 **Lifeguard:** Drinking pool water is not fun.

 **Lana:** But it tastes like chicken noodle soup.

 **Lifeguard:** Fine, but did you have to add the celery and carrots?

It is revelaed that Lana has littered the pool with slices of celery and carrots. The lifeguard scoops some of these slices out with his pool skimmer.

To pool…

 **Lifeguard:** Loud family, out! _[drops Lincoln out her skimmer.]_

The Loud kids are seen leaving once again.

 **Lori:** But we were just having fun.

 **Lily:** Poo-poo.

 **Lifeguard:** Fecal incidents are not fun.

People in hazmat suits were scrubbing the walls of the now emptied pool to get rid of Lily's excrement while pedestrians look on. Later, the twelve siblings are now walking home.

 **Luke:** Welp, that makes 4 today.

 **Lori:** Come on, guys. We'll just find another pool.

 **Lisa:** Actually, we've been suspended from every aquatic recreation center within a 60-mile radius.

The siblings stop and groan in agony.

 **Lori:** Seriously? How are we gonna keep cool now?

 **Luke:** _[sarcastically]_ Maybe if you haven't kept getting all of us in trouble, then none of this would've happened.

 **Lola:** Don't blame me! Lana's the one who turned the pool into a soup kitchen!

 **Lana:** Well, they should stop making chlorine water so delicious!

The siblings start grumbling in frustration.

 **Lincoln:** So that's it, then. No more pool for the Louds. _[gets an idea]_ That's it! 'Pool for the Louds!' Why didn't I think of that sooner?

Lincoln dashes off while his siblings kept arguing. Over at Good Sport Sporting Goods, Lincoln is looking for a new swimming pool and picks up the _DELUX SWIMMING POOL_ which is Muscle Fish approved and has a warning label that says it has dangerous levels of fun and is a drowning hazard.

 **Lincoln:** Whoa. The perfect family pool. Just imagine...

Lincoln has a fantasy about getting ready to dive into his new pool.

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _On a hot summer day, there's nothing like a refreshing dip in your own pool._ _[charges toward it]_ _CANNONBALL!_ _[suddenly comes to a screeching halt.]_

 _ **Lola:**_ _Ah ah ah! Don't you_ _dare_ _splash me, Lincoln Loud! This outfit cannot get wet._

 _It is revealed that his siblings have taken up the pool even in his own fantasy._

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _But it's a swimsuit._

 _ **Lola:**_ _[scoffs]_ _It's a swim_ _gown_ _, you Philistine._

 _ **Lana:**_ _[adding the celery and carrots and singing.]_ _Mama's little baby loves shortenin', shortenin._ _[scoops some water up and takes a sip.]_

 _ **Lynn:**_ _Who whats to chicken fight?_

 _Luna lets out a war cry._

 _ **Leni:**_ _[with a chicken on her back]_ _I'm in!_

 ** _Luke:_** _Not with an_ actual _chicken, Leni!_

 _The chicken tries to get away while Leni holds on tight._

 _ **Lana:**_ _Mmm...just what my soup needs..._

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _I can't even get into the pool in my own fantasy!_

 _ **Lori:**_ _FECAL INCIDENT!_

 _All the siblings except Lily, who is giggling, run away for obvious reasons._

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _NOOOOOOOOO!_

 _[End fantasy]_

 **Lincoln:** Maybe _not_ so perfect. _[puts it back and finds an individual one.]_ Oh! _Paradise for One_. Just imagine...

Lincoln imagines himself in the pool on a small island in the middle of the ocean.

 **Lincoln:** Now this is a pool I can really get into. _[singing and heading for the exit]_ Lincoln's little baby loves shortenin', short- _[triggers the alarm]_ Whoops. Gotta pay first. _[heads to the check out counter]_

* * *

At the Loud House, the siblings are in the kitchen trying to cool off with the contents from the freezer. Lincoln comes in and sees them and tries to hide his pool kit from them.

 **Leni:** Hey, Lincoln. Wanna chill with us?

 **Luan:** _'Chill'_! Good one, Leni! _[laughs]_

 **Leni:** _[confused]_ Good what?

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, but I don't mind the heat. But, uh, you guys keep cool in here. Definitely no reason to go outside. I wouldn't even bother looking out there. Am I talking too much? I feel like I'm talking too much. _[leaves]_

 **Luke:** _[confused]_ What?

 **Lisa:** Clearly, he's suffering the first symptoms of heat stroke. Now, pass the frozen succotash.

Lynn tosses the succotash to her.

 **Lana:** Scoot over. You're melting the broccoli.

 **Lola:** Well, stop breathing on the frozen carrots!

 **Luan:** Hey, Lynn, can you grab that bag of peas? _Peas_ and thank you! _[laughs while her siblings groan]_

While they're cooling off, Lincoln sneaks off into the backyard, Luke decides to follows him after, wanting to know what he's up to.

 **Lincoln:** _[breathing heavily]_ Phew. _[dumps out pool kit and instructions]_ The manual? Psst. Who needs the manual?

Lincoln starts trying to set up the pool only to make it look like a camping tent.

 **Lincoln:** What the?

He tries again and makes it look like a sailboat. He tries again and it looks like a unicorn. He then wrestles with it and gets bucked into the trash can and pulls out the manual.

 **Lincoln:** Ah, the manual. Everyone needs the manual. _[unfolds it]_

 **Luke:** Why are you in a trash can?

 **Lincoln:** GAH! Luke? What are you doing out here?

 **Luke:** Obviously looking at you in a trash can.

 **Lincoln:** _[beat]_ Look, could you please leave? I'm trying to build my _Paradise for One_.

 **Luke:** Paradise for...? Oh, you mean that thing that looks like a unicorn?

 **Lincoln:** What, no! _[sighs]_ Look, I'm trying to build my own pool just for me and I can't have our sisters know about it. You know how they'll get.

 **Luke:** Look, I get what you're saying. But, isn't this kinda unfair-?

 **Lincoln:** If you'll excuse me, I'd like to be alone with my pool.

Luke sighs and goes back in the house. Later, Lincoln is trying to set up his pool. The first thing he tries is using a bike pump to inflate it, but it breaks.

 **Lincoln:** Whoops. _[sees the nozzle]_ I guess it's just you and me now.

Lincoln breathes into it deeply a few times but gets too lightheaded to keep trying. He passes out for a bit and now half his body is sunburned and touches it.

 **Lincoln:** Ouch! My sunburn!

He tries pumping up the pool with a pair of bellows and inflates it perfectly and closes the nozzle and notices a bee.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, no, you don't... _[shoos it away, gets chased by it, and gets stung.]_ I sure showed that bee. _[the bee stings and pops the pool.]_ Dang it.

The pool gets a patch where the sting occurred and is fully inflated and Lincoln is hosing water into it and notices the shadow from the tree is casting over it. He moves the pool to the sun while the water comes out and now the pool is empty. He then touches his two painful spots.

 **Lincoln:** Ouch! My sunburn _and_ my bee sting!

Later, he finally manages to get it set up and ready to go.

 **Lincoln:** And now, to suit up and cool down. _[charges off into trash can]_ Ouch! My sunburn _and_ my bee sting _and_ my twisted ankle!

* * *

Lincoln has changed into his swim trunks, finally ready to bask in his paradise for one.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ On a hot summer day, there's nothing like a refreshing dip in your own pool. _[charges]_ CANNONBALL! _[comes to a screeching halt]_ Aah!

He discovers that Lori and Leni have found out about the pool and are now lounging in it.

 **Lincoln:** How the...when did...what are you guys doing here?

 **Lori:** Lincoln, this is literally genius. Who's gonna kick us out of our own pool? Right? _[raises a toast with Leni.]_

 **Leni:** Are you getting in? There's totes room for one more.

 **Lincoln:** Um, actually... _[shows them the package]_ ...there's only room for one. See? Says so on the box. _Paradise for-_

 **Lynn:** _[pounces on Lincoln]_ CHICKEN FIGHT! I call Lincoln!

Lincoln tries to get up, but is struggling to carry Lynn on his shoulders.

 **Lynn:** Come on, partner! You gotta plant those feet!

 **Lincoln:** Whoa! _[collapses]_ Oof!

The girls are having a pool party right in their backyard while Lily is running around in the nude.

 **Lincoln:** _[chasing her with her diaper]_ Lily! No skinny dipping! _[gets splashed by Lynn and sees Lisa adding some kind of chemical.]_ Lisa! No! What do you think you're doing?

 **Lisa:** Testing sanitation levels. I've concocted a special serum that will detect and eliminate urine, AKA tinkle, in H2O.

 **Lincoln:** I'm sure no one here would...

Lisa adds the serum anyway and the water evaporates and bursts into a pink smoke within seconds. It reveals that all of her older sisters had tinkled in the pool, proved by their rosy cheeks, except Lisa and Lincoln.

 **Lisa:** Hmm... unprecedented levels.

 **Luke:** _[arrives and sees this]_ Wow. Talk about bad timing.

 **Lincoln:** _[sees Luke and marches up to him]_ Luke, what the heck?! You told everybody about my pool?!

 **Luke:** What? No. Everyone else found out about this by their own, I had nothing do with this. And, to be honest, it's not all that bad.

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, for you apparently. I gotta go refill my pool.

Lincoln washes the pool and refills it and the party continues. Luan and Leni are now playing Marco Polo.

 **Luan:** Marco!

 **Leni:** Marco!

 **Luan:** No, Leni. I'm Marco. You're Polo.

 **Leni:** Then who's Leni?

Luan was dumbfounded, Lily is about to go skinny dipping again.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, no no no no no! _[grabs her and puts her in her diaper]_ No fecal incidents in my pool! I'm watching you, Lily. _[sees Lucy floating and gasps in horror]_ Lucy? I didn't know you liked to swim.

 **Lucy:** I'm not swimming. I'm trying to see if I'm a witch. Am I floating?

 **Lincoln:** Yes.

 **Lucy:** Wicked.

Lily has escaped her diaper yet again.

 **Lincoln:** _[gives chase]_ Get back here!

It then shows Lynn with a pool noodle with Lana is standing on the edge, as Lola is lounging.

 **Lynn:** You know what your soup needs? Noodles! _[bonks Lana with a pool noodle.]_

 **Lana:** _[grabs one]_ Bring it!

 **Luke:** _[jabs Lynn with his noodle]_ Mind if I cut in?

 **Lola:** STOP SPLASHING ME!

 **Lincoln:** Guys, no horseplay!

 **Luan:** What about elephant play?

Luan blasts Lincoln with a jet of water while sounding like an elephant, which makes Lana, Luke, Lynn, and Lola laugh at Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** _[flies right into Bobby.]_ Huh? Bobby? What are you doing here?

 **Bobby:** Lori said there was an opening for a lifeguard at Casa Loud. _[blows whistle]_ Everyone out! Senior swim!

 **Lincoln:** What? There aren't any old people here!

 **Lori:** Um, hello! _High school_ senior? _[points to herself and gets in; shoos her siblings]_ Shoo shoo. Oh, this really is paradise for one.

Lincoln gets enraged, having finally had enough of this nonsense, grabs Bobby's whistle, and blows into it.

 **Lincoln:** THAT...IS...IT!

Everyone gives Lincoln their attention and Lynn bonks Lana with her noodle.

 **Lincoln:** In case you guys haven't noticed, this is _my_ pool! I bought it and spent all day setting it up, and I haven't even gotten in it yet! I'm too busy keeping all of you from ruining it!

 **Luke:** Whoa, Lincoln, you need to calm down.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, save it, Luke! You have no idea what it's like to have a great experience in your own pool and have your siblings ruin the fun for you!

 **Luke:** _[starts to get angry]_ We were just having a good time, Lincoln!

 **Lynn:** Yeah!

 **Lincoln:** Loud family, out!

Everyone reluctantly leaves.

 **Lincoln:** Finally. Time to...CANNONBALL! _[charges and comes to yet another screeching halt.]_ What? _"_ _Warning. No cannonballs. May cause tears."_ How did I not notice this before? Eh, I'll just rip this off. _[notices another label]_ _"_ _No removing the warning label?_ _"_ Sheesh! What _can_ I do? _[gets in]_ That's all right. This is still gonna be paradise for one.

Eventually, Lincoln starts to get a little bored and tries doing some of the things his siblings did like kicking back, lounging, playing Marco Polo...

 **Lincoln:** Marco! Marco!

...and playing with the noodles, but nothing interests him. He pulls out a carrot slice from Lana's soup recipe out of his trunks.

 **Lincoln:** Ugh! _[tosses it aside]_

He then remembers all the fun his siblings had and misses them. Suddenly, he hears some splashing in the distance.

 **Lincoln:** What's going on? _[goes to check it out]_

It turns out the siblings and Bobby are hanging out front with the Delux swimming pool Lincoln originally planned to get with Luna playing on a steel drum and Lori taking photos of her darling lifeguard.

 **Lori:** Oh, that's fierce, babe.

Lynn, Luke, and Lana are resuming their noodle fight.

 **Lynn:** _[strikes]_ En garde!

 **Lana:** _[counters and knocks Lynn into the water]_ Have at thee! Ha!

 **Luke:** _[counters Lana into the water]_ Ha! Who's got the upper hand now?

 **Lola:** _[sealing up her swim gown in a protective wrap]_ Just because I'm fabulous doesn't mean I can't have fun. _[slides down and swims]_ _La-la-la, la-la-la_.

Lucy and Lily apply sunscreen to each other while Luan and Leni are still playing Marco Polo.

 **Luan:** Okay, this time, instead of Marco Polo, why don't we just use our real names?

 **Leni:** Okay. So, I'm… _[sees her brother]_ Lincoln?

 **Luan:** Boy, you really don't get this game at all, do you? _[then notices what Leni meant]_ Oh, hey, Linc!

 **Lincoln:** Hey, guys...what's all this?

 **Lori:** Well, little bro, you had such a good idea in buying your pool, we decided to-

 **Luan:** - _pool_ our money to get this one! _[laughs and gets more exasperated groans from everyone and gets bonked by Lynn's noodle.]_ That's using your _noodle_! _[laughs some more]_ Ow.

 **Leni:** Aren't you gonna get in? There's totes room for one more.

 **Lincoln:** You're gonna let me use your pool, even though I kicked you out of mine?

 **Lola:** Well, he was kind of a meanie.

 **Lucy:** Not to mention selfish.

 **Lori:** And bossy.

 **Bobby:** And he stole my whistle!

 **Luan:** But that doesn't mean he can't use our pool.

 **Lincoln:** Really?

 **Lynn:** Well, duh. It's more fun with all of us.

 **Leni:** Yeah! All eleven of us!

 **Lucy:** Leni, there are twelve of us.

 **Leni:** Oh, that's right. I forgot Marco.

 **Lincoln:** Even you, Luke?

 **Luke:** Come on, Lincoln, I should know that you didn't really mean that. We're all here to have fun. And you should too.

 **Lincoln:** I guess you're right. Sorry for the way I was acting.

 **Luke:** It's fine, dude. Come on, join the fun!

 **Lincoln:** Well, in that case...CANNONBALL! _[cannonballs right in]_

What they don't know is that there's a warning label prohibiting cannonballs on the INSIDE of the pool. This unfortunate oversight destroys the pool and ruins their party.

 **Luna:** Whoa, dude...looks like pool's out for summer.

 **Lori:** How we are gonna keep cool now?

 **Lisa:** I'll go get the frozen succotash.

 **Lincoln:** No worries, guys. I got just the thing.

And so, everyone is cramped inside _Paradise for One_ , making it paradise for a dozen.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ So, it turns out that a pool, and basically everything that's awesome in life, is more fun when everyone gets to be a part of it.

 **Bobby:** _[_ _blows his whistle.]_ Fecal incident!

 **Siblings:** LOUD FAMILY, OUT!

All except Lily get out of the pool, making it pretty obvious that Lily was the cause of the fecal incident. She giggles in her own paradise for one.


	17. Changing The Baby

**Changing The Baby**

 _June 6, 2016_

Today's another day at the Loud House. In Lucy and Lynn's room, Lincoln comes in in his underwear holding a comic book.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Lynn, do you wanna read the latest Ace Savvy comic with me?

 **Lynn:** _[shooting some hoops]_ A. Comics are boring. B. Put on some pants. And _C._ ya later. _[bops Lincoln with her basketball]_

In the living room, Lincoln was going to watch a movie as Luan walks by with her dummy, Mr. Coconuts.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Luan, do you wanna watch a science-fiction movie with me?

 **Luan:** _[as Mr. Coconuts]_ Science fiction stinks, and that's a science fact. _[laughs; normal voice]_ I agree with Mr. Coconuts.

 _Lola and Lana's room…_

 **Lincoln:** _[coming in with a coin case]_ Hey, Lola, do you want to check out my coin collection? I just got this one from Poland. It's called a Zloty.

 **Lola:** Lame! What's the point of money that you _can't_ spend?

Lucy is writing a new poem and Lincoln comes in with the vacuum.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Lucy, do you want to go ghost hunting with me?

 **Lucy:** Why would I want to hunt my friends?

 _The kitchen…_

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Lana, you wanna try half of my peanut butter and sauerkraut sandwich?

 **Lana:** I eat some grody things, but that is disgusting. _[sniffs it and retches; runs to the bathroom.]_

In the living room again, Lincoln is playing _Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter XXIV._

 **Game Announcer:** ROUND 1: FIGHT!

 _[enter Leni]_

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Leni, you wanna play video games?

 **Leni:** Those things will rot your brain. Besides, I have fashion magazines to look at.

Just then, Luke comes walking by.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Luke, you wanna go a round?

 **Luke:** Oh, sorry, Lincoln. I promised Sky that I'd hang out with him today. Later. _[leaves the house]_

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs; to the viewers]_ You'd think that with all these siblings, there'd be just one that likes the same things I like. Well, Luke apparently. But sadly, that's not the case. _[Lily comes in cooing.]_ Even you, Lily. Sure you're hanging out with me now, but someday you're gonna be into your own things and we'll have nothing in common. _[inspired]_ Unless...

Lincoln takes Lily's blanket and pacifier and gives her the controller _._ Lily starts mashing buttons and giggles.

 **Lincoln:** That's it! You don't have your own things yet! You're like an unformed lump of clay! But if I can mold you, then someone in this house will finally like the things I like!

 _[Enter Clyde]_

 **Clyde:** Hey, Lincoln! What has two thumbs and totally wants to hang out with his best friend? _[points to himself]_ This guy!

 **Lincoln:** _[shoves Clyde out the door]_ Sorry, Clyde. I'm in the middle of something important. I'm changing the baby.

 **Clyde:** 'Something important'? But what's more important than hanging out with _this guy_? _[points to himself again on "this guy" and looks in the window.]_

 **Lincoln:** It's just you and me, Lily! We're gonna have the best time together!

Lily giggles and Clyde's thumbs deflate.

 **Clyde:** Lily?!

* * *

In Lincoln's room, Lincoln is showing Lily all of his material possessions.

 **Lincoln:** Here are all the things that make life worth living.

 **Lily:** _[reaches for her blanket]_ Blankie!

 **Lincoln:** _[takes blanket away]_ No, no, no. You don't like this. You like _this_. _[turns on a movie] Starship Groupers_! My favorite underwater intergalactic adventure. _[playing with model of the ship from the movie.]_ Pew-pew-pew! Check this out. It's a 500-piece replica of the starship. _[to the viewers]_ Built by yours truly. _[sees Lily's interested in it.]_ Oh, you like it? Here you go! _[gives it to her]_

 **Lily:** _[giggles and starts playing.]_ Pew-pew! Pew-pew!

 **Lincoln:** That's right! Pew pew pew! _[Lily starts shaking it.]_ Uh, Lily? You gotta, you know, try to be... _[Lily tosses it into the air.]_ ...careful!

The model crashes onto the floor and shatters.

 **Lily:** Pew-pew...?

 **Lincoln:** _[holding back angst]_ That's okay. I wanted to get the 600 piece model anyway.

Next, Lincoln shows off his coin collection to Lily.

 **Lincoln:** Coin collecting is an awesome hobby, Lily. You collect coins from all around the world, then spend hours of fun carefully organizing them by country and denomination. _[picks up his Zloty]_ Who loves a Zloty? Lily does!

Lily looks at the Zloty then grabs and shakes the entire collection book.

 **Lincoln:** Uh, Lily?

Lily stops shaking and smacks Lincoln with the book.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks _Zloty_...

In the kitchen, Lincoln is giving Lily lunch with his favorite sandwich.

 **Lincoln:** This is my favorite sandwich, Lily. Peanut butter and sauerkraut. You can't chew it yet, but... _[blends it up and pours it in her sippy cup.]_ ...you can _drink_ it!

 **Lily:** Poo-poo! _[giggles]_

 **Lincoln:** Cheers!

They eat and drink their sandwiches, belch, and laugh. Finally, Lincoln is showing her an Ace Savvy comic book.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, Lily, this is my favorite crime fighter, Ace Savvy. And this is an Ace Savvy mobile I made for you. _[spins mobile]_ Now look into the mobile. You will love Ace Savvy. You will love Ace Savvy.

Lily's eyes start going into what looks like a hypnotic state.

 **Lincoln:** Yes! That's my girl!

Lily suddenly throws up revealing she was just dizzy from watching the mobile spin.

 **Lincoln:** I guess we should have done this _before_ the peanut butter and sauerkraut.

Later, Lincoln is taking Lily out for a walk in a baby carrier.

 **Lincoln:** Whoo-hoo! Come on, Lily! I can't wait to show you more of my favorite things! _[heads off]_

 **Clyde:** _[spying on Lincoln in the tree out front.]_ I don't get it. I've been watching Lincoln all day, and I still don't know what Lily has that I don't. _[busts out his thumbs]_ Come on, guys. Let's find out.

Lincoln and Lily are at the arcade, and Lily wins a ton of tickets on a game.

 **Lincoln:** Way to go, Lily!

Lily giggles cheerfully while Clyde spies on them in a toy grabbing game. Lincoln and Lily hit the hobby shop where Lily gets a toy plane and makes propeller sounds and Clyde is wearing a mask disguised as a news stand man while watching them.

 _The clothing store…_

 **Lincoln:** Put your arms up.

Lily does so and Lincoln puts an orange shirt just her size on her.

 **Lincoln:** Let's see if we can find you a white wig.

Lily forgot her blanket and grabs it.

 **Lincoln:** Hurry up, Lily.

They leave and Clyde has been watching them disguised as a mannequin. At the park, Lincoln and Lily are playing Chess with some senior folks and Lily wins her game, leaving her opponent in shame.

 **Lincoln:** Amazing! You really are the best!

 **Lily:** _[reaches for her blanket]_ Blankie!

 **Lincoln:** You don't need this anymore, Lily. _[tosses Lily's blanket in the trash.]_

 **Clyde:** _[pops out of trash bin]_ I still don't get what's so great about this baby, but if that's what Lincoln wants... _[starts feeling depressed and gets pegged by an apple core.]_ Hey! I'm having a moment here!

* * *

Back at the Loud House, Lincoln and Lily are playing video games and Lincoln's other sisters are curious about this.

 **Lori:** Um...what's going on?

 **Lincoln:** You guys never wanna do the stuff I like, so I taught Lily to do it.

His sisters react shocked to that. Just then, Luke comes in through the front door and sees everyone here.

 **Luke:** Hey guys. What's going on?

 **Lincoln:** Simple, Luke. I was changing the baby.

 **Luke:** _[looks at Lily]_ You mean Lily? How come?

 **Lincoln:** Because, even though you and I hang out a lot. Sometimes, I hope one of our sisters would get in on the action. And Lily was the perfect candidate. Besides, everybody wins.

 **Game Announcer:** KO! PLAYER LILY WINS!

 **Lincoln:** Well...not everybody.

Lily giggles in victory.

 **Luke:** _[to himself]_ I feel like I'm getting bad vibes all of a sudden.

 _Later that night…_

 **Lincoln:** _[reading Lily an Ace Savvy bedtime story.]_ And Ace Savvy defeated the evil Card Countess. The end.

Lincoln sees Lily fast asleep and gives her a kiss on the head.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks for the best day ever. I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship. _[turns out the lights and leaves her room.]_

* * *

 _June 7, 2016_

 _The next morning to the tune of Edvard Grieg's Morning Mood…_

 **Lincoln:** Rise and shine, Lily! We've got a lot to do today. _[discovers that Lily's not in her crib and panics.]_

 **Lynn:** _[outside]_ Now batting, Number 2, Lily Loud!

Lincoln peeks out to see Lynn is training Lily to play Baseball.

 **Lincoln:** Huh? _[rushes outside and dodges a fastball.]_ Wah! Lynn, what are you doing?

 **Lynn:** Dude, you're not the only one in this family who doesn't have anyone to do stuff with. Lily's gonna be my sports buddy.

 **Lincoln:** Hey! This was my idea, and I want her back!

 **Lynn:** You don't own her! She wants to hang with me!

 **Luan:** Introducing Luan Loud and her amazing dummy, Lil Lil!

Luan is holding Lily who is dressed like Mr. Coconuts in the same position as him.

 **Luan:** Say, Lily, who's your favorite singer? Lady...

 **Lily:** Gaga!

 **Luan:** What's your favorite Hawaiian platter?

 **Lily:** Poo-poo!

 **Lynn:** Hey! That's no dummy! That's my cleanup hitter!

 **Lincoln:** No, she's mine!

 **Lynn:** Gimme that dummy!

The three of them start fighting over Lily, who flies right out of the fight cloud, then stops.

 **Lincoln, Lynn, and Luan:** Lily?

In Lynn and Lucy's room, Lucy is dressing Lily up in goth fashion and showing her photos of the deceased.

 **Lucy:** This is Grandma Harriet. And this is Abraham Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Uh, Lucy...what are you doing?

 **Lucy:** I'm introducing Lily to my ghost friends.

 **Lincoln:** She already has a friend named Lincoln! _[takes Lily back]_

 **Lucy:** Sigh...

Lincoln wipes Lucy's makeup off Lily's face.

 **Lincoln:** Black is not your color. Orange is!

He gets out another small orange shirt and turns around to find that Lily's gone again.

 **Lincoln:** Dang it!

Lori is showing Lily her favorite reality show.

 **Lori:** Now, Dylan can only pick one girl to spend the rest of his life with. And it'd better be Marisol.

Lily blows a raspberry of disagreement.

 **Lori:** Yeah, you're right. Maybe he _will_ be happier with Tiffany.

 **Lincoln:** _[slides down the banister]_ Give her back, Lori!

 **Lori:** Why should you get her? I've literally been waiting 17 years for someone in this family who likes the things I like!

 **Leni:** HELP!

Lori and Lincoln rush to Leni's rescue and discover she's stuck in Lily's crib.

 **Leni:** Oh, thank goodness. I got in here to show Lily my fashion magazine, but now I can't get out of this baby prison! _[bawls like a baby]_

Lincoln and Lori help her out.

 **Lincoln:** Upsy-daizy.

 **Lori:** There you go, Leni.

 **Leni:** _[grateful]_ Agoo.

Lisa suddenly starts laughing evilly and has Lily strapped to one of her machines to use her as a test subject.

 **Lily:** Poo-poo?

Lisa is about to throw the switch but Lincoln stops her.

 **Lincoln:** Hold it! Are you nuts?!

 **Lisa:** Come on, Lincoln! No one in this family ever _willingly_ lets me do experiments on them!

 **Lincoln:** Lisa! She's a baby!

 **Lisa:** I was going to give her a sucker afterward. _[holds out a lollipop to which Lincoln facepalms.]_

 **Lincoln:** Look, everyone just stay away from Lily! She's my little Lincoln!

 **Lori, Leni, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, and Lisa:** _[pointing]_ Uuuuh...

 **Lincoln:** What? _[sees she's gone again]_ DANG IT!

In Luna and Luan's room, Luna is jamming with Lily on drums and gets up on her bunk bed.

 **Luna:** STAGE DIVE! WOO!

Luna dives off her bed right towards Lily who has a bad feeling about this and Lincoln and their sisters push her out of Lily's way.

 **Luna:** WOO!

 **Lincoln, Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, and Lisa:** _[see she's gone again]_ Where's Lily?!

Lily is having a tea party with Lola in her and Lana's room.

 **Lola:** More tea, Lady Lilington?

 **Lana:** She doesn't wanna have a dumb tea party. She wants to play with Izzy! _[puts Izzy on Lily's head.]_

 **Lola:** No she doesn't!

 **Lana:** Yes she does!

 **Lola:** No she doesn't!

 **Lana:** Yes she does!

 **Luna:** Dudes, give her back! We were in the middle of a jam sesh!

 **Lisa:** She was my specimen!

 **Lucy:** We were talking to Great Grandma Harriet.

 **Lynn:** We were playing ball!

 **Luan:** We were getting ready to take our show on the road!

 **Leni:** We were gonna look at my magazines!

 **Lori:** We were watching Dylan's date!

 **Lucy:** BT-dubs, Lori, Great-Grandma Harriet knows you regifted her brooch, and she's not happy about it.

Lori instantly looks regretful.

 **Lola & Lana:** GIVE US BACK LILY!

The girls all fight over Lily until Lincoln comes in and grabs her. The girls stop fighting and notice their brother is about to sneak away.

 **Girls:** WHERE DO YOU THINK _YOU'RE_ GOING?!

Lincoln tries to escape with Lily, but Lori stops him dead in his tracks.

 **Lori:** I'll take that. _[grabs Lily and runs]_

 **Lincoln:** Oh, no, you don't!

Lincoln gets Lily back from Lori but crashes into Luan who switched Lily out with Mr. Coconuts.

 **Luan:** Whoops. Sorry, Linc! _[runs off]_ Sorry, dummy! _[laughs but loses Lily to Leni.]_

 **Leni:** Ha! Na-na-na, na-na-na! _[loses Lily to Lisa while she's gloating at Luan.]_ LILY'S INVISIBLE!

 **Lucy:** Boo.

Lisa screams and Lucy takes Lily from her.

 **Lucy:** Boo.

Leni runs off screaming. Lisa gets Lily back from Lucy only for Leni to intercept her. Luan tosses a banana peel on the floor causing Leni to slip and drop Lily and Lincoln catches her. Lynn intercepts Lily, Lola comes driving in her princess car and runs over Lynn and takes Lily from tosses her jacks on the floor and causes Lola to have a tire blow out. In slow motion, Lola goes crashing and Lana grabs Lily only for the other girls to catch up to her by blocking her path.

 **Lana:** Dang it...

They all start having another brawl until Luke came in to see the situation. He does not like this one bit.

 **Luke:** _[yelling]_ ** _STOP!_**

The siblings stop fighting and turn to look at Luke.

 **Luke:** What the heck is going on here?!

 **Lincoln:** Like I told you, I just want to have the same sister to like the same things as me.

 **Luna:** You mean _me,_ dude.

 **Lola:** No, she wants to be with _me._

 **Lana:** No, _me_!

 **Luan:** No, _me_!

They all start having another argument until Lincoln whistles out to them and they stop.

 **Lincoln:** Look! We all want Lily to be our mini-me, right? Well, there's only one way to settle this. We'll let Lily choose!

 **Luke** : What?

Everyone has come together in the living room for Lily decide which sibling she's going to be with.

 **Lincoln:** Now, whoever Lily crawls to is the one she wants to be with. Agreed?

The girls nod and they all take out their items relating to what they wanted Lily to like what they like earlier: Lincoln has his Ace Savvy comic, Lori has the TV remote, Leni has her fashion magazine, Luna has her drumsticks, Luan has Mr. Coconuts, Lynn has her baseball mitt, Lucy has her photo of Abe Lincoln, Lana has Izzy, Lola has her teapot, and Lisa has her cables; each one of them beckon Lily with them.

 **Luke** : Oh, come on! Don't you know this could be too much pressure for her to decide by herself?

 **Lincoln:** Luke, please! _[to Lily]_ Come on! It's Ace Savvy!

 **Luan:** _Wooden_ you like to be my friend?

 **Lynn:** Low and inside!

 **Lana:** Izzy!

 **Leni:** Look at the magazine!

 **Lori:** Marisol?

 **Lola:** Extra sugar!

 **Luna:** Walk this way.

 **Lucy:** _Abe_ Lincoln.

 **Lisa:** I have more suckers!

Lily is starting to feel a little stressed over which one of them to be with as she just can't decide. Luke sees this and tries to reason with them.

 **Luke:** Guys! You can't except her to like the same things you guys do all the time!

Just then, Clyde comes in through the front door.

 **Clyde:** LINCOLN! You wanna hang out with babies?

Clyde tears off his clothes, revealing to be wearing a diaper and puts on a bonnet and busts out Lily's blanket.

 **Clyde:** Then let's hang. _[puts his thumb in his mouth.]_

The Loud Kids all gasp at the sight of Clyde and Lily starts crawling towards someone...or something.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, look! Lily's coming to me!

 **Lynn:** Nuh-uh! To me!

 **Lincoln:** To me!

 **Lynn:** To me!

Lily crawls all the way to Clyde because he has her blanket.

 **Loud Kids:** SHE CHOSE CLYDE?!

 **Luke:** I'm confused. Why is Clyde dressed like a baby?

 **Clyde:** I have something to say to you, Little Miss Friend Stealer!

Lily takes her blanket back and makes a cute face to Clyde.

 **Clyde:** You are... _[unable to resist her cuteness]_ ...absolutely adorable! No wonder Lincoln wants to hang with you! _[hugs her]_

 **Lincoln:** _[disturbed at his best friend's ensemble]_ Clyde, why are you wearing a diaper?

 **Clyde:** You replaced me with Lily, so I thought this was the only way to win you back.

 **Lincoln:** I'd _never_ replace you. You're my best friend.

 **Lily:** _[cuddling her blanket]_ Blankie!

 **Lincoln:** Her blankie...of course! Now I get it, you guys. We can't mold Lily. No matter what we do, she's always gonna want the things she wants.

 **Luke:** _[sarcastically]_ Oh, you think? I didn't realize!

 **Lincoln:** Okay, okay, geez. Besides, I forgot I already have someone who likes everything I like. What do you say, Clyde? Wanna hang?

 **Clyde:** Sorry, Lincoln. Lily and I have plans. Hey, Lily! What has four thumbs and loves milk?

 **Clyde and Lily:** _[point to themselves]_ These guys!

 **Lori:** _[on her phone]_ Bobby, does your mom still have that brooch I gave her?

Lucy raises her head up and smiles, knowing she successfully got Great Grandma Harriet's message to Lori.


	18. Ties That Bind

**Ties That Bind**

 _June 11, 2016_

It appears to be a nice quiet Saturday morning at the Loud House, a butterfly perches on Lincoln's window. Just then, a sudden blast blows the butterfly away and we see the real actions occurring inside. Luna is rocking, Lucy is reading her poetry on the attic steps, Lola and Lana are racing with their car and pogo stick, some commotion is coming from Lisa and Lily's room, Lily is finger painting on the hall walls, and Luan is practicing with her dummy Mr. Coconuts.

 **Luan:** _[as Mr. Coconuts]_ How do you make an egg roll? _[normal voice]_ I don't know. How _do_ you make an egg roll? _[as Mr. Coconuts]_ You push it! _[normal voice]_ Good one, Mr. Coconuts, but your delivery was a little _wooden_. _[laughs]_

Mr. Coconuts just turns at her and stares at her vividly. Luan reacts surprised and turns to the viewers awkwardly. Leni comes out of her room wearing one of Lori's tanktops.

 **Lori:** _[angrily]_ Is that my shirt? Take it off!

 **Leni:** I can't! _[Referring to Mr. Coconuts]_ There are boys here!

Mr. Coconuts raises his eyebrows in an aroused motion and Luan covers his eyes.

 **Luan:** _[as Mr. Coconuts]_ Aw, coconuts.

Lynn is leaping off the walls in the manners of parkour, Luke is seen running after her while Lincoln is trying to copy it, but falls on his face. Lynn bounces off Luna's speakers and leaps over Lola's car and Lana's pogo stick, Luke avoids Lola's car while moving and Lincoln tries it but Lola runs him over and Lana bounces off him. The two boys try to catch up with Lynn.

 **Lynn:** See, guys, the key to parkour is momentum. Never stop moving.

 **Luke:** _[bounces off a wall and lands with a somersault]_ Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this.

 **Lynn:** _[observes Luke's parkour]_ Hmm, not bad. But let's see if you can do _this_. _[leaps onto and springs off the bathroom door.]_ Door jump! _[flips back]_

 **Luke:** _[leaps onto and springs off the bathroom door as well]_ Door jump! _[flips back]_ Nailed it!

 **Lincoln:** Door jump! _[drop kick opens the door and falls in.]_ Whoa!

Cliff comes walking out of the bathroom with a piece of toilet paper on his right paw. The hind one. Luke walks in afterwards.

 **Luke:** You alright, bro?

 **Lincoln:** _[on the bathroom floor; pained]_ I'm okay. Just gonna lie here a sec on the nice, soft floor. _[to the viewers]_ Welcome to a typical Saturday morning in the Loud House. Sure it's crazy, but that's the way we like it. All twelve of us.

At that moment, their mom's voice comes through the vent.

 **Rita:** _Twelve is way too many. I can't take it anymore._

 **Lynn Sr.:** _But we can't get rid of them. I'm too attached._

Lincoln gasps and gets closer to hear better. Luke hears this as well and walks closer to the vent.

 **Rita:** _I know you are, honey, but they're just so obnoxious and loud._

 **Luke:** Wait, are they talking about us?

The two boys look out into the hallway to see the chaos that they love possibly being the cause of this issue with Lori trying to get her shirt back from Leni who's running from her while Lori holds on.

 **Lori:** Stop! You're stretching my shirt!

 **Rita:** _I'm sorry, but my mind is made up. I want all of them out of the house and on the curb in time for trash pickup tomorrow._

Luke is shocked at the thought that their parents might actually get rid of their own children.

 **Lincoln:** _[terrified]_ Trash pickup?! _[runs off to tell his sisters.]_

 **Luke:** Hey, where are you going?! _[runs after him]_

Down the vent, the scene goes to their parents' room to reveal what they're actually talking about, which appears to be about their father's neckties.

 **Lynn Sr.:** But I love my tie collection! Cool neckwear is my thing.

 **Rita:** Honey, they're an embarrassment.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[holds up his disco tie]_ Not this one. _[presses a button that makes it light up and play music.]_ It's like a dance party around your neck.

Lynn Sr. starts dancing which makes his wife feel embarrassed.

Meanwhile in Lincoln's room, Lincoln tells the girls about what they heard through the vent and don't believe him.

 **Lori:** That is literally the dumbest thing you have ever said.

 **Lynn:** Yeah. Why would they want to get rid of us?

Lincoln shows them the damage, nay, the destruction they have caused in the hallway and a coyote trying to make off with Mr. Coconuts. The coyote notices the kids, drops Mr. Coconuts, and leaves.

 **Girls:** Oh.

 **Luke:** Was that a coyote?

 **Lori:** _[still disbelieving]_ Whatever, Mr. Paranoid. This is a waste of valuable texting time.

 **Lincoln:** Lori, wait! I'm serious! Come listen for yourself.

Lori is listening to the conversation now with worry.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _But I thought you loved them._

 **Rita:** _Frankly, dear, I didn't like the first one._

Her words send Lori into a state of panicking depression.

 **Rita:** _And the next thing I know, we've got twelve._

 **Lori:** _[bursts open Lincoln's door; to her other sisters]_ IT'S TRUE! MOM AND DAD ARE GETTING RID OF US!

The others start panicking, worried about the situation they're in.

 **Lola:** _[furious]_ I'm gonna go down there and give them a piece of my mind!

 **Lincoln:** Guys, shhh. Quiet down.

 **Lola:** I'm gonna lose my princess bed! Don't you tell me to quiet down!

 **Lincoln:** This is what got us in trouble in the first place. The yelling, the fighting, and the loudness.

 **Lori:** Lincoln's right. We have to be quiet, and perfectly well behaved.

 **Lincoln:** If we all work together, maybe we can convince Mom and Dad not to get rid of us. Now who's with me?

 **Siblings:** _[yelling]_ WE ARE! _[realize their noise and tone down.]_ We are.

The kids put their operation to work. Lynn glues the vase back together and Lisa creates a chemical that makes a bouquet for the vase. Luna is packing her favorite axe away.

 **Luna:** _[British accent; sorrowfully]_ Sorry, love. Time to go acoustic. _[puts away her axe and starts playing a zither.]_

 **Luan:** _[puts away Mr. Coconuts]_ So sorry, Mr. Coconuts. _[as Mr. Coconuts]_ Without me, you're just a hand!

Luan closes the trunk on him and speaks for him in a muffled tone.

 **Luan:** _[as Mr. Coconuts]_ Hey! I bring the funny! You're always-

Luan zips her lip and is now a mime. Downstairs, Lisa is mopping on the ceiling thanks to her anti-gravity shoes. Lucy sighs deeply on the mirror and wipes it. Luke is cleaning the floors with a broom while Luan is miming like she's cleaning with a broom as well and Lori sternly gives her a real broom to sweep up, Luan looks upset at this. In Lori and Leni's room, Leni is returning Lori her shirt and wearing something else.

 **Leni:** Here's your shirt back.

 **Lori:** Thanks. _[takes her shirt back and sees what Leni's wearing.]_ Wait! That's my sweater!

 **Lincoln:** _[reminding his eldest sister]_ Remember the plan.

 **Lori:** _[feigning]_ And it looks so much cuter on you! _[grins widely]_

Lily is crying with worry of getting kicked out and Luan performs the classic trapped-in-a-box routine and cheers Lily up. Leni and Luke walk in.

 **Leni:** Oh my gosh! Luan, are you okay? Are you trapped in that box?!

 **Luke:** Leni, she's not actually tra-

 **Leni:** HELP, GUYS! I THINK LUAN'S TRAPPED! _[runs out of the room]_

Luke turns to the viewers and shrugs. The twins are feigning giving each other turns to use the bathroom first.

 **Lana:** Ladies first!

 **Lola:** No, dear twin, after you!

 **Lana:** You're too kind, dear Lola, but I must insist you go first.

 **Lola:** I shan't hear of it!

 **Lana:** And I would never forgive myself if I went before you!

 **Lola:** Oh, please! Age before beauty! You are two minutes older!

Lincoln is standing right behind him really needing to pee.

 **Lola & Lana:** Oh, dear brother! _You_ go first.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks!

Lincoln rushes in and uses the toilet and is greeted with an update on their parents' conversation from the vent.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _Honey, please! Won't you reconsider?_

Lincoln holds it and peeks his head out the bathroom door to tell his siblings.

 **Lincoln:** Guys, Mom and Dad are at the vent again.

The siblings hear this and rush into the bathroom to listen in.

 **Rita:** _Okay, maybe I judged them unfairly. Forget what I said about getting rid of_ all _of them._

The siblings are relieved. Their plan worked.

 **Lori:** It worked!

 **Lola & Lana:** We did it! We get to stay!

 **Luke:** I knew they still had it in them.

 **Lucy:** Oh joy. What a relief.

 **Lincoln:** _[still straining from not being able to go at such an inconvenient time.]_ Speaking of relief, everyone out, please.

The siblings all leave the bathroom happy that they're not gonna have to leave as Luan pretends to pull on a rope.

 **Leni:** _[intrigued by Luan's rope trick]_ Ooh! Invisible rope! _[follows it]_

Lincoln shuts the bathroom door so he can pee as his parents talk more.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _You mean it? I can keep them all?_

 **Rita:** _I didn't say that. But I will let you keep your favorite._

 **Lincoln:** _[shocked]_ His _favorite_? _[gets closer]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** _But they're all equally great. How can I pick just one?_

 **Rita:** _Come on. There must be one that stands out above the rest._

 **Lincoln:** I've got some serious standing out to do. _[straining]_ Right after I pee. _[takes care of that]_

In the kitchen, Lincoln is now making a nice breakfast for his father with pancakes in the shape of his face and coffee, using the _"TOP POP"_ coffee mug. As soon as it's ready, he sneaks over to his parents' room, but Lola catches him.

 **Lola:** _[suspicious]_ Lincoln, where are you going with those pancakes?

 **Lincoln:** Uh...

 **Lola:** _[examines the breakfast]_ And why did you spell out "World's Best Dad" with chocolate chips?

It's true. Lincoln did do that on the whipped cream for his dad's coffee.

 **Lincoln:** You can _read_?

 **Lola:** I am more than just a pretty face, Lincoln! Now, you're up to something, and I'm gonna find out what it is! _[pulls Lincoln by his ear.]_

 **Lincoln:** Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

And so, Lincoln tells the news to the others who are now glaring at him and having dropped the breakfast in the hallway.

 **Lincoln:** But on the upside, we're not _all_ getting kicked out. One of us gets to stay.

 **Lynn:** And you thought it'd be _you_? _[viciously bites into a Lincoln pancake.]_

 **Luke:** What happened to "we all work together?"

 **Lincoln:** I'm sorry. I just kind of panicked.

 **Luna:** _[hears something]_ Dudes, Mom and Dad are talking again.

They rush over to the vent to listen.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _I don't know. Maybe I'll keep the musical one._

Luna smiles triumphantly and throws up her guants.

 **Rita:** _Are you kidding? That one makes my ears bleed._

 **Luna:** _[heartbroken]_ Way harsh, Mom...

Her siblings console her. Luan and Lincoln pat her shoulders while Luna's other sisters secretly smile at each other.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _Well, I definitely don't need the dark one. So dreary. Good for a funeral, but what else, really? Right?_

Lucy gasps, thinking that Lynn Sr. meant he doesn't want her and Lynn laughs at her.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _How about the one with the hockey sticks?_

 **Rita:** _Eh, never been a fan._

Now Lynn gasps.

 **Rita:** _Same with the filthy one._

Lana just scoffs.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _Well, how about the one with the cerulean? At least think about that one._

Luke looks down at his cerulean hoodie, knowing what Lynn Sr. meant.

 **Rita:** _Hmm,_ _I don't think it's worth it._

He then looks down at the floor, saddened.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _How about the funny one?_

Luan puts a smile on her face, thinking she'll be the one.

 **Rita:** _Never made me laugh._

She then replaces her smile with a frown and puts a teardrop on her cheek.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _Ugh. Now the pink one I can definitely do without._

 **Lola:** _[enraged]_ You will PAY FOR THIS!

 **Rita:** _And the littlest one is just_ crying _to be thrown out._

Lily is flabbergasted. She puts her pacifier in her mouth and goes into a fetal position. Luke picks her up and consoles her.

 **Rita:** _Then we've got the dumb one._

The other siblings look at Leni.

 **Leni:** _[oblivious]_ What?

 **Lynn Sr.:** _You know, I'd also feel a little guilty about tossing out the gifted one._

Lisa seems calm about that comment presumably reflect on her.

 **Rita:** _Oh, who's gonna know?_

Lisa's expression changes.

 **Rita:** _So where does that leave us?_

The siblings look at each other and realize there's only one left. And that would be…

 **Lisa:** I believe it leaves it with Lincoln. But what do I know? I'm just the gifted one.

The siblings are all furious at this decision which Lincoln can't help with. At that moment, he fantasizes what it would be like if he had the house all to himself.

 _Lincoln is dressed in a more prestigious and high-class ensemble._

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _Well, son, now that we've cleared out the clutter, we've got a lot of extra space in the house! And it's all yours._

 _ **Rita:**_ _Have fun with it._

 _Lynn Sr. throws out everything that reminds him of his former kids, even the picture of all twelve of them took for their parents' anniversary and replaces it with a gilded photo of their golden son. What was once in Lucy and Lynn's room is now a video arcade, what used to be in Lori and Leni's room is now a multiplex theater, and Lisa and Lily's former room is now a go-kart track. Lincoln and Clyde are racing together and come to a complete stop._

 _ **Clyde:**_ _[holds up a membership plaque and gives it to Lincoln.]_ _Welcome to the Only Child Club._

 _[End fantasy]_

 **Lincoln:** _[happily]_ Wow...I've always wonder what it would be like to be an only child.

 **Lola:** YOU _WHAT_?!

 **Lincoln:** _[snaps out of it]_ Uh...I mean... _[feigning sympathy]_ ...being an only child is gonna be terrible. What am I gonna do without you guys?

 **Luke:** _[glaring]_ Yeah, keep thinking that.

 **L** **ori:** Well, I guess we'd better go pack.

The siblings leave the bathroom forlornly.

 **Leni:** I'm still trying to figure out who the dumb one is.

As they leave, Lincoln cheerfully closes the door and measures the size of the bathroom.

 **Lincoln:** I wonder if I could fit a water slide in here? _[pulls out a tape measurer]_

As he measures, the conversation between his parents continues.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _I'm sorry, honey, but I just can't pick a favorite. It's too hard._

 **Rita:** _Fine. Can we at least just get rid of one? Just_ one _? I'm begging you._

 **Lynn Sr.:** _Okay, we'll get rid of, uh...the one with the white hair._

His words worry Lincoln since he's the only one with white hair, letting go of the tape measurer.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _You know, I'm not even sure if it's mine._

Those words are the final nail in the coffin that makes Lincoln believe he's the one they're gonna force to leave. He leaves the bathroom in a great depression. It turns out the parents were talking about the tie with a creepy looking Easter bunny.

 **Rita:** You mean your Easter tie? Honey, no one calls it a "hare". It's a bunny rabbit. But I agree. It's hideous.

Meanwhile in Lincoln's room, Lincoln has packed up his things in a bindle and called his siblings into what will soon no longer be his room.

 **Lincoln:** You may be wondering why I assembled you all here…

 **Lori:** Uh, yeah. You've got five minutes. I literally have an entire wardrobe to pack.

 **Lincoln:** Don't bother. _[sighs]_ I overheard another conversation between Mom and Dad.

The siblings chastise him for eavesdropping even further.

 **Lincoln:** _[holds up his hand]_ Wait. Mom and Dad aren't choosing a favorite kid to keep. They're just getting rid of one: _me_.

The siblings gasp in shock.

 **Luke:** What?! Why only _you_?!

 **Lincoln:** Maybe it's for the best, Luke. So, I wanted to give you guys my treasured possessions before I, you know, have to leave. _[gives Lily his stuffed rabbit]_ Lily, this is Bun-Bun. He needs two hugs a day, and...try to keep his ears clean.

Lily looks at Bun-Bun and nonchalantly just puts it in her mouth.

 **Lincoln:** Luan, these are my rarest comics. _[Luan turns them down]_ But they're limited editions.

 **Lori:** She's not taking them because you're not leaving.

 **Luke:** Yeah. There's no way we're letting Mom and Dad kick you out.

 **Leni, Luna, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, and Lisa:** YEAH! YOU'RE STAYING!

 **Lincoln:** Really? Even though I was going to turn your rooms into my own personal theme park?

 **Luke:** What?

The girls look at him upset and seem to have changed their minds.

 **Lola:** It was nice knowin' ya. _[takes Lincoln's piggy bank]_

Lana takes Bun-Bun and the piggy bank back from Lily and Lola and returns them to Lincoln.

 **Lana:** Of course we won't let you go. You're our brother.

 **Lori:** Come on. We're gonna march right down there and tell Mom and Dad you're staying!

 _Mom and Dad's room…_

The siblings barge in and they start demanding their folks to let Lincoln stay and trip onto the floor.

 **Rita & Lynn Sr.:** What the-?!

The siblings are all still demanding that Lincoln has to stay.

 **Leni:** There's nothing wrong with his white hair!

 **Lynn Sr.:** White hair? You kids _like_ my Easter tie?

 **Luke:** _[clearly confused]_ Uh, Easter tie?

The Easter tie makes a high-pitched laugh.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Yeah. It's great, right? You know what? They all are! _[looks at his collection which shows themes similar to his kids.]_ Honey, I'm not getting rid of any of these ties!

 **Lincoln:** _Ties_? You guys have been talking about _ties_?

 **Rita:** Of course. What did you think we were talking about?

 **Lincoln:** Uh, nothing.

 **Lola:** _[pleadingly horrified]_ WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA GET RID OF US!

Their parents laugh at such a thought.

 **Rita:** Oh, we would never do that. You're the best eleven things that ever happened to us.

 **Lynn Sr.:** There's twelve, honey.

 **Rita:** _[quickly]_ Yep. Right.

The girls are relieved that it was all just a misunderstanding. Lincoln and Luke look at their Dad's Easter tie which laughs again.

 **Lincoln:** _[crept out]_ Whoof! Dad really should get rid of that one.

 **Luke:** _[also crept out]_ Agreed.

The two boys leave the room and Luke turns toward Lincoln.

 **Luke:** See, I knew they wouldn't do something like that. But you should probably be more precise about what you hear next time between Mom and Dad, Lincoln. Just in case.

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, I guess you're right.

* * *

 _June 18, 2016_

And so, the Loud siblings return to their antics with Lynn trying to teach Lincoln and Luke parkour, Luna jamming, Lily finger painting, Lucy reading her poetry, Lola and Lana playing with their car and pogo stick, Luan practicing with Mr. Coconuts, and Lori and Leni fighting over one of Lori's sweaters which Lincoln gets covered in, resulting in him landing in the bathroom again. This time, Geo gets a trail of toilet paper stuck to his hamster ball.

 **Lincoln:** Ah... _[to the viewers]_ Looks like everything's back to normal at the Loud House. And my eavesdropping days are over.

Just then, another conversation between his parents come through the vent.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE GOT A BUN IN THE OVEN?!_

 **Lincoln:** _[gasps in alarm]_ YOU GUYS! _[runs off to tell his siblings]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** _You know I'm gluten free!_


	19. Sleuth or Consequences

**Sleuth or Consequences**

 _June 25, 2016_

In Lincoln's room, Lincoln is dressed up in a costume next to a poster of one of his favorite superheroes: Ace Savvy.

 **Lincoln:** _[stoically to the viewers]_ I'm Ace Savvy, the world's savviest crime fighter. A man of few words, and fewer emotions. Except for today. _[dancing with excitement]_ Because today is the day of the big Ace Savvy comic book convention! YEAH! _[stoically again]_ And now to call my trusty sidekick. _[breaks out his walkie-talkie]_ One-Eyed Jack, this is Ace Savvy.

 **Clyde:** _[dressed in his costume]_ This is One-Eyed Jack. Just putting the finishing touches on my costume. And when it's ready, I'll be keeping one eye out for crime. _[pulls an eyepatch over his glasses and lets go, causing the impact to smack the lens of his glasses.]_ Ow!

 **Lincoln:** Roger that. I'll meet you at 4:00 when it's time to... _[bursts out of his room]_ ...deal out some justice! _[pulls out a deck of cards that spill all over the floor.]_ Dang it.

His sisters notice his costume and laugh at him.

 **Lynn:** Get a load of this!

 **Lori:** That is literally the funniest thing I have ever seen!

 **Lola:** You aren't going out in public like that, are you?

 **Lisa:** I might point out that you are well past the recommended age that this behavior is deemed acceptable.

They laugh some more. Just then, Luke comes out of his room, hearing his sisters' laughter.

 **Luke:** What's everyone laughing about?

 **Lynn:** Luke, you gotta check out Lincoln's lame costume.

 **Luke:** What? Why should I- _[looks at it]_ Oh. Uh… did you make that yourself? I mean it kinda looks weird, no offense, but…

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Harsh, right? But you know what? It doesn't even bother me. With 11 opinionated siblings, you gotta have a thick skin. _[to his siblings]_ Your insults are like the wind beneath my cape. They only lift me higher! Now if you'll excuse me, I have some guyliner to apply.

More laughter from his sisters come out as Lincoln enters the bathroom and water from the toilet gushes out.

 **Luke:** What the-?!

 **Lori:** Gross! Lincoln! You clogged the toilet _again_?

His sisters all glare at him.

 **Lola:** I'm telling Dad! _[goes to do so]_

 **Lincoln:** What makes you think _I_ did it?

 **Luan:** Maybe because you made more clogs than a Dutch shoe factory! _[laughs during rimshot]_

 **Luke:** She's not lying, Lincoln. Remember?

 _[C_ _ut to a few flashbacks of Lincoln clogging the toilet; Flashback #1: Lincoln is scraping his gross dinner into the toilet.]_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _So long, liverwurst loaf!_ _[flushes the toilet only for it to back up.]_

 _ **Lola:**_ _[bursts in]_ _I'm telling Dad!_

 _[Flashback #2: Lincoln is holding an embarrassing sweater his mother made him.]_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _Mom can't make me wear you if she can't find you._ _[flushes it down the toilet only for another clog to occur.]_

 _ **Lola:**_ _[bursts in]_ _I'm telling Dad!_

 _[Flashback #3: Lincoln is pouring a bunch of CD's into the toilet.]_

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _[off-screen]_ _Has anyone seen my CD's? I gotta practice for karaoke night!_

 _As Lynn Sr. practices his singing, Lincoln flushes them down the toilet only for the obvious to happen._

 _ **Lola:**_ _[bursts in]_ _I'm telling Dad!_

 _[End flashbacks]_

 **Lincoln:** All true. But this time, it _wasn't_ me. I swear!

 **Luke:** I think he's telling the truth.

 **Lori:** _[scoffs]_ Yeah, right. He's just saying that so he doesn't have to feel guilty about clogging the toilet.

 **Lincoln:** I told you, it wasn't me!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Well, there goes my Saturday.

Lola brings Lynn Sr. up and is holding a plunger. Lana moves Lola aside and busts out an even heavier plunger known as Big Bertha.

 **Lana:** Forget that pitiful plunger, Dad. This is a class 5 clog. You're gonna need Big Bertha!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Well, Mr. Flush-My-CD's-Down-The-Can, I assume this was your doing?

 **Lincoln:** No, Dad! For real! It was not me!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Well, _somebody_ did it! Toilets don't just clog themselves! Until one of you fesses up, everyone's grounded!

The siblings complain about this unjust decision.

 **Lincoln:** But Dad, I can't be grounded! The convention's in a few hours and I gotta get my Ace Savvy comic signed!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Until I know who did the crime, you're all doing the time!

 **Luke:** Nice.

Everyone else complains even more.

 **Lana:** _[entering the bathroom with her father and Big Bertha.]_ Big Bertha coming through!

 **Lincoln:** Well, I'm not doing the time for this crime. I'm gonna find out who the real clogger is...Ace Savvy style! _[pulls out his deck and drops it again.]_ Dang it.

* * *

Later, Lincoln is shuffling a deck of cards and places various cards he put drawings of his siblings onto his desk.

 **Lincoln:** One of you is the perp... but which one?

 **Lucy:** _[comes out of nowhere]_ Hey, Linc. _[scares Lincoln]_ I might have a tip for you.

 **Lincoln:** Really? _[suspicious]_ Wait. Why do you wanna help?

 **Lucy:** I don't care about being grounded. My life is just an endless mental prison, anyway. But it's not fair that you have to miss your thing.

 **Lincoln:** Thank you. So, what have you got?

 **Lucy:** Lynn has eaten spicy meatball subs for ten days straight. You know what that does to your digestive system?

 **Lincoln:** That's disgusting, but also a lead! I like your instincts, kid. You wanna team up?

 **Lucy:** Sure. I've got nothing else to do. Besides bear the weight of the world on my shoulders.

 **Lincoln:** _[awkward beat]_ _Riiiiiiiight..._

In the kitchen, Lynn is indeed eating a meatball sub. Suddenly, Lucy shines a flashlight in her face.

 **Lynn:** Hey! What's with the light?

 **Lincoln:** Why don't you admit it, Lynn? You jammed the john!

 **Lynn:** I think those tights are cutting off oxygen to your brain.

 **Lincoln:** Oh yeah? Then explain this! _[dumps discarded sub wrappers on the table.]_ Nobody can eat this many subs and _not_ wreak havoc on the plumbing!

 **Lynn:** Nice try, genius, but my favorite roller derby is playing tonight and I never bomb the bowl before the big game. It's bad luck! If I go number 2, we won't be number 1!

 **Lucy:** Gross.

 **Lynn:** If you wanna know who plugged the porcelain, why don't you ask Lisa? She keeps a log of all our bathroom habits. Pun intended.

 **Lincoln:** Of course! Lisa's weird poop study! Let's go see this joker! _[holds up the wrong card]_

 **Lucy:** That's the 2 of Diamonds.

 **Lincoln:** UGH!

 _Lisa and Lily's room…_

 **Lincoln:** I need the file from last night from 1 to 4 AM.

 **Lisa:** _[looks for the requested file]_ 1 to 4 AM...Hmm. It seems to be missing.

 **Lucy:** Missing? How convenient! Clearly, you did it! Case closed!

 **Lisa:** Oh, please! I haven't used the family lavatory in years! It takes too much time away from my studies. I prefer to use Lily's training potty.

 **Lincoln:** Well, it looks like your story's clean...but your training potty's not.

 **Lucy:** What about Lily? She's always dumping her dirty diapers in the toilet.

Lincoln slides right into and knocks over Lily's diaper genie and reveals a plethora of pooped padding.

 **Lincoln:** Nope! I'd say they're all here! That clears these two.

 **Lucy:** What about Lori?

 **Lincoln:** Of course! She was so quick to point the finger at me, and you know what they say, "She who dodged it, lodged it!"

Lincoln goes to interrogate Lori. Just then, a stretch and snap sound effect is heard. Lincoln returns revealing that Lori gave him an atomic wedgie to prove her innocence.

 **Lincoln:** _[uncomfortably]_ Lori did not do it!

 _The bathroom…_

Lana, Lynn Sr., and Big Bertha are searching for the bowl's barricade.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Oh! Big Bertha's got something!

 **Lana:** I wanna see! Is it something really grody? _[Lynn Sr. hands her the object]_ Paper? It's gotta be something bigger than that! _[tosses paper out the window]_ Move over, rookie! Some jobs require you to get your hands dirty! _[takes over]_

The paper falls daintily as Clyde makes his way to the Loud House.

 **Clyde:** _[singing]_ One-Eyed Jack. One-Eyed Jack. Villains better watch their back. _[gets his glasses struck by the paper Lana discarded.]_ GAH! MY CRIME EYE!

Clyde crashes into the van and gets catapulted into the tree in the front yard.

 _Back with Lincoln and Lucy…_

 **Lincoln:** Better put a pot of cocoa on. We've only got 2 more hours until the convention and 6 more suspects to go.

Their next suspect is Luan.

 **Luan:** It wasn't me! I was asleep the whole time and I can prove it! I film myself sleeping in case I say something funny I can use in my act.

Luan plays a video to show that she was actually was sleep-joking.

 _ **Luan:**_ _[sleep-joking]_ _What do you call a sleeping bull? A_ _bulldozer_ _!_ _[laughs during rimshot]_

They cross off Luan and move onto Leni.

 **Leni:** Ooh! You wanna do an interview? Okay! My favorite color is zebra and the secret to a great smile is...

They cross off Leni who proves to be too dumb to pull off such an act and move onto Lana.

 **Lana:** Wish I could take the credit. I've been trying to dam up the dumper for years.

They cross of Lana and move onto Lola.

 **Lola:** I would _never_ get up in the middle of the night. It disrupts my beauty sleep.

They cross off Lola and move onto Luke.

 **Luke:** Why would I even clog the toilet? I was in here playing my games the whole time, like I always do.

 **Lucy:** Can't really argue with that.

Lincoln sighs and they cross off Luke and move on to their final suspect, Luna.

 **Luna:** I was at a rock concert, dudes.

 **Lucy:** Prove it...

Luna turns on the TV to a news report of last night's concert where she is shown chasing Mick Swagger on stage.

 _ **Luna:**_ _MICK! WAIT! I JUST WANT A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR!_

Lincoln and Lucy are just speechless at Luna's alibi.

 **Lucy:** Okay, that proves it.

 **Lincoln:** GAH! We're running out of time and we've got nothing!

 **Lana:** _[from upstairs]_ WE'VE GOT SOMETHING!

Lincoln and Lucy rush upstairs to the bathroom and Lana finds the source of the clog.

 **Lana:** Here's the culprit! _[hands it to Lincoln]_

 **Lincoln:** Aha! A break in the case! _[sees that it's a book]_ " _Princess Pony: The Touching True Story Of A Delightful Pony Who Changes The World With Her Horse Sense._ "

 **Lucy:** There's only one person who would read this: Lola!

 **Lincoln:** That lying scoundrel!

 **Lana:** You guys do remember that was just down the toilet, right?

Lincoln and Lucy revile in disgust and go back to Lola. Lincoln kicks the door open only for it to close on his face. He then enters normally.

 **Lincoln:** We know you did it, Lola! We found _your_ book in the toilet! _[shows evidence]_

 **Lola:** Barf! That is not mine! I may be girly and pink, but I do have standards!

 **Lincoln:** _[convinced]_ I think she's telling the truth.

 **Lucy:** _[doubtful]_ I don't! She's sweating more than a vampire in the sun! Let me take a run at her! _[kicks down Lola's tea party table.]_ We know you did it! ADMIT IT! CONFESS! If you don't tell the truth...YOUR HEART WILL NEVER BE SET FREE!

 **Lincoln:** _[holding back an enraged Lucy]_ Whoa! Easy there, spooky!

 **Lola:** _[unfazed from Lucy's outburst]_ You're cleaning that up.

Just then, the doorbell rings and Lincoln answers the door.

 **Lincoln:** One-Eyed Jack?

 **Clyde:** Sorry I'm late, Ace. I would have been here sooner, but I was thwarted by this dastardly piece of paper that flew from your bathroom window.

 **Lincoln:** _[looks at the paper and sees something familiar.]_ This looks like a page from _Princess Pony_. " _If you don't tell the truth, your heart will never be set free._ " Where have I heard that before?

Lincoln suddenly realizes those are the exact same words that Lucy told Lola and finds out who the culprit truly is.

 **Lincoln:** LUCY! You solved the case, One-Eyed Jack! Thanks to you, the city can flush without fear!

Clyde does some victory poses and Lincoln closes the door on him to confront Lucy.

 **Clyde:** _[knocks]_ Ace? Lincoln?

 _Lynn and Lucy's room…_

 **Lincoln:** _[kicks the door open]_ IT WAS _YOU_!

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[offscreen]_ LINCOLN! STOP KICKING DOWN THE DOORS!

 **Lincoln:** You're the Princess Pony lover!

 **Lucy:** That's absurd!

 **Lincoln:** Then you won't mind if I search the premises. _[searches but fails to find any evidence.]_

 **Lucy:** Are you done?

 **Lincoln:** I'll be done when I'm- _[notices something on the floor]_ That's an odd shadow. _[looks up to the ceiling lamp and finds a clue.]_ Aha! Lisa's missing bathroom files!

 **Lucy:** Lynn must have put that there! You've got nothing on me!

Just then, her gloomy macabre poster peels off and reveals a _Princess Pony_ poster from behind.

 **Lucy:** Dang it…

 **Lincoln:** You've been lying to me this whole time! Why?

 **Lucy:** _[readjusts macabre poster]_ I couldn't let our siblings know I read _Princess Pony_. You know how they are. They'd make fun of me for the rest of my life.

 **Lincoln:** So, why _do_ you read it?

 **Lucy:** Even I need a break from the darkness every now and then.

 **Lincoln:** So, how'd it end up in the toilet?

 **Lucy:** The bathroom is the only place I can safely read it.

 _[Flashback to last night]_

 **Lucy:** _[voiceover]_ I was reading it last night. And when I heard someone coming, I panicked.

 _Through her panicking, Lucy tossed the book into the toilet and hid in the bathtub when a groggy Lincoln came by to use the toilet and flushed it. As soon as he left, it gave Lucy the chance to escape and save her secret._

 _[End flashback.]_

 **Lincoln:** Sorry, Lucy, but you have to tell everybody. They still think I did it!

 **Lucy:** But they'll tease me even worse than they tease you! You can probably handle that, but I can't!

 **Lincoln:** I'm about to miss the convention! Either you tell them, or I will!

 **Lucy:** _[admitting defeat]_ Sigh...I'll tell them...

Downstairs, Lori and Leni are texting each other, Lola's fixing her hair, Lana's arranging her tools, Lynn's doing push-ups, Luke is on his handheld, Lisa's reading, and Luan and Luna are fighting over the TV remote.

 **Luan:** Give it back!

 **Luna:** It's mine!

 **Luke:** Guys, I'm trying to focus here!

Lincoln and Lucy approach the living room and Lucy is ready to confess.

 **Lucy:** Excuse me...I have something to say... _[gets their attention and reveals the book.]_ This is what totaled the toilet.

 **Lisa:** _Princess Pony_?!

The sisters laugh while Luke looked concerned.

 **Lynn:** Which one of you lame-o's does that belong to?

 **Lisa:** Certainly not me! It's so sickeningly sweet I get a toothache just looking at it!

 **Leni:** _[terrified at Lisa's exaggeration]_ Can that really happen?

 **Luke:** No, Leni, it can _not_.

 **Luan:** Whoever that belongs to is gonna be the laughing stock of this house!

 **Lori:** Yeah! They are literally worse than Lincoln! And he wears his underwear on the outside!

The other sisters laugh some more and Lucy knows she has to face the music. Lincoln notices Lucy's pain and feels bad for her.

 **Lucy:** Actually...the book belongs to-

 **Lincoln:** Me!

 **Luke:** _[flabbergasted]_ Huh?!

 **Luan, Leni, Lynn, Lana, Lola, Lisa, Lori, and Luna:** _[flabbergasted]_ YOU?!

 **Lincoln:** I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd make fun of me.

 **Lori:** _[sounding sympathetic]_ Aw, Lincoln... _[now condescending]_ ...of course, we're gonna make fun of you! But only for the rest of your life!

 **Lincoln:** _[undeterred]_ I'm looking forward to it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go tell-

 **Lola:** _[doing it for him]_ DAD! IT WAS LINCOLN WHO CLOGGED THE TOILET!

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[offscreen]_ LINCOLN, YOU'RE GROUNDED! EVERYONE ELSE, YOU'RE NO LONGER GROUNDED!

The other siblings cheer and celebrate their freedom while Lincoln, Luke, and Lucy stay behind.

 **Lucy:** Why did you do that?

 **Lincoln:** Because you were right. I can handle the teasing. I'm quite comfortable with who I am. Obviously! But don't worry. Someday, you'll be, too. Until then, your big brother's got your back.

 **Lucy:** _[smiling and grateful]_ Thanks, Lincoln.

 **Luke:** Hold on a second!

Lincoln and Lucy turn to look at Luke.

 **Luke:** Lincoln, knowing you, I'm pretty sure you don't _read_ that kind of stuff. And probably not _that_. _[points to the book]_ So who does it _actually_ belong to?

Lincoln and Lucy stare at Luke for a couple of seconds until…

 **Lucy:** _[speaks up]_ Um… it actually belongs to _me_.

 **Luke:** _[surprised]_ Wait, Lucy? You read _Princess Pony_? How come?

 **Lucy:** Like I said to Lincoln, I need a break from the darkness every now and then. And I thought you would make fun of me for it like our other siblings.

 **Luke:** Lucy, I'd never make fun of you for reading stuff like that. That's the kind of person I am. _[to Lincoln]_ So _,_ you took the blame for her, even though it wasn't yours?

Lincoln nods his head.

 **Luke:** Wow, that was really a nice thing you did, dude.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, Luke. As Ace Savvy would say...it's no big _deal_! _[screws up the card trick again.]_ Dang it.

 _Later that night in Lincoln's room…_

 **Lincoln:** _[perfects the card trick]_ I did it!

 _[Enter Lucy with something in her hands.]_

 **Lucy:** Hey, Lincoln. _[scares Lincoln again]_ Sorry you missed your convention. Here. I made you something.

Lucy hands it over to him to reveal it's a horror comic book she made.

 **Lucy:** It's no signed Ace Savvy comic, but I hope you like it.

 **Lincoln:** _[gratefully disturbed]_ Thank you, Lucy. I see your break from the darkness is over.

 _Outside Lincoln's room…_

 **Lynn:** _[ecstatic]_ WOO-HOO! MY TEAM DID IT! WE'RE NUMBER 1! _[feels intestinal distress]_ Ooh...time for Number 2... _[hurries to the bathroom]_

 **Lana:** _[sees this]_ DAD, I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED BIG BERTHA AGAIN!


	20. Butterfly Effect

**Butterfly Effect**

 _June 26, 2016_

Today's a sunny day at the Loud House, Lincoln leaps out of his room to perform for the viewers.

 **Lincoln:** Watch in awe, as The Amazing Lincoln displays his unbelievable yo-yo skills! I shall now "walk the dog"!

Charles enters the scene, carrying a leash in his mouth.

 **Lincoln:** Not you, Charles. I meant the yo-yo.

Charles wimpers, and he walks away. Lincoln does his "walk the dog" trick.

 **Lincoln:** I shall now go "AROUND THE WORLD"!

Charles comes back, carrying a suitcase.

 **Lincoln:** Sorry, still talking about the yo-yo.

Charles whimpers and walks away. Lincoln attempts to do the "around the world" trick, but the yo-yo flies off his finger, ricochets around the hallway, and flies into Lisa and Lily's room, causing a crash.

 **Lincoln:** _[nervous]_ The Amazing Lincoln will now take a brief intermission.

Lincoln and Charles look into the room, and they see that the bottles on Lisa's desk have been broken, with their contents spilled.

 **Lincoln:** Yikes. I better go tell Lisa.

 _[Flashes into Lincoln's imagination, where Lisa observes the damage in a dark, stylized environment.]_

 _ **Lisa:**_ _[turning red with anger, with her teeth sharpened.]_ _You've completely_ _DESTROYED_ _MY LIFE'S WORK! I DESPISE YOU, AND YOU NO LONGER EXIST TO ME!_

 _[A wall of fire burns in the background behind her, along with a cultist choir, as the scene flashes back to Lincoln.]_

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, I'm not telling Lisa.

 **Charles:** _[whimpers]_

 **Lincoln:** Oh, come on, Charles. When did you get a conscience? I've seen you poop on the couch! Besides, if I just walk away, what's the worst that can happen?

Charles glances at the viewers while Lincoln takes the yo-yo from the damage.

 **Lincoln:** I'll just remove the evidence, and they'll be none the wiser.

Lincoln and Charles walk out of the room. A drop of one chemical falls into a puddle of another chemical, causing an explosion that raises the roof.

* * *

Later, Lisa is examining the damage on her desk.

 **Lisa:** I don't understand what went wrong. Science is a fickle mistress.

Lori is looking over a hole in the wall causes by the explosion, which leads to the closet in her's and Leni's room. Leni pokes her head through the hole.

 **Leni:** Hi, Lori! Have we always had a window in our closet?

 **Lori:** Ugh, it's not a window. Lisa's experiment blew a hole in the wall. _[notices a picture frame peeking out from the other side.]_ What's this?

Lori sees that the frame contains a signed photo of Bobby.

 **Lori:** " _To my bodacious babe_ "? Leni, why is this picture Bobby hidden on _your_ side of the closet?

 **Leni:** Oh, there is it is! That was a surprise present from Bobby for your 88-day-iversary. He asked me to hide it for him, but I forgot where I put it.

 **Lori:** That anniversary was _eight days ago_ , and Bobby gave me socks! I can't believe this! You're literally seeing Bobby behind my back! You are no longer my sister!

 **Lincoln:** _[walks into the room; acting]_ Everything okay after that unexpected and totally random explosion that I know nothing about?

Lori shouts in anger, marches out of the room, and slams the door. Suddenly, a coat rack in the closet falls onto Leni, knocking her out. A shelf also tips over, causing several pairs of shoes to fall on her. Leni opens her eyes as she regains consciousness on Lisa's bed. Lincoln and Lisa are looking down on her.

 **Leni:** What happened?

 **Lincoln:** A shelf fell on your head.

 **Leni:** Of course! Everyone knows that an object falling at a velocity of 9.8 meters per second squared will result in a temporary loss of consciousness.

 **Lisa:** I knew that. The question is, how did _you?_

 **Lincoln:** Hey, I saw this in a movie once. I bet getting hit on the head altered Leni's brain and made her smart.

 **Lisa:** Lincoln, you seem unable to distinguish between scientific fact and preposterous Hollywood schlock.

 **Leni:** I don't get it.

 **Lisa:** See? Same old Leni. Can't even understand simple English.

 **Leni:** _[walks over to Lisa's chalkboard, which contains a complex equation.]_ No, I don't get why you multiplied your "Z" polynomials before solving your non-negative integer exponents.

Lisa looks over the equation, and gasps loudly as it dawns on her that Leni is right.

 **Leni:** Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to disprove Newtonian physics. Buh-bye!

 **Lisa:** _[collapses to the floor, crestfallen]_ My world no longer makes sense.

Charles looks up and growls at Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Don't you have a couch to poop on?

 _[Cuts to Lincoln finishing cleaning up the couch while Luke is playing video games.]_

 **Lincoln:** Charles, that was a rhetorical question!

 **Luke:** So let me get this straight, you destroyed Lisa's experiments with your yo-yo and decided not to tell. And now Leni is suddenly a genius and Lisa is giving up on her studies?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, that's exactly what happened. Now I'm feeling guilty that this is all my fault!

 **Luke:** Dude, calm down. I'm pretty sure nothing else bad is gonna happen.

Just then, Lynn enters the house, screams loudly, and pounds her fist against the wall as she hyperventilates.

 **Luke:** I spoke too soon…

 **Lincoln:** _[walks up to Lynn]_ What are you so upset about?

 **Lynn:** I just got kicked off all my sports teams because I'm failing school!

 **Lincoln:** How could you fail? Doesn't Lisa tutor you?

 **Lynn:** She _used to_ , until she dropped out and got a job as a gas station attendant at _Flip's Food & Fuel_.

 **Lincoln & Luke:** She _WHAT_?!

 **Lynn:** UGH, WITHOUT SPORTS, MY LIFE IS MEANINGLESS! _[kicks her soccer ball hard]_

 **Lola:** _[walks down the stairs]_ I present to you your new "Miss Cute and-" _[the ball hits her in the face]_ OH, MY NOSE!

 **Luke:** _[worried]_ Are you alright?

Lola looks into a mirror, and sees that her nose has severely swollen up.

 **Lola:** _[gasps]_ I am a hideous...monster.

 **Lincoln:** It's not that bad, Lola.

 **Lola:** MY PAGEANT CAREER IS OVER!

Lola runs up the stairs, and she trips and falls on her face when she reaches the top and Lincoln and Luke wince at this..

 **Lola:** OH, MY TEETH! _[cries]_

 **Luke:** I'd better go help her. _[to Lincoln]_ You need to fix this. _[runs off after Lola]_

Charles looks up at Lincoln, and he shakes his head in disapproval.

 **Lincoln:** I heard what he said, I'll fix it.

* * *

Lincoln rides his bike over to Flip's Food & Fuel and he sees Lisa wearing a gas station attendant's uniform.

 **Lincoln:** Lisa, why are you doing this?

 **Lisa:** Flip's the only guy who will hire four-year-olds with no experience.

 **Lincoln:** No, I mean, why are you doing _any_ of this? Come home. Lynn needs you!

 **Lisa:** Why don't you get Miss Smartypants to help her!

Just then, Leni drives up in a purple convertible.

 **Lisa:** Speak of the Devil. Regular or unleaded?

 **Leni:** _[brandishes a certificate]_ Oh, I don't need gas. I just won the Nobel Prize for inventing a car that runs on apple juice.

 **Lisa:** Of course you did.

 **Leni:** _[hands Lisa a juice box]_ Fill 'er up, please.

Lisa opens up the fuel tank, and squirts the box's contents into it.

 **Lincoln:** And then we'll all get in Leni's juicemobile, go home, and forget all this nonsense.

 **Leni:** Can't! I'm off to Harvard! Au revoir, adios, auf Wiedersehen, and aloha!

 **Lisa:** A-HA! "Aloha" means "Hello"! _[squeezes the juice box]_

 **Leni:** It also means "Goodbye"! _[speeds off]_

 **Lisa:** Dang it. I _used_ to know that.

Flip, the owner of the station, opens a window and calls out to Lisa.

 **Flip:** Hey, Chatty Cathy, BACK TO WORK!

The station's payphone rings. Lincoln answers it and he hears barking on the other end.

 **Lincoln:** Hello? Charles? She's WHAT?! Alright, I'm on my way!

* * *

Back at the Loud House, Lincoln approaches Lola and Lana's door with an ice pack and Luke is leaning next to it.

 **Lincoln:** How is she?

 **Luke:** _[turns toward the door and sighs]_ See for yourself…

 **Lincoln:** _[opens her door]_ Look who it is, Miss Soon-to-heal.

Lola, who is trying to stuff a bunch of clothes into a suitcase, turns to Lincoln. She still has her swollen nose, and all but one of her teeth are gone.

 **Lola:** WHAT DO _YOU_ WANT?!

 **Lincoln:** AAAAAHHH! I mean, you're looking better!

 **Lola:** _[with a lisp]_ Oh, nice try, Lincoln, but I am _out of_ here! I can't stay where I'm constantly reminded of my former self! _[looks up, sadly, at old photos of herself.]_ My beautiful, beautiful self.

 **Lincoln:** But...But...

Lola struggles to pull her stuffed suitcase, and the handle breaks off, causing her to fall on her face and black both her eyes.

 **Lola:** I'll _send_ for this!

Lola grabs the ice pack, puts it over her eyes, and walks out into the hallway.

 **Lincoln:** Lola, wait! _[turns toward Luke]_ Did you know about this?

 **Luke:** Yup. I tried to talk her out of it too, but she didn't listen to me.

Lincoln tries to run for her, but he bumps into a plastic bubble containing Lana.

 **Lana:** Careful, Lincoln! You could get seriously injured!

 **Lincoln:** Lana, what are you doing in there?

 **Lana:** I saw what happened to Lola. Life is a fragile thing. I don't want to take any risks.

 **Luke:** What?! But Lana, you're the _queen_ of risks!

 **Lana:** _Was_ the queen of risks! From now on, I'll stay in here, where it's safe! You know what I'm talkin' about, huh, Geo?

Geo rolls by in his hamster ball.

 **Lincoln:** Lana, you can't be serious! _[Lana rolls past him]_ Lana?

 **Luke:** What is happening?!

Just then, the two boys suddenly hear Luna singing. They find that it's coming from her and Luan's room and step inside.

 **Luna:** _[singing]_ Things have gotten drastic / Now, my sister lives in plastic / Where did it all go wrong?

 **Lincoln:** Luna?

 **Luna:** _[shows Lincoln a laptop]_ Check it, bro. I uploaded a song I wrote about our family going down the Highway to-HELLO! I just got fifty more hits!

The ceiling breaks open, and Mick Swagger descends, holding into a rope ladder from a helicopter.

 **Luna:** _[gasps]_ Mick Swagger?!

 **Mick:** Your singing is amazing! You gotta join my tour! _[holds Luna's hand]_

 **Luna:** Luna is IN!

The rope goes up though the hole in the ceiling, carrying both of them away.

 **Lincoln:** Don't you leave, too! THE FAMILY'S FALLING APART!

 **Luna:** _[from the helicopter]_ SORRY, DUDE!

The helicopter flies away.

 **Luke:** Wha-? No! How does Mick Swagger even know where we _live_?! _[starting to lose it]_ AAAGH, this can't be happening! I think I'm hyperventilating! _[going into a nervous breakdown then runs off]_

 **Lincoln:** Luke, wait! Oh man!

Lincoln goes into his room and he decides to contact Clyde with his walkie-talkie.

 **Lincoln:** Clyde, this is Lincoln! Come in! I've got a Code Blue!

 **Clyde:** Code Blue?! You did something wrong and lied about it, and now everything is all messed up?!

 **Lincoln:** Affirmative! Can you come over?!

 **Clyde:** Negative. I've got a Code Green!

 **Lincoln:** You showed up to school in your underwear?

 **Clyde:** No, that's Code Orange. Hang on.

Clyde is revealed to be skydiving with Lori and he takes a picture of them with his camera phone. Lincoln gets the picture via text message on his phone and he jumps up in surprise.

 **Lincoln:** SWEET MOTHER OF...What are you doing with _Lori_?!

 **Clyde:** I've been trying to tell you! A Code Green! Lori broke up with Bobby, and I'm the rebound guy!

 **Lori:** Happy eight-minute-iversary, Snookie-Booboo-Sugarbear.

Clyde leans in for a kiss, but Lori deploys her parachute, causing Clyde to kiss a flying bird instead.

 **Lincoln:** _[gags and throws away the walkie-talkie.]_ WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY FAMILY?!

Luan shows up, solemn and depressed, and knocks on Lincoln's door.

 **Luan:** Knock-knock.

 **Lincoln:** Who's there?

 **Luan:** This is not a joke, Lincoln. Do you know what's going on in the world? Here, take Mr. Coconuts. He just reminds me of all the trees being cut down in the rainforest.

 **Lincoln:** Wait, Luan, what brought this on?

 **Luan:** Well, ever since Luna left, I've had no one to try my jokes out on. So, I've been watching a lot of cable news, and what I've seen is horrific. So, I've decided to become...an ACTIVIST!

 **Lincoln:** Don't be ridiculous! You're a comedian! _[takes out a pie and throws it into his face.]_ See? Funny, right?

A horde of wild animals stampedes past Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** What the heck was that?!

 **Luan:** They're just Lana's pets. I liberated them. And now, I'm off to heal this ticking time bomb we call Earth.

 **Lincoln:** Wait, Luan, you can't be serious!

A monkey appears, spooking Lincoln, and it takes Mr. Coconuts. The monkey and a big snake are in the living room. Lincoln chases Izzy, who hides under the couch.

 **Lincoln:** Get back here, Izzy!

Izzy hisses at him and hides behind the couch.

 **Lincoln:** Izzy, come to Uncle Lincoln!

 **News Reporter:** _[on the TV]_ _And now, for tonight's top stories. Former rising star Luna Loud was kicked off the Mick Swagger tour for destroying a hotel room._

The news cut to footage of Luna screaming amidst the wreckage of her hotel room.

 **Luna:** _[in a British accent]_ _ALL I WANTED WAS A BLEEDING_ _PILLOW MINT!_

 **Lincoln:** Luna?

 **Reporter:** _In a related story, former comedian turned activist Luan Loud has chained herself to a giant redwood tree._

The news cuts to footage of Luan chained to a giant redwood tree, while onlookers record her with their mobile devices.

 **Luan:** _[chanting]_ _Hey-hey, ho-ho! Keep your hands off, let it grow!_

 **Lincoln:** Luan?!

Izzy, the snake, and the monkey join him in viewing.

 **Reporter:** _I'm being told we have breaking news._

 **Lincoln:** Please don't be one of my siblings!

The news cuts to a reporter on the scene at _Flip's Food & Fuel_, with Lisa drinking a _"Flippee"_ ice drink right next to her.

 **Reporter:** _Tucker, I'm here at_ Flip's Food & Fuel _, where two unknown bandits have just made off with a carload of beef jerky and a cotton candy machine!_

 **Lisa:** _They're not unknown, they're my sisters._ _[sips]_ _Their betrayal hurts more than this brain freeze._

 **Reporter:** _I'm getting word that the bandits are currently leading police on a slow-speed chase!_

It cuts to footage of an army of police cars chasing Lola's kiddie car through the desert, Lola, her face now covered in bandages, is driving, while Lynn is in the passenger seat, eating cotton candy. Lincoln and the animals look on in shock, Izzy, Lincoln, and the monkey take on the familiar "wise monkey" poses.

 **Lincoln** WHERE DID IT ALL GO WROOOONG?!

 **Reporter:** _One has to wonder, where did it all go wrong for these girls? And why is a four-year-old working at a gas station?_

Flip takes hold of the camera.

 **Flip:** _Interview over! Wait, don't forget to come down to_ Flip's Food & Fuel _, home of the Flippee!_ _Now_ _the interview's over._ _[puts his hand over the camera.]_

Lincoln turns off the TV. Lucy suddenly appears next to him.

 **Lucy:** I was watching that.

 **Lincoln:** _[screams and jumps up in terror]_ Lucy! At least _you're_ still normal!

Lucy looks toward Lincoln, and smiles wide to reveal a pair of vampiric fangs as she hisses.

 **Lincoln:** D'AAH! NOT NORMAL!

 **Lucy:** I was bitten by Lana's liberated vampire bat! Greatest, day, EVER! _[turns into a bat and flies away.]_

 **Luke:** Hello.

Lincoln notices Luke's presence on the couch.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, Luke! Good, you're still here.

Suddenly, two humongous wings sprout from behind Luke's back.

 **Lincoln:** Holy-?! _[falls off the couch and gets back up]_ What happened to _you_?!

 **Luke:** Heh, long story short. After I calmed down, I accidentally slipped on one of Lisa's chemicals in the hallway and the next thing I knew, I grew these pretty awesome wings. And it's definitely not _Red Bull_.

 **Lincoln:** What? How is that even possible?

 **Luke:** I don't know. But, after that, I don't think I can stay in this house anymore. Now that this family is broken apart, I have to live on my own throughout the world wherever these babies can take me.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, come on! You can't be serious!

 **Luke:** Sorry, Lincoln. It's for the best. You were the one that caused all this to happen anyways. _[flies away out of sight]_

 **Lincoln:** Wait! Come back! _[sighs]_ Ten siblings lost, but there's still one I can save!

Lincoln enters Lisa and Lily's room and he looks into Lily's crib. He finds that she is not in it.

 **Lincoln:** Lily?

Suddenly, the roof is lifted up from outside by Lily, who has grown to gargantuan size. She looks down at Lincoln, and she giggles.

 **Lincoln:** LILY!

Lincoln sees a trail of Lisa's chemicals leading from her desk to the crib.

 **Lincoln:** Oh no! Lisa's chemicals! What have I done?!

 **Lily:** Mmmm... yum yum!

Lily reaches down for Lincoln as he tries to run away. He gets caught, and Lily opens her mouth.

 **Lincoln:** DON'T EAT ME, LILY!

Lincoln screams as Lily lifts him toward her mouth.

* * *

And it turns out all of what just happened was just Lincoln's imagination and we go back to where Lincoln and Charles was overlooking the damage on Lisa's desk.

 **Lincoln:** So _that's_ the worst thing that could happen.

 **Charles:** _[barks]_

 **Lincoln:** I totally agree! I'm going to tell Lisa!

 **Lisa:** _[in the doorway]_ Tell Lisa what? _[gasps as she sees the damage.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[fearful]_ I was playing with my yo-yo, and it got out of control, and it wrecked your experiment, and I'm really, really sorry! Go ahead and disown me, 'cause I deserve it!

To Lincoln's surprise, Lisa smiles and hugs him.

 **Lincoln:** I'm confused. You're not mad?

 **Lisa:** Mad? I'm ecstatic! You proved my hypothesis! Your recklessness was the one variable my ridgedly-controlled experiment sorely needed!

 **Lincoln:** I'm still confused.

 **Lisa:** I'm saying thank you for being a clumsy doofus. And thanks for admitting what you did.

 **Lincoln:** I didn't have a choice. I didn't want you to work at a gas station, or Luke sprouting wings, or Lynn and Lola to turn to a life of crime, or Lana to live in a bubble, or...or...or...

 **Lisa:** _[walking away]_ Fascinating. Exposure to my chemicals seems to have damaged his cerebral cortex.

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs; to the viewers]_ Boy, am I glad that nightmare's over.

Lincoln hears a bicycle bell ringing from outside. He looks out the window and sees Lori and Clyde riding a tandem bike, which is dragging a string of cans and a sign reading " _JUST MARRIED_ ". The sight of this causes Lincoln to scream in horror.


	21. It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud House

**It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud House**

 _June 27, 2016_

Today in the Loud House, Lincoln is looking around and sneaking about in the living room and leaps onto the sofa.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Money. In the Loud House, there just isn't a lot of it to go around. _[searches between the cushions and gets wads of chewed gum on his fingers.]_ Ew! _[shakes it off and pulls out a pair of dirty underwear and tosses it.]_ Grody! Which is why, if you happen to find some, even the smallest amount...you gotta keep it to yourself. _[finds a quarter]_ Jackpot! _[kisses it]_

Just then, his sisters happen to come across him and his coin.

 **Lola:** We heard money! A dime! No, a quarter!

 **Lincoln:** That's impossible. Money doesn't make a sound.

 **Luan:** Haven't you ever heard the expression " _Money talks_ " _[laughs at rimshot]_

 **Luna:** And that quarter is saying, "Hand me over, bro!"

 **Lana:** It's mine!

 **Leni:** Guys, let's just split it 40/40!

 **Lincoln:** No! None of you are getting it! I found it in the couch fair and square!

 **Lynn:** Wait a second! If there was one quarter down there, then maybe there's more!

The girls all then pounce on Lincoln and fight over the quarter and the possibility of more under the sofa and Cliff runs off from the fight. Then, their parents enter the room.

 **Rita:** What are they fighting over this time? A nickel under the ottoman?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Nope. A quarter down the sofa.

 **Rita:** We better stop them before they start biting.

 **Lincoln:** _[gets bit by Lola]_ Ow! Lola!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Too late. _[whistles and gets them to stop]_ ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY GET UPSTAIRS AND CLEAN THE ATTIC! That's punishment for fighting over money!

The siblings all groan and acquiesce.

 **Luan:** That punishment makes no _cents_. _[laughs to rimshot]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** Upstairs! _[to Rita]_ But that was a good one.

* * *

 _The attic…_

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[offscreen]_ AND I WANT THAT WHOLE ATTIC SPARKLING! EVEN THE BACK CORNER!

The siblings look on to see the horror that is the back corner.

 **Lucy:** But the back corner was my secret dark place.

Just then, Luke pops up from the attic entrance.

 **Luke:** Hey guys. Mom and Dad told me that you were up here.

 **Lori:** Wait, where have _you_ been?

 **Luke:** _[coming in]_ I just came back from Sky's house. What are you all doing in the attic?

 **Lynn:** We were forced to clean the attic because of Lincoln!

 **Lola:** Yeah, it's his fault we're up here in the first place!

 **Luke:** What is this even about?

 **Lori:** _[sighs]_ Money. That's what.

 **Luke:** _[realizing]_ Oi. Don't tell me you guys were fighting over it again?

 **Lana:** Yeah. So what?

Just then, Lincoln gets everyone's attention before Luke could respond.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, guys! Check it out! I found this letter from the original owner! She says she's hidden money in the house!

 **Luke:** Huh?

 **Lori:** _[disbelieving]_ Yeah, right, Lincoln. Quit stalling. You're not getting out of cleaning the attic.

 **Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, Lola, and Lisa:** YEAH!

 **Lincoln:** Fine! I'll just do it by myself, and when I do, it'll be all mine. _[steps on and gets hit by the loose floorboard again.]_

While Lincoln was passed out, Luke quietly sneaks past his sisters, takes the letter, and starts reading it.

 **Luke:** " _Dear Future Residents of 1216 Franklin Avenue, my family always fought over money, so I decided to leave my fortune for you in the hope that you will share it. For a clue on where the money is hidden, reflect upon what I said here. Signed, Mrs. Sharon DeMonet, the original owner._ " Wow. Lincoln wasn't kidding. And, what did Sharon mean by "reflect"?

Just then, he hears commotion from behind him and turns to see that all his sisters are gone.

 **Luke:** Where'd they go?

When Lincoln comes to, he sees that his sisters are gone as well.

 **Lincoln:** Where'd everybody go? _[notices Luke]_ Oh, Luke. You're still here?

 **Luke:** Uh, yeah. _[holds up the letter and gives it back to Lincoln]_ Also, I've read your little letter of yours. And, I kinda want to know where that money is too.

 **Lincoln:** Really? _[suspicious]_ Wait, how do I know that you're not gonna take the money for yourself?

 **Luke:** _[groans]_ Lincoln, how many times do I have to tell you that I never fight nor a lay a hand on you guys!

 **Lincoln:** Right, right. Sorry.

Just then, the two boys hear the sound of a metal detector going off. They climb down the attic steps and into the hallway to find Lisa is using one for something.

 **Lincoln:** Lisa? What are you doing?

 **Lisa:** Uh...just calibrating my dumb human detector. _[uses it on Lincoln and Luke]_ Calibrated. _[awkwardly leaves]_

Then they notice Lynn holding Lucy by the legs inside the chute.

 **Lynn:** Lucy...see anything?

 **Lincoln:** Lynn! What are you doing?

Lincoln's question causes Lynn to drop Lucy down the chute and scream and land with a thud.

 **Luke:** Was that Lucy?

 **Lynn:** _[nervously]_ No, nope. Just putting laundry down the chute.

 **Lincoln:** _[suspicious]_ Laundry doesn't scream and go thud.

 **Lynn:** _[threateningly]_ No, but nosy brothers do.

 **Lincoln:** _[backing away scared]_ Okay. Okay.

After Lincoln leaves, Luke is not convinced by this and glares at Lynn. She takes notice of this.

 **Lynn:** What?

 **Luke:** Okay, spill it. What are you up to?

 **Lynn:** Uh, I told you, just putting laundry down the chute.

 **Luke:** Lynn.

 **Lynn:** _[sighs]_ Should've known you wouldn't have fallen for this. We're looking for the money, okay?! You can _not_ tell Lincoln about this!

 **Luke:** I thought you guys weren't convinced when Lincoln found that letter in the attic.

 **Lynn:** Well, we are _now_. But I think you might keep that money to yourself if _you_ find it.

 **Luke:** Oh, come on! I don't fight like the rest of you, Lynn!

 **Lynn:** Yeah, yeah, I know that. Look, could you just go already?!

Luke sighs and rolls his eyes as he leaves.

 **Lynn:** _[opens the chute]_ SORRY, LUCE!

 **Lucy:** That's okay! I found a new secret dark place!

Meanwhile, Lincoln goes downstairs and sees Lola pacing about.

 **Lincoln:** _[suspiciously]_ Looking for something, Lola?

 **Lola:** Uh... no. I'm just...practicing for the...uh... _[grabs a chimney sweep]_...Little Miss Chimney Sweep Pageant. _[grins nervous]_

Lincoln leaves and Lana pops out of the chimney covered in soot.

 **Lana:** There's nothing up there.

 **Lola:** There's gotta be! Now keep looking! _[pushes Lana back up with the sweep.]_

Down in the basement, Luna and Luan are looking around, checking the furnance.

 **Luan:** Hand me the flashlight.

Lincoln overhears this and comes down to check on this.

 **Luna:** Quick! Hide! _[shoves Luan in the furnace.]_

 **Luan:** _[inside]_ Okay.

Luna stands by whistling as Lincoln approaches.

 **Lincoln:** What are you up to?

 **Luna:** Just...um... _[busts out some repair tools]_ ...practicing my drums? _[bangs on the furnace]_

Lincoln leaves and Luna opens the furnance to see that Luan is dazed from her racket.

 **Luan:** _[dazed from Luna's racket]_ Can someone answer the ringing in my head? _[groans and faints]_

 _Meanwhile, in the crawlspace..._

 **Lori:** Gross! What is this?

 **Leni:** Get off my pumps!

 **Lori:** I'm gonna pump your face if you don't move faster!

 **Leni:** Let's just get this over with.

 **Lori:** Ugh! Why didn't Mrs. DeMonet just tell us where the money is?

 **Leni:** I don't know. Let's ask her. _[shines the flashlight on a skeleton.]_

They scream in horror, thinking that it's actually Sharon DeMonet's body.

 **Lori:** _[calmly]_ Wait. That's just a leftover Halloween decoration.

 _[Enter Lincoln]_

 **Lincoln:** Hey! What are you two doing?

 **Lori:** Uh...we're just dusting! _[dusts with Leni's arm]_

 **Leni:** Wait. I thought we were looking for the money.

 **Lincoln:** I KNEW IT!

* * *

Later, everyone has grouped together in the living room.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, admit it, you're all looking for the money too, aren't you?

 **Leni:** Obviously!

 **Lynn:** Uh, duh!

 **Luna:** Heck yes, we are!

 **Luan:** Where'd you find your first clue, Sherlock?

 **Lynn:** _[to Luke]_ I thought you weren't gonna say anything.

 **Luke:** You didn't hear it from me.

 **Lincoln:** You guys didn't even believe the money existed! I'm the one who should get it!

 **Lori:** Forget that! I'm finding it for myself!

 **Leni:** Not if I find it first!

 **Luna:** Yeah, dream on!

 **Lana:** It's mine!

The girls start fighting again and pull Lincoln into the fray and Luke runs out of there. Lynn Sr. notices this.

 **Lynn Sr.:** You alright, son?

 **Luke:** Yeah, I'm fine.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[whistles at them to stop fighting]_ Obviously, you haven't learned your lesson. Back to the attic!

The siblings, minus Luke, resume cleaning the attic and Lincoln secretly takes another look at the letter.

 **Lincoln:** The answer must be in here somewhere. I know it. " _Reflect upon what I said here._ " What could that mean?

Lincoln looks in the mirror to find another piece of paper in the rafter and facepalms for not realizing sooner.

 **Lincoln:** Reflect! Duh! _[casually walks over]_ I'm just gonna be over here...cleaning the, uh...the dirty thing... _[gets on a stack of boxes and grabs the paper.]_

 **Lucy:** What's that?!

 **Lincoln:** _[startled]_ Ah! Nothing!

 **Lynn:** _[finds out]_ Lincoln found another letter!

Lincoln takes to the rafters and his sisters are ready to clobber him if he doesn't read it.

 **Sisters:** READ IT!

 **Lincoln:** Okay, okay! Calm down! _[opens it and reads]_ " _Well done. You've found the next clue. But beware. If you fight like my family did, you'll never get to the bottom of the matter._ " You guys, maybe we should listen to her and stop fighting.

 **Lori:** _[suspiciously backing away]_ Yeah...Lincoln's right...as soon as we're done cleaning here, we should totally work together to find the money. _[leaves]_

 **Lola:** Hey! Lori's going after the money!

The girls all follow suit.

 **Lincoln:** Wait!

Lincoln goes after them but steps on and gets whack by the loose floorboard yet again.

Meanwhile in Luke's room, Luke was playing on his 3DS when he hears a bunch of commotion outside his door. He opens it to find his sisters are causing mayhem, looking for the money yet again.

 **Luke:** What the heck?

 **Lincoln:** Guys, the letter! Remember what Sharon DeMonet said!

 **Lola:** Forget Sharon DeMonet! It's every man for himself!

Lincoln gives up and decides to join the battle. Lana is waving a dollar in front of Charles.

 **Lana:** Smell the money, boy! _[Charles sniffs it]_ Now go find more! _[Charles eats her dollar.]_ Hey! Spit it out, Charles! So help me, I will get that dollar back even if I have to wait for it to come out the other end! _[chases after the dog]_

 **Lucy:** _[performing a seance]_ I summon you from the great beyond...Mrs. Sharon DeMonet! Tell me where your fortune is. Speak to me, oh, spirit. _[losing patience]_ Come on, lady! Just tell me where the dough is!

 **Lincoln:** What did Sharon say?

 **Lynn:** _[with a Tennis ball dispenser]_ SHARON SAID TO GET OUT OF OUR ROOM! _[fires Tennis balls at Lincoln.]_

Lincoln ducks and makes Lucy take the blow and escapes. Luna and Luan checking every square inch of their room.

 **Luan:** Hey, look! _[pulls out a half-eaten sandwich from her wastebasket.]_ I found the _bread_! _[laughs]_ And the cheddar, and the lettuce, and the clams. Ew! No wonder someone threw this out.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, what-

Luna busts out one of her amps.

 **Luna:** STAY OUT! THIS IS _OUR_ TURF!

Luna blasts Lincoln with a killer wail to which Luke quickly gets out of the way and runs back into his room.

 **Lana:** _[still chasing Charles into her room.]_ HEY! GET BACK HERE! THAT'S MY DOLLAR!

 **Lincoln:** Have you found it?

Lola comes in in her princess car and rams Lincoln to the side and blocks the door.

 **Lola:** OH, NO, YOU DON'T! SEARCH YOUR OWN ROOM!

 **Lincoln:** Duh. Why didn't I think of that? _[runs off to his room offscreen]_

 _Back in Luke's room..._

 **Luke:** Oh, man! I knew this stupid fight over some cash will turn out bad but not _this_ bad! Hmm... well, I might as well see if the money's somewhere in my room, just in case. _[checks the last of it]_ Nope. Not here. _[sighs]_ Where else could it be?!

Just then, Luke's thoughts were interrupted when...

 **Leni:** _[offscreen]_ I FOUND IT!

 **Siblings:** YOU FOUND THE MONEY?!

 **Leni:** No! My missing floral pump!

 **Siblings:** Aww!

 **Lola:** The money's not up here! Maybe it's downstairs!

The siblings all rush downstairs and Luke chases after them.

 **Luke:** Guys, wait!

Downstairs, the rest of the siblings search for the money in the kitchen, but no luck.

 **Lola:** The dining room!

They search there and still can't find it.

 **Luna:** The living room!

Once again, no sign of the money.

 **Luan:** Lily's room!

Upon arriving there, they notice Lily is taking her nap. To avoid waking her up, they mute out the ruckus caused by their search.

 **Lori:** We've literally searched the whole house, and nothing!

 **Leni:** Hello! My floral pump is not nothing.

 **Luke:** _[enters]_ Soooo, you finally give up?

 **Luna:** No way, dude! We just probably missed something in that letter!

The girls all glare at Lincoln, who knows where this is going. They all start fighting over the letter and tear it apart.

 **Lola:** Look what you did!

 **Lana:** You're the one who ripped it!

 **Luna:** Dude, how are we gonna find the money now?

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ We're not.

 **Lana:** Why?

 **Luan:** What are you talking about?

 **Lincoln:** 'Cause all we did was fight over it. And this is exactly what Sharon DeMonet warned us about.

The sisters start to feel regretful for what they did, as they look at the pieces of the now destroyed clue.

 **Lincoln:** How about this? From now on, whenever we find money, whether it's a hidden fortune or even this quarter... _[takes out the quarter]_...we all share it equally.

 **Lisa:** Okay.

 **Luan:** Sure.

 **Lori:** Sounds good.

 **Luna:** Yeah, I kinda like that.

 **Lana:** I'll even share the dollar I got back from Charles. _[shows them the dollar now covered in Charles' feces.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[thoroughly disgusted]_ Let's not...

 **Luke:** _[sighs; to himself]_ Thank heavens they finally listened to you, Sharon.

Just then, Lily comes crawling out from her nap.

 **Lori:** _[picks Lily up]_ Aw...we're sorry, Lily. Did your noisy sisters and brothers wake you? _[makes cute faces to Lily.]_

It is shown that a piece of paper is attached to Lily's butt.

 **Lynn:** Hey. What's that stuck on Lily's bottom?

Lincoln takes it and unfolds it.

 **Lincoln:** It's...a map! " _If you're reading this, it means you came together and got to the "bottom" of the matter! Congratulations! You're almost there!_ "

The siblings cheer over this discovery.

 **Lincoln:** _[suspicious]_ But wait. How could she have known the map would be on Lily's bottom?

The others think about that for a brief moment.

 **Luke:** _[breaking the silence]_ That is a good question.

 **Lola:** Who cares?! Let's find the money!

The siblings all head out on the search. In the backyard, they come across a big X.

 **Lincoln:** X marks the spot.

 **Lisa:** _[excited]_ Ooh! I love solving for X!

Lincoln grabs a sandbox shovel and starts digging.

 **Siblings:** _[chanting]_ DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!

 **Lucy:** I've got some experience digging holes. _[joins Lincoln in digging]_

 **Siblings:** DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!

 **Luan:** Digging is fun for the _hole_ family! _[laughs]_ Get it?

 **Siblings:** DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!

 **Lana:** Okay, everyone. Stand back. Luna? A little digging music?

 **Luna:** You got it, sis! _[starts strumming her acoustic guitar.]_

Lana digs like Charles and finds the briefcase, much to her siblings' amazement.

 **Lincoln:** _[takes it but notices...]_ It's locked!

 **Leni:** I got this.

Leni takes the briefcase, pulls out her barrette, and picks the lock open with it, stunning her siblings.

 **Leni:** What? There's more to my head than just air, you know.

Lincoln opens the briefcase and everyone gasps to discover that the money is _real_!

 **Luke:** Whoa, that's a lot of dough!

 **Lola:** _[checks the total]_ Five...hundred...DOLLARS!

The siblings gasp again.

 **Lincoln:** So, if we share it equally, that means we each get, uh...

 **Lisa:** $41.6666667 each.

The siblings all cheer over their achievement. Luna cheers and Lucy is throwing confetti around like a flower girl at a wedding.

 **Lola:** _[spreading some of the money out.]_ ONE! TWO! THREE!

Lincoln plays the bongos on his cheeks. Lori and Leni jump for joy and start doing the tango together. Lana is twirling a lasso, Luan is hugging a tree, and Luna is literally tumbling around. All the while, their parents watch on at their children's happiness through their bedroom window.

 **Rita:** It was really nice of you to give up your work bonus. Are you ever gonna tell them that _you're_ Sharon DeMonet?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Nah.

 **Rita:** I have to admit, it's nice to see them sharing money and not fighting over it.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Yep. All part of Sharon's plan.

 **Rita:** Was destroying the house part of Sharon's plan?

 _[Overview of the destruction from the kids' previous free-for-all...]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** No. No it was not.

 **Rita:** Well, now she can... _Sharon DeCleanUp_! _[hands him a broom]_

* * *

Lynn Sr. is now cleaning up the attic.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[to the viewers]_ Money. There just isn't a lot of it in the Loud House. But when there is, it's good to know that from now on, the kids will share it. _[spots a dime]_ Ooh! A dime! _[picks it up]_ I'll just, uh...keep this one to myself.

He puts it in his pocket and steps right onto and gets smacked by the loose floorboard he warned Lincoln about.


	22. Overnight Success

_I am back, everyone! And here with a quick update at the beginning of this chapter to let you know why the long wait. First of all, I'd like to say thank you so much to the people who have followed and favorited this series as we go, and has also hit up to 8,000+ views after 21 chapters. Guys, I just want to say thank you for giving this story a chance to be loved across the world. Many thanks to you, you are amazing!_

 _And just in case, I'd like to apologize for that statement of thee long wait. Allow me to tell you that this is because I usually write all these chapters on the computers at my school whenever I get free time. And now that school has been let out, I couldn't write more chapters as we speak. And because I don't have my own laptop/computer yet, so that's kind of a disappointment. But, this doesn't mean I have forgotten about this story, give 'er a take. I will continue this series because it is so much fun writing this stuff and I love bringing new content for your guys' entertainment. Again, I'd apologize for the lack of chapters the last 1 and a half month._

 _So, with that out of the way and now that you know what's been going on... Let's get on with the chapter! Enjoy :)_

* * *

 **Overnight Success**

 _June 28, 2016_

We open up with Lincoln in his room marking a date on his calendar on his bedroom door.

 **Lincoln:** _[To the viewers]_ Tonight is a historic night for me. I GET TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER! _[His loud voice alerts an owl and makes it fly away.]_ Now, I know what you're thinking. "Lincoln, what's the big deal?" Let me explain. See, sleepovers in the Loud House have not always gone so well.

He wasn't kidding. Because when Lynn had a sleepover with her friends, they were in the living room, where Lynn was dribbling a soccer ball and her friends were cheering for her. But at the moment, the ball flies out the window and caused a crack in it. And when Leni and her friends had a sleepover in the living room, they were using hairdryers to blow dry their hair. But when she plugged in her curling iron in the power supply filled with wires and cables, all the buildings in the neighborhood had powered off. Finally, when Luna had a sleepover, she was smashing things with her electric guitar with her friends surrounding her, resulting in Lynn Sr. being kicked out of his own home, which he was not happy with one bit.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks to my siblings, sleepovers were banned in the Loud House. So when I wanted to have one, it took some hard selling.

 _[A flashback is shown where Lincoln is wearing his professional suit in front of the television facing his parents.]_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _Sleepovers. Why should I be able to have one? Because Lincoln Loud is all about the four R's._ _[turns on a video]_

 _ **LINCOLN LOUD'S FOUR R'S**_

 _ **RESPONSIBLE**_

 _Lincoln is trying to get Cliff out of a tree, but the cat hisses and attacks Lincoln, making him fall off the ladder._

 _ **RESPECTFUL**_

 _Lincoln is helping an old lady across the street, but her cat in her basket attacks Lincoln._

 _ **RELIABLE**_

 _Lincoln is throwing out Lily's dirty diaper, but Cliff is in the trash bin and attacks Lincoln again which Lily giggles at._

 _ **REALLY**_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _[begging his parents]_ _And,_ really _, you guys, it would be so awesome if you let me do this!_ _[Cliff hisses at him but refrains his assault.]_ Please _?_

 _[End flashback]_

 **Lincoln:** Luckily, Dad is a real sucker for cat videos. Now that they've said yes, I'm gonna make sure this is the best sleepover ever. _[shows off an entire mountain of sleepover supplies.]_ I've got the juice boxes chilling, the couch pillows ready to be turned into a fort, the snacks stacked, and the itinerary totally mapped out. _[rolls out a list of events to occur.]_ Every second of the night is planned for maximum sleepover enjoyment. All that's missing now? My guest. _[busts out his walkie-talkie and calls Clyde]_ Come in, Little Bo Sleep. This is Slumberjack. What's your location?

Clyde is seen approaching the Loud House with his parents.

 **Clyde:** This is Little Bo Sleep. My parents are walking me over now. Prepare for contact in three, two, one...

The doorbell rings.

 **Lincoln:** This is it! Time to make history! _[_ _answers the door to Clyde and two men who are Clyde's fathers.]_ Hey, Clyde. Hi, Mr. McBride. Hi, Mr. McBride.

 **Harold:** Hi, Lincoln. Ready for your big night?

 **Lincoln:** You bet.

 **Howard:** Great. Just a couple things Clyde will need. Sleeping bag, feetsie pajamas, white noise machine, humidifier, dehumidifier, earplugs, inhaler, and allergy medications. _[hands each of them to Lincoln as he lists them.]_

 **Harold:** Here are all the numbers where you can reach us if our cell phones fail. _[hands Lincoln the numbers]_ Restaurant, movie theater, coffee shop, gas station...in case we have to pee.

 **Howard:** Hm. Good idea. _[giving something to Clyde]_ And here's a photo of us since we can't tuck you in tonight. _[holds Clyde closely]_

 **Harold:** Remember, Clyde. No nuts, no gluten, no sugar, and be careful with orange juice. You know how you get with pulp.

 **Howard:** _[holds Harold]_ He's growing up so fast.

 **Harold:** Come on, Howie. Remember what Dr. Lopez said about letting go. Now let go.

Clyde's fathers start to leave.

 **Howard:** _[sobbing]_ I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

 **Harold:** Have fun, Clyde!

 **Clyde:** Oh, we will! _[closes door]_ This place is like New York City; it never sleeps.

 **Lincoln:** And neither will we. I've got a whole itinerary for us. First up is the five hour director's cut of our favorite sci-fi fantasy flick, "King of the Rings".

At that moment, Luke, Lincoln's little brother, is running down the stairs.

 **Luke:** Yeah! It's game time, baby! _[stops when he sees Lincoln and Clyde]_ Oh. Uh, Lincoln, what's Clyde doing here?

 **Lincoln:** Well, believe it or not, Luke, Clyde and I are having a sleepover tonight.

 **Luke:** Wait, seriously? I thought Dad said sleepovers weren't allowed in this house anymore.

 **Lincoln:** That is correct. But thanks to my convincing skills, I got Mom and Dad to actually let me have one.

 **Luke:** _[beat]_ Let me guess, cat videos?

 **Lincoln:** Yup. And helping an old lady cross the street.

 **Luke:** What? Never mind, I'll just be over there. Good luck with your sleepover, Lincoln. _[heads to the couch]_

 **Lincoln:** Okay, Clyde, let's get this party started. _[n_ _otices that Clyde is gone]_ Clyde? Clyde? _[heads upstairs]_ Clyde? Clyde? _[He hears some sniffing in the bathroom and finds Clyde sniffing a bottle of shampoo.]_ Uh...what are you doing?

 **Clyde:** Inhaling Lori's glorious coconut and guava shampoo. _[sniffs some more]_ _Mmm...~_

 **Lincoln:** We _all_ use that shampoo.

 **Clyde:** _[sniffs Lincoln's hair and looks disappointed.]_ So you do...

 **Lincoln:** Come on. Let's get outta here before Lori comes in and you pass out again.

 **Clyde:** Please. I'm always cool around Lori.

At that moment, Lori steps out of her room. Clyde notices her and goes into his robot mode.

 **Clyde:** ABORT. ABORT. SYSTEMS OVERHEATING. _[pulls the shower curtain off and shuts down.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ We need to start King of the Rings in the next 25 seconds or we'll be cutting into precious armpit farting time.

* * *

The boys are on their way to Lincoln's room. Some laughter can be heard.

 **Lincoln:** _[looking over the itinerary]_ Okay, we may have to do armpit farts during King of the Rings. Also soda burps. It's okay. I can make this work. _[notices Clyde is gone]_ Clyde?

Clyde is listening to some of Luan's material in her and Luna's room.

 **Luan:** The lettuce was a head, and the tomato was trying to _ketchup_. _[laughs to rimshot and laugh track.]_

 **Clyde:** _[laughs and applauds]_ Luan, I love your brand of offbeat observational humor.

 **Luan:** Well, thank you, my good man. Give it up for the house band!

Luna performs a killer solo and turns on some colored lights.

 **Clyde:** Luna, your rock stylings moves both my heart and my feet.

 **Luna:** _[in a British accent]_ Cheers, mate!

Lincoln comes in and takes Clyde back.

 **Lincoln:** Uh, I'll thank you to stop bugging Clyde. We have a long night ahead of us. _[leaves the room and checks the itinerary.]_ We're now a full minute behind schedule. But we can make that up if we don't waste time buttering the popcorn.

 **Clyde:** That's fine. My dads say my cholesterol level could use a break. _[A hackysack ball comes out of Lynn and Lucy's room and pegs Clyde.]_

 **Lynn:** HEADS!

 **Clyde:** _[catches it with his foot]_ I got it! _[does some tricks]_

 **Lynn:** All right, Clyde! Keep it going! _[joins in with him]_

 _[Enter Leni with a jar of face cream.]_

 **Leni:** I think my new face cream might cause hives. Can someone else try it first? _[splashes it on Clyde]_ Ooh! Claude! Perfect!

 **Clyde:** Actually, it's Clyde. This doesn't have peanuts in it, does it?

 **Luke:** _[comes out of his room and sees Clyde]_ Hey, Clyde, if you and Lincoln aren't busy, I was hoping we could verse each other on some Mario Kart 8. What do you say?

 **Clyde:** Sure thing, Luke!

 **Luke:** Really? Awesome!

 _[Enter Lisa with a helmet she created]_

 **Lisa:** Time for my Friday night brainwave study! _[notices Clyde]_ Oh! A new subject! _[puts it on Clyde, turns it on, and starts to take control of him.]_ DANCE! DANCE, YOU FOOL!

 **Clyde:** _[under the helmet's surging pulses.]_ THIS IS AWESOME!

Just then, a snake breaks out of the twins' room.

 **Lana:** WE'VE GOT A RUNNER! _[sees her snake wrap itself around Clyde.]_ Aw...El Diablo likes you.

 **Leni, Lynn, Lana, and Lisa:** Aw...

 **Luke:** Okay, that is kinda cute.

 **Lincoln:** Guys, enough! Leave Clyde alone! We have an itinerary!

 **Clyde:** It's okay, Lincoln. We can just hang here with your siblings.

 **Lincoln:** What? No! I see my siblings enough as it is. This sleepover is supposed to be _our_ night.

Lola enters with a mirror and a toy wand.

 **Lola:** It's princess makeover time! I need a toad to turn into a beautiful princess. _[sees Clyde and gasps]_ Oh, you'll be a challenge.

 **Lincoln:** Clyde, come on! We gotta get started! _[grabs Clyde's arm]_

 **Lola:** Hey, that's _my_ toad! _[grabs Clyde's other arm]_

 **Clyde:** I hate to let the kid down, Lincoln. Start the movie and I'll be right in.

 **Lincoln:** Are you kidding me? I can't believe you would rather spend your time with my dumb siblings...

 **Leni, Lynn, Luke, Lana, Lola, and Lisa:** HEY!

 **Lincoln:** ...than do all the things I planned for us! You are ruining the sleepover, Clyde! Fart time is out the window, and I seriously doubt we'll get to booger flicking!

 **Clyde:** But, Lincoln, we can still have fun doing this other stuff.

 **Lincoln:** You know what? Let's just forget the whole thing. The sleepover is officially canceled! _[slams his door]_

 **Clyde** **:** Oh man. I should go make up with him. Dr. Lopez taught me a lot about conflict resolution.

Right then, Lori appears.

 **Lori:** Clyde, good. I need a man's opinion. What do you think Bobby means by "Hey"?"

 **Clyde:** _[enters robot mode upon seeing her]_ ABORT. ABORT. SYSTEMS SHUTTING... _[lowering in pitch]_...DOWN... _[goes into a lovesick reboot]_

 **Leni:** _[checks her face cream]_ Maybe there _are_ peanuts in here.

 **Luke:** You should probably check again, Leni.

 _Lincoln's room..._

Lincoln is pacing around in frustration.

 **Lincoln:** I did not get mauled by three cats just to have this sleepover go to waste. _[gets an idea]_ Maybe it doesn't have to.

Later, Lincoln has invited Liam over.

 **Lincoln:** Liam! Welcome to the best sleepover ever! Come on in!

As Liam steps in, there's a commotion going on upstairs.

 **Liam:** Sounds pretty loud up there.

 **Lincoln:** Keep it to yourself, Liam. They can smell fear.

They go into Lincoln's room.

 **Lincoln:** Behold, Liam! The King of the Rings five hour director's cut! _[puts the blu-ray in]_

Suddenly, Lola barges in with her makeup kit _._

 **Lola:** PRINCESS MAKEOVER TIIIIIIIIIIIME! _[sees Liam]_ Ooh! A new toad! _[gives him a full makeover against his will.]_

Liam sees what Lola did to his face and runs out the door.

 **Liam:** AAH! I LOOK LIKE MY MEEMAW!

 **Lola:** Some people just don't appreciate beauty. I MADE YOUR EYES POP, KID!

 _Later on..._

 **KING OF THE RINGS  
** **Extended European Director's Edition**

Lincoln now has a new boy over and are sitting on the couch.

 **Lincoln:** Chad, my new sleepover pal. Get ready for the best five hours ever spent watching a dramatic search for a lost piece of jewelry!

 **Luke:** _[clears his throat and the two boys look at him]_ So sorry to bother you guys, but I was playing my games here on this couch while I was trying to look for my soda... _[to Lincoln]_...until _somebody_ dediced to switch off my console just so he could watch his stinkin' movie!

 **Lincoln:** Oh, come on, Luke, just let me hang with Chad here and watch King of the Rings.

Just then, Lisa pops out and notices Chad.

 **Lisa:** Ho, ho, ho! Fresh brains!

 **Chad:** Say what?

Lisa pulls out some jumper cables and starts laughing like crazy. Chad runs out of the house screaming in panic.

 **Lisa:** Eh, I doubt there was much brain worth examining in that specimen anyway. _[shuts the front door and heads back upstairs]_

 **Luke:** You mean that kid that just ran out the door? _[Lincoln sighs in annoyance]_ Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to my game please.

Lincoln has a deadpan look on his face and has brought over yet another boy later on.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks for coming, Artie. I want you to know you were my... _[looks at a list and has crossed off Liam and Chad from it.]_ ... _first'_ choice for a sleepover.

They bump into Lucy.

 **Lucy:** Hey. I'm conducting a practice funeral and I need a corpse. _[looks at Artie]_ How do you feel about enclosed spaces?

Artie bolts for the door and runs back home. Lincoln looks at Lucy sternly and Lucy just smiles. The next boy Lincoln invites over is having a nice time until he smells Lily having just made a mess in her diaper, causing him to gag and run. The next boy Lincoln invites over gets a surprise from Lynn, as in being tackled whie playing football. Finally, the last boy Lincoln invited over was chased out by El Diablo.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Okay, so maybe not everyone can handle the Loud House. But I think I finally found the perfect candidate. He lives in between a freeway and a circus.

The doorbell rings and Lincoln answers it meeting a very short boy with glasses, buckteeth, and a crazy red hairdo.

 **Lincoln:** Zach, my man! Ready for a great night?

The siblings' commotion blows the roof off the house.

 **Zach:** Aw, heck no! _[leaves]_

 **Lincoln:** Huh. Now that surprises me. _[He closes the door]_ Isn't there anyone who can handle this house? _[_ _hears the white noise machine and turns it off as he notices all of Clyde's stuff on the floor.]_ Clyde! Of course! He doesn't just handle it, he likes it! _[busts out his walkie talkie.]_ Little Bo Sleep, this is Slumberjack. Do you read? _[only picks up static]_ Wow. He must be really mad. Was I that big of a jerk? _[hears the white noise machine again]_ Oh, who asked you? _[Turns it off in annoyance]_

* * *

 _The McBride residence..._

Lincoln climbs in through the window into Clyde's room. It looks like Clyde is under the covers.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, buddy. Listen. I'm really sorry for blowing up at you. I didn't realize how lucky I was to have you as a friend. _[No response]_ The silent treatment, huh? I deserve it. I just hope you'll forgive me someday. _[hears another noise machine]_ Man! How many noise machines do you own?

Back at the Loud House, Lincoln hears some laughter going on in Luna and Luan's room and finds out Clyde is hanging with all his siblings except Lori.

 **Lincoln:** Clyde? You're still here?

 **Clyde:** Sorry, Lincoln. I know you wanted me to leave, but I passed out. And every time Lori came to check on me, I passed out again.

 **Luke:** And so on, etc., etc.

 **Lincoln:** No, Clyde. I want you to stay. I was just at your house apologizing to...someone.

 **Clyde:** Oh, that must have been my stuffed animals. They kind of keep me company at night.

 **Lincoln:** Right. Because you're an only child. No wonder you like hanging out with all of my siblings.

 **Clyde:** Yeah. Sometimes, it's pretty lonely at my house.

Luna is setting the mood by playing her violin.

 **Luna:** _[emotional]_ Dude...your story moves both my heart...and my fingers...

 **Lincoln:** How about we start this sleepover again?

 **Clyde:** You mean it?

 **Lincoln:** Definitely. Only this time... _[tears up the itinerary causing his siblings to gasp in shock.]_ ...we're gonna do what you wanna do.

Clyde smiles at this.

* * *

And so, Lincoln and Clyde are now having the sleepover with all of Lincoln's siblings.

 **Leni:** _[applying shampoo to Clyde]_ Now, Clark, this shampoo may cause baldness, so let me know what happens.

Lily garbles to Clyde and Clyde garbles back.

 **Lola:** Ooh! I see _two_ toads that need makeovers! _[gives Lincoln and Clyde makeovers]_

 **Luke:** Hey, Clyde. After this movie, you wanna get some Smash Brothers going?

 **Clyde:** Aw, heck yeah!

 **Lynn:** _[with her hackysack]_ Heads up, yo!

She and Clyde play a little and take their seats as soon as King of the Rings starts.

 **Clyde:** King of the Rings! Sweet!

 **Lincoln & Clyde:** To the best sleepover ever!

 **Siblings:** BEST SLEEPOVER EVER! YEAH!

Lori returns with some snacks.

 **Lori:** Okay, who wants pizza bites?

 **Clyde:** _[enters robot mode upon seeing her once again.]_ ABORT! ABORT! SYSTEMS SHUTTING... _[lowering in pitch]_ ...DOWN! _[shuts down]_

 **Leni:** _[examines her shampoo]_ Sheesh. Are there peanuts in everything?

 **Luke:** I don't think so, Leni.


	23. Chore and Peace

**Chore and Peace**

 _June 29, 2016_

Today, Lincoln is dumping all the trash around the house into a trash bag.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ It's Chore Day at the Loud House, and taking out the trash is my job. And in a family as big as mine, chores can be pretty intense. But we get through 'em because we all do our fair share.

Leni enters the bathroom, plucks a hair out of the sink, and places it on Lincoln's garbage pile.

 **Leni:** Chores all done! _[slams the door making the trash splatter all over Lincoln.]_

 **Lincoln:** Well, except maybe for Leni. _[starts cleaning out the expired and moldy stuff in the fridge and notices Luan and Lynn washing the dishes together.]_ Wait. Two of you do one chore?

 **Lucy:** _[closes the fridge door behind Lincoln's back.]_ _Three_ of us.

Lincoln screams in fear of Lucy and observes Luan who is washing a dish and passes it to Lucy.

 **Lucy:** Sigh. _[dries it off with her breath.]_

 **Lynn:** _[catches the plate tossed to her by Luan.]_ Lynn Loud makes a snag! _[puts it away]_ Touchdown!

 **Lincoln:** That doesn't seem very fair.

 _[Enter Luna with the vacuum]_

 **Luna:** Open sesame, bro. _[dumps all the dust she vacuumed up into the bag.]_

 **Lana:** _[carrying in the pooper scooper]_ Little present from Charles! _[dumps it in]_ Special delivery from Cliff! _[dumps it in]_ And airmail from Walt! _[catches Walt's incoming dung and tosses it into the trash bag and notices Geo rolling away.]_

 **Lincoln:** What about Geo?

The toilet is heard flushing.

 **Lana:** Oh, I taught him to use the toilet.

 **Lincoln:** This isn't a chore for you; it's a hobby.

 _[Water splashes]_

 **Lana:** Uh-oh! Geo fell in again! _[busts out a net and runs to his rescue.]_ Hang on, baby! Mama's comin'!

 _The basement…_

Lori and Luke are doing everyone's laundry and Lily is spinning on the top of the dryer. Lori adds the detergent and leaves the machine to do its thing and starts texting on her phone while Luke brings in another load.

 **Luke:** _[grunts]_ This is the last of it. _[sets it down]_ Could use some extra detergent on this one though. One of Lynn's jerseys have a really bad odor that no one could scrub off.

 **Lori:** _[sniffs the aroma and clenches her nose]_ Ugh! Literally.

Lincoln gathers the trash down there and is struggling to get the bag up the stairs since it's gotten so bulky from all the other trash.

 **Lincoln:** Can I get a little help here?

 **Lori:** Can't you see I'm doing the laundry? _[laughs]_ LOL, Bobby!

 **Luke:** _[sighs and rolls his eyes]_ I'll help you with that. _[starts to walk over]_

 **Lincoln:** _[unable to hold the bag.]_ WHOA! _[gets crushed]_

 **Luke:** Um…never mind.

Outside, Lincoln finally manages to get the bag out to the curb only to find that the weight from it has torn a hole in it and the trash has been scattered everywhere.

 **Lincoln:** Dang it.

Inside, Luna is vacuuming some more and Lincoln unplugs the device.

 **Luna:** Dude, what gives?

 **Lincoln:** Alright, everyone! Listen up! It has come to my attention that I've gotten a raw deal in this house!

 **Leni:** You mean your white hair? It's nice. It makes you look like Pop-Pop.

 **Lincoln:** I'm not talking about our grandfather! I'm talking about my chore! It's way harder than all of yours, and it's not fair!

 **Lori:** Please. Our chores are just as hard as yours, if not harder.

 **Luke:** Not for me at least. Though it can be a struggle carrrying all those baskets. But seriously, Lincoln, I think you might be overreacting a bit.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, really? Look at Lisa! What does _she_ even do?

 **Lisa:** _[on the line]_ Uh, hold on, Janice. _[puts Janice on hold]_ I do the bills, Lincoln. _[goes back on her call]_ Now, listen, I want that charge removed, Janice. I don't think anyone in this house bought a car in Saskatchewan.

 **Lincoln:** Well, if you all think your chores are so hard, I'm sure one of you won't mind trading with me.

 **Lori:** No way, Lincoln. There's a very delicate balance in this house, and if we all start trading chores, it will literally open up a can of worms.

 **Lana:** What's so bad about that? Worms rule!

 **Lincoln:** _[deterred]_ Okay then...

Lincoln starts holding up a sign with a "No Symbol" over a trash can, indicating he's on strike from his chore.

 **Lincoln:** _[chanting]_ One, two, three, four! I won't do your stupid chore!

 **Luke:** Uh, what?

 **Lori:** What the heck are you doing?

 **Lincoln:** I'm on strike until someone agrees to trade chores with me. _[chanting]_ Five, six, seven, eight! Garbage Day will have to wait!

 **Lana:** What am I supposed to do with all this poop? _[holds up several sacks]_

 **Lincoln:** _[chanting more]_ Nine, ten, eleven, twelve! Take that poop out by yourself!

 **Lori:** Ugh! Will you stop talking in chants?

 **Lincoln:** _[refusing to stop]_ Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen! _[stops]_ Uh... _[tries to think of a rhyme for sixteen as his parents watch.]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** Think we should intervene, honey?

 **Rita:** No, not yet. I wanna see what he rhymes with sixteen. Also, maybe we should let the kids handle this themselves. They might learn something.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Good idea. _[busts out a jigsaw puzzle]_ In that case, it's time for ol' Jigsaw Loud to get back in the puzzle game!

 **Rita:** _[chuckles]_ Didn't we agree to never use that name again?

Lola is practicing her posture with books on her head.

 **Lola:** And that's why I deserve to be the next Cute N' Mean's Beauty Queen. _[slips on a banana peel]_

 **Lincoln:** _[chanting]_ What do I want? Someone else's chore! When do I want it? Now! _[Lola gets annoyed]_ What do I want? Someone else's chore! When do I want it? _[gets pegged by peel]_ Ow!

Chunk is helping Luna with her amps as she rocks on.

 **Luna:** So, what'a ya think, Chunk?

 **Chunk:** It stinks.

 **Luna:** Way harsh, dude.

 **Chunk:** Not the song, your room. Chunk's gotta blow. _[leaves]_

 **Lincoln:** _[chanting]_ Think it through, don't be rash, trade with me, or live with trash! Think it through, don't be rash, trade with me, or live with- _[Luna gets annoyed and tosses her drumsticks at him and he shields himself with his sign.]_ Ha! Missed me!

Luna tosses the rest of her drum kit at him and gets him this time.

Downstairs, Luke is playing an impossible boss stage that he couldn't beat... until now that is.

 **Luke:** Come on, Luke, just one more swing with that mighty sword and you have done it. And it all relies on this one attempt. _[his character approaches the boss slowly]_ 3...2...1-

Just then, as Luke gets up from the couch, he steps in something squishy and looks down to see a garbage mold on the floor. He screams in disgust as he jumps onto the couch and he sees that his character died. He is in shock until he hears Lincoln still chanting, he growls in anger.

Leni is getting ready to take a shower but finds the tub filled with garbage.

 **Leni:** Ew!

 **Lincoln:** _[faking sympathy]_ Aw...got a problem?

 **Leni:** Oh, not with you, Pop-Pop.

Lincoln puts on a hairnet to hide his white hair until further notice. Later that night, the siblings are all having a meeting to discuss Lincoln's behavior.

 **Lola:** Princesses cannot live in this filth!

 **Lana:** It's disgusting, and I know disgusting.

 **Lucy:** I totally agree.

 **Luke:** I can't concentrate with the smell of a dead skunk all the time.

 **Lori:** This can't go on. We have to do something.

Lincoln overhears this and believes one of them is finally going to agree to trade chores with him.

 **Lincoln:** _[chanting]_ Hey, hey. Ho, ho. Tomorrow I get a brand new Cho...re. Good thing they're giving in. 'Cause I'm all out of rhymes.

* * *

 _June 30, 2016_

The next morning, Lincoln wakes up and finds out that he has no clean laundry. He goes downstairs to confront Lori about it.

 **Lincoln:** Lori, where's all my clean laundry?

 **Lori:** Hm...laundry, laundry...oh! I didn't do it.

 **Lincoln:** And why not?

Lori holds up a sign with a "No Symbol" over a washing machine, meaning only one thing.

 **Lincoln:** Ha! _You're_ going on strike?

The other siblings, except Luke, hold up signs as well.

 **Lana:** We're _all_ going on strike until you agree to end yours!

 **Lincoln:** What? Luke, please tell me they're not serious.

 **Luke:** _[just as angry as them]_ Actually, they are. _[holds up his sign as well]_ And so am I! Because you wouldn't call quits any time sooner on your strike. So until then, no more chores.

 **Lori:** That means no laundry, no clean dishes, no vacuuming...

 **Lisa:** ...and no doing the bills. _[on her call]_ Janice, cut the power and the water. We're going off the grid.

 **Lincoln:** Well, good luck! 'Cause I'm not backing down!

 **Siblings:** NEITHER ARE WE!

 **Lori:** _[chanting]_ One, two, three, four! I won't wash your clothes no more!

 **Luna:** CHORES! HUH! WHAT ARE THEY GOOD FOR?!

 **Siblings:** ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! SAY IT AGAIN!

 **Lynn Sr.:** _Now_ should we intervene?

 **Rita:** Oh, no. Let's give the kids a little more time to resolve this on their own.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _Sweet!_ Who's up for round two? Jiggy Loud's about to do a pizzy up in this bizzy!

 **Rita:** Uh-uh.

* * *

 _July 1, 2016_

Charles licks Lincoln awake and he gets up to find that all his clothes stink, so he applies a garbage bag to wear, where he comes across Lynn kicking something around.

 **Lincoln:** Ew. What is that?

 **Lynn:** Bunch of hair from the sink drain. Makes a great footbag.

Lynn kicks the footbag onto Lincoln's head, to which he grows frustrated to.

 **Lincoln:** _[goes to check on Lori]_ Hey, Lori, now that Lisa stopped paying the bills, it must be pretty hard having no cell service.

 **Lori:** Who needs cell service? I found a new way to text Bobby. _[holds up Walt in her hands and gives him a message as her text.]_ Fly away, my faithful messenger!

Walt takes off and smacks into the window, to which Lincoln laughs.

 **Lori:** What? Phones crash all the time. _[opens the window and lets Walt fly.]_

 _Luke's room..._

Luke is seen playing COD on his PC facing the other way.

 **Lincoln:** _[pops in]_ Hey, Luke. Real shame that you can't focus on your games with all this trash around.

 **Luke:** _[turns around to show he has a pin clogging his nostrils]_ Huh? Oh, not really. Just gotta learn to keep the smell out of my system. Strategy~.

Lincoln gives a miffed look.

 _Lisa and Lily's room..._

 **Lincoln:** Pretty messy in here. Must be pretty hard to get any work done.

 **Lisa:** On the contrary. The garbage and my chemicals have fused, creating a scientific breakthrough. I call him _Homo Trashilius_. Or Trashy for short.

A living breathing creature made out of trash roars at Lincoln, scaring him off.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Okay, _now_ should we intervene?

 **Rita:** I still think the kids can solve this themselves. Besides the house has...looked worse. _[notices Lily crawling around in trash with a chip bag on her head.]_ Aw, come here, sweetie. _[picks her up]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** Round three with Jiggy P?

Rita turns it down.

* * *

 _July 2, 2016_

A raccoon licks Lincoln awake, thus terrifying both of them. The trash has really been piling up and Lincoln puts on tissue boxes for shoes. Lynn's footbag has gotten so big with hair that she's trapped inside of it.

 **Lynn:** HELP! MY FOOTBAG'S OUT OF CONTROL!

 **Lincoln:** This could all be over if you'd just end your strike.

 **Lynn:** _[shakes fist]_ NOT TILL YOU END YOURS! _[rolls away]_

The doorbell rings and Lincoln answers it.

 **Reporter:** Hi, we're from the Miss Cute N' Mean pageant, here to do a behind the scenes interview with Miss Lola Loud.

Lola comes down in her ensemble now covered in trash.

 **Lola:** _[singing]_ _Here she is! The next Cute N' Mean!_ _[poses and farts]_

 **Reporter:** Ew! More like Miss Gross N' Gnarly! Interview over!

The crew leaves.

 **Lola:** NO! _[growls at Lincoln]_ You...THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! _[starts chasing Lincoln]_

Lori is watching and laugh at Lincoln's torture; just then, Clyde enters, happy to see her.

 **Clyde:** Lori!

Lori shrieks in horror to see that Walt sent her text to Clyde instead of Bobby.

 **Clyde:** Walt brought me your text. Usually, I bleed profusely from my nose, turn into a robot, and eventually faint when I'm around you, but this has given me the confidence to say...I LOVE YOU, TOO!

 **Lori:** WHAT?!

 **Clyde:** Don't worry. I already broke the news to Bobby. He took it pretty hard, but a really nice cheerleader is consoling him. _[puckers his lips hoping for a kiss.]_

 **Lincoln:** Phew! Finally lost Lola.

 **Lori:** _[enraged]_ **YOU!** _[chases Lincoln who runs away in panic and is unable to lose her.]_

Trashy has grown quite a bit and grabs the two of them.

 **Lisa:** TRASHY! BAD! _[realizes she's still on her call.]_ No, no, not you, Janice.

 **Lincoln:** Lisa! What have you been feeding him?

 **Lisa:** His name is _Trashy_. What do you think, genius?

Trashy roars voraciously, getting the attention of all the other siblings as they pop out of their rooms. Just then, Lily starts crying off in the distance.

 **Trashy:** Baby?

 **Lori:** Great, Lincoln. You made Lily cry.

The kids and Trashy check Lily's crib.

 **Lincoln:** There, there. It's okay, Lily. _[pulls out the covers only to find that the raccoon is in Lily's crib instead of Lily.]_

 **Lana:** _[catches it]_ I'm more than just poop patrol.

Lana tosses the raccoon at the window which is closed. The raccoon gets frustrated and opens it up and leaves.

 **Luke:** Wow, who knew a raccoon was capable of opening a window.

 **Lincoln:** Guys, if the raccoon was in the crib...then where's Lily?

The siblings and Trashy gasp and everyone starts searching for her.

 **Kids:** LILY!

 **Lincoln:** She's in here somewhere!

 **Lucy:** We'll never find her in this mess.

 **Lincoln:** There's only one way we can find her. We have to clean up! _[holds up sign]_ I declare this strike officially over! _[breaks his sign and gets a splinter.]_ Ow! Who's with me?

 **Siblings:** WE ARE! _[break their signs]_

 **Lisa:** _[calls Janice]_ Janice, how soon can we get back on the grid? 24 hours? What if I throw in a muffin basket?

Janice obliges and puts them back on the grid. The siblings continue to search for Lily in their junkyard of a house.

 **Lincoln:** Come on! You gotta be around here somewhere!

They hear Lily making noises and it sounds like it's coming from the kitchen, where there is practically a pool of dirty dishes.

 **Lincoln:** Hang on, Lily! Your big brother's coming! _[searches around as fast he can.]_

 **Lucy:** _[stops him]_ There's a better way.

 **Luan:** _Wash_ and learn! _[laughs and starts doing the dishes at breakneck speed.]_

 **Lucy:** Sigh. _[dries it with her breath]_

Lynn is still trapped in her hairy footbag and Luna vacuums it up and sets her free. Lynn catches all incoming plates and Lincoln checks the basement.

 **Lincoln:** Hang on, Lily! I'm coming! _[dives into a laundry pile stacked up high but starts to drown.]_ So...much...underwear!

 **Lori:** _[she and Luke save him]_ Yeah, and that's just Dad's. Now get outta my way, little bro. We've got a system.

Luke starts folding the laundry at a breakneck speed and Lori washes them until she has gotten every single pair. Later on, Luke brings in the last load and suddenly, Clyde pops up from the hamper.

 **Clyde:** Hey, sugar lips. Should our couple name be "Clori" or "Llyde"?

 **Lori:** Bobby and I are back together.

This breaking news causes Clyde to lose his confidence and do what he usually does when he sees Lori.

 **Clyde:** _[gets a nosebleed; starts acting like a robot.]_ ABORT. ABORT. _[faints]_

 **Luke:** Well, good thing that's over.

Everyone is doing their best to clean house and find Lily, but to no avail on the latter.

 **Lana:** Poop patrol is done, but no Lily!

 **Lola:** Beds are made, no Lily!

 **Trashy:** _[checks under the sofa]_ No baby!

 **Lola:** Maybe she's under all this trash!

 **Lincoln:** Step aside! _[gets out a trash bag]_ Taking out the trash...is _my_ job.

Lincoln eyes Trashy who gulps and takes all the trash out.

 **Lori:** Well, we've all done our chores, and there's still no Lily.

 **Lincoln:** _[guilty]_ This is all my fault! For the rest of my life... _[familiar giggling]_ ...I'll be haunted by the sound of her adorable giggling!

 **Rita:** Lincoln, what are you crying about?

 **Lincoln:** Mom, I confess! We lost- _[surprised]_...Lily? Have you guys had her this whole time?

 **Rita:** _[holding Lily in her arms]_ Of course. You didn't think we'd leave her in that mess, did you?

 **Luke:** Phew. What a relief.

 **Lynn Sr.:** You know, we're proud of you guys for working this out. Now, who wants to do a puzzle with J to the Iggy?

 **Siblings:** _Who?_

* * *

Later on, Lincoln, while wearing his normal clothes again walks outside with his sign.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ When it comes to chores, nobody in the Loud House has it easy. The truth is, we all do our fair share. _[feeds his strike sign to Trashy.]_

 **Mr. Grouse:** Hey, Loud! Don't bother! There's no trash pickup this week! The garbage workers are striking for more money!

 **Lincoln:** Wait! They get _paid_ to take out the trash?!

The siblings are now back on strike demanding an allowance for their chores.

 **Siblings:** _[chanting]_ ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR! GIVE US CASH OR NO MORE CHORES!

 **Rita:** Any ideas, _J Pizzy_?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Now _this_ is a puzzle. _[giddy]_ Can you call me that again?

 **Rita:** J Pizzy.

 **Lynn Sr.:** YES!


	24. House Music

**House Music**

 _July 5, 2016_

Today in the Louds' living room, Lincoln shows his siblings a chart.

 **Lincoln:** Guys! We gotta figure out something! The Family Fun Fair is tonight, and we've got nothing for the talent show.

 **Lynn:** _[raises her hand]_ I know! How about a family trapeze act?

 **Lisa:** Just because you fractured every bone from your maxilla to your metatarsals doesn't mean we want to.

 **Lola:** I know! How about a family beauty pageant? _[beat]_ Never mind. That would take years to prepare for.

 **Lana:** I say we wrestle alligators! _[lunges at Lincoln and pins him down.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[gets her off]_ Lana, that's a terrible idea!

 **Lana:** You're right... _[gets out a lasso]_ Calf roping is much better! _[lassos and hogties Lincoln]_

 **Luke:** I don't think that's gonna work out, Lana.

 **Lincoln:** We need something we can all do.

 **Lynn:** Then let's do my idea!

 **Luan:** No! My idea!

 **Leni:** No, mine!

 **Lori:** No way.

The girls start fighting over which act they should do and Luna stops them with a power chord on her guitar.

 **Luna:** I've got the answer! Let's start a family band!

 **Lori:** But we literally have no musical talent.

 **Luan:** Yeah. I couldn't carry a tune if it had a handle. _[laughs to rimshot]_

 **Luke:** Hmm, then again, why not? Maybe we all have _some_ musical talent in us.

 **Luna:** There you go, Luke. As my idol Mick Swagger says, "Rock and roll isn't about being the best. It's about having fun." NOW WHO WANTS TO HAVE FUN?!

Her siblings cheer in agreement and they head on off, but Lincoln is still hogtied to the floor.

 **Lincoln:** Uh...guys? A little help?

 **Leni:** _[walks up to her brother.]_ Oh. Sorry, Lincoln.

Leni picks him up and carries him with her like a handbag while humming, much to his chagrin.

* * *

Later, the siblings are practicing their music in the garage with instruments which, as expected, sounds lousy and noisy. Lori is playing the trumpet, Leni is singing, Luan is playing a whoopee cushion, Lynn is playing the tuba, Lincoln is playing the cello, Lucy is playing the pipe organ, Lana is playing on paint can drums, Lola is playing crash cymbals, and Luke and Lisa are playing keyboards. Just then, Lynn Sr. comes in with a rake.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[feeling tormented]_ AGH! WHAT IS THAT HORRIFIC SOUND!? Is the cat fighting the possum again?

 **Lincoln:** No, Dad, it's us. We're starting a family band!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Oh, oh! You know, your old man used to be in a band. Although, it ended on a...on a sour note.

 _[Flashback to their father's college days where he's part of a heavy metal band and playing a cowbell which does not fit the genre.]_

 _ **Band Members:**_ _[over his cowbell] Dude! Dude! DUDE! You're out of the band._

 _[Young Lynn Sr. breaks down crying and leaves the dorm. End flashback]_

Lynn Sr. is still upset over those days. The siblings comfort him.

 **Loud Siblings:** _[sympathetic]_ Aww...

 **Luna:** Well, you can be in our band.

The siblings encourage their father to join them.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Well...if you all insist. _[rips off his shirt and reveals his old band uniform underneath with his pants ripped.]_ KA-POW! WOO! HA HA!

Lynn Sr. starts playing his cowbell while getting jiggy with it as his kids stare at him awkwardly while Luke is trying to hold in his laughter.

 **Lisa:** I sincerely hope that's not contagious.

 **Luke:** Nope, but it's amusing.

 **Luna:** _[with a score sheet]_ All right, dudes, let's try busting out this jam. It's called Plastic Bag Blown Through The Gutter Of Life. Lyrics by Lucy... _[Lucy takes a bow]_ ...music by yours truly. One, two! One, two, three, four!

They all start practicing and Charles howls.

 **Luna:** Dudes! Charles wants to sing lead!

Luna brings the dog in to howl as the lead singer. The Loud family plays their instruments and Luna suddenly gets a call from her roadie Chunk.

 **Luna:** Yo, Chunk! What's that? I can't hear you! Hold on a sec! _[puts Charles down and turns to her siblings.]_ You guys! Keep practicing! And remember, it's not about being the best, it's all about having fun! _[heads out to hear Chunk's news.]_

 **Chunk:** 'Oy! Have you heard, mate? Mick Swagger's in town! He's gonna be scoutin' for local talent at the Family Fun Fair!

 **Luna:** _[speechless]_ Mick...in town? This could be my big break, man!

Luna then has a fantasy.

 _ **Mick Swagger:**_ _And now, I'd like to introduce the greatest musical discovery of my 40 year career: LUNA LOUD!_

 _Luna starts rocking out as the crowd cheers for her._

 _ **Crowd:**_ _LUNA! LUNA! LUNA!_

 _[End fantasy.]_

 **Chunk:** Luna!

 **Luna:** _[snaps out of it]_ Thanks for the call, brah. I've got work to do. _[hangs up and turns to her family not exactly worthy of Mick.]_ A lot of work. _[to her family]_ Okay, people, from the top! This time, let's try to step it up a notch!

 **Leni:** _[raises her hand]_ Um...I...I don't have an instrument. What should I play?

 **Luna:** Hm...why don't you sing backup?

Leni eagerly nods.

 **Luna:** Alright, Louds! One, two, three!

The family starts playing.

 **Leni:** _[singing]_ Backup backup backup~!

 **Luna:** No no no no. Leni, you don't actually sing the words "Backup". You sing what's on the page.

 **Leni:** Oh. Got it! _[singing]_ What's on the page! What's on the page! What's on the pa-haaaaaage~!

Lynn Sr. is still doing his thing with his cowbell.

 **Luna:** Uh...rockin', Dad. Could you just dial it back a bit?

Lynn tries blowing into her tuba to no avail.

 **Lynn:** _[frustrated]_ Can't get this tuba to work.

Luna shakes it and blows into it to reveal that Geo got stuck in there. The little hamster lands in Lucy's pipe organ.

 **Luna:** GEO! _[presses down on organ keys and gets Geo out.]_

Geo's hamster ball bonks Lori on her head. She drops her music sheet and Luan plays her whoopee cushion as the oldest sister bends over to pick it up.

 **Luan:** Nice tootin' sis!

Everyone laughs at Luan's joke except Luna and Lori who is miffed to be the literal butt of it.

 **Luna:** Guys, can we focus, please? We need to- _[notices her Dad still jamming.]_ Dad! Dad! _[turns to Luke on keyboards]_ Sweet melodies, Luke!

Luke smiles and gives a thumbs up in response.

 **Luna:** _[turns to Lincoln on cello.]_ That's it, bro! You got it! _[turns to her father]_ Dad!

Lincoln puts on some cool shades and accidentally twirls his cello so hard it spins out of control.

 **Lincoln:** Oops!

The cello hits Luke's keyboard causing it to fall, followed by plowing over Lana's paint can drums which roll off and carry Lisa, Lola, and Lynn around and they collide into the rest of their siblings, leaving them in a pile. Luna gets out and growls in frustration.

 **Luna:** _[irked]_ Dudes...this is the worst rehearsal I've ever seen!

 **Lincoln:** But...you said it doesn't matter if we were good.

 **Luna:** Forget about what I said, bro. Mick Swagger's gonna be at the show.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[Excited]_ Mick Swagger?! Sweet!

 **Luna:** No! It's not sweet! This is my chance to be discovered, and you guys ARE MESSING IT UP!

 **Luke:** Whoa, Luna, I think you need to chill out.

 **Luna:** Don't tell me to chill out, Luke! _[notices Lynn Sr. is still jamming; exasperated]_ Dad. Dad! DAD! _[fails to get his attention.]_ That's it. YOU...ARE OUT OF THE BAND!

The words "out of the band" echo through and the siblings gasp. Lynn Sr. drops his cowbell and leaves, sobbing. Luna's siblings look at her in disdain.

 **Luna:** _[hostilely]_ What?

 **Lori:** You literally just fired your own dad!

 **Luke:** Why would you do that?

 **Luna:** I'm not gonna let Captain Cowbell ruin my big chance! _[picking up the music sheets]_ Now let's get back to work. We're gonna be here all day. So, if you guys have plans, cancel them. If you gotta pee, hold it. We really have to nail this!

 **Lincoln:** What?! No way!

The other siblings chastise Luna for her behavior.

 **Luna:** All right. You're _all_ out of my band!

 **Lincoln:** No! _You're_ out of _our_ band! _[a music sheet falls on his face, which he quickly swats off.]_ 'Cause we're gonna play without you and we're gonna have fun!

 **Lana:** Yeah! And we'll pee whenever we want to!

 **Luna:** Fine by me. You're all holding me back, anyway. And when I'm on tour with Mick, don't call me for tickets!

She bends over to grab her axe only to be met with Luan making another whoopee cushion gesture. She growls at her pranky roommate then storms off.

* * *

 _Luna and Luan's room..._

Luna is on her bed holding her guitar.

 **Luna:** Who needs them anyway? Not me. All I need...is a new tune. _[starts playing and singing softly]_ They don't understaaaaaaaaand... / Girl's gotta have a baaaaaaaand... _[dislikes it and switches to a more hardcore style.]_ Time for me to go solo / You know what they say: YOLO _[realizes what she just sang.]_ UGH! Come on, Luna! What are you thinking? This is for Mick! You just used the word YOLO!

Instead of her guitar, Luna tries using a keyboard to play a new tune.

 **Luna:** Nah. Too pop-y. _[plays lower keys]_ Nah. Too depressing. _[plays a soothing tune]_ Nah. Too 90's! _[tosses her headphones]_ GAH!

She hears her siblings having a good time playing in their band. She closes the window and curtains in sadness. She is now lying on the floor and softly strums her guitar.

 **Luna:** _[sings depressed]_ I stink and I can't write a single song / _[Her voice breaks]_ Wow, there's a big crack in the ceiling. _[Is about to cry but sits up]_ Maybe I just need a change of scenery.

 _The Eat Diner and Coffee Shop…_

Luna is still struggling to come up with lyrics. She tears off her latest draft right into a stranger's soup.

 **Luna:** Oh. Sorry, dude.

 **Stranger:** No worries. What are you writing?

 **Luna:** It's supposed to be a song. But I'm wicked blocked.

 **Stranger:** Maybe I can help. I'm dabbled in music myself. Have a seat.

 **Luna:** _[sits down in the booth and picks up a fry.]_ You gonna finish that, brah?

 **Stranger:** It's all yours. So, what's going on?

 **Luna:** I really gotta kill it with this song. And everything I write is garbage. _[eats her fry]_ I actually tried to rhyme with YOLO.

 **Stranger:** _[cringing]_ Ooh...

 **Luna:** I know, right? You mind?

The stranger hands her his soup which she slurps up.

 **Stranger:** So, what's so important about this song?

 **Luna:** I'm supposed to perform at the Family Fun Fair tonight, and Mick Swagger's gonna be there! It's my only chance to impress him! So, I gotta be my very best!

 **Stranger:** Hm...wasn't it Mick Swagger who said "Rock and roll isn't about being the best, it's about having fun"?

 **Luna:** Yeah...

 **Stranger:** Well, when was the last time you had fun?

Luna remembers that the last time she had fun was when she was in the family band, which makes her realize what's more important.

 **Luna:** Dude! I gotta go! _[runs off, comes back, grabs another fry, and runs off again.]_

* * *

 _The Family Fun Fair…_

The rest of the Loud kids are getting ready to perform.

 **Rita:** _[excited]_ Ooh! Look at my little rock stars!

 **Lucy:** My real genre is death metal.

 **Rita:** SO CUTE!

 _[Enter Luna]_

 **Luna:** DUDES! You got room for one more?

 **Luke:** _[surprised]_ Luna?

On the other hand, her other siblings are still not happy with her.

 **Lincoln:** What about impressing Mick? We don't wanna "hold you back".

 **Luke:** Hold on, Lincoln. Did you seriously change your mind, or are you just punking us?

 **Luna:** No, Luke, I'm serious. Look, I'm sorry about all that stuff I said. I acted like a real bonehead today. I forgot the one rule of rock and roll. It doesn't matter if I don't play my best for Mick. All that matters is having fun. And the only time I have fun is doing it with you guys. So, what do you say? Will you take me back?

A moment of silence.

 **Lincoln:** _[elated]_ Heck yeah! It wouldn't be a family band without you!

 **Luan:** Grab some sheet music!

As Luna does as her roommate says, Luan plays the whoopee cushion on cue once again. They all laugh at that gesture.

 **Luna:** Wait. It's not a family band yet. Where's Dad?

 **Rita:** The place he always goes when he's sad: the Whirl-n'-Twirl.

Luna hurries over to the Whirl-n'-Twirl and finds her father there still lamenting over getting kicked out of the band.

 **Luna:** DAD, I'M SORRY! _[waits for him to pass around again given the ride's motions.]_ PLEASE COME BACK TO THE BAND! _[waits for another lap]_ IT WON'T BE FUN... _[waits again]_ ...WITHOUT YOU!

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[passing]_ YOU MEAN IT?!

 **Luna:** _[on his next lap]_ YES!

 **Lynn Sr.** OPERATOR, STOP THIS RIDE!

The operator does so and that causes Lynn Sr. to launch out and land with a thud.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Apology accepted! _[tears open his band member uniform and starts jamming once again.]_ THE BELL IS BACK!

 **Luna:** Mom...we're gonna need you, too! _[holds out a tambourine.]_

 **Rita:** Oh, honey. I don't know how to play.

 **Lincoln:** That's okay. Neither do we.

 **Luna:** But we're gonna have fun!

Rita grabs the tambourine and starts dancing to the beat with her husband as they bump their rumps together.

 **Lisa:** _[somewhat frightened]_ Heaven help us...it _is_ contagious.

 **Luke:** _[snickers]_ Yet amusing.

* * *

The family is now performing on stage with Luna as lead singer.

 **Luna:** _Plastic bag blowing in the gutter / Lost and alone like toast without butter!_

 **Leni:** _[walking backwards]_ Hey, guys! I'm a backup dancer! _[carelessly falls off the stage.]_

 **Lincoln:** Luna! Take a solo!

 **Luna:** Nah. This is family band, dude!

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, but you're the only one who can actually play!

Luna smiles and performs a rockin' solo and the audience cheers.

 **Luna:** Dad! Cowbell solo!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Seriously?! I knew this day would come! Okay, here we go! _[performs his solo]_

The song's over and the crowd loved the Louds' performance and the Loud Family walks away.

 **Luke:** Luna, wait up! _[Luna turns around to look at him and he smiles]_ Thanks for coming back to play with us. I've kinda thought you didn't need us anymore.

 **Luna:** Nah, bro. You guys are more important to me than anything. And thanks for giving me another chance.

 **Luke:** Don't mention it, we all have to stick together eventually. _[he and Luna fist bump]_

Just then, the stranger from the diner is there to see Luna.

 **Stranger:** Hey, mate! You guys looked like you were having fun out there!

 **Luna:** We were.

 **Stranger:** And you guys were brilliant. You've got real talent.

 **Luke:** Hey, thanks, man.

 **Luna:** And thanks for that little talk back at the restaurant. It really helped straighten me out. I was being horrible to my family to impress a guy who didn't even show up.

 **Stranger:** Oh, I wouldn't say that. _[reveals himself to be Mick Swagger.]_

 **Luke:** Wait, are you-?

 **Luna:** _[stammering with awe]_ Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh...

 **Lynn Sr.:** Hey, honey. Got us funnel cakes. Who's this?

 **Mick:** _[_ _reveals his face again.]_ The name's Mick Swagger, mate! And you were great, too! I love that passion on the cowbell!

 **Luna & Lynn Sr.:** _[stammering]_ Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh...

Mick shrugs and is about to head off.

 **Mick:** _[noticing the funnel cakes]_ Are you gonna finish those? _[takes them]_ Cheers, mate! _[leaves]_

Luna and her father continue stammering and suddenly faint in shock. Luke could only smile at this and shrug to the viewers.


	25. A Novel Idea

**A Novel Idea**

 _July 6, 2016_

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[cheerfully]_ C'mon, girls, it's time for Take Your Daughter To Work Day!

All his daughters stampede down the stairs.

 **Girls** : Yay!

Lincoln strolls by elegantly, wearing a lavish girly outfit.

 **Lincoln:** As another one of your daughters, I too cannot wait for this day.

Lynn Sr. traps Lincoln with his hand as Lincoln is about to exit the doorway.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Hold it right there.

 **Lincoln:** What's wrong, Daddy?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Nice try, Lincoln, but it's Take Your _Daughter_ To Work Day.

 **Luke:** _[comes out eating an apple]_ I told you that wasn't gonna work.

 **Lincoln:** _[gives a deadpan look to Luke before taking off his wig, disappointed.]_ Come on, Dad. Every year, they get to go with you to work and have an awesome time, and Luke and I get stuck at home.

 **Luke:** I don't mind. More time for perfecting my _Overwatch_ strategy. _[takes a bite of his apple]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** Sorry, pal. Besides, my office isn't that awesome.

 **Luna:** _[eagerly excited]_ Hurry, Pops! We don't wanna miss the donut cannon!

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[just as excited]_ I'll bring you boys back a jelly-filled! _[heads to the car]_

The girls cheer and the van heads off for the office.

 **Rita:** _[comes out]_ You know, it's not fair that you guys should have to miss out on Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

 **Lincoln:** Really? _[puts wig back on and applies lipstick.]_

 **Rita:** Yep. So I'm officially making today Take Your _Son_ To Work Day. You're coming with me.

 **Lincoln:** Wait. To the dentist's office? I don't know, Mom.

 **Luke:** Yeah. What's there to do at that place but sit around bored the whole time?

 **Rita:** Hey, come on. I know it's not as exciting as Dad's office, but I think you boys can make anything fun.

 **Lincoln:** Well, I guess that's true. Okay. I'm in. What about you, Luke?

 **Luke:** Depends, will I get to have one of those lollipops?

 **Rita:** I suppose.

 **Luke:** Okay. I'm in!

 **Lincoln:** Then let's go! _[goes off in his lavish girly disguise.]_

Luke clears his throat, narrowing to what Lincoln's wearing. Lincoln comes to a screeching halt, as does the music.

 **Lincoln:** Oh… right. After I go change. _[goes to change]_

* * *

 _The dentist's office..._

Some patients have some really bad dental work. Dr. Feinstein's patient Tara comes out after having a really bad tooth taken out.

 **Dr. Feinstein:** Okay, Tara, the pain will go away in a few days. In the meantime, here's a lollipop. _[gives Tara a lollipop and turns to his assistant, Lincoln's mother.]_ Good morning, Rita.

 **Rita:** Good morning, Dr. Feinstein. You remember my boys, Lincoln and Luke?

 **Dr. Feinstein:** Sure I do. Let's see how those permanent teeth are coming in. Open. _[pulls Lincoln's nose and opens his mouth; sees some plaque building up.]_ Mm-hm. Have you been flossing?

 **Lincoln:** Uh-huh. Every night.

 **Dr. Feinstein:** _[disbelieving]_ Sure you have. _[turns to Luke]_ Alright, let's have a look at you, too.

 **Luke:** _[nervously]_ Er... that's okay. I'm good.

 **Dr. Feinstein:** _[shrugs]_ Whatever floats your boat. _[goes back into his office.]_

 **Lincoln:** What was that about?

 **Luke:** Sorry. Dentists kinda creep me out a bit.

* * *

 _A vacant office..._

 **Rita:** Okay, boys, while I'm working, you can hang out in here and read comics. _[hands Lincoln and Luke some dental comics.]_

Lincoln looks excited and then disappointed.

 **Lincoln:** " _Teddy Toothbrush VS the Evil Ninjavitis?_ "

 **Luke:** Are all of these dental related comics?

 **Rita:** Mm-hmm. My favorite issue is number four: _Fastest Gums In The West._ _[imitates whip motion and noise.]_

 **Lincoln:** Can't we hang out with you while you work?

 _[Enter Dr. Feinstein]_

 **Dr. Feinstein:** Rita, I have an abscess that needs to be drained. Bring a bucket.

 **Lincoln:** _[gags a little]_ Actually, I'm good here.

 **Luke:** _[just as disgusted as Lincoln]_ Ditto.

Rita is writing something.

 **Rita:** Be right there, doctor. _[leaves]_

 **Lincoln:** Okay, I can make this fun. What do you say, Luke, you in?

 **Luke:** _[shrugs]_ Sure, I'm in.

The Blue Danube Waltz by Johann Strauss II plays as Lincoln lifts himself up in a patient's chair, pretending to be an astronaut in space while Luke is sitting on a stool next to him.

 **Lincoln:** This is Captain Loud to Ground Control. _[makes radio hiss sound]_ I can see Uranus from here, and boy, is it gassy.

 **Luke:** _[also makes a radio hiss sound]_ Copy that, Loud. Uranus sure is gassy from what we're looking at.

 **Lincoln:** Indeed. This is one small step for man, one giant leap for- _[notices something]_ Lana?!

It turns out his father's office is across the street from the dentist's office. Lana and Lynn are spinning around in office chairs and laughing. Luna has the donut cannon and is firing donuts everywhere.

 **Luna:** YEAH!

 **Luke:** _[noticing this as well]_ Dad's office is across the street?

 **Lincoln:** No fair! I can't compete with that! _[slams his fist on the adjustments and the chair starts folding back on him.]_ Houston, we have a problem! _[tries pushing more buttons only to get further crushed.]_ MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

Just then, the chair starts to unfold to Lincoln's surprise and he looks over to see that Luke pressed the button that undos itself.

 **Lincoln:** _[relieved]_ Whew. Thanks, Luke.

 **Luke:** No problem.

* * *

 _The supply room..._

 **Rita:** Let me show you one of the other neat things we've got here. _[opens up a cabinet]_ We call it Dr. Feinstein's Cabinet Of Fun.

 **Lincoln:** _[disappointed]_ Oh. Dental supplies.

 **Luke:** _[also disappointed]_ Whoopee.

 _[Enter Dr. Feinstein]_

 **Dr. Feinstein:** Rita, we have a couple of teens with their braces stuck together.

 **Rita:** Be right there, doctor. _[writes something down and leaves.]_

 **Lincoln:** Okay, what have we got here? Dental floss, surgical masks, gloves...I think I can work with this. You ready, Luke?

 **Luke:** I guess so.

The room is now set up like a jewel heist with the floss acting as a laser security system.

 **Lincoln:** Langley, this is Agent Loud. I've got eyes on the president's tooth. Security's tight, but tell POTUS I'm bringing that molar home.

 **Luke:** We've got to be careful here, these lasers are deadly painful. One wrong move and we're toast.

 **Lincoln:** Get a hold of yourself, rookie, I know what I'm doing. _[sneaks past the floss lasers and grabs the novelty tooth.]_ Just another routine job for Agent- _[sees the girls]_ OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

The girls and their father are all having a suction cup dart fight. Luna goes in for a side shot. Leni has hers pointed at herself and Lisa changes it so that she's firing correctly. Lynn Sr. sneaks past the crossfire.

 **Lynn Sr.:** HA! YOU MISSED ME!

 **Luke:** _[sees this as well]_ Is that even allowed?

Lincoln trips over the floss and the supplies from the cabinet of fun fall on top of him.

 **Lincoln:** Dang it.

* * *

 _The break room..._

 **Rita:** _[walks the boys over to a fish tank.]_ The fun isn't over yet! Let me introduce you to our office mascot.

 **Lincoln:** Whoa. What is it? A piranha? A barracuda? A Great White?

A guppy swims by, thus disappointing Lincoln further.

 **Luke:** Nope. It's a guppy. Though I wish it was a barracuda.

 **Rita:** Heh. We call him Fisher.

 _[Enter Dr. Feinstein]_

 **Dr. Feinstein:** Rita, I need you. _[with hands covered in caramel]_ We've got a caramel apple emergency.

 **Rita:** _[writes something down]_ I'll be back, guys. Do me a favor and feed Fisher. _[hands Lincoln fish food]_

 **Lincoln:** You got it. _[pretends to be an Australian wildlife explorer with a faux accent.]_ Crikey! It's a rare Patagonian dental fish.

 **Luke:** Why are you talking in an Australian accent?

 **Lincoln:** To make things a little more thrilling.

 **Luke:** Uh, I'm not seeing the thrill here.

 **Lincoln:** Would you just give it a shot. Please?

 **Luke:** _[sighs and joins in also with an ausralian faux accent]_ You are most right. These babies are known to be fierce predators. You'd better be extra careful feeding them or it's bye-bye, pinky.

 **Lincoln:** Steady now. _[adds in fish food but drops too much.]_ Whoops! That's a few too many shrimps on the barbie for this little guy. _[tries to get it out.]_ Fisher!

Fisher slips out of the tank and through a trunk. Lincoln and Luke look for him and Fisher flails into Lincoln's pants. Lincoln shakes Fisher out and the guppy flies off the wall and back into the tank which Luke seals up.

 **Lincoln:** I guess it's Loud brothers: one, little fishy, zip- _[sees something in his father's office.]_ -line?!

Lucy and Leni are zipping on a zipline over the cubicles while the co-workers are annoyed by their antics.

 **Lucy:** Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

 **Luke:** _[sees this as well]_ A zipline?! Are you serious?

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ Why do I even try? This place will never be as fun as Dad's.

 **Luke:** Hey, come on now. Maybe there's something else we could do to entertain ourselves with.

 **Lincoln:** I don't know... _[turns to see th_ _e arcade next door to his father's office.]_ Maybe an arcade could! Hey, Luke, come check this out!

 **Luke:** What is it? _[sees the arcade]_ Oh, no way! Is that an arcade?!

 **Lincoln:** You know it, my friend.

 _[Enter Rita]_

 **Rita:** We're gonna be another half hour or so, you guys. There was more caramel than we thought. _[gets her glove stuck to the way on her hand gesture.]_ Think you can keep yourselves amused?

 **Lincoln:** _[excited]_ Can we?! _[feigning no amusement]_ I mean, I'm sure we can think of something.

 **Rita:** Oh, and would you mind watching my notebook? I don't want the pages to get stuck together. _[gives it to Lincoln]_

 **Lincoln:** _[faux Australian accent]_ No worries, mate! We won't let it out of my sight... _[Rita pats his head and leaves; normal voice.]_ ...while I spend the next 30 minutes blasting zombies to smithereens.

Fisher blows bubbles in disagreement to Lincoln's ploy.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, hush, Fisher. She'll never even know we're gone. Alright, Luke, let's go!

 **Luke:** _[just as excited]_ Right behind ya! _[realizes and stops]_ Wait a second, no, we can't leave! Mom's gonna be mad if she finds out we ran off somewhere.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, come on, Luke, think about it. Do you want to sit here with Fisher, or come blast some zombies at me. _[slyly]_ It's your choice.

Luke looks a bit nervous as he looks back at Fisher, then at Lincoln. Half an hour later, the two boys are at the arcade playing video games.

 **Luke:** This was your best idea ever!

 **Lincoln:** Now this is what I call fun! _[his watch beeps]_ Uh-oh! Come on, Luke, we gotta go! _[he and Luke head out and gets back to the dentist's office just in time.]_

 **Rita:** Hey, boys. How's it going?

 **Lincoln:** Great. Just been hanging here with our good bud Fisher. _[Fisher blows more bubbles knowing the boy's lying.]_ Shut it!

 **Rita:** Bad news. Dr. Feinstein sat on a numbing needle and he can't feel anything from the waist down. Can you keep watching my notebook?

 **Lincoln:** _[frantic]_ NOTEBOOK?!

 _[Flashback to the boys leaving the arcade.]_

 _ **Lincoln:** Uh-oh! Come on, Luke, we gotta go! _

_[The notebook was left back at the arcade. End flashback.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[worried and trying to keep cool.]_ Uh...yep. We're on it. So...you got a lot of important work stuff in there?

 **Rita:** Can you keep a secret? It's not for work at all. I've been writing a novel!

 **Lincoln & Luke:** _[surprised]_ Really?

 **Rita:** I'm hoping this book could lead to an exciting new career for me.

 **Luke:** _[nervously]_ Oh, you mean that book?

 **Lincoln:** _[chuckles nervously]_ And that was your only copy, huh? I mean, _is_ your only copy. It's not like something happened to it.

 **Rita:** Yep. Seven years of hard work between those two covers. _[Lincoln and Luke gulp nervously]_ Hey, thanks for being such good sports today. How about after work, we go to the arcade next to Dad's office?

Lincoln and Luke give a thumbs up and there's a knock at the door. Rita opens it and sees Dr. Feinstein rolling on a chair with his arms thanks to the numbing needle he sat on.

 **Dr. Feinstein:** Uh, Rita? I need you to carry me to my 4:00.

 **Luke:** _[growls in anger]_ Dang it, Lincoln! I can't believe I listened to you! Now Mom's book could be in severe danger!

 **Lincoln:** Settle down, Luke. I messed up, okay? But we're gonna get that book back!

 **Luke:** We? Do I _have_ to be involved in this?

 **Lincoln:** Yes you do.

 **Luke:** _[deadpan]_ And, I don't have a choice, do I?

 **Lincoln:** Nope.

 **Luke:** _[pauses for a second then sighs]_ Fine. Let's go get that book back.

 **Lincoln:** Sweet! Let's go!

Fisher makes a side glance to the viewers. Lincoln and Luke go back to the arcade to get the notebook, but it is too late.

 **Luke:** _[gasps]_ It's gone!

 **Lincoln:** _[notices something]_ Huh?

The janitor has picked up the book and dumped it in the bin. Lincoln and Luke scream and try to catch it, but the janitor takes it to the garbage truck and the truck drives off with the novel.

 **Lincoln:** No! Wait! _[chases after the truck but is too slow]_

 **Luke:** Great. Now what?

 **Lincoln:** _[notices a roller skate stand.]_ Convenient. _[he and Luke skate after the truck and leap over obstacles.]_ Gah! Gross! Gah!

A trash bag bumps off the truck and covers the two boys in garbage. Just then, Lincoln notices a horse and carriage. They use the horse and ride it like a water skier while holding onto the bridle.

 **Lincoln:** YEE-HAW!

 **Luke:** THIS IS CRAZY!

They catch up to the garbage truck driver.

 **Lincoln:** Excuse me! Please stop! Pull over!

 **Garbageman:** Oh, you wanna race? _[puts on shades]_ Let's ride. _[accelerates away]_

 **Lincoln:** What? No! Get back here!

 **Luke:** After him, boy! Ya! _[whips the horse to go faster; the two boys scream at the increase of velocity and misses the turnoff from the truck.]_

 **Lincoln:** Whoa, horsey!

The horse stops and they crash. Thankfully, the novel fell off the truck and a horn sounds.

 **Lincoln & Luke:** Huh?

A street sweeper approaches and catches the book in its brushes. The book flies off and lands on a hot dog cart where it's used as a bun. The vendor gives the customer his order while the latter puts ketchup and relish on it and takes a bite, disliking the papery taste and tosses it.

 **Lincoln:** _[catches it]_ I got it!

Some kid inconveniently twists open a hydrant and blasts the two boys with a jet of water. The book flies off into a construction zone and lands on a girder which rises up.

 **Lincoln:** No no no no no! _[_ _puts on a hardhat and uses the lift.]_ Luke, come on!

Luke scurries onto the lift and Lincoln puts a hardhat on him, too. As they go up, the book alternates between rising girders and ends on the top floor. They get there and the two boys look down, with Lincoln losing his cool. But on the other hand, Luke looks a bit terrified. Lincoln looks at him and notices this.

 **Lincoln:** You okay?

 **Luke:** _[sc_ _ared]_ I-I'm fine. Just g-go get the book.

 **Lincoln:** You sure you don't wanna do it?

 **Luke:** Nope, nope! I'm good here! It's all you, buddy!

 **Lincoln:** What is wrong with you?

 **Luke:** JUST GO GET THE DANG BOOK ALREADY!

 **Lincoln:** _[flinches]_ Okay, geez!

Lincoln inches towards it, but it falls and the girder rises, sending him in danger as he screams for his life.

 **Luke:** NO! _[is about to run but looks down and gets scared again]_ Oh, is it supposed to be that high?

The girder is swinging right by Lynn Sr.'s office window while Lola and Lana are in another suction cup dart fight. Lincoln's cries for help catch Lana's ears.

 **Lana:** Did you just hear Lincoln?

 **Lola:** Lana, focus! We've got Dad's cube mate trapped in the coffee room! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, MARGIE!

The twins scream and attack Margie.

 **Margie:** I hate Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

Lincoln makes it back onto the scaffolding safely.

 **Luke:** You alright, dude?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah. Just gotta find- _[notices the book is now about to be encased in cement]_ The book!

The two boys get down quickly via a pulley and bucket and Lincoln rushes, dives, and grabs it.

 **Lincoln:** _[triumphant]_ YES!

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ We did it.

At that moment, Lincoln realizes the cement has just poured right where he's standing. Back at the office, Rita is waiting for them. They finally arrive panting from their experience.

 **Rita:** Where have you two been? And, Lincoln, what is on your feet?

The cement dried and has sealed Lincoln's feet.

 **Luke:** It's a long story.

 **Lincoln:** But the important thing is we got your notebook.

The notebook is completely damaged and instantly disintegrates.

 **Rita:** _[gasps]_ What happened?

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs and gives her a lollipop.]_ Better take a lollipop.

And so, Lincoln and Luke explain everything that happened to the book and how they tried to get it back to Rita.

 **Lincoln:** ...So I jumped into the cement pit and grabbed the notebook, but I guess it was too late.

 **Rita:** _[sternly]_ Lincoln, you lied to me! You snuck out and you ruined all my hard work! And Luke, I expected better that you would do something like this as well!

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ I know.

 **Lincoln:** We're really, really sorry, Mom. I-

 **Rita:** _[calmly]_ But you guys actually might have done me a favor.

 **Lincoln & Luke:** _[dumbfounded]_ W-we did what now?

 **Rita:** Well, I was originally writing about a bored dental assistant who talks to her pet fish. _[Fisher knows she's referring to him.]_ But honestly, it wasn't going anywhere. But you've just given me a better idea: I'm gonna write about two fearless thrill seekers with white and brown hair.

 **Luke:** Really? Who would that be?

 **Rita:** You guys of course.

 **Lincoln:** Wow. That's awesome. _[They hug]_ We're sorry about putting you through all this. It was really nice of you to bring us here in the first place.

 **Luke:** Yeah. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

 **Rita:** That's okay, boys. Now, come on. Let's go home. I can't wait to start writing.

As they're about to leave, they forgot something.

 **Lincoln:** Uh, Mom?

Lincoln's feet are still encased in cement.

 **Rita:** Oh, right, sorry. _[gets a drill, turns it on, and gives Lincoln a lollipop.]_ Better take a lollipop. This might pinch a bit.

 **Luke:** Give me one too while you're at it.

Rita gives Luke a lollipop too and he shoots a fist in the air in silence while begins drilling as Lincoln cringes. Sometime later, Lincoln's feet are free and he, Luke, and Rita begin heading home.

 **Rita:** _[taking notes]_ So, tell me again how you chased down that garbage truck.

 **Luke:** Well... it was kinda like-

 **Lincoln:** _[inspired]_ Actually, I have a better idea.

* * *

Lynn Sr. and the girls return home after a super fun Take Your Daughter To Work Day.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Ha ha! Another successful Take Your Daughter To Work Day, eh, girls?

The girls cheer in agreement.

 **Lola:** Margie is so much fun, Dad! What does "leave of absence" mean?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Hm...I wonder where your mother and the boys are.

 **Lori:** Aw. I feel bad for them. I bet they literally had the boringest day ever.

Lori is about to eat her words because Rita, Luke, and Lincoln come riding down the street reenacting the boys' thrill seeking adventure skating with the horse.

 **Lincoln, Luke, and Rita:** _[laughing]_ YEE-HAW!

The two boys wave to their father and sisters as they all look with their jaws hanging.

 **Mr. Grouse:** Nice horse, Loud!


	26. Cereal Offender

**Cereal Offender**

 _July 7, 2016_

This morning at the Loud House, Lincoln is eating cereal and watching a commercial for a new one.

 **Announcer** : _Bored of the same old breakfast?_

 **Lincoln** : _[looks down at his cereal]_ Yes...

 **Announcer** : _Then try Zombie Bran! The cereal that turns you into the walking fed!_

A box of Zombie Bran appears on-screen and the kids in the commercial have turned into zombies from eating it.

 **Zombie Girl** : _[zombie voice]_ _Braaaaan!_

 **Zombie Boy** : _[zombie voice]_ _Braaaaan! BRAAAAAN!_

 **Lincoln:** _[filled with desire]_ Must...have...Zombie Bran! _[runs to the kitchen!]_ Mom! MOM!

In the kitchen, Rita is using a plunger to unclog the sink.

 **Rita:** What on Earth is down here?

 **Lincoln:** Mom! Mom! Can we _please_ get Zombie Bran cereal? _[cutely pleading]_ Please, please, please, please, please, please?

 **Rita:** Sorry, sweetie. We've got a very tight budget. And by the time I get everything on my grocery list, there's no money leftover for treats.

The grocery list is shown to be very long.

 **Lincoln:** Hmm... _[gets an idea]_ What if I could get everything on here and still have enough money leftover for Zombie Bran?

 **Rita:** You wanna do the shopping for me? I don't know, Lincoln. It's a big responsibility; I'm not sure you can handle it.

 **Lincoln:** I can, Mom! I promise! And think of what you could do with all that time to yourself.

Rita suddenly imagines herself at a spa where she has gotten a facial with cucumber slices covering her eyes, getting a massage and a manicure and enjoying a smoothie.

 _ **Rita:**_ _Mmm...ah, yes..._

 _She belches upon sipping her smoothie and sighs with relief._

 _[End fantasy.]_

 **Rita:** Deal. But just this once, okay?

 **Lincoln:** YES! _[acts like a zombie]_ Braaaaan...BRAAAAAN!

Rita finds the source of the clog in the sink, which is Luan's multiple handkerchief prop.

 **Rita:** Oh, so _that's_ it! _[pulls out all the handkerchiefs]_ LUAN, NO MORE COMEDY PROPS IN THE SINK!

* * *

Lincoln is checking the shopping supplies.

 **Lincoln:** Reusable bags, calculator, more reusable bags...

 _[Enter Luke]_

 **Luke:** Hey, Lincoln. _[notices the bags]_ What's with all the reusable bags?

 **Lincoln:** Ah, nothing, I'm just gonna be doing some shopping errands for Mom, that's all.

 **Luke:** _[blinks]_ Shopping? Uh, last time I checked, you happen to find our trips to the grocery store quite boring. What makes this any different?

 **Lincoln:** Well, you see...

 _[Enter Lori just as Lincoln was about to speak]_

 **Lori:** Lincoln! I'm going shopping with you! Bobby literally just got a job as a stock boy.

The rest of his sisters join in and wanna come along.

 **Lincoln:** Sorry, guys. I'm a man on a mission and you'll just get in my way.

 **Lynn:** No we won't. Uh...we'll help you shop.

The other sisters agree with Lynn. Lincoln takes a look at the long list.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, fine. I guess I could use a little help.

 **Sisters:** YAY!

 **Luke:** Well, if this is important, you mind if I come along, too? I'm bored anyways.

 **Lincoln:** Alright, you can come too.

 **Luke:** Sweet!

 _[Enter Lily playing with a pretend shopping cart, wanting to coming along, too.]_

 **Siblings:** Aww...

 **Lincoln:** _[picks her up]_ Sorry, Lily. You're staying with Dad. _[Lily whacks him with her purse.]_ Ow!

* * *

The Louds arrive at the Super Mart.

 **Rita:** Alright, Lincoln. Here's the list, and here's _exactly_ $200. _[gives him the list and money; excited]_ I'll be back in an hour! I'm off to get my first pedicure in 17 years!

Lincoln enters the store, and there's a sign promoting Zombie Bran.

 **Lincoln:** You will be mine. _[his siblings enter]_ Ready, guys?

 _[Enter the manager]_

 **Manager:** Whoa, whoa! What do you hooligans think you're doing?

 **Lincoln:** We're shopping for our mom, sir.

 **Lori:** _[notices Bobby and gasps]_ Bobby Boo-Boo Bear!

Bobby is stocking paper towel rolls when he notices Lori.

 **Bobby:** Babe!

 _[They hug]_

 **Lori:** I love a man in uniform!

 **Bobby:** It's okay, boss. I know them.

 **Manager:** _[hostilely]_ Very reassuring, _Boo-Boo Bear_. _[checks their list]_ Huh... **eggs, milk**...okay, okay. Looks legit. _[threateningly]_ But any monkey business, and you're all out on your keisters! _[leaves]_

 **Lincoln:** Alright, guys, you heard him! You all have to be on your best behavior! Now, if we each take a section of Mom's list-

The girls run over him and go off into different sections of the store.

 **Luke:** And, just like that, you've been played. _[Lincoln sighs]_ Hey, come on now, rookie, you've still got some shopping to do. _[in a gruff voice]_ Now get out there and make our mama proud!

 **Lincoln:** Didn't we agree that you never use that voice again?

 **Luke:** _[normal voice; sheepishly]_ Oh, right. Sorry. But you should probably get going on that list.

 **Lincoln:** Right. And, keep an eye on our sisters while you're at it.

 **Luke:** Right.

* * *

The list reads for eggs that are not cracked, milk that's not spoiled, instant noodles, onions and potatoes.

 **Lincoln:** I've got $200. I just need a way to save $4. _[finds a dented can of tomato sauce.]_ Ooh! 10 cents off the dented one! A couple more savings like this and I'll have enough for my Zombie Bran!

Lynn is speeding on a shopping cart.

 **Lynn:** YIPPEE-KI-YEE, MARKET SHOPPERS! YAYAYAYAYAYA-WOO! _[runs into and picks up Lincoln.]_

 **Lincoln:** Lynn! _[notices Luke inside the cart]_

 **Luke:** Hey.

 **Lincoln:** Luke, what are you doing? You're supposed to be looking after our sisters!

 **Luke:** I _was_ , until Lynn picked me up in the shopping cart. But on the other hand, it's kind of a nice ride.

 **Lincoln:** Really? _[notices the manager polishing a chicken rotisserie and gasps.]_ Eject! EJECT!

The cart goes wheeling by and the manager goes after it. Lynn and Luke have landed in the marshmallow bin.

 **Lynn:** Ah, nice! Ha ha! Soft landing.

 **Luke:** Huh, me too.

Lincoln, on the other hand, has landed in the pineapple box.

 **Lincoln:** Ugh. Maybe for you guys.

A kid who looks eerily identical to Lincoln with bleach blonde hair, an orange shirt, blue jeans and a white beanie notices him and laughs at his painful landing.

* * *

Lincoln continues shopping and finds out he still has a pineapple on the seat of his pants and pulls it out, leaving some painful aftershocks.

 **Lincoln:** YEOWCH! _[tosses pineapple away and checks the list.]_ Okay. Where were we? Milk.

 **Luke:** _[offscreen]_ Luan, what are you doing?!

 **Lincoln:** Huh?

In the dairy section, Luan is juggling eggs.

 **Luan:** Step right up, folks, to see some _eggs_ -cellent juggling! _[laughs]_ Get it? _[drops the eggs on a passing customer.]_ Whoops! Oh, looks like the _yolk's_ on you! _[laughs again]_

 **Lincoln:** Luan! Cut it out! How did you even get up there?

 **Luke:** _[turns to his right]_ Uh, maybe now's not the time for questions.

 **Lincoln:** What? _[notices the manager checking inventory.]_

Now Luan is balancing eggs on her head.

 **Luan:** Whoa! How's this for a _balanced_ breakfast? _[laughs some more]_

Lincoln grabs her and the manager slips on the egg yolks and lands on the pineapple Lincoln disposed of.

 **Manager:** YEOWCH! WHO DID THIS?! _[looks around]_ We've got a hooligan in our midst...

Lincoln, Luke, and Luan are seen hiding under the shopping cart.

 **Luan:** Ah, he's no fun. I was on an _egg roll_! Get it? _[laughs as Lincoln and Luke groan]_

* * *

Lincoln has just gotten more of the shopping done.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, that's another 50 cents saved for old lettuce.

 **Luke:** _[is seen behind him]_ I still don't get why I have to tag along from now on.

 **Lincoln:** I think we both know why.

 **Luke:** Come on, Lincoln, I don't think any more of our sisters could cause any more trouble.

Just then, the intercom comes on.

 **Manager:** _[on the intercom] Attention, shoppers! We have a 2 for 1 sale on waffles!_

 **Lincoln:** Ooh! A sale! _[heads over to the frozen food section and picks up two boxes of frozen waffles.]_ 2 for 1! _[calculates]_ That puts me another buck closer to Zombie Bran!

 **Luke:** Zombie Bran? What are you talking about?

 **Lincoln:** Well...

 **Woman:** AAAHH! THERE'S A CHILD IN THE FROZEN PEAS! AAAHH! _[runs away]_

Lincoln and Luke run over there to find that it's Lisa.

 **Lincoln:** Lisa! What are you doing?

 **Lisa:** Research for my cryogenic freezer. The future needs my brain.

 **Lincoln:** I don't believe this.

 **Luke:** Uh, we have bigger problems than that. _[points to the manager]_

The manager is coming and the two brothers has gotten Lisa out right before he could check.

 **Manager:** Doh! Where did that hooligan go?

Lincoln, Luke, and Lisa escape via the snowman display for the frozen foods, and the two boys move onto the seafood aisle.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, tilapia. _[notices Leni tying balloons to the lobsters and setting them free.]_

 **Leni:** Be free! The ocean's that way. Or is it that way?

 **Luke:** You can't be serious...

 **Lincoln:** Leni! What are you doing?

 **Leni:** Can you believe people were going to eat these poor, helpless creatures? _[lets another one go]_

 **Lincoln:** Leni! No!

One of the lobsters pops its balloon with its claw and lands on Lincoln's back and snaps his leg.

 **Lincoln:** YEOWCH! OW OW OW OW! _[notices the manager and hides Luke and Leni behind the lobster tank just as the manager arrives.]_

 **Manager:** What the? Who did this? _[notices Lincoln's hair and laughs viciously.]_ I gotcha now. _[one of the lobsters pinches his ankle.]_ YEOWCH! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW! _[crashes off-screen]_

 **Lincoln:** _[pushing Leni]_ Go go go go! What is wrong with you guys? I told you I was on a mission, and you're all- _[The intercom comes on again]_ Ooh! Another sale!

However, it's really Luna on it.

 **Luna:** _[jamming on the intercom] For those about to shop, I salute you!_

 **Luke:** Not even close.

 **Lincoln:** _[exasperated]_ Dang it... _[he and Luke catch her during her jam session and puts her in the cart.]_

 **Luna:** GOODNIGHT, GROCERY STORE!

The manager comes by and hangs up the intercom.

 **Manager:** _[determined]_ I'll get you yet...

* * *

 _The toiletry aisle..._

 **Lincoln:** Let's see...value pack...family pack...ah, here we go! Village pack! _[puts a giant pack of three ply toilet paper into the cart and checks it off the list.]_ Check! Yes! That was the last item. And now for the moment of truth. _[takes a deep breath and calculates the total.]_ And the grand total is...$196, which leaves...4 bucks for Zombie Bran! YES!

 **Luke:** So _that's_ what this is all about?

 **Lincoln:** Uh, yeah...It's this cereal I was trying to get the whole time, and...

 **Luke:** Dude, it's fine. I mean, hey, if it's not about that cereal, you would be still comoplainung, 'Can we go home now?'

 **Lincoln:** Don't push it, Luke. But, more importantly... _[he and Luke head over to the cereal aisle and finds one box of Zombie Bran left.]_ Phew. Last box. I can't believe it's really-

At that moment, that bratty kid who is Lincoln's doppelganger snatches the box.

 **Bratty Kid:** Mine!

 **Luke:** Yo! That was his!

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, you can't do that! I had it first!

 **Bratty Kid:** And I have it now, Pineapple Boy! _[runs off laughing with the box.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[very determined]_ Oh, you are going down... _[gives chase]_

 **Luke:** _[then notices something]_ Huh. Is it me or does that look identically similar to Lincoln. _[snaps out of it]_ Hey, wait up! _[runs after him]_

The manager notices them.

 **Manager:** Oh, you are going down... _[gives chase as well]_

While the two boys chase after his doppelganger, the twins are squirting each other with produce hoses.

 **Lincoln:** Guys, please stop! You're gonna get us kicked out!

The bratty doppelganger knocks over the watermelons, and Lincoln reaches for a fruit scale to dodge them while Luke managed to avoid all of them, and continue the chase. The manager gets bombarded by the melons. Leni has let all the grilled chickens out of the rotisserie.

 **Leni:** Go, chickens! Be free!

 **Luke:** Leni, stop! You're gonna get us kicked out! _[continues chase]_

The bratty kid pours a ton of coffee beans out of the dispenser. Lincoln and Luke uses sausage links to swing right over the beans and land next to a free sample table.

 **Sample Lady:** Sample, dears?

 **Lincoln:** Oh, thank you. _[takes a sample and eats it]_

 **Luke:** _[smacks the sample out of his hand]_ Focus, Lincoln!

 **Lincoln:** Oh, right! _[continue the chase]_

 **Luke:** _[calling after]_ Sorry about the mess!

The manager tries swinging on the sausage links like the boys did only to slip and fall toward the sample table.

 **Sample Lady:** Oh dear!

The manager crashes onto the table off-screen and the two boys are running through the bakery where the bratty lookalike squeezes out liquid butter all over the floor to literally give them the slip. But Lincoln and Luke grab some shopping baskets and uses it to slide right over the butter and notice Lucy mashing cakes together to look like a monster devouring the bride and groom at the top of a wedding cake.

 **Lincoln:** Please, stop!

 **Lucy:** Sigh...

The manager sees the tip of the two boys' hair in the reflecting glass and slips on the butter right into Lucy's cake sculpture. Back at the frozen food section, they notice the snowman display wearing that kid's shoes.

 **Lincoln:** Game over, cereal stealer! _[tackles the display and finds nothing.]_ Dang it... _[notices the lookalike escape out of the frozen peas.]_ Hey! _[slips on a pea package.]_

 **Luke:** Well played, good sir.

 **Lincoln:** Come on!

The boy gets away, but the lobsters on the balloons, the bag of peas, and the snowman's corn cob pipe give Lincoln an idea. He loads the pipe up with peas and turns to Luke.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Luke, you think you have a good aim?

 **Luke:** You kidding me, dude? I don't play first-person shooter games for nothing.

Luke takes the pipe and aims just right and shoots them at the balloons, dropping one of the lobsters on the doppelganger's back and snapping him in his butt and turning him down the bakery. The manager sees the bleach blonde of the bratty kid's hair and uncovers him under the cart.

 **Manager:** Gotcha, hooligan!

* * *

The lookalike's mother is now furiously drags him by his ear toward the exit.

 **Bratty Kid's Mom:** _[furious]_ I can't believe you got us kicked out of here!

 **Bratty Kid:** Can I just get my cereal?

 **Bratty Kid's Mom:** _[takes it and tosses it aside]_ NO!

Lincoln catches it in slow motion.

 **Bratty Kid:** But-but-but...my Zombie Bran!

Lincoln victoriously waves it at him.

 **Lincoln:** _[triumphant]_ YES! _[to Luke]_ Thanks for helping me get my cereal back, Luke.

 **Luke:** No problem, dude. Now let's get out before we're _kicked_ out.

* * *

Lincoln is shoving his sisters to the checkout counter with Luke walking behind him.

 **Lincoln:** Come on, people! Let's go! Move it!

 **Bobby:** Check it out, babe!

He has stocked the paper towels to show Lori's image.

 **Lori:** _[infatuated]_ Oh, Boo-Boo Bear...you're such an amazing artist.

 **Bobby:** Nah, babe. You're just an amazing muse.

Lori takes a photo with her phone to remember it by.

 **Lincoln:** _[grabs his oldest sister]_ Let's go!

The girls are complaining about Lincoln's rush.

 **Lola:** Why are you pushing us?

 **Lincoln:** Because I'm _this_ close to getting my cereal, and I don't want you guys to ruin it.

The girls come to a screeching halt.

 **Lori:** Whoa, whoa, whoa! What do you mean _your_ cereal?

 **Luke:** Oh, you shouldn't have said that...

 **Lincoln:** I think I can handle this one. _[to the girls]_ I made a deal with Mom. If I had enough money left after getting all the groceries, I could get my Zombie Bran.

 **Lana:** Well, if _you_ get a treat, _I_ want a treat!

 **Lola:** Yeah! I want little princess pies!

 **Lucy:** I want blood pudding.

 **Lisa:** I could re-up on my sodium bicarbonate.

 **Lana:** And I want dog biscuits! _[Lola glances at her awkwardly]_ They're for Charles! I swear! Even though they are great for my teeth, and my coat...

 **Lincoln:** No way! There's no money left!

 **Luke:** Yeah, and besides, we can always come back here anytime.

 **Luna:** Forget that, dude. _[grabs the cereal box]_ Once we put this back, then they'll be some money left!

 **Lincoln:** _[lunges for the box but Luna holds him back]_ Give me that! I worked my butt off to get it!

The kids start fighting over the fate of the Zombie Bran and the checkout clerk calls the manager over. Lincoln is blasted out of the fight cloud right toward Bobby's Lori display.

 **Bobby:** NOOOOOOOOOO!

Lincoln crashes right into the display and the manager shows up and sees him.

 **Manager:** I thought I already got rid of you, hooligan! Now I want you out of my store!

 **Luke:** _[runs up there]_ What? No! Sir, this has been a misunderstanding!

 **Manager:** I don't care! Get out! And take your sisters with you!

This breaks up the girls' fight and the siblings leave with looks of regret on their faces.

 **Manager:** _[grabbing the Zombie Bran box]_ I'll take that!

 **Lincoln:** _[fighting for it]_ But...but... _[loses it to the manager; forlorn]_ My Zombie Bran...

 **Manager:** Boo-Boo Bear! Push broom!

Bobby hands his boss the push broom and he pushes Lincoln out of the store.

* * *

On the ride home, Rita is not happy with Lincoln.

 **Rita:** _[very upset]_ Well, isn't this wonderful. I guess I'll be shopping in the next town over for a while.

 **Lincoln:** I'm sorry, Mom. But it's not all _my_ fault.

 **Rita:** _[silences him with her hand wave.]_ Mmm-I don't wanna hear about it. You told me you could handle the grocery shopping, but clearly you cannot.

 **Lincoln:** But Zombie Bran!

 **Rita:** You can forget about that cereal, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** But-

 **Rita:** End of discussion!

The girls all look at each other, full of guilt over Lincoln not getting his cereal.

* * *

Back home, a new Zombie Bran commercial is playing.

 **Announcer:** _Bored of the same old breakfast?_

Lincoln sighs over his same old breakfast that he's now stuck with while Lily eats her mushy baby food and Luke is sitting next to him with _his_ cereal.

 **Announcer:** _Then try Zombie Bran! The cereal that turns you into the walking fed!_

 **Zombie Boy** : _[zombie voice]_ _Braaaaan! BRAAAAAN!_

 **Announcer:** _Now in new **Raisin the Dead** flavor!_

A new box with the aforementioned flavor appears next to the original flavor box. Lincoln turns the TV off and sighs depressed and goes back to eating his boring cereal.

 **Luke:** _[feels bad]_ I'm sorry that you didn't get your Zombie Bran, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** It's fine, Luke. Maybe I could just try to forget about it.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ I guess so.

Just then, their sisters come in acting like zombies for some reason.

 **Sisters:** _[zombie voice]_ BRAAAAN!

 **Lincoln:** _[despondent while Luke just looks confused and a bit weirded out]_ Very funny, guys. I'm not in the mood. _[Lynn jumps on the sofa while still acting like zombies.]_ Whoa!

 **Luke:** Hey!

 **Lynn:** _[zombie voice]_ BRAAAAAN!

 **Sisters:** _[zombie voice]_ BRAAAAN!

Lori presents to Lincoln a box of Zombie Bran.

 **Lincoln:** _[gasps thankfully]_ You got me my cereal?!

 **Lori:** _[pours him a bowl]_ It's the least we could do. The only reason you didn't get this was because of us, and, we're sorry.

 **Luke:** Wow. Glad to see you guys did the right thing.

 **Lincoln:** I only have one thing to say to you all. _[splatters the cereal all over his face and starts acting like a zombie.]_ OOH...BRAAAAAN!

The kids start having a Zombie Bran fight which Lily watches.

 **Lily:** _[zombie voice to the viewers]_ BRAAAAAN!


	27. Come Sale Away

**Come Sale Away**

 _July 8, 2016_

Lincoln is coming down the stairs carrying a box of some of his old belongings.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ You've been with us a while and it doesn't need to be said, but in a family as big as mine, everything turns into a competition.

 _[A series of flashbacks take place; the first one takes place at night in the living room; Lincoln is reading comics, Lori is on her phone, Leni is painting her nails, Luna is strumming her guitar, Luan and Luke are playing handheld video games, Lucy is reading her book, Lana is playing with her toy racecar, Lola is fixing her hair, and Lisa is looking over her notes.]_

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _Okay kids, time for bed!_

 _ **Lana:**_ _I can make it up the stairs first!_

 _They all look at each other competitively. As the Loud siblings run upstairs, Luan and Lana get knocked off and Lynn shoves Lincoln and Luke aside and makes it to the top first._

 _ **Lynn:** [_ _victory dance]_ _Uh-huh! Work it! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh._

 _[The second flashback starts with Rita coming home from the grocery store.]_

 _ **Rita:** Kids, come bring in the groceries!_

 _The kids look at all the bags._

 _ **Lori:**_ _I bet I can literally carry the most bags._

 _They all grab bags and rush for the front door. Luna lets out a cry, charges through and beats them to the door._

 _ **Luna:**_ _Yeah!_ _[tosses the bags aside and does her victory dance.]_ _Go, Luna! Most bags! What? Bags! What?_

 _[In the third flashback, the siblings watch Lincoln drink FIZZ BOY and burps; Lola does a bigger burp on her siblings and does her own victory dance.]_

 _ **Lola:**_ _Go, Lola! Biggest burp! Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!_

 _[End flashbacks]_

 **Lincoln:** _[hammering the sign]_ I haven't had a win in forever but that changes today. It's our annual garage sale and at 5 PM today, when the markets close, the victory dance shall be mine! _[twerks the sign, picks up his box and notices Lily crying on the ground.]_ Oh, what's the matter Lily, you need your blankie? _[gets the blankie and gives it to his sister]_ It's okay, Lily. Your blankie's right here.

Lily stops crying and sucks her thumb.

 **Lincoln:** _[puts items on his stand]_ Hate to break it to you, guys, but I'm outselling all of you.

 **Lisa:** That's amusing from someone who couldn't sell a negative charge to an electron.

 **Lana:** Yeah? Well, you couldn't sell a rattle to a snake!

 **Leni:** Well, you couldn't sell a dress if it was 50% off! Not even if it was half off.

 **Luke:** Leni, what you just said are the exact same thing.

 **Leni:** Oh.

 **Luke:** _[puts his stuff down]_ Besides, this doesn't have to be one of our usual competitions this time. It's just a garage sale.

 **Lori:** _[walking past]_ Pssh, yeah, right. And who's gonna believe you?

 **Luke:** What? You think I'm joking? Then say it to my face! _[runs offscreen]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** Build up those appetites, salespeople, we're having goulash tonight!

 **Rita:** Which will be served on our refinished dining table. Have fun out there, kids!

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, have fun. Watching this rump do the bump. _[twerks the stand causing it to fall apart]_ Dang it.

* * *

Later on, several people arrive at the garage sale.

 **Lincoln:** Check it out, folks! Low prices, high quality! _[As two people pasts Lincoln's stand, he busts out his walkie-talkie.]_ Clyde, time to put Operation Pretend You've Never Met Me and Are Really Interested in My Stuff So Other People Will Buy It and Also Think of A Shorter Name For This Operation into action.

 **Clyde:** _[over walkie-talkie]_ Sorry, my walkie cut out. Can you repeat that?

 **Lincoln:** _[groans]_ Just get over here. _[notices a customer picking up his helmet.]_ Excellent choice, sir. Not only is that some state-of-the-art head protection... _[flips the helmet upside down]_ ...it also doubles as a soup bowl.

The customer puts the helmet back and turns to leave but gets startled when Clyde shows up.

 **Clyde:** _[acting]_ Whoa. Is this a genuine bowl-met? I've searched every garage sale in the state for one of these. How much do you want for it?

 **Lincoln:** Hmm...five bucks.

 **Clyde:** I'll give you ten.

 **Male Customer #1:** _[takes back the helmet]_ Actually, I was about to buy that. _[pays Lincoln and walks off with the helmet.]_

 **Lincoln:** Nice.

Lincoln rings a bell and writes something on the chalkboard.

 **Lincoln:** Excellent work, Clyde.

 **Clyde:** Thanks, Lincoln, for your next customer, I thought I'd break out the old English accent. _[in a British accent]_ Hullo, luv.

 **Lincoln:** Sweet. No way my siblings are gonna be able to compete with me.

 **Clyde:** I wouldn't be so sure. Looks like they've got some game too.

 **Lana:** _[At her stand]_ Exotic reptiles for sale!

A snake bites the customer's nose, causing him to flee.

 **Lana:** Snake bite kits for sale!

 **Male Customer #2:** _[comes back holding his nose in pain]_ Sold!

 **Lucy:** Candles. Cobwebs. Cauldrons.

 **Flip:** _[walks past]_ Rubbish.

 **Lucy:** _[takes out her crystal ball]_ Free psychic reading with every purchase.

 **Flip:** Free? Well, now you're speaking my language, little Psychic Girl. What's your cheapest item?

Lucy holds out a tiny skull with a candle in it and Flip takes it.

 **Lucy:** And now, look into your future. _[gazes into her crystal ball]_ Hmm. Business will be booming.

 **Flip:** _[chortles]_

 **Lisa:** Expired chemicals! Buy one get one free!

 **Flip:** _[appears]_ Oh, did I hear free?

Lily speaksbabble to another baby as she sells him an acorn.

 **Luke:** Old caricatures, only 8 dollars!

 **Male Customer #3:** Whoa, that one looks like me.

 **Luke:** Care to buy? The next one's 10 bucks.

 **Male Customer #3:** Hmm, you may be on to something, kid.

Luke smiles at this. Leni is seen trying to sell the garage to a young couple.

 **Leni:** New paint job, space galore and it comes with its own clicky-thingy. _[She presses a button, which brings the garage door down.]_

 **Female Customer #1:** You're _really_ selling this?

 **Leni:** Hello! It's a _garage_ sale.

 **Lincoln:** _[shrugs]_ Eh. So, they've made some sales. _[shakes his butt]_ My victory dance and I aren't worried.

 **Clyde:** Wow! You're handling being in last place better than I thought.

 **Lincoln:** _[shocked]_ Last place? _[Looks at the chalkboard]_ How has Lily sold $20 worth of stuff? What am I doing wrong?

A boy is trying out Lincoln's old talking teddy bear.

 **Teddy Bear Voice:** Please be my friend.

As the boy hold the teddy bear, its voice becomes distorted and the bear's head fells off, making the boy cry.

 **Lincoln:** Err...maybe, I need to upgrade the merchandise.

Lincoln and Clyde start going around the house, picking up various household items such as the coffee maker and the music player.

 **Female dancer on TV:** And 1, and 2, and 3. Come on now, girls.

They continue their raid when Lincoln looks in his parents' wardrobe and grabs Rita's wedding dress.

 **Clyde:** Your mom's wedding dress?

 **Lincoln:** Eh, she never wears it. Let's make some sales.

Back outside, outside where the Loud siblings angrily watch Lincoln as he attracted a huge crowd while Clyde is holding various items.

 **Lincoln:** Can I see 60? I see 60! Sold to the mustachioed man in the bandana! _[Said man takes the clock and Clyde holds up the coffee maker.]_ Starting the bid at 300! We've got 300! 400! We've got 500! Sold to the man in the blue jean tuxedo!

Lincoln's siblings appear angry about his lack of sale.

 **Lori:** Lincoln! What are you doing? This stuff isn't even yours!

 **Lincoln:** So?

 **Luke:** So! This doesn't even belong to you! You're just doing this to raise more money and win at this "competition."

 **Lincoln:** Hmm, that's a shame. With this strategy, I might be able to beat you all.

The Loud sisters look at each other and soon, run past Luke, who is in a daze, and all of them are taking stuff from the house to sell. A much larger crowd appears and the stock gets smaller by each passing sale.

 **Clyde:** _[notices the chalkboard]_ Lincoln! You only have one minute until 5 P.M. and you're four dollars out of first place!

Lincoln looks around, panicking until he sees something. He sells the garage sale sign to T-Bone for $5.

 **Lynn Sr.:** That's a wrap, kids! Goulash is served in _teeeen~_!

 **Lincoln:** Yes! My losing streak is over! Now, feast your eyes on my caboose because it's leaving the station.

 **Luke:** _[getting up]_ Ugh! You think _that's_ important, I'm pretty sure all of our stuff is gone now!

Suddenly, Lily starts crying.

 **Lori:** Someone give Lily her blankie.

 **Lincoln:** I don't know where it is.

 **Lynn:** Where could it be?

The Loud siblings murmur that they don't know where it is.

 **Lynn:** _[realizes in horror]_ Oh no! We must have sold it!

 **Lincoln:** _[unsympathetic]_ Yeah, yeah. Very sad. Now, if you don't mind, I'm about to do my victory dance.

 **Lily:** _[continues crying]_

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs depressed]_ Oh, never mind. I'm sorry, Lily, I guess we all got a little too caught up in our competition.

Everyone else apologizes.

 **Luke:** A little?

 **Lincoln:** So, your big brother is going to put the competition aside and go find your blanket.

 **Lola:** Oh no! You're not gonna be the hero! I'm gonna find that blankie!

 **Lana:** Not if I find it first!

The other sisters state they'll find it first and rush off.

 **Lincoln:** _[puts Lily down]_ The victory dance shall be mine!

Lily looks at the audience with a blank expression.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ You and me both, kid. _[realizes something]_ Hang on a second... I don't think I saw one of them take the blanket and sell it for cash. What if... Hold on. _[picks up Lily and walks back into the now practcally empty house]_ Hey, Mom! Do you happen to know where Lily's blankie is?

 **Rita:** _[offscreen]_ I have it in the dryer, sweetie! It'll be done in a sec!

 **Luke:** In the dryer? So that means... _[realizes]_ oh boy.

 _Meanwhile..._

 **Luna:** _[knocks on the door]_ Hello, ma'am!

 **Lola:** _[shoves Luna aside]_ Did you buy a blanket?

 **Luna:** _[shoves Lola aside]_ From a garage sale today?

 **Female Customer #2:** _[angrily]_ I didn't buy a _blanket_ , but I did buy this hunk of junk! _[holds up a vacuum cleaner which explodes in her face.]_ I want my money back!

 **Luna and Lola:** Uh... _[point at each other]_ She sold it to you! _[They run off]_

Lori and Luan race each other.

 **Lori:** I'm getting that blankie first!

Luan notices some trash cans and Lori runs up to a man watering his lawn.

 **Lori:** Sir, sir! Weren't you at a garage today? _[suddenly gets shoved by a trash can.]_ OOF! _[gets rolled off]_

Luan runs up to the man, revealing to have thrown the trash can at Lori.

 **Luan:** If you want to win, you need a _can_ -do attitude. _[laughs]_

Lincoln and Lynn race each other to another house.

 **Lincoln:** Beat it, Lynn! This is my house.

 **Lynn:** No way! That blanket is mine!

When there's no answer, Lincoln tries to get in through the dog flap, only to meet a very angry dog.

 **Lincoln:** Whoops! Wrong house.

Lincoln and Lynn scream as the dog chases them.

 _[Cut to Lucy and Lisa at an old woman's house.]_

 **Old Woman:** Hmm, I think I did buy a blanket. Why don't you come in?

 **Lisa:** _[to Lucy]_ First to spot the blanket gets the blanket.

 _[Inside]_

 **Old Woman:** It's so nice to have visitors. _[gets out a book]_ Would you like to see my collection of bingo ribbons?

Lincoln has managed to escape the dog.

 **Leni:** _[excitedly]_ I win! I found the blanket in that house right there!

 **Lincoln:** That's not a house. That's a restaurant.

 **Sloppy's Worker Man:** Order Number 6!

 **Lincoln:** And you're holding a napkin.

 **Leni:** _[Holds up a purple napkin]_ Dang it.

 _[Cut back to the old woman's house where she's playing bingo with Lucy and Lisa.]_

 **Old Woman:** _[reading out the number]_ B14! Anybody...

 **Lucy:** _[whispers to Lisa]_ This woman does not have the blanket. Let's get out of here.

 **Lisa:** _[whispers to Lucy]_ Are you kidding? One more number and I've got a bingo! _[to the old woman]_ Spin it, sister!

Lincoln is now putting various missing posters of Lily's blanket across the park.

 **Lincoln:** _[comes up to a woman]_ Excuse me, ma'am, have you seen this blanket? _[Lincoln runs up to a family with a baby.]_ How about you? _[spots the baby's blanket and snatches it.]_ Ah-ha! Where did you get this?

The baby starts crying and Lincoln screams as he is kicked into the air by the baby's mother and lands in a trash can near Flip's. He gets up and spots Flip cleaning a car with a purple cloth.

 **Lincoln:** Lily's blankie! Hey, Flip, you were at our garage sale today, weren't you?

 **Flip:** I don't know, chief. Maybe. I go to a lotta garage sales.

 **Lincoln:** I need to buy that blanket back from you.

 **Flip:** No can do! This blanket's working for me. Really gets the bird poop off.

 **Lincoln:** Please! It's important!

 **Flip:** Maybe we can do business but it's gonna cost ya!

* * *

Back at the Loud House in the living room, Luke is holding Lily, who is still crying.

 **Rita:** _[offscreen]_ Be right there, sweetie.

 **Luke:** Shhh. Everything's gonna be okay, Lily. _[sees Lincoln enter the house]_ Oh, hey, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, hey, Luke- Wait, why are you still here? Gah, anyway, I got good news, Lily. I've found your blanket.

 **Lola:** No, you didn't. Because I have it.

 **Lori:** _[pushes Lola]_ Please, I've got it right here.

 **Luan:** I've got it.

 **Lisa:** No, I do.

 **Lynn:** This is Lily's blanket.

 **Lincoln:** You guys, I'm pretty sure this is the right one. _[points to the blanket he's holding.]_ I had to give Flip all my garage sale money for it.

 **Lynn:** I gave Flip all my money for this one.

 **Luna:** Me too.

 **Luan:** So did I.

 **Lori:** And me.

 **Lisa:** I even gave him my bingo ribbon.

 **Leni:** I bought a blanket from Flip too.

 **Luna:** Uh, that's a welcome mat, dude.

 **Leni:** _[looks at the "blanket" and realizes that Luna is right.]_ Dang it.

 **Lincoln:** I can't believe this! Flip fooled us all!

 **Lisa:** _[angrily]_ That gasoline-selling swindler!

 **Lana:** So, we lost Lily's blankie forever?

 **Luke:** Yeah, funny you should mention that. You see-

 **Rita:** _[enters with a basket of clean laundry.]_ Here you go, sweetie. _[Hands Lily her_ _real_ _blanket.]_ Still hot from the dryer.

Lily stops crying upon seeing her blanket and coos happily.

 **Lori:** Are you literally joking right now? It's been here all along?

 **Luke:** Yup.

 **Rita:** _[notices the empty living room]_ What happened to our furniture?

 **Lincoln:** Uh...see, we kinda got caught up in a competition.

 **Lori:** Yeah, and we kinda sold everything.

 **Rita:** _[now angry]_ Well, you're all kinda grounded!

 **Lincoln:** We deserve it. And believe me, we've learned our lesson. No more competing.

His sisters murmur in agreement.

 **Luke:** _[rolls his eyes]_ Wasn't that obvious by now.

 **Lincoln:** It's too bad 'cause I had a victory dance that would put all of you to shame.

 **Lola:** _[scoffs]_ I doubt that.

 **Lisa:** The chances are slim.

 **Lincoln:** Oh yeah? All aboard! Woot-woot! This caboose is leaving the station! _[does his victory dance]_ Go Lincoln! Best butt shake! Toot-toot! Hmm-hmm! Oh yeah! Best butt shake!

 **Lana:** You call that a victory dance? _[does her own victory dance as well.]_ Go Lana! Go Lana!

 **Lola:** Mine's better! _[does her own victory dance also.]_

 **Luke:** That's just too embarassing.

 **Lori:** Yeah, why do you even have a butt if that's all you gonna to do with it?

The Loud siblings look at each other then all do their victory dances.

 **Loud Kids:** Oh yeah! Uh-huh! (etc.)

 **Rita:** Kids! Please! _[The kids stop their victory dances.]_ This is how you do a victory dance! _[does her own victory dance.]_ Uh-huh! Go Mom! Shake that booty!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Hah! Gimme a break! Get a load of the goulash shakedown!

Rita and Lynn Sr. do their victory dances.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Well, now you know where we get it from. As they say, the nuts don't fall too far from the tree. _[resumes his victory dance]_ Ooh! Uh-hmm! Hmm-hmm! Go, Lincoln! Go, Lincoln!

Soon the siblings and parents are doing their victory dances.

* * *

 _Flip's Food and Fuel..._

 **Flip:** _[pours some chemicals into a washer fluid bottle.]_ I'm loving these 2-for-1 chemicals. I'm gonna make a fortune selling them as windshield wiper fluid. _[laughs]_ Suckers! _[Pour another chemical into the bottle but an explosion occurs, damaging the entire gas station and leaving Flip dazed.]_ Well, the little Psychic Girl was right. Business _is_ booming.


	28. Raw Deal

**Raw Deal**

 _July 10, 2016_

On this sunny day, the Loud Family on a road trip in Vanzilla.

 **Lana:** Dad, are we there yet?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Not yet, kiddo. A few more hours.

 **Lana:** Oh, okay. _[beat]_ Are we there yet?

Lincoln is looking at a guidebook of the place the family's visiting.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Today, we're going to Grand Venture State Park, and it's gonna be awesome! We're gonna hike, and fish, and check out the caves...

 **Leni:** And I can't wait to see Pop-Pop!

Her siblings look at her confused.

 **Leni:** The guidebook said there was an old geezer in the park.

 **Lincoln:** _Geyser_ , not geezer. See? Here it is. _[shows her the actual geyser in the guidebook.]_

 **Luna:** I hope we get to see it blow. That would be rockin'!

 **Lisa:** I wouldn't hold my breath. It's been inactive for years.

 **Luke:** Still, there could be a 50/50 chance that it would blow.

 **Lisa:** We'll see.

 **Leni:** So, it is _like_ Pop-Pop.

 **Lana:** _Now_ are we there yet?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Lana, stop asking.

 **Lana:** Well, Hops is asking, not me!

 **Lola:** _[struggling with the seat belt]_ This seat belt is wrinkling my dress! _[pants with anger]_

 **Rita:** Why don't you guys play some car games?

 **Lynn:** How about Football? I'll be the QB. Hike! _[tosses her ball in the car, causing it to nearly rear off-road and make her family scream in panic. She smiles nervously.]_

 **Rita:** How about something a little less dangerous?

 **Lynn:** _[sheepishly]_ Heh. My b.

 **Lucy:** I have a new deck of fortune telling cards. I could give everybody readings. _[shuffles the cards]_

Her siblings agree to that and want their fortunes told. She puts on a turban as the background changes to a spacial setting.

 **Lucy's Siblings:** Me first! / Over here, Lucy!

 **Lucy:** It's _Madame_ Lucy.

 **Lucy's Siblings:** Ooh!

The cards are dealt. The first card shows a galleon sailing on the ocean.

 **Lucy:** Lori, you will go on a long trip.

 **Lori:** _[excited]_ Ooh. Maybe Bobby's taking me to Italy! He _is_ working at that pizza place.

The next card shows a castle door opening up to planets in the night sky.

 **Lucy:** Lola, the universe will open doors for you.

 **Lola:** _[scoffing]_ Ha. Tell me something I don't know.

The next card shows a four-leaf clover in the middle of a field.

 **Lucy:** Luke, your luck will soon change during today.

 **Luke:** Seriously? I'm not really superstitious, but, that sure is something.

The next card shows a knight on his steed facing strong winds.

 **Lucy:** Luan, you will soon be blown away.

 **Luan:** How _fortunate_! _[laughs as her siblings groan at her joke.]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[laughing]_ Good one!

Lynn throws her Football at Luan for that one.

 **Luan:** _[still laughing]_ Ow!

 **Lisa:** _[disbelieving]_ Poppycock. Could these predictions be anymore non-specific?

The next card shows a wizard with a crystal ball.

 **Lucy:** Lisa, you will make an amazing scientific discovery before entering the park today. Is that specific enough for you?

 **Lisa:** Specific, yes. Plausible, no. As a woman of science, I cannot take any of this seriously.

 **Lucy:** Well, the cards don't lie. _[tells the rest of the siblings' fortunes before finally telling Lincoln's.]_ Last but not least: Lincoln. _[draws the card and gasps at what she sees.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[concerned]_ What? What does it say?

 **Lucy:** _[changing the subject]_ So, uh, who wants to play football? _[grins casually]_

 **Lincoln:** _[desperate]_ Lucy, come on! Tell me!

 **Lucy:** Fine. Your day at the park will end in... _[reveals the card to show the grim reaper.]_ ...tragedy.

A suspenseful music sting plays for the card as Lynn Sr. is looking through the radio.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Ooh, a radio station of music stings! Neato-burrito!

The music sting plays again as Lincoln worries about his fortune.

* * *

Later, the family stops at Ed's Gas & Snack.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Okay, kids, ten minutes for bathroom and snacks. If you miss the cut-off, I can't promise I'll still be here.

Lincoln's sisters get out of the car, but he closes the door, much to Lisa and Luke's disbelief.

 **Luke:** What are you doing?

 **Lisa:** Aren't you coming?

 **Lincoln:** Nope. I'm staying right here.

 **Lisa:** Oh, you're not worried about Lucy's silly predictions, are you?

Just then, Lori accidentally steps on an oil slick, slips out of control while screaming and crashes into the trash.

 **Lori:** That was literally embarrassing.

 **Lucy:** It was also literally your fortune. "You will go on on a long trip".

Lincoln gasps at this fact.

 **Lori:** _[sighs in disappointment]_ So, I'm not going to Italy?

 **Lisa:** Relax, Lincoln. It's just a coincidence.

 **Luke:** Yeah, I agree with Lisa on this one. You're gonna be ok, dude, come on.

Lincoln gets out and hears Luan giggling.

 **Luan:** Let me know if you get _tired_ , Dad.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Good one, honey. That's why you're my _heir_. _[hits Luan with a jet of air that sends her flying into a bunch of tires.]_ Oh, sorry, sweetie. Your dad's just an _air_ -head.

They laugh as the other kids look on apathetically.

 **Lucy:** _[appearing next to them and startling them.]_ Fortune number two: "You will soon be blown away".

All except Lisa and Luke gasp in astonishment. The rest of the siblings except Lisa head into the mini-mart while Lincoln shakes in panic.

 **Lisa:** More like _coincidence_ number two.

 **Lucy:** We will see.

As the rest head in, a charming man named Mr. Universe opens the door for Lola.

 **Lola:** _[curtsies for him]_ Oh, thank you, Mr. Universe. _[realizes a few seconds later]_ AGH! THE UNIVERSE JUST OPENED DOORS FOR ME!

The others gasp again.

 **Lucy:** And...that's number three.

 **Lincoln:** _[pleading]_ Lisa!

 **Lisa:** Eh. Pure happenstance.

Inside the store, there's a long line for the ladies' room.

 **Lynn:** _[rushing to the door]_ Gotta go! Gotta go!

 **Twin Girls:** Back of the line, sister! _[point to the back]_

 **Lynn:** _[runs to the back]_ I can't wait this long! _[starts doing jumping jacks]_ Don't gotta go. Don't gotta go.

 **Leni:** _[holding a pair of pink boots with bows.]_ OMG! These boots are totes adorbs!

 **Lana:** _[comes out of the restroom]_ Ha! I found a dollar in the toilet!

 **Lucy:** Just like I predicted. _[reveals the next card which is an hourglass.]_ Lynn, your patience will be tested. _[reveals the next card which shows arrows piercing a heart.]_ Leni, you will fall in love. _[reveals the next card showing a bunch of coins.]_ Lana, you will become filthy rich.

The three gasp in shock.

 **Lucy:** What can I say? The cards don't lie.

Lincoln whimpers in fear and runs up to the cashier.

 **Lincoln:** Excuse me. Where are your first aid kits?

 **Luke:** Dude, you're being paranoid about this for nothing.

 **Lisa:** Luke is correct. Besides... _[points to Lynn]_ That is a coincidence. _[points to Leni]_ That's hyperbole. _[points to Lana]_ And that's gross exaggeration. _[puts on rubber glove and takes dollar from Lana.]_ Filthy, yes. Rich, no.

 **Lana:** _[Takes back dollar]_ Ugh. It's about _quality_ , not quantity!

 **Luna:** Oh yeah! The vending machine gave me an extra bag of chips! The best things in life are free, bros! _[pops open a bag and wolfs down some chips.]_

 **Lucy:** _[shows a card with two people holding chalices.]_ You will be rewarded double.

Lincoln panics more and is now in the car wearing a biking helmet, a chest plate, an athletic cup, and a gas mask which he is breathing heavily into.

 **Luke:** Okay, now you're just embarrassing yourself.

 **Lincoln:** _[muffled]_ I'm just being sensible.

Lisa takes the mask off him.

 **Lincoln:** I'm just being sensible. Lucy said my day would end in tragedy, and all her other predictions have come true.

 **Lisa:** Not mine. I haven't made any scientific discoveries yet.

 **Luke:** And nothing lucky has happened to me yet either, so calm down.

 **Lincoln:** _[realizing]_ Wait a minute. That's true!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Alright, kiddos, welcome to Grand Venture State Park!

 **Lincoln:** _[herding his siblings]_ Let's go, people! Move it! Move it! _[pushes them]_

 **Lola:** Lincoln, why are you pushing us?

 **Lori:** Yeah. What's the rush? We are literally the only people here.

 **Lincoln:** If we can get in the park before Lisa makes any discoveries or Luke finding something lucky, that means Lucy's predictions are bogus and I'm home free. _[pushes them in]_ Yes! We made it! _[takes off his protective gear and starts dancing.]_ Science: 1, medieval hocus pocus: 0. Right, Lis? _[notices she's not with them]_ Lis? _[sees her coming]_ Lisa, hurry up! Get in here!

 **Lisa:** Sorry. I had to finish that chapter.

Just then, a giant egg drops right between them and hatches.

 **Lisa:** _[gasps]_ Sweet mother of scientific discoveries! It's an owl with deer antlers!

Lincoln screams in horror and goes into a daze.

 **Lisa:** Lucy, I concede that your psychic predictions are uncannily accurate. And now, I'm off to show this fascinating creature to the park ranger. See you later, Lincoln! Well, maybe not.

The suspenseful sting plays again as Lincoln awaits his fate.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Yes! I can get the music sting station on my phone!

Luke sees Lincoln still quivering. He goes up to him and slaps him in the face twice.

 **Luke:** Get a hold of yourself, Lincoln!

 **Lincoln:** _[grabs his shoulders]_ Luke, you don't understand. Lisa's prediction came true, and now I think my fortune might be next!

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ Okay, so all our sisters' fortunes came true. Big deal. You and I still know that mine hasn't come true yet, whether or not yours will come next.

 **Lincoln:** I know, but _still_...

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[offscreen]_ Let's go, boys! Catch up or we're leaving you behind!

 **Luke:** Just trust me on this one. _[catches up with his family]_

Lincoln, on the other hand, is still paranoid.

* * *

The family heads toward the caves.

 **Lynn Sr.:** All right, gang. First stop is the Grand Stalactite Caverns.

 **Lucy:** Ooh. If it's dark, I'm in.

 **Lincoln:** Ooh. If it's dark, I'm out.

 **Rita:** Lincoln, you've been looking forward to this trip for months. Don't you wanna check out the caverns?

 **Lincoln:** And get impaled by a stalactite?

 **Rita:** Are you really gonna let a silly prediction ruin your fun?

 **Lincoln:** Yes, I am. I'm gonna stay right here, where it's nice and safe.

Sometime later, some screeching is heard.

 **Lincoln:** _[screams]_ KILLER BATS!

Some butterflies fly out. One of them lands on Lincoln's nose.

 **Lincoln:** _[calmly]_ Oh. They're just butterflies. _[panicking]_ Who are probably fleeing from killer bats! _[runs off screaming]_

Meanwhile, Lisa is showing this new species of owl to the park ranger.

 **Lisa:** I call it the "Dowl".

 **Park Ranger:** Remarkable. I'll arrange a press conference immediately. Lucky for us, I always carry bunting. _[holds up the bunting]_

* * *

The family is now swimming at the Grand Sparkling Lake.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Ah, Grand Sparkling Lake.

 **Lynn:** CANNONBALL! _[cannonballs into the lake with a huge splash.]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** Watch it, Lynn! You'll ruin the Grand Venture guide!

 **Lana:** Come on in, Lincoln! We got the whole lake to ourselves!

 **Lincoln:** _[on the dock]_ Yeah, right. So I can get eaten by a piranha? Or zapped by an eel? Or attacked by a swamp creature?

 **Luke:** Oh my gosh, Lincoln, I already told you there's nothing to be afraid of.

 **Lola:** And don't be a dope. There's no such thing as a swamp creature.

Lynn Sr. emerges from the lake covered in algae.

 **Lincoln:** _[screaming]_ IT'S HIM! _[swings a branch at him]_ Back, you hideous beast!

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[removing the algae]_ Hey, hey, hey! I didn't pick out these shorts! Your mother did! Huh.

* * *

Now they're visiting a gorge.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Presenting Grand Vista Gorge. The most beautiful view north of the Rio Grande.

 **Luan:** Beautiful? Don't you mean GORGE-ous? _[laughs]_

 **Luke:** _[amazed]_ Wow, this view is so cool!

 **Rita:** Have any of you seen Lincoln?

Lynn runs to the side of the gorge and notices Lincoln inching his way up the trail.

 **Lincoln:** _[frantic]_ Oh. Are those fire ants? Uh, that could be quicksand. Yikes! I'm pretty sure that's poison ivy.

 **Lynn:** LINCOLN! GET YOUR BUTT UP HERE! _[Her voice echoes]_

 **Lincoln:** _[softly]_ Shh! You wanna cause an avalanche?

 **Lynn:** WHAT?!

A rumbling sound is heard, but it's just a small leaf swaying to the ground.

* * *

 **Lynn Sr.:** Next stop, Grand Current River.

The family is fishing. While everyone has their lines in the river, Leni has hers in a bush.

 **Luna:** _[to Lana]_ Hey, little dudette, hook me up with another worm.

 **Lana:** _[eating the worms]_ Sorry. All out.

 **Rita:** Lincoln, you should join us.

 **Lincoln:** _[hiding under the canoe]_ Yeah, right! And get swept down the river? Or contract a deadly parasite? Or slip on a rock, bang my head, get amnesia, and end up in Tijuana? I don't think so! _[goes back to hiding]_

 **Luke:** Man, I haven't caught a nibble all _day_! Where are they at?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Patience, son. Just keep trying, maybe they'll come.

 **Luke:** _[scoffs]_ Yeah, I doubt it.

Suddenly, something tugs at his fishing line and almost pulled him into the river. The others notice this.

 **Luke:** Whoa! I think I got something! And it's putting up a fight!

 **Luna:** Reel it in, dude! Hurry!

The others encourage to Luke to reel it in as well. When he did, something big emerges from the river. What is on his hook is a fish with each color detailed on its skin and glowing with sparkles in a slow motion transition. Luke stands there in awe looking at it as well as his family and it goes back into the river, releasing itself from Luke's line.

 **Luke:** _[speechless]_ What... was _that_?

 **Lana:** I don't know, but it looked so cool!

 **Lynn:** Wow, Luke, that must've pretty lucky of you to catch that kind of fish.

 **Luke:** Yeah-... wait, "lucky"? _[realizes]_ Did my fortune really come true?!

The others, except Lucy, gasp at Luke's question, which makes Lincoln gasp as well, look around panicky, and hide under the canoe again.

* * *

Now, the family is having a picnic.

 **Lana:** _[patting her belly]_ Ugh. I wish I hadn't filled up on worms.

 **Luke:** _[still in shock from the experience]_ There's just no way that could've happened. I mean, I don't even what to think of this right now!

 **Lucy:** I told you Luke, the cards don't lie.

 **Luke:** _You_ think so, but, what about...

 **Lynn Sr.:** Lincoln, are you sure you won't join us?

 **Lincoln:** _[in the picnic basket]_ Yeah, right! And attract bears with the smell of the burgers? I don't think so! _[goes back to hiding]_

 **Luke:** _[sighs and walks up to the basket]_ Lincoln, get out of there.

 **Lincoln:** No!

 **Luke:** Okay, so maybe Lucy's prediction about me was right at the river after all, but you're clearly missing out on this entire opportunity to spend time with us, don't you get that?

 **Lincoln:** You have no idea what you're talking about, Luke! You and everyone else's fortunes came true today, and there is nothing you can say to change my mind! I'm going to die out here anyway! Did that ever occur to you?!

Luke is in shock, then feeling bad for his brother.

 **Lori:** I think bears like the potato salad in that basket as well.

Lori's words causes Lincoln to come out of the basket yelping and run to a field.

 **Lincoln:** I'll just stand in this field. _[frantic]_ Wait. Then I could get struck by lightning. Maybe I'll be safe in that log. _[hides in said log]_ But there could be rabid beavers! _[gets out of the log]_ Back to the picnic basket! _[about to get back in]_ No! Wait! The bears! _[trips]_

* * *

 **Lynn Sr.:** Ah, what a day. Grand Venture State Park, you always know how to show us a _grand_ time.

 **Lincoln:** _[heading for the exit]_ Huh. This is great. I may actually get out of here alive.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Lincoln, where are you going? We've got Lisa's press conference.

 **Lincoln:** You guys go without me. The flash from the cameras could blind me.

His dad grabs his arm and takes him to the conference, where Lisa is about to announce her latest discovery.

 **Lisa:** _[at the podium]_ Members of the press, I have made a discovery that will forever alter our understanding of the animal kingdom. I give you... _[reveals Dowl]_ ...the Dowl! Or Loudicus Lisa, if you prefer.

The rest of her family, except Luke, and the press are amazed while Lincoln flinches and screams at the flash of the cameras.

 **Lisa:** As you can see, the antlers of the Dowl are...

Suddenly, the little bird shakes off the antlers and Lisa makes another discovery, one not so scientific.

 **Lisa:** ... **Made in China?**

 **Park Ranger:** _[does a spit take]_ Excuse me. I just remembered I, uh...left the iron on in the park ranger station. Forest fires are no joke. _[proceeds to leave]_

 **Lisa:** _[stopping him]_ Hold it right there, bub! What gives?

 **Park Ranger:** _[sighs]_ Okay. I concocted the whole thing. I bought the antlers at a yard sale and glued them on the owl.

 **Lisa:** _[livid]_ You think science is some sort of a joke?

 **Park Ranger:** No. It's just that ever since the geyser stopped erupting, no one comes to the park anymore. I thought a little publicity would bring people back.

 **Lisa:** _[goes back to the podium.]_ My apologies to you all. Obviously, the Dowl is a fake.

 **Lincoln:** A fake? _[gasps]_ So Lucy's prediction for you wasn't true!

 **Lisa:** That is a logical conclusion.

 **Lincoln:** Which means mine wasn't true either!

 **Lisa:** Second logical conclusion.

 **Lincoln:** I ruined my whole day for no reason.

 **Lisa:** Thrice, a logical conclusion.

* * *

Later, the family's getting ready to go home.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Okay, kids, you have five minutes to get in the car. And if you miss the cut-off, no guarantees.

Lincoln walks out of the park with hands in his pockets, disappointed. Luke walks up to him.

 **Luke:** _[comes up to him]_ Hey, dude. You okay?

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ No, Luke, I'm not. I missed out on our whole trip just to avoid my fortune for nothing.

 **Luke:** Well, I hate to say this one's on you but, this one's on you. _[Lincoln turns deadpanned]_ Oh, spare it, you know I was right the whole time. Besides, maybe there was a lesson for all of this.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Maybe there _is_ a lesson here. You can't live your life in fear, or you'll miss out on it. And that would be a tragedy.

Before they head to the car, the ground starts shaking and there's a rumbling sound. Lincoln and Luke rush over and see something amazing.

 **Lincoln:** It's the geyser! Whoa!

 **Luke:** It's actually erupting?!

The two boys look on to see the geyser's majestic eruption in awe. All of a sudden, the car's horn honks and the rest is leaving without them.

 **Lincoln:** He really _is_ leaving me behind.

 **Luke:** What? You thought he was joking?

 **Lincoln:** I always thought that was an empty threat. _[chases after them]_ GUYS! WAIT!

 **Luke:** Hey, wait up! _[joins the chase]_

The car stops and the two boys get in.

 **Lincoln:** _[jubilant]_ Guys! Guys! You won't believe what happened! Luke and I just saw the geyser go off!

Their sisters are getting some sleep after a fun day.

 **Leni:** _[groggily]_ Ugh. Lincoln, you told me Pop-Pop wasn't gonna be here.

 **Lincoln:** Leni, it's not... Luke, can you tell her that… _[sees that Luke is already asleep and sighs]_ Never mind. This turned out to be the best day ever. _[goes to sleep for the ride home.]_

 **Lisa:** Well, Lucy, I guess you'll be throwing out those silly cards now that you've been completely discredited.

 **Lucy:** WRONG. I can prove fortune telling is real with one last prediction. _[draws one more card]_ The end is near.

 **Lisa:** Oh, please. Give me a-

 _[Cuts Lisa's line off to show an end card in the style of Lucy's fortune telling cards with a Dowl on it appears.]_

 **THE END**

 **Lucy:** Told ya. The cards don't lie.


	29. A Tattler's Tale

**A Tattler's Tale**

 _August 1, 2016_

We begin at night with the Loud siblings in Lori and Leni's bedroom. Lynn, Luke, and Lana are having a pillow fight, Luna is bouncing Lily, Luan is braiding Lucy's hair as she reads an Edgar Allen Poe book, Leni is painting Lori's toenails, and Lincoln is speaking with Lisa.

 **Lincoln:** So then, bam! My remote control plane smashed right into Dad's disco ball, and it broke into a million pieces!

 **Lynn:** _[gasps]_ Oh no! _[ducks as Lana whacks Leni with a pillow, knocking her off the bed.]_ The one he got from winning the Royal Woods "Dance Your Pants Off" contest?! He's so proud of that thing!

 **Lincoln:** I know. If he ever finds out, I'll be as dead as disco!

 **Lori:** Don't worry, you're not the only one hiding something from Dad.

 **Luna, Lisa, Lynn, Luke, Lana and Lily:** Oooooooooh!

 **Lori:** I accidentally scratched the car with my rhinestone purse!

 _[Flashback. Lori is seen driving up to a parking space, and turns the car off. When she opens the door, she accidentally dents the car next to her. Realizing this, she tries to inch herself away, unknowingly leaving jagged scratches on the side of the van with her purse. End flashback.]_

 **Luna:** You think that's bad? Remember the blackout last week?

 _[Flashback. Luna sets the volume on her speakers to "Super Max" and strums her guitar once, causing a citywide blackout. End flashback.]_

 **Luke:** Well, now I know who disrupted my final attack on a monster I was close to defeating, which…uh…ended sour there afterwards.

 _[Flashback to when Luna caused the power then cuts to Luke on the couch as he realizes the power went out]_

 _ **Luke:**_ _[livid] A_ _re you serious?! COME ON!_

 _Right then, the Wiimote slipped out of his hand, thrown across the room to where it smashed a bunch of plates placed on a cabinet. He looks at it in shock, backs away slowly whistling casually, and sprints upstairs._

 _[End flashback]_

 **Luke:** What I didn't know was that those were the plates from Mom's china cabinet. If she ever finds about that, I'm a dead man.

 **Lana:** So _that's_ what I heard the other day.

 **Lucy** : I rather enjoy the darkness. Speaking of which, does anyone know how to get black paint out of lace? I painted Mom's wedding dress for my dark betrothal to Edwin.

 _[Flashback. Lucy is seen descending the basement stairs wearing Mom's wedding dress, completely repainted in black. In the basement are a bunch of disfigured dolls looking towards Edwin, Lucy's vampire bust. End flashback.]_

 **Lincoln** : _[to the viewers]_ What can I say? We're not angels. Sometimes, we mess up. But the great thing is, if you need to get something off your chest, you can always trust your siblings. _[a knock at the door is heard]_ Well, not all of them.

Lincoln walks up to the door and opens it, revealing to be Lola. She enters the room.

 **Lola** : Whatcha guys talkin about?

 **Lisa** : Quantum physics!

 **Lynn** : Monster trucks!

 **Lori** : Bobby!

 **Leni** : Politics!

 **Lynn** : Baseball!

 **Luan** : Jokes!

 **Lana:** Global warming!

 **Luke:** An obvious reason you shouldn't be here.

 **Lola** : What? Wait, you're telling secrets again, aren't you? It's not fair! I never get included!

 **Lincoln** : That's because you're a tattle-tale, Lola.

 **Lola** : _[scoffs]_ I am NOT! _[Lincoln and the others look at her with disbelief while a cricket chirps.]_ Okay, I'll admit I _used_ to be a tattle-tale, but I changed! _[Everybody still doesn't believe her as they murmur to each other. Lola growls loudly, tosses her tiara aside in fury, and screams at the top of her lungs.]_ MOM! THEY WON'T LET ME IN THEIR SECRET SECRETS CLUB!

As Lola storms out of the room, Lincoln quickly shuts the door. Lisa checks her list of secrets.

 **Lisa** : Mmm. So where were we?

 **Lincoln** : I broke Dad's disco ball, Luna caused the blackout, Luke broke Mom's special china plates, Lori scratched the car, and Lucy ruined Mom's wedding dress. Who's next?

 **Lana** : _[raising her hand]_ Ooh! Ooh! So you know how Dad was yelling at Charles for chewing up his boots? _[giggles]_ That was me!

The siblings begin laughing.

 **Luan** : _[with realization]_ Wait a second. Weren't those steel toe?

* * *

 _August 2, 2016_

The next morning, Lincoln wakes up and sees Lola looking at him with a wide smile. Lincoln yells in shock.

 **Lola** : Morning, Linky! _[pulls out a fancy suit]_ I need a butler for my tea party. You're it.

 **Lincoln** : Yeah. That's not happening. _[he puts his bedsheets back on.]_

 **Lola** : Oh, really? _[she swipes the bedsheets off of Lincoln. He looks up.]_ I hate for Dad to find out who broke his precious disco ball!

 **Lincoln** : _[gasps loudly, realizing that Lola knows his secret.]_ Who told you about that?!

Lola shrugs her shoulders, pretending not to know. Lincoln is seen wearing the suit Lola provided.

 **Lola** : Top me off, Linkington. _[Lincoln tips the teacup over.]_ I don't hear any tea!

Lincoln sighs, and tips the teacup over while making a whooshing sound to make it sound like tea is pouring out.

* * *

 _The backyard…_

Lucy is writing in her poem book, and Lola approaches her with her princess car.

 **Lola** : Hey, Luce. Want to play "Drive me around while I practice my pageant wave"?

 **Lucy** : Hard pass.

 **Lola** : Okay. _[drives around for a little bit.]_ Maybe I'll go play "Dress Up" with Mom's wedding gown instead. _[Lucy looks up with realization as a crow caws. Lola gasps.]_ Oh, wait. I can't, because someone ruined it.

 **Lucy** : _[gasps loudly, realizing she knows about her secret.]_ Who told you that?

Lola shrugs her shoulders, pretending not to know. She moves into the passenger seat as Lucy sits down on the driver's seat. Lola motions Lucy to start driving.

 **Lucy:** Sigh.

Lucy dons a chauffer's cap, and begins driving as Lola begins waving.

* * *

 _Luke's room…_

Luke is looking at something online on his PC when Lola enters.

 **Lola:** Whatcha doing, Luke?

 **Luke:** I'm trying to find a new headset for my PC because my old one stopped working. Aside from that, why are you here?

 **Lola:** Oh, nothing really. Just need an artist to make me a self-portrait of myself. _[holds up a pencil]_ And I really want the eyes to pop too.

 **Luke:** Uh... sorry, Lola, but no thanks. I'm not in the mood to draw today.

 **Lola:** Hmm, that's a shame. I guess someone will have to tell Mom why he broke her special china cabinet if he doesn't do it then.

 **Luke:** _[realizing Lola found out his secret]_ How did you know about that?

Once again, Lola shrugs her shoulders, pretending not to know. She holds up the pencil and Luke takes the pencil out of grimace, leaving no other choice.

* * *

 _The living room…_

Lori is texting on her phone, Luna is watching TV, and Lynn Sr. is reading a newspaper. Lola enters.

 **Lola** : Luna, can I have the middle?

 **Luna** : Sorry, little dudette. _I_ snagged it first.

 **Lola** : Oh, okay. I hope your show doesn't, you know, like, _end_ suddenly. I hear there have been a lot of blackouts lately.

Lola turns back at Luna with a wicked grin.

 **Luna** : _[realizing Lola knows her secret.]_ Who told-

Luna stops talking, realizing that her father is right next to her. Luna reluctantly places Lola on the couch as she angrily sits down on the floor.

 **Lola** : Lori, can I have head scratchies?

 **Lori** : No. I need both hands for texting.

 **Lola** : Oh, I just thought you wouldn't mind since you've been _scratching_ a lot of things lately. _[Lori gasps, realizing Lola knows about her secret. She begrudgingly begins to scratch Lola's head.]_ Two hands, please. _[Lori looks on with disdain.]_

 _Lana and Lola's room…_

By now, Lola has forced all of her siblings into doing menial tasks for her. Luna is playing a mandolin, Lynn is painting Lola's toenails, Luke is drawing a self-portrait on an easel wearing a beret, Lana is dressed fancy, and Lincoln is back to being Lola's waiter.

 **Luna** : _[playing the mandolin, irate]_ _With a moo moo here, and a moo moo there-_

 **Lola** : _[correcting Luna]_ Uh... I believe I said he had a _pig_.

 **Luna** : _[through clenched teeth, more irate]_ _With an oink oink here, and an oink oink there..._

 **Luke:** _[working on the portrait; nonchalantly]_ Almost done with your eyes, Lola. Next is the eyelashes.

 **Lola** : Excellent. How's my homework coming, Lis?

 **Lisa** : _[pulling up a sheet of paper that has the letters of the alphabet made up of different shaped pasta noodles.]_ I'm up to the letter "S".

 **Lola** : Hmm. Make the macaroni a little crooked. I don't want my teacher getting suspicious. _[chuckles. Claps twice]_ Jester! How about a joke?

 **Luan** : _[dressed as a jester, unenthusiastically]_ Why do chicken coups only have two doors? 'Cause if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans. Ha ha ha ha ha. Get it?

 **Lola** : Yes! _[laughs]_ Isn't this fun, everyone?

As Lola laughs at the fun she's having, her siblings all grumble in frustration, knowing they're _not_ having fun. Later in Lori and Leni's room, the siblings are having another meeting.

 **Lori** : Well, I think we all know why we're here. Lola knows our secrets, and she's literally torturing us!

 **Luke:** Yeah, my right hand and I agree on that one.

 **Lynn** : _[suspiciously]_ Clearly, we've got a rat!

 **Leni** : _[thinking Lynn is referring to a real rat, horrified.]_ EW! WHERE?!

 **Lisa** : _[to Leni]_ No, Leni. A "rat" is an informal term for a "snitch". _[to everyone else]_ So which one of you low-lifes is it?

All the siblings begin to fight, blaming each one of them for being the rat. During their squabble, Lincoln flies out, and lands on something that pierces his butt.

 **Lincoln** : Yowch! _[he pulls off the item from his butt, revealing to be Lola's tiara.]_ What the? _[as he examines the tiara, he notices a microphone attached to it. He realizes something.]_ GUYS, STOP! _[the siblings cease their fighting]_ I know who the rat is, and her name rhymes with "granola".

 **Leni** : _[pulls up Lisa]_ Lisa?

 **Lincoln** : _[facepalms]_ No, it's Lola! She put a microphone in her tiara, and eavesdropped on our meeting!

 _[Flashback to yesterday. Lola growls loudly and tosses her tiara aside in fury.]_

 _ **Lola** : MOM! THEY WON'T LET ME IN THEIR SECRET SECRETS CLUB!_

 _As Lola was yelling at her Mom, her tiara landed on the floor. The camera zooms in on the tiara, revealing the microphone._

 _[End flashback.]_

 **Lori** : Well, now we know who the rat is. But what do we do about it?

 **Lana** : Yeah, she still has all our secrets!

 **Lincoln** : _[theorizing]_ But what if we had one of hers?

 **Lynn** : Fat chance. Lola's a pro. She covers her tracks.

 **Luke:** Yeah, even if she _did_ had a secret, how would you find out?

 **Lincoln** : _[determined]_ Leave it to me. Everyone makes mistakes, even Lola!

* * *

 _August 3, 2016_

The next morning. Lisa is sorting cereal bits for Lola, the pink marshmallows in a bowl marked "YES" while the regular bits go in another bowl marked "YUCK".

 **Lisa:** Just 10 more minutes, and I'll have all your cereals separated for you, Lola.

 **Lola:** Oh, good job, Lisa. Don't let any of that icky bran mix with those yummy marshmallows. _[Looks up at Luna playing a double bass.]_ Uh, smooth jazz, Luna? _[chuckles]_ Nice try. How 'bout a little adult contemporary instead?

 **Luna:** _[acting]_ Sure! Anything for you, sis!

She plays a different line. Lynn is now painting Lola's toes.

 **Lynn:** Almost done with the second coat! Then onto the third!

While Lola closes her eyes, Luke, who observed all of this behind the couch, gives Lincoln the signal. He sneaks into Lana and Lola's room and searches every nook and cranny until he finds a secret note under Lola's mattress.

 **Lincoln:** Aha! _[grabs the note]_ "If you're reading this, you must be snooping. Get out of my room...or else. Signed, Lola"

He disregards the warning and crumples up the note and finds another note in the wastebasket.

 **Lincoln:** _[reading it]_ "I said GET OUT OF MY ROOM! Signed, Lola." _[growling]_ Err! _[sees something on her nightstand]_ Lola's diary! _[opens up a page]_ "Today, I broke Mom's most prized possession." _[smiles thinking she's got her]_ "Just kidding. Only a MORON would write secrets in a diary. NOW GET OUT OF MY ROOM! Signed, Lola." _[closes diary]_ Man, she's good! _[grabs Lola's tiara]_ What _is_ your secret, Lola Loud?

 **Lynn:** _[from downstairs, feigning concern]_ Lola, come back! Don't you want me to put more of that pink crud on your toenails?!

Lincoln gasps knowing Lola is coming and hides the bugged tiara in his cap. Lola comes up to her room and gasps in shock.

 **Lola:** _[angry]_ BUSTED! _[She's actually scolding her teddy bear.]_ I said, no sweets before dinner, Mr. Sprinkles! _[shivers]_ Brr! It's cold in here.

She sees her window open while Lincoln is holding on by the sill and closes it on his fingers. Lincoln falls and screams and lands on a cactus.

 **Lincoln:** YOWCH! _[groans]_ Where the heck did this cactus come from? _[sees another note attached to it.]_ "If you landed here, it means you were snooping in my room. Enjoy the pricklies. Signed, Lola." _[sighs in defeat]_

 **Mr. Grouse:** _[noticing the tiara on Lincoln's head]_ Nice tiara, Loud! What are you doing? Training for a beauty pageant?

 **Lincoln:** No! _[gets an idea]_ Actually, yes! _[runs off]_

 **Mr. Grouse:** Oh. Well, good luck with that!

* * *

 _Miss Liza's Pageant Training Center..._

Lincoln is talking with some of Lola's pageant rivals.

 **Lincoln:** _No one_ has dirt on Lola Loud? _[Lola's competitors scream in fear upon hearing Lola's name and run away.]_ Sheesh! What did she do to these girls?

 **?:** Psst! Over here!

Lincoln turns around and sees a pair of eyes sticking out of a closet door. With no one looking, Lincoln approaches the closet, and a pair of hands drag him in. The room is pitch black and only the eyes are visible.

 **?:** Hey. I'm going to help you. Not because I like you, but because I'm tired of always coming in second place to Lola!

 **Lincoln:** Wait. Is this Lindsey Sweetwater?

 **Lindsey Sweetwater?:** Do you want the dirt or not?

 **Lincoln:** Sorry. Proceed. _[Lindsey whispers a secret to Lincoln, causing him to gasp loudly.]_ Holy...

 _Back at the Loud House..._

 **Luke** : ...Shamoley!

Lincoln has just told all his siblings Lola's secret, leaving them completely flabbergasted.

 **Lynn:** _[offscreen]_ Man, that is juicy! _[the siblings look over to Lynn, who is actually referring to the burger she's eating.]_ And you got some really good dirt on Lola, too.

The siblings all lower their eyebrows in annoyance, except for Luan, who snaps her fingers at her for telling such a good joke.

 **Lincoln:** Yep, and now, it's time to take her down!

The siblings begin cheering.

 _Lana and Lola's room..._

 **Lola** : _[after hearing the secret about her.]_ Holy shamoley! _[all her siblings are surrounding her angrily. She grabs Lincoln by his shirt.]_ Who told you about that?!

Lola looks at her siblings, demanding an answer. They all shrug their shoulders, pretending not to know.

 **Lincoln:** If you tell Mom and Dad _our_ secrets, we'll tell them yours! Now if you'll excuse us, those of us who can trust each other are going to go hang out.

The siblings leave while Lola looks on with disappointment, realizing they got the upper hand.

* * *

 _Lori and Leni's room..._

The siblings are now back to telling secrets.

 **Lisa:** So then, kaboom! Mom and Dad's bedspread was burnt to a crisp!

 **Luan:** _[barging into the room with a bowl of popcorn.]_ Guys! I just saw Lola marching into Mom and Dad's room! I think she's ratting us out!

The kids begin to chatter nervously.

 **Lincoln:** She wouldn't dare!

 **Lori:** If she's taking us down, we're taking _her_ down with us!

The siblings all rush downstairs and approach their parents' bedroom. Lola walks out with a depressed expression.

 **Rita:** Thank you for telling the truth, sweetie. But you know I have to punish you. You're grounded for a month.

Rita pats Lola on the head and closes her door. Lola glumly walks away while the others look on dumbfounded.

 **Lincoln:** _You're_ grounded? Wait, what's going on?

 **Lola:** _[sighs]_ You guys are off the hook. I took the blame for all the stuff you did.

The siblings gasp in shock.

 **Luke:** Wait, what? Why would you do that?

 **Lola:** _[sighs]_ Cause all I really wanted was to be included in your group.

 **Lincoln:** Then why'd you threaten to tell on us and make us do all that stuff?

 **Lola:** It was the only way I could get you to hang out with me! But then I realized I went about it the wrong way. Instead of using your secrets against you, I should have tried to earn your trust. _[heading upstairs]_ So from now on, that's what I'm going to work on. _[voice breaking]_ If anyone needs me, I'll be up in my room for the next 30 days. Care packages welcome.

Lola sadly parts off, as her siblings look on with sadness. In her room, Lola is playing a dirge on a harmonica and is now wearing a denim prison uniform and a pink bandana with her hair now more curled. Lincoln knocks on her door and comes in.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Lola, you know, we talked it over, and decided...you're in! You've earned our trust!

 **Lola:** _[gasps happily, rips off her uniform and reveals her normal outfit and starts dancing with joy.]_ OH, YES YES YES YES!

The club comes in to talk about their secrets with their new member.

 **Lynn:** Aw, so you guys won't believe how bad I messed up the other day! _[her siblings' curiosity is piqued]_ I was in the living room, practicing my pile driver with Mom's ironing board, when all of a sudden...

As Lynn talks about her secret, Lola is so happy to hear every detail. Soon, the meeting is over and the kids are all wrapping up as they head back to their rooms while Lana goes into the bathroom.

 **Lola:** Aw, you guys! That was so fun! Thanks! _[waving goodbye]_ Everybody get home safe!

 **Luke:** Hey, Lola. _[Lola turns to Luke, who is leaning against his door]_ Thanks again for keeping our secrets safe. I hope we can trust you more in the future. _[winks at her and goes into his room, closing his door]_

 **Lola:** _[smiles at this, closes the door, and starts talking to someone.]_ So, you'll never believe what Lynn did!

It's revealed that she's whispering Lynn's secret to her stuffed animals. She then looks at the viewers.

 **Lola:** Well, what did you expect? I'm Lola Loud! It's not like they'll tell anyone! _[turns to her stuffed animals]_ So, anyway... _[continues to tell them Lynn's secret.]_


	30. One Flu Over the Loud House

**One Flu Over the Loud House**

 _August 6, 2016_

We begin with Lincoln waking up on a Saturday morning.

 **Lincoln:** _[yawns, and to the viewers]_ Ooh, the sweet sound of silence. That never happens on a Saturday. I must be the first one up. _[notices the time]_ Wait a minute! 10:00 AM? How could it be this quiet this late?

He opens the door as he puts his clothes on. He notices the upstairs hallway is all wrecked.

 **Lincoln:** Uh, hello? _[Suddenly, a strange noise is heard coming from Lola and Lana's room.]_ Hey guys! _[The twins come out of their room as they look sick, and they look like zombies. Lincoln laughs nervously and walks back to Lori.]_ Oof! Lori, I think something's wrong with the... _[Lori looks sick and there were flies around her. Lincoln screams. There is a sick Lynn as well. He tries to back away and tries to open Lisa and Lily's bedroom door. Lisa opens the door, and she pulls Lincoln inside as he screams, with Luna and Luan holding him.]_ What the?

 **Luke:** Is he okay?

 **Luna:** He looks okay, but we better check him.

 **Leni:** _[checks him with a temperature scanner]_ 986 degrees? He's good. Let him go.

 **Lincoln:** Will someone please tell me what the heck is going on?!

 **Lisa:** Haven't you heard? This morning our house became infested with an acute, febrile, contagious virus. Or, as it's known on the street, _[suspenseful music plays]_ The flu.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ With 14 Louds packed into 1200 square feet, when someone gets sick, it spreads like the plague. We're not just talking flu, we're talking... _a zombie apocalypse_!

 **Lisa:** The first virus sighting was in Lori's room.

An old time movie reel complete with countdown starts with Rita checking Lori's temperature with the scanner.

 _ **Rita:**_ _You have got a fever, young lady. You need to get right back in bed._

 _Lori sneezes and her mucus gets all over Lynn's basketball. Lynn picks it up, spins it on her fingers, gets Lori's germs on her, sneezes, and catches the flu. As she groans, she goes down to the kitchen and drinks orange juice straight from the carton._

 _ **Lana:**_ _Morning._

 _Lana pours a glass of juice into a glass, drinks it as it contains Lynn's bacteria screaming as it goes down her throat. This causes her to get sick and drink the rest from the carton._

 _ **Lola:**_ _MOM! LANA'S DRINKING FROM THE CARTON!_ _[Lana coughs on her]_ _AND NOW SHE'S COUGHING ON MEeeeeee..._ _[gets sick too and moans]_

 _[End flashback]_

 **Lisa:** Okay, the only survivors are you, me, Leni, Luan, Luna, Luke, and Lucy.

The group is shown altogether.

 **Lincoln:** _[panicking]_ Wait! Lucy's infected!

 **Lucy:** Incorrect. I always look like this.

 **Lincoln:** Wait, what about you, Luke? Your allergies usually act up sometimes this time around.

 **Luke:** True, but I'm actually feeling fine today.

 **Lisa:** Focus, people. If we wanna live to see another day, I suggest we initiate escape protocol ASAP.

 **Lincoln:** I'm on it. _[gets his walkie-talkie and calls Clyde]_ Healthy Loud to Safe Haven. We've got a level four outbreak.

 **Clyde:** _[spits out his cereal.]_ The flu?! Lincoln, give it to me straight. Did Lori make it?

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ Negative...

 **Clyde:** _[gasps and laments]_ WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! _[calming down]_ Sorry. I know we can't afford the luxury of grief right now. _[focusing]_ I'll have everything ready. Cot, medical supplies, and my patented heal meals. How many survivors?

 **Lincoln:** Seven. _[Luan sneezes]_ Make that six.

 **Luan:** Guys, no! It's _snot_ what you think! _[laughs and then turns sick and groans.]_

 **Lisa:** She's infected! Get her out!

They shove the infected Luan out the door on a play shopping cart.

 **Leni:** Guys, don't you think we should take care of the sick? After all, they're still our family.

 **Luke:** Sorry, Leni, but there's nothing we can do.

 **Luna:** It's too late for them, but not for us.

 **Lincoln:** Everyone, out of the house! Let's move.

 **Lisa:** Wait! We can't just go out there with our proverbial keisters hanging out. _[presses a button that opens up her and Lily's closet equipped with water guns, grabs one, and fills it with some kind of substance.]_ In case we're attacked, this concoction will slow down the infected. _[blasts Lincoln]_

 **Lincoln:** _[tasting the concoction]_ Tastes like chicken soup.

 **Lisa:** That's because it _is_ chicken soup. _[hands gun to him]_

Lucy, Luke, Lisa, and Luna each grab one of the remaining guns. Lisa gets more soup and puts on a headband. The remaining six are ready to take the fight.

 **Leni:** Um...I don't know if this is-

 **Luke:** LOCK AND LOAD, PEOPLE! LET'S MOVE! _[his siblings follow suit]_

Lincoln looks around and gives the clear signal and they move into the hall.

 **Lincoln:** Look sharp. They can be anywhere.

They move onward and Luna signals them to stop. Luan's unicycle comes rolling out of her room and onto the floor. Just then, Lincoln spots something.

 **Lincoln:** Luna! Three o'clock!

The infected Luan is coming toward them and Luna shoots some chicken soup into her mouth, causing Luan to fall over.

 **Lincoln:** Lisa! Six o'clock!

The contaminated Lola is approaching in her car.

 **Lisa:** EAT HOT SOUP! _[shoots it in Lola's mouth, causing her to crash while distracted by the taste.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[notices another one]_ Leni! Nine o'clock!

 **Leni:** Lincoln, make up your mind. What time _is_ it?

Unbeknownst to her, the contagious Lori approaches her.

 **Luke:** No, Leni, behind you!

 **Leni:** _[gasps at the sight of Lori and pulls out a tissue.]_ Want a tissue?

Lincoln and Luke ram Lori back into her room.

 **Leni:** Lincoln, where is your heart?

 **Lincoln:** Where is your brain? We're trying to stay alive here!

Just then, the Luan and Lola zombies trap Luna.

 **Luna:** _[panicking]_ Dudes! Help!

Lincoln lets out a cry of battle and blasts Luan and Lola who cough all over Luna before being hit by the soup. It turns out Lincoln was too late to save Luna, for she has become infected.

 **Lincoln:** EVACUATE!

The remaining five head for the stairs, but Lana is coming for them. The Luan and Lola zombies get right back up now accompanied by Luna and the Lynn zombie is also coming from the other side, trapping the survivors.

 **Luke:** Crud! We're surrounded!

 **Lincoln:** Gahh. Think, Loud, you've seen a million zombie movies. Wait. I've got it. _[suddenly starts doing a zombie impression.]_

 **Lucy:** Whoa. Lincoln's one of them now.

 **Lisa:** In that case... _[cocks gun]_

 **Lincoln:** Hold your fire! I'm just trying to blend in. Come on. It's our ticket to freedom.

The others follow suit and they escape toward the stairs.

 **Leni:** Aw...they sound so sick. Do you guys need a cough drop? _[gets out a bag of them]_

The other four grab her and they all get down the stairs.

 **Lincoln:** Leni, you're putting the squad in jeopardy and I won't have it! Wait. Where's Lucy? _[turns to see the twins and Lori munching on something, thinking the worst has happened to Lucy.]_

 **Luke:** Dang it! We lost another one. _[in the gruff voice]_ She was so young, a brave soldier to us all, she would've lived another day in this dang coun-.

 **Lincoln:** Luke, we get it. And stop doing that voice. _[gets out the walkie-talkie]_ Healthy Loud to Safe Haven. We're down to four survivors.

 **Clyde:** Sorry to hear it, Healthy Loud. Everything's set on this end. Quick question for the heal meals. Does everyone eat guacamole? _[mixing a bowl of the stuff]_

 **Lincoln:** Affirmative. And hey, Safe Haven, thanks. _[signs off]_ We're tasting freedom in three, two-

As he opens the door, he discovers that now Charles, Cliff, Walt, and Geo are contaminated as well.

 **Lincoln:** AAAHH! THE VIRUS HAS JUMPED SPECIES! _[shuts the door]_

 **Luke:** Crud! We have to find another way out of here, and fast!

 **Lisa:** We can still escape through the back door!

Luke, Lisa, and Lincoln head for it.

 **Leni:** But, Lincoln-

 **Lincoln:** Once we're out the door, keep a tight formation.

They stop and gasp to see Lynn and Lola coming right for them.

 **Lincoln:** Reroute! Reroute!

They escape.

 **Lisa:** To the parental dwelling! _[beat from Lincoln and Leni not knowing what she meant.]_

 **Luke:** Mom and Dad's room. What else could she mean by that?

They run as the other zombies approach them.

 **Lincoln:** Move! Move!

Lisa, Luke, and Leni run into the room and Lincoln shuts the door the moment he's in.

 **Lincoln:** Dad, the house is infected. We need to get out through your window.

However, Lynn Sr. turns around and shows green eyes just like the others, meaning he's one of them now. Leni and Lisa gasp.

 **Luke:** No! Not them too!

 **Lincoln:** We've got a hostile!

As they try to escape, they find Rita come into the room as she has come down with the flu as well.

 **Leni:** Aw. Mom doesn't feel well. She just needs a hug.

 **Lincoln:** Leni! Stand down! _[aims his gun]_ Mom, I hate to do this, but- _[tries to fire only to get the nozzle clogged.]_ Agh! Noodle jam! Why did you have to use chunky style?

 **Lisa:** It's heartier!

Just then, Lucy opens the door and hits Rita.

 **Luke:** Lucy!

 **Lincoln:** AAAHH! Lucy's infected!

 **Lucy:** Again, this is just how I look. And you're welcome for the rescue.

Lynn Sr. gets up and limps toward the now five survivors. They barricade the door by tying a jumprope between the doorknob and the sofa leg.

 **Lincoln:** That should hold 'em.

More of the sister zombies come out again.

 **Leni:** Aw. Poor guys. They need a tissue. _[gets the tissue box]_

 **Lincoln:** Good idea. _[takes the box and tosses it to the side.]_

Lori, Lola, Luan and Lynn turn to the tissues and go for them.

 **Leni** Lincoln, you could have just handed it to them.

 **Lincoln:** Fall out!

 **Leni:** But what about our-

 **Luke:** Leni, let's go!

Luke grabs Leni and they head for the backdoor in the kitchen. Just then, Clyde contacts Lincoln.

 **Clyde** Healthy Loud, come in!

 **Lincoln:** Safe Haven, this is Healthy Loud. We are just about out the door and heading to your location.

 **Clyde:** That's why I'm calling. I'm afraid there's a bit of a crisis here.

 **Lincoln:** What's that, Clyde? Go again!

 **Clyde:** I said-health issues-possible casualties-unless-

Clyde's breaking up and the walkie-talkie dies out.

 **Lincoln:** Unless what? Clyde! _[fails to get a signal]_ Dang it! The walkie's dead! We can't leave without knowing if Safe Haven is truly safe!

 **Lisa:** I have batteries in my room.

 **Lincoln:** Looks like we're going up. Loud, you take point!

 _[Beat]_

 **Luke:** Uh, we're _all_ Loud.

 **Lincoln:** _[scowling]_ Fine. Just follow me.

They head upstairs to Lisa and Lily's room where Lisa checks her drawers for batteries.

 **Lisa:** Let's see...graduated cylinder, uh, test tube, enriched uranium, here we are. Two fresh AA's.

They hear the moaning of one Loud they have yet to have encountered with the disease.

 **Lincoln:** _[through clenched teeth]_ Don't make any sudden movements.

It's revealed to be Lily, giggling sickly. She sneezes.

 **Leni:** Ah, poor baby.

A green bubble made of Lily's snot inflates from her nostril. She sneezes and causes the bubble to fly toward the survivors.

 **Lincoln:** Incoming! Hit the deck! _[He and his four other siblings duck, as the green bubble goes out the window. He then prepares to take aim.]_ Forgive me, Lily!

 **Leni:** _[intervenes]_ NO!

 **Lincoln:** _[irritated]_ What is wrong with you?!

 **Leni:** Our family may be turning into gross snotty sickies, but you are turning into a monster!

 **Lincoln:** I'm trying to save us! And I'm tired of you acting like Mother Teresa!

 **Leni:** Shows what you know. Our mother's name is Rita!

As the two argue, Lisa goes to the closet, gets one of Lily's bottles, and fills it with soup.

 **Lisa:** SOUP IN THE HOLE! _[throws the bottle]_

Lily crawls over to it and drinks up the soup.

 **Lisa:** If you two ninnies are done bickering, I'd like to go taste that guacamole.

Suddenly, Luke sneezes, catching everyone's attention.

 **Lincoln:** Luke?

 **Luke:** _[sniffles]_ What?

 **Lisa:** He's infected! _[aims her gun]_

 **Luke:** No, I'm not them! It's just my allergies acting up again. _[sniffles]_ Or...I actually _am_ sick _._

 **Leni:** Aww. _[pulls out another tissue]_ You want a tissue?

 **Lincoln:** _[interferes]_ Sorry, Leni, but we have to go.

 **Leni:** But, Lincoln-

 **Luke:** No, Leni, just leave me here. _[sneezes again]_ I don't think you'd want to be near me anyways. You guys go ahead. _[gruff voice]_ May heaven have mercy on your souls.

 **Lincoln:** _[nods]_ Understood. Let's move, people! _[_ _As they continue to head out, Lincoln puts the batteries into his walkie-talkie.]_ Safe Haven, we're back in. What is this crisis you were talking about?

 **Clyde:** I made a peanut sauce for the Sante Fe egg rolls. But then, I realized someone might have a food allergy.

 **Lincoln:** _[frustrated]_ That's the crisis?! We're fighting for our lives, Clyde! No one has a food allergy!

 **Clyde:** That's a relief, 'cause this sauce really ties the dish together. Safe Haven out.

 **Lincoln:** _[signs off]_ Roll out!

Lincoln checks downstairs and shows that it's clear. They get to the kitchen and the back door.

 **Lincoln:** We'll be tasting freedom in three, two-

 **Leni:** Hey! The bubble's back!

The bubble has found its way back into the house and hits Lucy dead center.

 **Lucy:** Okay, _now_ I'm sick. See the difference?

 **Lincoln & Lisa:** _[unable to]_ No...

Lucy sneezes and gets her germs on the doorknob.

 **Lincoln:** Agh! Now the doorknob's infected!

 **Lisa:** Uh...don't panic. I'm sure we'll find a way out of this. _[Lucy sneezes on her]_ Dang it.

The now zombified Lisa and Lucy come toward Lincoln who flees.

 **Lincoln:** Leni! Help me with the table!

 **Leni:** Are you finally gonna be nice and make them a meal?

 **Lincoln:** Not exactly.

They push the table over, blocking the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room. The zombies try to get through.

 **Lincoln:** This doesn't look good, Leni. There's no way out of this house.

 **Leni:** Too bad we're not dogs. Then we could use Charles's door.

 **Lincoln:** That's it!

 **Leni:** You go. I'm gonna stay here and take care of the sick.

 **Lincoln:** Don't be a fool. They're gone. We have to start a new world without them. They'd want it that way.

 **Leni:** I can't. But don't worry about me. If I wear a mask and I'm careful, I'll be okay.

 **Lincoln:** I may not always agree with you, Loud, but I respect you. _[salutes his sister]_ Good luck.

Leni salutes back. As Lincoln heads for Charles's door, Leni looks for a good surgical mask to protect her and pulls out a plaid one.

 **Leni:** Nah. Too blah.

As she searches for the right mask, the zombies push the table out of the way and get in. She pulls out a pink one with hearts.

 **Leni:** Too flashy. _[pulls out one that looks like her dress.]_ Ooh! Perfect! Goes with my outfit.

Luna is right behind her and Lincoln notices.

 **Lincoln:** LENI! DUCK!

Luna sneezes and her mucus flies toward Leni.

 **Leni:** A duck? Where? Is it sick?

 **Lincoln:** _[dives in front of Leni in slow motion.]_ NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! _[takes Luna's snot and hits the floor.]_

 **Leni:** Lincoln, you saved me. Why?

 **Lincoln:** 'Cause you've got a good heart. And you deserve to survive more than I do. _[sneezes on Leni]_ Dang it.

Leni and Lincoln rise up now having become just like the rest of their family: diseased zombies. Thus, the entire Loud House has been infected, and the rescue plan has failed…

* * *

Later, Clyde comes over in a hazmat suit.

 **Clyde:** _[to the viewers]_ Well, the escape mission was a bust, but just because the Louds are infected doesn't mean that they're not human. Plus, I'd hate to see all this good food go to waste. _[puts on his helmet and brings them the Santa Fe egg rolls.]_ Okay, who wants Santa Fe egg rolls?

The Louds each grab an egg roll and start feasting on them like the living dead.

 **Luke:** _[takes the last one]_ Thanks, Clyde. Hopefully, things will be back to normal here, and get rid of this cold. _[sniffles]_

 **Clyde:** Don't worry, Luke, it will. Good to see you're doing well. Oh, don't forget the peanut sauce. It's to die for. Oops! _[chuckles nervously]_ Poor choice of words.

 **Luke:** _[rolls his eyes]_ I'll say.


	31. Homespun

**Homespun**

 _August 14, 2016_

Today seems like a peaceful afternoon in the Loud House. Well, that is until a crash is heard.

 **Lori:** AAH! DANG IT!

In the kitchen, Lincoln is taking out the trash when he hears Lori scream.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Sounds like someone got trapped in the bathroom again.

Inside the bathroom, Lori, wearing a bathrobe and towel on her head, is holding the doorknob to the bathroom door, which just broke off. She growls at this.

 **Luke:** _[pops out of his room]_ Lori? Was that you?

 **Lori** : Yes, it's me! I'm trapped in the stinkin' bathroom again!

 **Luke:** _[approaches the bathroom door]_ Then why you do sound so ticked if you are?

 **Lori:** Because, Bobby's coming over to study, and I only have three hours to get ready! Now can you _please_ let me out?!

 **Luke:** Okay, hold on. _[_ _attempts to open the bathroom door, only for the doorknob to break off]_ Well, ain't that a disappointment.

Suddenly, Lori slips. She grabs hold of the shower curtain, but it rips off. The pole holding the curtain bonks Lori on the head. Lori growls even louder at this string of events.

 **Lori:** THIS HOUSE IS LITERALLY FALLING APART!

 **Lincoln** : _[to the viewers]_ Lori's right. With 12 kids, four pets... and two parents who insist on fixing everything themselves, our house is a bit of a, how do I put this nicely, disaster.

 _[Flashback to Lana and Lola brushing their teeth.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[voice-over]_ You've got the faulty water pressure.

 _Lana puts her mouth under the faucet, and turns the water pressure on, but nothing comes out. Lola is ticked off at Lana's uncouth method of rinsing her mouth._

 _ **Lana:**_ _[leaving the bathroom]_ _Eh. I'll go borrow some water from Charles' bowl._

 _ **Lola:**_ _Try to have a little digni-_

 _As Lola was talking, the increased water pressure from the pipes breaks loose, spewing water onto Lola, flinging her into the trash can._

 _[Flashback to Luna arriving home late at night with her music equipment.]_

 **Lincoln:** And the creaky floorboards.

 _As Luna enters the house, she gives a "hang loose" hand gesture and tiptoes over to the staircase. She steps on the first step, making a loud creaking sound. This alerts Lynn Sr., scaring Luna._

 _ **Lynn Sr**_ _: Lori? Leni? Luan?_

 **Lincoln:** Don't forget about the rotting wood.

 _Luna tries to grab hold of the handrail, but the entire staircase breaks apart. As Luna stands back up, Lynn Sr. flashes a light at her._

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _Luna!_

 _[Flashback to Lincoln and Luke adding the finishing touches to a model pirate ship.]_

 **Lincoln:** Then there's the clunky furnace. _[Luke has just added the captain on the ship.]_ _Well, Captain. After 13 weeks of careful construction, your ship is finally ready._

 _ **Luke:**_ _Let's set sail, matey._

 _As they look on with pride, the furnace begins rattling. As Lincoln holds his model ship in fear, the furnace spews out some soot, covering the two boys with it and damaging their model ship._

 _[Flashback to Lynn Sr. adjusting the TV antenna on a windy day.]_

 **Lincoln:** And the crummy TV signal.

 _Inside the house, the kids are complaining that the TV is fuzzy again. Rita is outside putting pillows on a trampoline just in case Lynn Sr. falls off. A sheet of foil lands on Lynn Sr.'s face, blinding him. His vest gets caught on the TV antenna, causing him to get tangled in the antenna._

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _[panic-stricken]_ _Something's got me!_

 _Inside the house, the TV signal is back, as a "Peanuts"-esque show appears on the screen._

 _ **Luan:**_ _Wait! Wait! That's perfect!_

 _As the Loud siblings cheer at the signal being back, Lynn Sr. falls off the roof, along with the TV antenna, causing the signal to be lost again._

 _ **Loud Siblings:**_ _Aww._

 _[Flashback to a series of moments where doorknobs and door handles broke off.]_

 **Lincoln:** And the doorknob situation.

 _ **Lisa:**_ _[doorknob]_ _Dang it._

 _ **Leni:**_ _[fridge door handle]_ _Dang it._

 _ **Lynn:**_ _[doorknob]_ _Dang it._

 _ **Lucy:**_ _[attic cord]_ _Dang it._

 _ **Lori:**_ _[doorknob]_ _Dang it._

 _ **Luna:**_ _[flusher handle]_ _Dang it._

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _[doorknob]_ _Dang it._

 _ **Luke:**_ _[doorknob] Really?! [throws the doorknob against the wall, only for it to hit him in the nose] Ow!_

 _[End flashback.]_

Lincoln has just gotten the trash to the curb, where the mailbox is all banged up and patched up.

 **Lincoln:** _[thinking]_ And I feel like there's something I'm leaving out. _[The mailbox falls onto his foot.]_ YAH! Right. The mailbox. _[puts it back up]_ Ridiculous. There wasn't even a breeze!

 _[Cut to Lisa with a weather machine and wearing a slicker and hat.]_

 **Lisa:** Actually, according to my meteorological instruments, a big storm's a-brewin'. Perhaps a tornado.

 **Lincoln:** _[doubtful]_ What? No way!

 _[Cut to the TV with a weather report.]_

 **Patchy:** Patchy Drizzle here with an urgent weather bulletin! A tornado watch has just been issued for the Royal Woods area!

Everyone except Lisa gasps.

 **Lisa:** _[sighs]_ Try and keep up, Patchy.

 **Rita:** Alright, kids, everyone down to the basement. Your father and I have to secure the TV antenna.

 **Lynn Sr.:** I call trampoline!

* * *

 _The basement…_

Lisa's weather machine is set and the kids and pets are all secured with pillows for comfort on the hard floor and chatting about the situation with concern.

 **Lola & Lana:** _[holding each other tight]_ I'm scared!

 **Lisa:** Fear not. A tornado watch doesn't mean a twister's coming, but rather that conditions are right for one. Besides, most residential structures can withstand wind speeds of up to 80 mph.

 **Luan:** Or, in the case of our house, 2 mph! _[laughs and everyone else laughs with her.]_

 **Lynn:** Maybe this old heap will blow away, and then we can get a new house!

 **Lola:** _[sighs dreamily]_ I'll finally get my castle!

 **Luke:** Well, I'm not going to lie here, I am going to miss this house, even if it did got us through some bad times.

 **Lori:** _[texting on her phone]_ Ugh. I can't believe I have to postpone my study date with Bobby after I did... _[showing her bod]_ ...all this.

 **Luna:** Dudes! Remember the first time Bobby came over to Casa Loud?

 _[Flashback to Bobby's first visit to the Loud House.]_

 _He is dressed maturely with a white shirt and tie and carrying an Italian gift basket. He approaches the door but falls through the porch and gets stuck. Lori and her parents open the door with the oldest sister looking on with concern._

 _ **Bobby:**_ _Mr. and Mrs. Loud. Heh. It's an honor to finally meet you._ _[extends his hand which is now covered in marinara sauce.]_

 _ **Lori:**_ _[gasps]_ _Boo-Boo Bear! You're literally bleeding!_

 _ **Bobby:**_ _Oh._ _[chuckles and shakes sauces off]_ _No worries, babe. It's-it's just marinara sauce. Ahem. Could I please use your restroom?_

 _In the bathroom, Bobby is trying to use the sink, but the water isn't coming out. Suddenly, a shake and rattle comes out and a jet of water blasts Bobby against the wall. Lucy can see him through the hole in the bathroom floor next to the toilet._

 _ **Lucy:**_ _So, you're Lori's new love interest._

 _Bobby yelps and flinches and grabs the doorknob only for it to come off._

 _ **Bobby:**_ _Dang it._

 _[End flashback. Lori reminisces with passion and her siblings laugh.]_

 **Lori:** _[sighs dreamily]_ Fortunately, our love was strong enough to overcome any obstacle. _[sternly]_ Including creepy sisters who spy on my dates. _[referring to Lucy]_

 **Lucy:** Please. You can't expect to have privacy in _this_ house.

 _[Flashback to Lucy and Lynn trying to sleep.]_

 _ **Lucy:**_ _[inhales]_ _Sigh._ _[inhales]_ _Sigh._ _[inhales]_ _Sigh._

 _ **Lynn:**_ _[This wakes her up]_ _Okay, you've been doing that for ten minutes. What's wrong, Luce?_

 _ **Lucy:**_ _[rises up]_ _Don't tell anyone, but..._ _[shows Lynn a book called "_ _ **Hungry Like a…"**_ _with a werewolf on the cover.]_ _...I've been reading this new book series about a werewolf, and it feels like I'm cheating on Edwin._ _[shows her Edwin poster with a little drawing of her taped to it.]_

 _ **Luke:**_ _[having overheard this from his room] Why would you think that you're cheating on him? No offense, but Edwin's just a bust._

 _ **Lola:**_ _[having overheard this too]_ _On a related note, I'd stick with the vampire. Werewolves are hairy and gross. Yech!_

 _ **Lana:**_ _Which is exactly why she should go for one!_ _[howls]_

 _ **Lori:**_ _[having overheard it as well]_ _But Edwin was her first love!_

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _[also having overheard it]_ _Don't these books sound a little old for Lucy?_

 _Rita is reading "_ _ **The Mom Jeans Ultimatum**_ _."_

 _ **Rita:**_ _Of course not, dear. When I was a girl, I read a series about a cute lumberjack._

 _ **Lucy:**_ _[places her pillow over her face and falls back.]_ _Groan._

 _[End flashback. Everyone except Lucy is laughing.]_

 **Lucy:** _[inhales]_ Sigh...

 **Lisa:** I still fail to grasp your dilemma, as both would-be suitors are mythological beings.

 **Lucy:** My point was that our walls are ridiculously thin.

 **Leni:** Yeah! Not to mention leaky!

 _[Flashback to Leni working on a new dress. The roof starts to leak.]_

 _ **Leni:**_ _Uh-oh._

 _She stops it with her ruler, but then the leak comes in through the wall. She stops it with her foot. Eventually, all different spots in the room are leaking and she covers the last one with her pincushion in her mouth._

 _ **Leni:**_ _Got it._ _[hears her phone vibrating]_ _Dang it!_

 _[End flashback]_

 **Leni:** And it wasn't even raining! Someone just flushed the upstairs toilet!

 **Luan:** _Urine_ trouble then! _[laughs to rimshot]_ Get it? _[her siblings groan for the umpteenth time.]_ Aw, come on. It was funny!

The weather machine is going off and Lisa has the results.

 **Lisa:** Good news. Wind speeds have decreased significantly. We should be out of this asbestos-ridden dungeon soon.

Her siblings, except Luke, and the pets cheer.

 **Lincoln:** _[notices]_ Hey, Luke, are you okay?

 **Luke:** _[lightly smiles]_ I'm fine. It just kinda sucks that we have to leave this place after what we've been through.

 **Lynn:** Why would you say that? It probably didn't do good for us anyways.

 **Lori:** Yeah, at least it's not flooding like it did in the _last_ big storm.

 _[Flashback to the aftermath of the previous storm Lori mentioned. The entire basement is flooded with the faucet leaking.]_

 _ **Lisa:**_ _I'll get the buckets._

 ** _Many buckets later…_**

 _ **Lori:**_ _Last one._

 _She passes it to Leni, who passes it to Luna, who passes it to Luan, who passes it to Lincoln, who passes it to Luke, who passes it to Lucy, who passes it to Lana, who passes it to Charles, who passes it to Lola, who passes it to Lisa, who passes it to Lynn, who dumps the water in the backyard._

 _[Pause flashback.]_

 **Luke:** Hold up. Don't you guys remember what happened next?

 _[Resume flashback. After the last bucket, Lynn gasps and notices something.]_

 _ **Lynn:**_ _Hey, guys! Check it out!_

 _It turns out that the siblings have made a swimming hole in the backyard from all the storm water._

 _ **Lynn:**_ _CANNONBALL!_ _[dives right in]_

 _Everyone except Lori jumps in._

 _ **Lori:**_ _Ew! I'm not swimming in grody basement water!_

 _ **Lynn:**_ _[resurfaces]_ _Hey, Lori! I found your missing earring!_ _[holds up said earring.]_

 _ **Lori:**_ _[gasps]_ _The one from Bobby? CANNONBALL!_ _[dives right in]_

 _[End flashback. The kids were happy to remember that time.]_

 **Lynn:** Yeah, I guess sometimes, living in a crummy house isn't all bad.

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, like the time possums got in through the holes in the roof and chewed up the wiring.

 _[Flashback to that time. The last possum has just fled through the hole. The family is up in the attic where Rita has some bad news.]_

 _ **Rita:**_ _Sorry, kids. Till we get new cables, there's gonna be no TV or internet._

 _The kids respond with despair._

 _ **Luke:**_ _So what are we gonna do until then?!_

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to panic. I think I know how to_ _possum_ _the time. Ha-ha!_ _[His kids, even Luan, groans at his joke.]_ _Guess what ol' Dad found?_

 _ **Lori:**_ _[hopeful]_ _A wireless hotspot?_

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _Even better!_ _[shows him a series of books]_ _My old Pioneer Boy books from when I was a kid! They're about a plucky young lad and his family crossing this great nation in a covered wagon. You guys are gonna love 'em!_

 _The siblings all have unimpressed and bored looks on their faces. But later on, they seem to like it so much, they're seen reenacting the pioneer days inspired by the books and dressing the part. Lincoln is riding in a toy wagon with his Starship Groupers sleeping bag as a cover, Luna, Luke, and Lana are playing bluegrass music with Lily dancing to the beat, Leni and Lola are trying on old showgirl outfits as Leni laughs, Lori has embroidered a hoop of Bobby, while Lucy has sewn one of a cow skull, Lynn is pushing a hoop with a stick, Luan is juggling horseshoes, and Lisa is making different kinds of old fashioned tonics. Luan drops one of her horseshoes on her foot._

 _ **Luan:**_ _Ow!_

 _ **Lisa:**_ _[in a Southern accent]_ _Fret not, lassie. One drop of my mugwump elixir will soothe every ache and pain._

 _[End flashback]_

 **Lori:** That did turn out to be fun.

The others agree.

 **Lisa:** Yes, indeed.

 **Lynn:** That was pretty cool.

 **Lola:** That was almost as fun as the time the air conditioner went crazy, and Dad couldn't turn it off.

 _[Flashback to that time where Lynn Sr. is struggling with the AC. It blasts a bit and he runs off in fear. Inside, the living room has become a winter wonderland for the kids who are in their winter clothes and having fun ice skating, building a snowman, and having a snowball fight. End flashback.]_

 **Luke:** Man, talk about a winter wonderland. _[laughs]_

 **Luna:** You know, dudes, maybe we've been too hard on the ol' crib. It's got some perks. Like the wicked slanty floors.

 _[Flashback to a good meal with Lincoln and his older sisters at the grownup table.]_

 _ **Luna:** [leaning her chair toward the kitchen and the kiddie table.] Yo, Lans! Pass the gravy._

 _Lana puts the gravy boat on the floor and it slants over to Luna._

 _[End flashback.]_

 **Luna:** _[laughs]_ You never have to get up to grab some grub!

 **Lynn:** Or a fresh roll of TP.

 _[Flashback to Lynn using the toilet while reading the sports section without any toilet paper.]_

 _ **Lynn:**_ _GUYS! I NEED A RELOAD!_ _[one of them tosses her a roll from the hole and she grabs it.]_ _And she makes the snag._

 _[End flashback with them all laughing.]_

 **Luke:** _[with realization]_ Wait, how did that hole even get there?

 **Lynn:** I don't know, but it sure is useful. _[Luke grows deadpanned]_

 **Lincoln:** The broken doorbell can come in handy, too.

 _[Flashback to a time they ordered pizza and the delivery guy presses the doorbell only to be shocked by its faulty wiring. He drops all the boxes meant for the Louds and runs off. The kids answer and smack their lips with hunger. End flashback.]_

 **Lincoln:** I can't remember the last time we paid for pizza.

The kids laugh some more.

 **Lynn:** You know what else comes in handy? That hole in the bathroom floor.

 **Lori:** Um, we got it, Lynn.

 **Lynn:** Oh. Okay. Just wanted to be sure.

Lily is toddling about and babbling a little, touching the wall.

 **Luan:** Guys, I think Lily wants to share a house story, too. Mind if I translate, Lilster?

 **Lily:** Poo-poo. Ahem. _[babbling]_

 **Luan:** So, it was Mom and Dad's anniversary weekend.

 _[Flashback to said weekend. The parents are driving off and the kids wave goodbye.]_

 _ **Kids:**_ _BYE! HAVE FUN!_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _Okay, guys, it's time to put Operation Paint The Peeling House To Give Mom And Dad The Greatest Anniversary Gift Ever And Also Think Of A Shorter Name For This Operation...into action!_

 _The kids go into the garage._

 _ **Lucy:**_ _I still think adjacent burial plots would have been a better gift. Nothing says romance like eternity._

 _The others just slowly inch away from Lucy after hearing that. Later, as Lincoln puts on the last coat, the horn sounds._

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _They're back! Paintbrushes down!_

 _Their parents step out of the car and find their house completely covered in a rainbow nightmare._

 _ **Loud Kids:**_ _SURPRISE! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!_

 _ **Lynn Sr. & Rita: **__[appalled]_ _Good...gravy..._

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _So, you like it?_

 _ **Lynn Sr. & Rita:**_ _Uh..._

 _The kids are immediately painting the house back to the way it was before. Lily paints a hand print on the side of the quick, and the others follow suit, each colored handprint matching their themed color._

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _[tear-stricken]_ _Best...anniversary gift...EVER!_

 _[End flashback]_

 **Luke:** That was a great story, Lily.

 **Lily:** Poo-poo.

 **Luan:** I think she's got another story! _[Lily soils her diaper.]_ Oh. This time, it really is just poo-poo.

The kids all laugh again. Just then, Lisa's weather machine goes off again.

 **Lori:** _[concerned]_ What's going on? Is the storm over?

 **Lisa:** Uh, actually, wind speeds have increased significantly. Meaning the tornado watch is about to become a tornado warning. _[The siblings gasp in fear, and a siren on Lisa's weather machine begins blaring.]_ And there it is.

Rita and Lynn Sr. enter the basement.

 **Lynn Sr:** NOBODY PANIC!

 **Lynn:** _[regretful]_ I guess it's not such a bad house after all.

 **Lisa:** Definitely.

As the siblings agree with Lynn's statement, the sound of thunder begins roaring like crazy, causing the light in the basement to begin flickering.

 **Lana:** I don't want our house to blow away!

 **Lynn:** Me neither.

 **Lisa:** I take back what I said before.

 **Luan:** Yeah, we have so many memories in these walls.

 **Luna:** I'm sorry I ever ragged on this place.

 **Lynn:** Me too.

 **Leni:** We're so sorry, house!

 **Lola:** Me too!

 **Lana:** Me three!

 **Luke:** We lived here ever since we were born. And we don't wanna lose you and our childhood growing up!

 **Lincoln:** _[confessing]_ You might be old and creaky and full of leaks, but you're ours. And we love you!

As the winds increase with power, the siblings and the pets begin trembling in fear at the impending doom that's about to hit them. After eight seconds of cowering, the winds suddenly cease, the thunder stops roaring, and the light stops flickering. Lisa checks her machine.

 **Lisa:** All clear!

 **Lincoln:** Let's go check on the house! _[the siblings expect Lynn and Luke all run upstairs out of the basement.]_ I hope the house is okay!

 **Lynn:** _[with a roll of toilet paper]_ I'll check the hole in the bathroom floor.

 **Luke:** _[deadpanned]_ Really, Lynn?

 **Lynn:** What?

* * *

Outside, the neighborhood is littered with rubble all over. The siblings and parents are looking at their house with deep concern. A passing bicyclist approaches them.

 **Bicyclist:** Yikes. You guys were hit hard.

The house is revealed to be just the same.

 **Lincoln:** Nope, this is how our house _always_ looks. And we wouldn't want it any other way.

 **Lynn Sr.:** All right, everyone, back inside.

Lynn Sr. attempts to open the door, only for the door handle to break off.

 **Loud Family:** Dang it!


	32. Space Invader

**Space Invader**

 _September 7, 2016_

One night at the Loud House, The siblings are all in the bathroom getting ready to go to bed. Leni is brushing her hair, Luan is flossing, Luke, Lola, and Lana are brushing their teeth, Lily is taking a little bath in the sink, Lori is applying dabs of ointment on her face, Luna is rubbing some purple facial cream, Lucy and Lynn are fighting over the toothpaste, and Lisa is jotting down notes.

 **Luna:** _[singing]_ _I'm washin' my face, 'cause it makes me feel so beautiful._

 **Luan:** _[gets floss stuck in her braces]_ Hey, look! I'm at a _floss_ for words! _[laughs]_

 **Leni:** I brush my hair exactly 50 times a night to keep it beautiful. 34...35...36...

 **Lori:** Hey, Leni, how old was that boy that asked you out?

 **Leni:** _[losing count thanks to Lori]_ 16...17...18...

Lori smiles slyly at the viewers because of her little joke.

 **Lynn:** Hey! I had the toothpaste first!

 **Lucy:** No, I did.

 **Lynn:** Keep your spooky hands off it!

Unnoticed, their fighting hits Luke in the chest, making him drop his toothbrush.

 **Luke:** Hey, could you watch it? _[goes to pick it up]_

While the siblings get ready, Lincoln pops in and looks around and snatches the toothpaste out of Lynn's hand.

 **Lincoln:** I'll take that.

 **Lynn:** Hey! Learn to share!

 **Lincoln:** _[accidentally dabs toothpaste on Lily's head and hands the tube back to Lynn; to the viewers.]_ Space...the final frontier. As you might imagine, with eleven siblings, space is limited. _[notices he missed his toothbrush and gets the paste off Lily's head.]_ Everywhere you go, you gotta deal with the crowds. But being one of the boys in the family comes with a perk. _[enters his room and pauses]_ You hear that? Me neither. While my sisters all have to share bedrooms, I get my own. And, so does Luke. _[shrugs]_ Sure my room's just a converted linen closet, but it's my own space. My own little oasis in the sands of the Loud House. And I wouldn't give it up for the world.

Before he starts brushing his teeth, at that very moment, a loud thud is heard, Lincoln goes up to Lynn and Lucy's room where the other siblings are listening. Lynn and Lucy are having a fight.

 **Lynn:** You're always Miss Gloom and Doom! Like, would it kill you to smile once in a while?!

 **Lucy:** It would.

 **Lincoln:** What's going on?

 **Lori:** Lucy and Lynn are going at it. _Again._

 **Luan:** I'd make a joke about fighting, but I can't think of a good _punchline_. _[laughs]_ Get it? Get it?

 **Luke:** Man, this is the third fight this week.

 **Lisa:** _[recording]_ Human subjects seem to be proving Charles Darwin correct.

 **Leni:** I can't bare to watch! _[puts cucumber slices over her facial mask]_ That's better.

A jock strap comes flying out of the room and the others duck in time to avoid it.

 **Lori:** I'd hate to get in the middle of this one.

 **Lincoln:** I totally agree. _[goes back to his room while the jock and goth of the family continue their quarrel; to the viewers.]_ Another perk to having my own room? I don't have to get involved.

Before he starts to brush, someone's knocking on his door and it's revealed to be Lynn holding a pillow.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Lynn. What's up?

 **Lynn:** There's no way I'm staying in the same room with the Duchess of Darkness. Can I bunk in your bedroom tonight?

 **Lincoln:** Uh...I'd say yes, but it's not really a bedroom, per se. There's barely enough space for me; tiny, small, cramped.

 **Lynn:** _[downtrodden]_ Ugh...I guess I'll just go sleep in the bathtub.

 **Lincoln:** That's a great idea! Problem solved. Goodnight.

Right before he closes the door, Lynn makes a sad baby doll eyed face.

 **Lincoln:** _[relieved]_ Aah... _[guiltily sighs and opens the door]_ All right, you can stay. But just for one night.

 **Lynn:** Thanks, Lincoln! _[busts out fist]_

 **Lincoln:** _[flinches]_ Ah!

 **Lynn:** Two for flinching! _[playfully punches his arm twice and goes in, laughing.]_

 **Lincoln:** It's just for one night. What's the worst that could happen? _[goes in]_ Okay, we'll have to establish a few ground rules. One, keep your hands off my... _[notices Lynn is using his toothbrush.]_ ...stuff.

Lynn spits out the toothpaste into his wastebasket and hands them to him. Lincoln tosses his toothbrush in there now that someone else has used it.

 **Lincoln:** As I was saying- _[sees Lynn playing with his giant robot action figure and stops her.]_ Let's just set this down. _[Lynn messes with his doodads.]_ Careful! _[Lynn touches his clock.]_ Please don't! _[Lynn tosses Bun-Bun in the air.]_ Bun-Bun! _[catches him]_ You okay? Did the mean girl hurt you?

 **Lynn:** _[looking around]_ You know, I'm noticing a complete lack of balls in this room. _[Lincoln makes a discomforted face at that remark.]_ No Soccer balls, no footballs, no baseballs, no balls. Good thing I brought my own! _[dumps sports balls out of her pillow case onto the floor.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[yawns]_ Would you look at the time? Let's just turn in and get this night over with.

 **Lynn:** What do you mean? It's still early, and you have a fun new roommate!

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, but-

 **Lynn:** _[puts a wrestling mask over Lincoln's head]_ Lucha Libre!

 **Lincoln:** I can't see anything!

 **Lynn:** It's Lunatic Lynn off the third turnbuckle! _[leaps off the foot of Lincoln's bed]_

 **Lincoln:** What? What? I can't hear anything, either!

Lynn lands on top of Lincoln and starts wrestling him to the ground and pins him down.

 **Lynn:** One, two, three! You're out. Yeah! Lunatic Lynn is El Campeón del Mundo!

 **Lincoln:** _[fatigued and bruised]_ Can we just go to sleep? There's less pain involved.

 **Lynn:** Not when you're a sleep fighter like me! _[busts out fist]_

 **Lincoln:** _[flinches]_ Ah!

 **Lynn:** Two for flinching! _[playfully punches his arm twice and laughs; Lincoln sighs.]_

Later, the two are ready to go to bed, but as Lincoln turns off the lights, Lynn starts ricocheting a tennis ball off the wall.

 **Lincoln:** _[irritated]_ What are you doing?

 **Lynn:** What? It helps me fall asleep.

 **Lincoln:** Well, it doesn't help me. Can you knock it off?

Lynn throws the ball at Lincoln's head and, as they're starting to sleep, lets out a big fart from under the covers and laughs.

 **Lincoln:** Ugh! Lynn!

 **Lynn:** _[pulls the covers over Lincoln.]_ DUTCH OVEN! _[laughs as Lincoln cries in distress over the gas she let out; sets him free as he breathes heavily.]_ Goodnight, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** _[agonized]_ Goodnight...

Later, Lynn is snoring so loud and drooling so much, Lincoln just can't get any sleep and gets out of bed and takes his pillow with him.

* * *

 _September 8, 2016_

The next morning, Lori wakes up and goes into the bathroom and gets ready to take a shower, but as she turns on the water, someone is already in there and screams over the wet awakening. Lori opens the curtains to see that it's Lincoln who took Lynn's idea of sleeping in the bathtub.

 **Lori:** _[irked]_ Lincoln! What are you doing?

 **Lincoln:** _[more irked]_ Getting my room back. _[leaves the bathroom]_

 **Luan:** Mornin', Linc. _Wet's_ up? _[laughs]_

Lynn is getting out of bed and feels refreshed and sees Lincoln.

 **Lynn:** What a great night's sleep. You look terrible. _[Lincoln starts pushing her]_ Hey!

 **Lincoln:** Thank you for staying at Chateau Lincoln, where we have a one night maximum stay. Thank you. _[pushes her back into her own room and goes into his; but off in the distance...]_

 **Lucy:** What are _you_ doing here?

 **Lynn:** What am _I_ doing here? _[gets kicked out]_

 **Lucy:** Get out!

 **Lynn:** What do you mean "get out"? Fine! I'll just stay in Lincoln's room again! He's a way cooler roomy, anyway! _[goes back in Lincoln's room]_

 **Lincoln:** But- _[Lynn closes the door]_ Lucy! Please make up with Lynn!

 **Lucy:** I'd rather wear pink.

 **Lincoln:** But-

Lucy closes the door and Lincoln sighs. Just then, Luke opens his door to his room.

 **Luke:** Did I just hear Lynn and Lucy fighting again?

 **Lincoln:** _[rolls his eyes]_ Yeah.

 **Luke:** _[notices Lincoln]_ Hey, you okay, dude? You look like you haven't slept that great last night.

 **Lincoln:** That's because I agreed to let Lynn bunk in my room that night, and she was driving me crazy! I had no choice but to sleep in the bathtub.

 **Luke:** _[surprised]_ Wow, that must've been something. _[realizes something]_ Wait, why didn't you just sleep on the couch? That way you probably wouldn't look like that. Just sayin'.

 **Lincoln:** _[realizes]_ I... Dah, anyway, how come it has to be _me_?! Why not _you_?! Or one of our sisters?!

 **Luke:** Dude, I don't know. Maybe she assumed that you'd be a fun roommate to hang out with.

 **Lincoln:** _[getting an idea]_ But...what if I was the _opposite_ of a fun roommate? I've got a plan! _[is about to head off]_

 **Luke:** Love the enthusiasm, kid, but we have school today.

 **Lincoln:** Right. I'll just execute my plan after school.

* * *

Later after school hours, Lynn steps into Lincoln's room and notices something different about him.

 **Lynn:** Lincoln?

Lincoln is now sporting a goth attire akin to Lucy's.

 **Lincoln:** _[despondently]_ Hey, Lynn. Wanna hear my new poem? It's called "Space". _[starts reading]_

 _Space._

 _Deep, black, endless, like my heart._

 _Space, mine invaded._

 _Torn apart._

 **Lincoln:** This is the real me, Lynn. I can understand if you don't want to be my roommate anymore.

 **Lynn:** _[upset]_ Oh... _[suddenly laughs, surprising Lincoln]_ Oh, that is the best impression of Lucy ever! _[wraps him around her arm]_ You are so funny, roomy! _[laughs some more]_

Lincoln chokes under her wrap, which results another sleepless night for him.

* * *

 _September 9, 2016_

The next night, as Lynn enters...

 **Lincoln:** Campeón del Mundo! Loco Lincoln! _[with his wrestling mask on, surprise attacks Lynn and pins her down.]_ One, two, three! You're out! Yeah! Rah! Whoo!

 **Lynn:** Hey, that's cheating. I like the way you think! _[laughs]_

Lincoln sighs and has to put up with her some more. Later, he lets out a really big fart like Lynn did before and pulls the covers over her.

 **Lincoln:** DUTCH OVEN! _[laughs as Lynn cries in distress this time.]_

 **Lynn:** _[furious]_ That is it! _[gets out of bed and leaves, making Lincoln smile in belief that his plan finally worked and he has his space back, but then returns with all her stuff; cheerful.]_ You really are the best roommate ever! I'm moving in! Permanently!

Lincoln will now have to endure sleepless nights with Lynn as his roommate forever.

* * *

 _September 10, 2016_

The next morning, another showering awakening occurs courtesy of Lori. Lincoln goes out the bathroom and notices Lucy ricocheting one of Lynn's balls across the wall.

 **Lucy:** Sigh...

 **Lincoln:** Good morning, Lucy.

 **Lucy:** _[denying]_ Ball? What ball? _[tosses the ball away and it hits her head.]_

Lincoln starts to get suspicious and finds Lynn sighing sadly while reading Lucy's poetry.

 **Lincoln:** Good morning, Lynn.

 **Lynn:** _[denying]_ Book of Lucy's poems? _[tosses the book away]_ What book of Lucy's poems?

The book hits her head. Lincoln is extra curious about this.

* * *

 _On the walk to school..._

 **Lincoln:** _[walking with Clyde now more exhausted]_ I know they miss each other. I just need to figure out a way to get them to make up.

 **Clyde:** Nothing brings two opposites together like a nice dinner. Good food, good conversation, romance is in the air.. _[has one of his Lori fantasies]_

 **Lincoln:** Romance?

 **Clyde:** Huh? Oh. I was just daydreaming about a date with your sister, Lori. What were you saying?

 **Lincoln:** That's a great idea, though, minus the romance. They'll be so caught up in dinner, that they'll forget all about the fight, make up, and I'll get my room back! Time to execute my plan! _[runs back home, but then turns around]_ After school. Right.

Later that night, Lincoln executes his plan. He slips two little invitations into specific spots: one in Lucy's poetry book and the other under his door as he goes to hide behind one of the house plants. The two girls get the invitation and know why they're there and decide to get the dinner over with. But shortly after a long pause...

 **Lucy & Lynn:** I'm glad you finally wanna apologize to me. _[angry]_ What? _Me_ apologize to _you_? You're here to apologize to _me_!

Lincoln realizes his plan is now going south from there as they are about to go at it yet again.

 **Lucy:** You are absolutely crazy.

 **Lynn:** What? Are you crazy? Absolutely not!

 **Lucy:** I don't understand why you think this is my fault!

 **Lynn:** I mean, really!

 **Lucy:** You are absolutely wrong.

 **Lynn:** Just respect the space!

The commotion grabs the attention of the other siblings.

 **Luke:** What's going on?

 **Lincoln:** I might have tricked them into having dinner so they could make up, but it just only made things worse.

 **Luke:** You know, there might've been another way to do that.

 **Lori:** Yikes. I'd sure hate to get in the middle of that.

 **Lincoln:** _[realizing what he must do]_ Yeah, but...sometimes, you have to. _[goes in their room]_

 **Lucy:** It's just ridiculous.

 **Lynn:** I'm not the one who started it! You're the one who started it!

 **Lucy:** Please.

 **Lynn:** Don't even get me started!

 **Lincoln:** HOLD IT! _[gets their attention]_ Guys, I made this dinner so that you two would make up.

The feuding roommates feel offended.

 **Lynn:** _You_ did this?

 **Lucy:** Why?

 **Lincoln:** Because I realize even though it must be tough to have to share a space all the time, I know you miss each other. But you're just too stubborn to admit it.

The two then see what he means.

 **Lucy:** I guess I do have trouble sleeping without a ball banging against the wall.

 **Lynn:** And I guess I do miss hearing you sigh heavily as you write your poems.

 **Lincoln:** See? Now you two make up, because if I have to spend one more night with "Snorezilla" over here, I'm going to go insane! _[Lynn throws a meatball at him.]_

 **Lucy:** Ha! Nice throw.

 **Lynn:** You like that? _[throws another one at Lincoln.]_

Lincoln throws it back and Lynn ducks and it hits Lucy instead and Lynn laughs at it and Lucy hits her with one into her mouth.

 **Lucy:** Ha ha.

The two of them grab some spaghetti and look like they're about to take their fight to a whole new level.

 **Lincoln:** _[worriedly]_ Uh-oh...

But the fight is more for their enjoyment than their frustration and they start laughing. Lincoln joins in on the fray.

 **Lori:** Well...I'm outskies.

 **Luan:** Yeah. It's way _pasta_ our bedtime. _[laughs]_

The other sisters just sigh at Luan's pun as they head off to bed.

 **Luke:** _[smiles]_ Well, at least we know things are back to normal now. _[heads off to bed as well]_

The food fight is now over and the jock and goth are satisfied.

 **Lynn:** So, I can move back in?

 **Lucy:** Nothing would make me happier.

 **Lynn:** _[busts out fist]_ Two for flinching! _[but Lucy didn't flinch]_ Dang! It never works on you.

 _[They hug]_

 **Lucy:** I'm glad we made up, but there's no way we can sleep here tonight.

The camera zooms out to show that they made quite a mess from their food fight and it got all over their beds.

 **Lucy & Lynn:** _[turn to their brother]_ Lincoln?

* * *

 _And so..._

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Space...the final frontier. Sure, Luke and I are lucky enough to have a room to call our own, but in the Loud House, we all know when we need to share.

It's revealed that both Lynn _and_ Lucy are sleeping with Lincoln in his room tonight until they have time to clean up the mess they made.

 **Lincoln:** But just for one night! _[slips on his Loco Lincoln mask]_ _Buenas noches!_


	33. The Green House

**The Green House**

 _September 14, 2016_

 **Mrs. Johnson:** Okay, class, we're at the halfway point of our energy reduction project. Let's see how you're doing. _[checking the students' status]_ Great. Very good. Ooh! Very impressive, Clyde!

It is shown that Clyde's bar is extremely low.

 **Clyde:** Thanks, Mrs. Johnson. Our house is solar powered, so we don't burn any fossil fuels.

 **Mrs. Johnson:** Wonderful. You're all doing a great job of reducing your eco-footprint at him. And if you keep this up, we'll definitely win the Save a Polar Bear Challenge and get this adorable little guy named after us!

She shows her students a poster of a sad polar bear cub with tagline under the photo with a caption saying _"_ _ **Have a Heart, Do Your Part**_ _"_.

 **Students:** _[with big cooing eyes]_ Awwwwww...

However, Mrs. Johnson notices Lincoln's bar is extremely high. In fact, it's so high, he has to stand on a ladder and go into the room's ceiling to properly display it.

 **Mrs. Johnson:** _[disappointed]_ Oh, Lincoln, I see you haven't made any progress. _[points to poster]_ What does this say? "Have a heart, do your part." Do you not care about polar bears?

 **Lincoln:** _[muffled from inside the ceiling tile.]_ No, I don't! I don't hate polar bears! They're awesome!

 **Mrs. Johnson:** _[misinterpreting]_ What's that? You hate polar bears? You're a polar bear hater?

 **Lincoln:** _[still muffled]_ No! I love them! They're cool!

The kids all start booing at Lincoln.

 **Female Student #1:** If you make us lose, Lincoln, you'll be an outcast!

 **Girl Jordan:** You might as well throw your social life out the window.

The other students boo Lincoln in disagreement.

* * *

 _On the walk home…_

 **Lincoln:** How am I supposed to reduce our energy use? I've got 11 siblings!

 **Clyde:** _[while reading a player's book]_ I know! We'll just swoop in from the left and ANNIHILATE THEM!

 **Lincoln:** What? Annihilate my siblings?

 **Clyde:** Huh? No. I was talking about our strategy for the _Swords and Cyborgs_ online tournament tomorrow. Preparation is key to victory.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I'll be ready. But right now, I've got bigger things to deal with. You heard our class: if I don't get my eco-meter in the green, I'll be a social outcast.

 **Clyde:** I'll still hang out with you. In secret, of course. After dark. Speaking of which, the sun's going down. I better get home before the lights go out. _[hurries home]_

Lincoln checks his eco-meter which is all the way in the red.

 **Lincoln:** Maybe there's something wrong with my eco-meter. _[notices the energy that's being consumed in the Loud House.]_ Or not. _[turns to the viewers]_ What can I do? In a family this big, our eco-footprint is a size 18 triple wide. We use a lot of electricity...

Evidenced by Luna rocking with a ton of amps in the garage and Lori gushing over Bobby on a ton of webcams in her room…

 **Lori:** Bobby, you look so good on all of my devices.

Luke playing a ton of console games…

 **Luke:** Yes! Only 6 more stages to go!

As well as Luan using the oven to bake pies and hitting herself with them.

 **Lincoln:** ...fossil fuels...

Evidenced by the twins: Lola driving around in her Princess car and Lana shoveling a ton of soil into a furnace to warm up her reptiles.

 **Lincoln:** ...water...

Evidenced by Leni running a ton of water in the bathroom sink and the bathtub and Lynn using the hose to fill a giant makeshift pool and freezing it with the freezer.

 **Lincoln:** ...aerosols...

Evidenced by Lucy spray painting her whole room pitch-black.

 **Lincoln:** ...non-biodegradables...

Evidenced by a huge pile of Lily's dirty diapers as Lori tosses them aside.

 **Lincoln:** ...and did I mention electricity?

Evidenced by Lisa powering up one of her machines.

 **Lincoln:** We gotta reduce our eco-footprint. Hopefully, I can get my siblings on board.

However, after he tells them, they all complain and refuse; Luan throws a pie at him to show her refusal.

 **Luke:** _[speaking up]_ All right, all right, settle down! _[The girls quiet down]_ Lincoln, I can speak for all of us here saying that I don't think we can handle one day without electricity, water, aerosols, or non-biodegradables. We all need this stuff to survive. Especially me.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, really?

 **Luke:** Yes, we do.

 **Lincoln:** _[wipes off the pie splatter]_ Looks like it's time to pull out the big guns. _[shows them the poster of the polar cub and explains in a sorrowful tone.]_ ...and if we don't all do our part, this adorable little guy won't survive.

The girls all start sobbing with waterfalls of tears.

 **Luke:** _[shakes his head, trying to fight back sympathy]_ That is just too cute.

 **Luna:** _[sorrowful]_ But what can we do?

 **Lincoln:** _[satisfied with their cooperation]_ I'm glad you asked.

* * *

 _Lori and Leni's room…_

 **Lincoln:** _[showing Lori all of her webcams.]_ You don't need all of these devices.

 **Lori:** Yes I do. Bobby and I like to admire each other from multiple angles.

 **Bobby:** _Hey, Lincoln!_ Hola _from France!_ _[stands next to the Mona Lisa.]_

 **Lori:** _[suspicious]_ Who is that girl? And why is she smiling at you?

 **Bobby:** _Babe, that's the Mona Lisa._

 **Lincoln:** _[unplugs webcams]_ Instead of using all of these, why don't you write Bobby a letter?

 **Lori:** _[Threateningly]_ Why don't I rip your little-

 **Lincoln:** _[shows her the poster]_ Polar bear.

 **Lori:** _[gushes]_ Aww...okay. I'll write him a letter. _[irked]_ And maybe I'll write one to that little flirt Mona, too.

* * *

In Lana and Lola's room, Lincoln puts out the fire in the furnace.

 **Lana:** But how will I keep my reptiles warm? They're cold-blooded, you know.

 **Lincoln:** But you're not.

He dresses Lana up in a parka with all of her reptiles nice and cozy inside. Lana likes this but finds out one of them is in her mouth. In Lisa and Lily's room, Lisa is powering up her machine and laughing evilly until Lincoln shuts it down.

 **Lincoln:** Instead of powering your lab with megawatts of electricity, why not use a renewable resource?

Lisa is now using Lily's dirty diapers and it works like a charm.

 **Lisa:** _[gasps with a clothes peg on her nose.]_ Lincoln, this is genius!

 **Lincoln:** _[changing another diaper]_ Fresh energy, comin' at ya! This one's got to be good for at least 75 watts.

He throws the diaper into Lisa's power source. In the bathroom, Leni is about to take a shower, but Lincoln is in there and she shrieks.

 **Lincoln:** Leni, instead of taking multiple showers a day... _[holds up a moist towelette]_ ...how about using this refreshing moist towelette?

 **Leni:** And clog my pores?! No way! _[Lincoln shows her the poster.]_ Awww...okay. _[takes towelette and starts wiping]_ Do you mind? I'm showering! _[closes curtain and continues wiping]_

* * *

In the kitchen, Luan is baking even more pies.

 **Lincoln:** Luan, instead of wasting all that energy making more pies, why not get some comedy out of your leftover banana peels? _[holds up a peel]_

 **Luan:** That old gag? I don't think so.

 **Lincoln:** _[shrugs and trips on a peel.]_ Whoa! _[thuds]_

 **Luan:** Actually, I'm starting to see the _a-peel_! _[laughs at rimshot]_

* * *

In the living room, Luke is on the couch and Lincoln has his controller.

 **Luke:** So, what I can do without video games? I know I can just in draw in my spare time, but I don't feel inspired to do that today.

 **Lincoln:** _[thinking]_ Hmm… Well, what else did you have in mind for today?

 **Luke:** I don't know… Maybe take a nap, ricochet a ball against the wall, write something… like a journal.

 **Lincoln:** _[snaps his fingers]_ There you go. _[pulls out a blank notebook and a pencil and gives them to Luke]_ This should get you started. Just think of something that you want to talk about and you have an entry.

 **Luke:** Um, thank you, Lincoln, but I think we both know that I understand how writing in a journal works.

 **Lincoln:** _[shrugs]_ Fair point.

 **Luke:** But, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. _[Lincoln smiles at this_ _and finds that his house is now in the yellow._ _]_

 **Lincoln:** We're getting there.

Throughout his endeavor, Lincoln takes away Lucy's aerosol and gives her shades to look at everything darker and she smiles in agreement. He turns off Luna's amps and gives her recycled bottles that show blows in for sound. He pulls the plug on the freezer and cancels Lynn's hockey practice and gives her a surfboard to surf in the pool. He trades Lola's gasoline out for a sail to drive in the wind and she takes off. Lincoln's meter is still in the yellow.

 **Lincoln:** Almost there. _[dumps the rest of the electronic stuff in his room and finds the meter going green.]_ WE DID IT! _[The siblings cheer]_ See what we can accomplish when we all do our part? All we have to do is keep the house in the green until the end of the week, and that polar bear will be safe! _[to the viewers]_ And so will my social life.

 **Luan:** Say it proud! We're green and Loud!

 **Sisters:** SAY IT PROUD! WE'RE GREEN AND LOUD! SAY IT PROUD! WE'RE GREEN AND LOUD! _[They leave the room]_

 **Luke:** _[with his arms crossed]_ Well, Lincoln, I gotta say I'm impressed. Maybe without all this is not as hard as I thought it was.

 **Lincoln:** _[smiles]_ Thanks, Luke. _[Luke leaves the room]_

 **Clyde:** _[calling Lincoln on the walkie-talkie]_ Lincoln! Come in, Lincoln!

 **Lincoln:** _[answers]_ Clyde, I'm not supposed to be talking on this right now. We're reducing our eco-footprint.

 **Clyde:** But it's tournament time. _Swords & Cyborgs_!

 **Lincoln:** Oh, right. Just let me go get my laptop.

 **Siblings:** _[off in the distance]_ YES WE CARE! WE'LL SAVE THE BEAR!

 **Lincoln:** What am I saying? I can't use my laptop! We've finally gone green in the house and I can't mess it up.

 **Clyde:** Well, there's always next year.

 **Lincoln:** No, no, no. I'll make it work. _[picks up laptop]_ _One_ laptop won't make that big of a difference. _[tucks it in his pants and scurries off to the basement and plugs it in only to notice his meter go yellow.]_ Whoops. I gotta get us back in the green.

In the living room, Lynn and Lucy are watching TV. Just then, Lincoln comes in and turns it off.

 **Lynn:** Hey! What the-?

 **Lincoln:** _[holds out poster]_ Remember this guy?

 **Lucy:** Yes. We saved him.

 **Lincoln:** Well, he's got siblings, too. Do you hate siblings? Are you sibling haters?

Lynn looks on with sorrowful guilt.

 **Lucy:** Well, I'm starting to.

Lincoln takes the TV away and Leni picks up the remote and presses the power button.

 **Leni:** Hey, guys! Our neighborhood's on TV!

Lincoln has moved the TV down to the basement and Clyde is right behind him with his laptop.

 **Clyde:** Hey, Lincoln!

 **Lincoln:** _[yelps and collapses]_ Clyde? What are you doing here?

 **Clyde:** The sun went behind a cloud. My solar house lost power. Is it okay if I play here? _[sets up laptop]_

Lincoln's meter goes off again.

 **Lincoln:** I just got us back into the green.

 **Clyde:** Sorry, Lincoln. I didn't mean to cause a problem.

 **Lincoln:** No, no, Clyde. Not a problem. I'll just go make an adjustment. _[runs up to the bathroom and knocks.]_ If it's yellow, let it mellow!

 **Lola:** _[on the other end of the door]_ Um...what if it's not?

 **Lincoln:** If it's brown...keep it around!

 **Lola:** Ew! _[Lincoln shows her the poster through the door slot.]_ Aw...

The AC is on in Luna and Luan's room.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, guys, think we could turn off the AC?

 **Luna:** But we're trying to stay cool.

 **Lincoln:** You know who else wants to stay cool? _[shows poster]_ This guy.

 **Luna & Luan:** _[gushing]_ Aww...

Lincoln kicks the AC out of their room and hands them Japanese fans.

 **Luan:** _[fans Luna]_ Look! I'm your number one _fan_! _[laughs with rimshot]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[laughs at her joke]_ Good one, honey. _[with the car keys]_ Well, I'm off.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Dad, instead of taking the car, why not enjoy a little fresh air? _[hands his father Lynn's roller skates.]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** I'm picking up your mom from the airport.

 **Lincoln:** Then you'll need this. _[hands him Lana's skateboard]_

The meter is back in the green and Lincoln heads back to the basement to join Clyde for the tournament, but his co-op players have arrived as well.

 **Lincoln:** What are you guys doing here?

 **Gamer 1:** Can't play _Swords & Cyborgs_ at our houses. We're in the green zone.

 **Lincoln:** Well...so am I...or I was...

 **Gamer 2:** Well, if it's a problem, we can go.

 **Lincoln:** No, no, no. I'll make an adjustment.

Lincoln disconnects the fridge and is about to take it on a lift when Luke comes in to get a snack but sees his brother instead.

 **Luke:** Lincoln? _[Lincoln yelps at his entrance]_ What are you doing with the fridge?

 **Lincoln:** Oh, uh… still trying to reduce our energy. This thing probably takes up about more cooling than the AC.

 **Luke:** Hmm, that is true, but don't you think that we need that fridge for food storage, or-… _[notices that Lincoln and the fridge are gone and gives a deadpan look]_

Leni walks by and goes up to get a refreshing drink, unaware that the fridge is gone, so she's only sipping air. Luke is just standing there, just staring at what she's doing.

 **Luke:** Please tell me you're not serious…

 **Leni:** _[notices her brother]_ Oh, hi, Luke. You want a sip? _[holds out her "glass"]_

 **Luke:** _[looks at her "glass" and sighs]_ I'm not even going to point this out for you…

 **Leni:** Point what out?

Meanwhile, Lincoln crashes onto the floor and the fridge lands at the base of the stairs.

 **Gamer 1:** Sweet! Snacks! Let's put it by the air conditioner we found outside!

They do so and Lincoln looks worried.

 **Gamer 2:** But if it's not cool, Lincoln, I mean, just say the word.

 **Lincoln:** No, no. Adjustment. _[runs around and turns off all the lights in his room and his siblings', tightens up the plumbing, struggles to unhook the washing machine and dryer and just dumps everyone's clothes in the trash.]_ Can't run the washer if there's nothing to wash. _[eventually gets rid of a bunch of other things that could cause his house to go out of the green but still has it in the yellow.]_ What else _is_ there? _[notices his meter and tosses it out and the meter is back in the green.]_ We are in the green! Let's do this!

But just as they're about to play, a foul odor hits the basement.

 **Gamer 1:** Pee-yew! What stinks?

Suddenly, the TV goes off and it's revealed that the siblings have unplugged it and are standing in nothing but potato sacks for tops and bandages for shoes and stink.

 **Lori:** GAME OVER, LINCOLN!

 **Lincoln:** _[panicking]_ It's not what it looks like! _[notices his controller and hides it behind his back]_

 **Lori:** We're up there making all these sacrifices, and you're down here playing some stupid computer game?!

 **Lincoln:** Okay, so maybe it is what it looks like.

 **Luke:** Seriously, Lincoln?! I thought we were in this together but clearly you're on the same page of us before this whole thing even started!

 **Lynn:** And if you don't wanna give anything up, why should _we_?

 **Luke:** Exactly.

 **Lincoln:** But...but... _[shows poster]_ ...polar bear?

The girls are starting to feel remorse again, but Luke takes the poster from Lincoln and angrily rips it up.

 **Luke:** _[jabs a finger in Lincoln's chest]_ Your little trick won't work on us anymore.

 **Lori:** Come on, guys. Let's go get our stuff back.

 **Leni:** _[holding up her glass of air]_ And a refill!

They do just that.

 **Gamer 2:** Well, I guess you're going back into the red.

 **Gamer 1:** Which means you're gonna lose the polar bear challenge for our class.

 **Gamer 2:** Which means we can't be seen with you.

 **Gamer 1:** Which means your social life is out the window.

The gamers leave.

 **Lincoln:** Guys, wait! Come back! I can make adjustments! _[Too late. They're out the door.]_ I blew it.

 **Clyde:** Don't worry, Lincoln. I'll still hang out with you. In secret, of course.

 **Lincoln:** It's not about that, Clyde. I don't care if the class hates me. What I should have cared about all along was... _[shows poster]_ ...this guy.

 **Clyde:** _[gushes over the cub almost as much as he gushes over Lori.]_ Aww...

 **Lincoln:** Exactly! Our class has done their part. My siblings have done theirs. Now it's time for me to do mine.

Clyde gives him a salute. The siblings have gone back to doing their normal things with their normal power sources. Luna is back to rocking on a ton of amps, Luan is back to baking pies and hitting herself with them, Luke is back to playing his console games, Leni is back to carelessly running water, Lisa is back to using electricity for her machines, and Lori is back to talking to Bobby on many webcams. And yet somehow...the meter is still in the green.

 **Lori:** _[giggles]_ Oh, Bobby. You got me a present? I can't wait to see it.

It turns out Lincoln is now using a generator to power up the house as the fuel source, pedaling as fast as he can to satisfy his siblings and do his part for the planet.

 **Lori:** _[from upstairs]_ LINCOLN! PEDAL FASTER! I'M DOWNLOADING A PIC FROM BOBBY!

Lincoln petals faster.

* * *

 _September 15, 2016_

 **Mrs. Johnson:** Amazing work, class. We won the polar bear challenge. And I took the liberty of naming him...Mrs. Johnson...

 **Students:** _[complaining at such an unfair naming choice.]_ "MRS. JOHNSON?!

 **Mrs. Johnson:** Let's all give Lincoln a round of applause for stepping up his green game and doing his part.

The entire class applauds and cheers for Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Well, I saved the polar bear, and I'm not an outcast. Though, technically speaking...my social life _is_ out the window. _[reveals to be standing outside the school wreaking severely from powering the generator, starts rubbing with a scented towelette and sees his class staring at him.]_ Do you mind? I'm showering! _[closes blinds and resumes rubbing.]_


	34. Along Came a Sister

**Along Came a Sister**

 _September 16, 2016_

It was another normal day at Lincoln's school, Royal Woods Elementary. In Mrs. Johnson's class, the students are looking at the class pet, a tarantula named Frank.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Frank.

 **Male Classmate:** Frank! Over here, buddy!

 **Clyde:** He's so cool!

 **Mrs. Johnson:** Now, before we pack up, I need a volunteer to look after Frank this weekend while I'm out of town.

The kids all wanted to volunteer to look after him, especially Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Come on, please, Mrs. Johnson! Me! Me!

 **Mrs. Johnson:** Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Yes!

 **Clyde:** Way to go, Lincoln!

All the other kids moan in disappointment.

 **Mrs. Johnson:** Now, Lincoln, this is a major responsibility. Frank needs to be fed twice and under no circumstances should he be let out of his cage. Unlike me this weekend. _[chuckles]_

The kids all awkwardly glance at each other over what their teacher meant on that last part and the bell rings. (Whoof. That was something.)

 **Lincoln:** Well, see ya Monday, Mrs. Johnson. _[grabs Frank's cage and heads out]_

* * *

Later, Lincoln and Clyde are walking home.

 **Lincoln:** This is gonna be the best weekend ever!

 **Clyde:** I'm not sure your sister Leni will think so. Remember last Halloween?

 _[Flashback to last Halloween; the doorbell rings.]_

 _ **Leni:**_ _[dressed as a flamingo]_ _I got it!_

 _Leni answers the door to see Clyde in a spider costume._

 _ **Clyde:**_ _Trick or tre-!_

 _ **Leni:**_ _[terrified] AAAHH! SPIDER!_

 _She then sprays bug spray everywhere and runs out the door while trampling Clyde._

 _ **Clyde:**_ _I'm all right..._

 _[End flashback]_

 **Clyde:** She hid in her room for three weeks.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ If I had to worry about my siblings every time I wanted to do something, I'd never do anything. _[to Clyde]_ Besides, I have a plan. Stealth mode.

Lincoln waves his hand in front of his face to change his expression and sneaks into the house.

 **Clyde:** Now I'm worried.

Lincoln opens the front door to see if Leni is around. Looks like she was.

 **Leni:** _[terrified]_ SPIDER!

It looks to see that Leni is being chased by Luan, who is holding a rubber spider over her face.

 **Leni:** GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!

 **Luan:** Aw, come on. It's fake.

Lincoln conceals Frank's tank with a trench coat and hears Walt chirping and covers up his cage with a hoodie. He makes it to his room and uncovers Frank's tank.

 **Lincoln:** There you go, buddy.

Just then, someone knocks on his door and it reveals to be Luke.

 **Luke:** Hey, dude, you mind if I borrow a ruler for my- _[sees Frank and gasps]_ Whoa, is that a spider?! It looks so cool!

 **Lincoln:** _[swats Luke's hand away]_ Hey, don't touch him! Frank's supposed to stay in his cage!

 **Luke:** Oh, my bad. When did you get him?

 **Lincoln:** Actually, I was assigned to watch him over the weekend, and I have to make absolute sure nothing bad happens to him.

 **Luke:** _[rolls his eyes]_ Pfft, good luck with that.

 **Lincoln:** What's that supposed to mean?

 **Luke:** Well, you know that Leni has a phobia of spiders, right?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah...

 **Luke:** What if she sees Frank and tries to kill it?!

 **Lincoln:** Luke, don't worry. Leni is _not_ going to see it.

Just then, the door is heard knocking again and Luke opens it to reveal Lana with Lola's doll.

 **Lana:** Can I borrow the big kid scissors? _[sees Frank and gasps]_ Hey, what's that? Oh-ho! He's so creepy! Can I play with him? Can I?

 **Lincoln:** No, no. Frank stays in the cage.

 **Luke:** Sorry, Lana.

 **Lana:** Aw...

Then, Lola comes in with angry expression on her face.

 **Lola:** Lana, give me back my dolly! _[sees Frank, gasps, and squeals]_ He's so adorable!

 **Lola & Lana:** Has Leni seen this?

 **Lincoln:** No. And we want to keep it that way, don't we? So, shh.

Then, Lisa comes into his room.

 **Lisa:** Excuse me, some of us are trying to solve for Y. _[sees Frank]_ Ooh! Is that an _Aphonopelma Chalcodes_?

 **Lincoln:** Uh...it's a tarantula. My class calls him Frank.

Lisa examines the spider and is in awe.

 **Lisa:** Fascinating specimen. Has Leni seen this?

 **Lincoln:** No! That's why I'm trying to keep him a...

* * *

In no time flat, all of the other sisters, who are not Leni, are gathering around Frank's tank and are ogling him.

 **Lincoln:** ...secret.

The siblings keep looking at him.

 **Luna:** Has Leni seen this?

 **Lincoln:** No! For the last time, Leni's not gonna see—

Leni opens the door, startling everyone.

 **Leni:** See what?

 **Siblings:** _[covering up Frank's tank]_ NOTHING!

Leni gasps and her siblings gasp back, thinking that Leni has spotted the spider. But was actually something else.

 **Leni:** Oh, my gosh! Are you planning a surprise party for me?! Wait! Don't tell me. I wanna be surprised. _[leaves]_

The others sigh with relief.

 **Lori:** _[leaving with the others]_ That was close. _[pops back in again]_ You'd better know what you're doing, Lincoln.

Lori leaves the room, leaving Lincoln by himself. Lincoln looks in the tank to see that Frank is looking a little upset.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, you look a little sluggish, buddy. Bet you'd really like to get out and stretch your legs. I guess a few minutes wouldn't hurt.

He carefully places Frank out of his tank and onto his drawer.

 **Lincoln:** Now, where did I put those crickets? _[gets them out of his backpack.]_ Maybe this'll cheer you up. _[notices he's gone]_ Frank? Where'd you go? Frank, come out! This isn't funny! _[beat]_ Crud...

Lincoln comes out of his room and crawls around on the hallway floor, gets out a magnifying glass, and looks for Frank.

 **Lincoln:** Where are you, Frank? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? _[bumps into the twins]_

 **Lola & Lana:** Where's who?

 **Lincoln:** _[faking relief]_ There you are! The two cutest twins in town! Found 'em! See ya! _[takes off]_

 **Lola:** He was talking about me.

 **Lana:** I sure hope so.

The twins go back to skipping rope. Meanwhile, Lincoln checks Lisa's research table and knocks over a few of her beakers.

 **Lisa:** What in Schrödinger's Cat?!

 **Lincoln:** Sorry, Lis! I'll clean it up later.

An explosion occurs which blows Cliff away. Lynn comes running out of her room playing basketball, which worries Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Lynn! Freeze!

 **Lynn:** _[freezes]_ We're playing Freeze Tag? Cool!

Lincoln checks Luna and Luan's room and gets bonked by Luna's drumstick during her jam session.

 **Lincoln:** Ow!

 **Luna:** Dude!

 **Lincoln:** Really dig what you're laying down there, sis!

Lincoln then checks their closet and sees a spider, thinking that it's Frank.

 **Lincoln:** Gotcha!

Luan takes off her Groucho Marx glasses while she was reading a Comedy for Dummies book, seeing what Lincoln was doing.

 **Luan:** What are you doing with my fake spider?

 **Lincoln:** Fake? Oh, nothing. _[hands it back]_ Here. And here's your fake dog poop.

 **Luan:** I don't have any fake dog poop.

Lincoln reviles in disgust, revolving the fact he actually touched real dog poop. But...

 **Luan:** Just kidding!

They both laugh and Lincoln resumes his search. Lincoln checks Luke's room and was looking behind Luke's game shelf, having a few games hit the floor on accident. This gets Luke's attention as he paused the game and takes his headset off, lifting its mic.

 **Luke:** Lincoln! What the heck are you doing?

 **Lincoln:** Uh…just…looking for a pencil, that's all.

 **Luke:** What do you need a pencil for? You've got plenty of 'em in your room.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, right! I'll just…go look for one there. _[nervously chuckles; dashes off]_

 **Luke:** _[calls after him]_ Hey, can you at least pick up my games first?!

Lincoln continues his search in the hallway, heading up to the bathroom door.

 **Lincoln:** Where are you. Where are you? Where are you? _[checks under the door.]_

 **Lori:** _[bursts open the door]_ What are you doing, you weirdo?!

 **Lincoln:** I'm...uh...looking for my contact lens! Oh! There it is!

Lincoln picks up a lint ball and puts it in his eye, making it squint.

 **Lincoln:** That's better.

He then runs off to his room past Lynn, who's still standing still.

 **Lynn:** _[through clenched teeth]_ Can I unfreeze now?

Lincoln is now back in his room and is starting to panic, not knowing where Frank is.

 **Lincoln:** _[frantic]_ Crud, crud, crud!

The other siblings open the door with angry looks on their faces.

 **Lori:** Alright, Lincoln! You don't wear contacts! What is going on?

 **Luna:** You've been acting even weirder than usual, bro.

 **Luke:** I'm pretty sure you didn't even _need_ a pencil to begin with.

 **Lola:** Yeah. And there's no way you think Lana is cute.

Lana picks her nose in agreement and the siblings started to demand answers.

 **Lincoln:** Okay, I'll tell you! Well, Frank was looking sluggish, so I took him out of his cage to get a little exercise, and then I turned to get the crickets, and he was gone.

 **Luke:** Are you kidding me?!

The siblings ramble about Lincoln's idiocy and worry about Leni finding out about Frank. Just then, Leni appears.

 **Leni:** What are we whispering about? Oh right! My surprise party! Don't worry. I won't tell me!

The second she turns around, Frank is shown to be on her back and the others scream in horror and follow them to the kitchen.

 **Leni:** See? I know nothing. Just making a smoothie. _[opens the fridge to get her ingredients.]_

When her back is turned, it's revealed that Frank is gone again. The siblings mutter about the issue at hand and fear what could happen next.

 **Leni:** Oh, I need milk.

Leni opens the fridge where Frank happens to be on the milk bottle.

 **Lisa:** Wait! _[slams the fridge shut]_ You're lactose intolerant!

 **Leni:** No, I'm not. I'm tolerant of everyone, whether they lack toes or not. _[opens the fridge again]_

 **Siblings:** NOOOO!

The siblings notice Frank's not in that spot anymore.

 **Siblings:** Huh? _[sigh with relief]_

 **Lily:** Eee, pider!

Frank is scurrying across the kitchen floor and Luna traps him under a pot. Leni turns around to see what's going on and Luna and Lily pretend to have a jam session by banging pots and pans and utensils together. Leni digs the beat as she's too distracted by the tune. They look under the pot to see Frank has escaped again.

 **Leni:** So, who wants to try my new recipe? It's curds and... _[takes a sip while Lincoln notices Frank on the ceiling light.]_ ...way, way too much spinach!

Leni's siblings gasp to see Frank on the ceiling light as well.

 **Leni:** Ugh! I know! What was I thinking?

Just then, Frank plops right onto her glass and Leni looks down.

 **Leni:** _[thinking it's fake]_ Ha! Nice try, Luan, but I'm not falling for another one of your fake spiders. Though, this one looks pretty real.

Frank blinks, leading Leni to realize…

 **Leni:** _[terrified]_ AAAHH! SPIDER! _[busts out the bug spray.]_

 **Siblings:** NOOOO!

The siblings rush in to try and save Frank but it was too late as Leni unleashes a massive spray cloud to ensure she got Frank.

 **Leni:** _[running off in fury]_ WORST, SURPRISE PARTY, EVER!

The cloud clears up and Lincoln spots what appears to be Frank's corpse.

 **Lincoln:** _[lamenting]_ Frank! No-ho-ho-ho-ho!

 **Lucy:** I just wanna say I'm sorry for your loss...and that I'd be honored to serve as funeral director.

Lucy holds out a brochure for a business she owns called "Lucy's Lament".

 **Lucy:** I keep an assortment of caskets on hand. Were you thinking shoebox, or for a little more money, mahogany?

Lincoln has settled for the shoe box deal, and everyone who does not fear spiders is there to attend Frank's funeral on the front yard. Clyde arrives with a casserole dish.

 **Clyde:** Hey, Lincoln. I brought you this casserole. My nana says that there's no greater comfort in times of grief.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks. _[sighs]_ This might as well be my funeral, too. Our whole class is gonna hate me for letting this happen to Frank.

Everyone, kids and pets, gathers around to pay their respects to Frank.

 **Lucy:** We are gathered here to mourn the untimely passing of Frank the Tarantula, a pet beloved by all.

 **Lola:** _[spiteful]_ Except Leni!

 **Lana:** The murderer!

 **Lori:** Yeah! This is all Leni's fault!

The others agree, except for Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Guys, this isn't Leni's fault. It's mine.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Leni is washing her hands to wash away any and all tracings of Frank.

 **Leni:** Ew! Ew! Ew! _[overhears Lincoln]_

 **Lincoln:** I knew Leni was afraid of spiders, but I brought Frank home, anyway. It was a bad idea. I guess I deserve to have my whole class hate me.

 **Luke:** _[puts a hand on Lincoln's shoulder]_ I'm sorry, dude, but now we know Frank's in a better place now.

Just then, Cliff prematurely coughs up a hairball.

 **Lola:** Ew! Gross, Cliff! Show some respect!

 **Lana:** _[notices something odd]_ Whoa, weird! This hairball looks like Frank! _[picks it up]_

 **Lola:** Ew! Gross, Lana! Show some respect!

Lincoln then looks at the hairball and the corpse.

 **Lincoln:** Because this _isn't_ Frank. It's a hairball, too! Which means...

 **Luke:** _[gasps]_ Frank is still alive!

 **?:** _[terrified]_ AAAHH! SPIDER!

 **Lincoln:** And it sounds like Leni just found him!

 **Clyde:** Uh, that wasn't Leni. I know that scream.

 _[Another flashback to last Halloween; Clyde had come to after Leni had mistaken him for a spider and attacked him. Lynn Sr. approaches the front door]_

 _ **Clyde:** [co_ _ughs a little]_ _Oh, hi, Mr. Loud. Trick or tre-_

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ _[terrified] AAAHH! SPIDER!_ _[tramples Clyde and runs after Leni.]_

 _ **Clyde:**_ _I'm all right._

 _[End flashback]_

 **Luna:** _[grinning]_ Dad's afraid of spiders?

Suddenly, a pest control van pulls up out front.

 **Lori:** _[concerned]_ And it looks like he's got the exterminator on speed dial!

 **Siblings & Clyde:** FRANK!

The kids watch as the exterminator gets out of his van and notices two caterpillars.

 **Exterminator:** Oh, hello, cute little caterpillar family.

The exterminator shoots them with bug killer and laughs wickedly.

 **Lincoln:** _[nervously]_ It's okay, sir. There's been a misunderstanding. You don't need to kill the spider.

 **Exterminator:** Huh. What are you, a spider hugger? Nobody stops me from getting my spider...

The exterminator heads into the house to find and kill Frank.

 **Lincoln:** I gotta go save Frank!

 **Lynn:** _[still in her freeze tag pose and through clenched teeth.]_ We can help!

 **Clyde:** I can help, too!

 **Luke:** Don't forget about me, Lincoln!

The others all request Lincoln to let them help him.

 **Lincoln:** Okay. You guys distract the exterminator while I look for Frank.

The others head in to do their job, but Lynn is hopping about. Lincoln runs up to her and tags her.

 **Lincoln:** Unfreeze.

Lynn now hustles. The exterminator is in the house looking for Frank until he hears Luna from upstairs.

 **Luna:** _[fake screaming]_ There's a big scary spider in the last room on the right! I hope someone can exterminate this ugly spider!

The exterminator sprays what looks like a spider and laughs triumphantly, but it turns out to have been one of Luan's fake spiders, making the exterminator flinch.

 **Luan:** _[tauntingly, wearing her Groucho glasses and holding a fishing pole with a fake spider in it.]_ What's the matter? Afraid of a little rubber spider? _[laughs]_

 **Exterminator:** I ain't afraid of nothin'.

 **Lucy:** _[right behind the exterminator]_ Excuse me.

The exterminator screams at the sight of her and Luan smiles.

 **Lucy:** The scary spider went in there. _[points to the bathroom]_

The exterminator rushes to the bathroom door and checks under there.

 **Exterminator:** Hmm... _[sniffs]_

 **Lori:** _[bursts open the door]_ What are you doing, you weirdo?!

 **Exterminator:** _[embarrassed]_ Oh, well, uh...I-I-I-I-I-I-I didn't...

Clyde appears in his spider costume from last Halloween.

 **Clyde:** Roar! I'm a spider. Come and get me! _[the exterminator nonchalantly shoves him aside.]_ I'm all right.

Right then, Luke shoots the exterminator's face with multiple darts from two Nerf guns, making the exterminator stumble backwards.

 **Luke:** Hasta la vista, baby! _[blows on it]_

The twins ensnare the exterminator into a jumprope tangle and high five each other. Lily shoves her pacifier in his mouth, he spits it out in disgust. Lisa walks up to the exterminator.

 **Lisa:** Kids. They can be so juvenile. Mouthwash?

Lisa shoves the container in his mouth, and when he sloshes it, it's revealed to be a little spicy.

 **Lisa:** My special ghost pepper formula. The tingle means it's working.

Lincoln comes upstairs with the magnifying glass from earlier.

 **Lincoln:** Frank's not downstairs. So, he must be... _[spots him]_

 **Exterminator:** _[coldly]_ Upstairs...

Lincoln then breaks into a sprint and tries to save Frank, but the exterminator tangles him with the jump rope and beats him to it.

 **Exterminator:** Ha! I've got you now!

Frank trembles in fear of his untimely demise.

 **Lincoln:** _[begging]_ WAIT! STOP! NOOOOOO!

The exterminator blasts bug killer everywhere, thus dooming Frank. The siblings all gasp at his untimely demise. Just as the cloud dissipates, someone in a hazmat suit appears.

 **Lincoln:** _[confused]_ Huh?

 **Exterminator:** WHA?!

The person in the hazmat suit takes off their helmet and reveals to be Leni, and it shows she just saved Frank.

 **Lincoln:** _[overjoyed]_ FRANK!

The other siblings cheer as well.

 **Luke:** All right, Leni!

 **Exterminator:** _[threateningly]_ Why you...

 **Leni:** _[strong-willed]_ Hold it right there, mister! If you exterminate this spider, you'll exterminate... _[pointing to Lincoln]_ ...this boy's future! Everyone will think he's a spider killer and no one will ever trust him again! Do you really want that on your conscience?

 **Exterminator:** _[remorseful]_ Wow...I never thought of it that way. Lady, you just changed my life.

 **Lincoln & Leni:** Really?

 **Exterminator:** _[disdainfully]_ Of course not, you spider huggers! Exterminator out! Here's my bill.

The exterminator plants the bill on Clyde's face and leaves the house.

 **Lincoln:** Leni! That was amazing! But why?

 **Leni:** I heard what you said at the funeral. And besides, maybe spiders aren't so bad after all. I mean, this one's kinda cute. _[second thoughts]_ No, it's not! Take it! Take it! _[gives Frank back and runs off.]_ Ew ew ew ew ew! It blinked at me!

 **Luke:** Looks like she's still got a long way to go.

 **Lincoln:** Let's get you back in your cage, Frank.

 **Lisa:** I always thought Frank was a strange name for a female spider.

 **Lincoln:** Frank's a girl?

 **Lisa:** Mm-hmm. I can tell from the markings. Plus, female spiders always get sluggish before they give birth.

 **Clyde:** Frank's gonna be a mommy?

 **Siblings:** Awwwww...

* * *

 _September 19, 2016_

It is now Monday morning. Frank has now been renamed Frances and all the siblings, except Leni, bid farewell to her.

 **Lincoln:** I'll miss you, Frank, but I'm glad things are gonna be back to normal around here.

Meanwhile in Lori and Leni's room, Leni is brushing her hair.

 **Leni:** 20...21...22...23...

However, it seems Frances laid her egg sac in the vents. The babies hatch and scurry into Leni's room as Lincoln steps out the front door.

 **Leni:** _[from inside the house; terrified]_ AAAAAAAHHHHH! SPIDERS!

Lincoln has a look on his face that just reads "Uh-oh".


	35. Attention Deficit

**Attention Deficit**

 _September 21, 2016_

Inside the Loud House, Lucy and Lisa are eating frozen dinners in the living room and Charles is pulling on Lily's diaper because she has his bone. The entire living room is a mess and Lincoln is working on something in the dining room. Lola bursts into the house in her princess car and sends Lily and Charles flying and snatches Lisa's dinner fork with a piece of salisbury steak on it.

 **Lisa:** _[to Lola]_ SALISBURY STEAK STEALER!

 **Rita:** _[serves Lincoln a frozen dinner]_ Here's your dinner, Lincoln!

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, Mom. Hey, will you help me with my science project? I have to build a volcano.

 **Rita:** Sure, honey. Just give me five minutes. Leni and I are gonna practice putting on makeup.

Leni comes in with her lipstick on her eyes and her eye shadow on her lips and Rita takes her upstairs. Lynn and their father come walking by.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Dad, can you help me with my volcano?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Sure, son. Just give me five minutes while I give Lynn some baseball pointers. _[tosses a ball at a fragile object which breaks and scares Cliff.]_ And there's your first pointer, Lynn: never play ball in the house.

They head outside and Leni and Rita return.

 **Rita:** Well, you're doing much better, Leni, but you're still venturing into...clown territory.

 **Lincoln:** Mom, can we work on my volcano now?

 **Rita:** Oh, five minutes, honey. I promised Lori I'd take a magazine quiz with her. _[goes upstairs with Lori]_

 **Lincoln:** _[getting frustrated]_ But I could really use some help! Dad, can you-

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[with Luna and a saxophone]_ Five more minutes, pal. I promised Luna I'd help her lay down some funky grooves, hah.

 _[The toilet flushes]_

 **Lana:** Hey, Dad! I clogged the toilet so you could teach me how to fix it!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Five minutes, Lincoln! I mean, Lana! _[starts playing sax which scares Cliff who tosses Lynn's baseball right at him to stop.]_ Ow!

Lincoln sighs in annoyance and Luke comes in with his frozen dinner.

 **Luke:** Hey, Linc. _[takes his seat]_

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Luke, I suppose you mind helping me with this volcano?

 **Luke:** Uh... no thanks. I only came in here because there was too much ruckus going on in the living room. Have you tried asking Mom and Dad?

 **Lincoln:** _[slightly annoyed]_ Yes, but they're off helping one of our sisters.

 **Luke:** Oh, sorry, dude. _[starts eating his dinner]_

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ In a family as big as mine, getting attention from your parents is no easy thing. _[sighs and turns to his volcano]_ How am I ever gonna finish this?

* * *

 _September 22, 2016_

 **Lincoln:** Wow! It's finished? Your volcano is awesome, Clyde! I even love how you put people on it.

 **Clyde:** Thanks. That's Lori and me. We're climbing down to get married 'cause Bobby fell in and is being devoured by lava.

 **Lincoln:** Ouch! It really did a number on his face. This project isn't due for a week. How'd you get it done so fast?

 **Clyde:** My dads helped. We spent the whole weekend working on it.

 **Lincoln:** My parents never give me that kind of attention. They're always rushing off to help one of my siblings.

 **Clyde:** Why don't you bring your volcano to my house after school? My dads will have plenty of time to help you.

 **Lincoln:** Really? That would be great!

They walk by Flip's juice cart.

 **Clyde:** Oh, hang on, Lincoln. I'm gonna get volcano Lori a juice. Running from Bobby's tormented screams has made her thirsty.

* * *

 _Clyde's house…_

 **Lincoln:** _[exhausted]_ Oh, these long school days, man.

 **Clyde:** Tell me about it. But at least we're home now.

They enter the house and look on at the fabulous décor.

 **Lincoln:** _[enthralled]_ Wow...I always forget how different your house is from mine!

 **Clyde:** Uh...you're shouting, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, right. Sorry. Force of habit.

 _[Enter Clyde's dads]_

 **Howard:** Hi, fellas. Come on in.

 **Lincoln:** Hi, Mr. McBride. Hi, Mr. McBride.

 **Harold:** Ooh, nice structure, Lincoln. Ready to get to work?

 **Lincoln:** You mean like now?

 **Harold:** _[takes the volcano and chuckles]_ Of course.

Lincoln's eyes beam and he runs across the floor, but Howard stops him.

 **Howard:** Oh, hang on, Lincoln. You have a loose button on your shirt.

 **Lincoln:** Oh. Well, I, uh...

 **Howard:** _[chuckles]_ No worries. _[sews the button back on tight]_

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, Mr. McBride.

 **Harold:** Great good heavens! It looks like the sole of your shoe is about to fall off!

 **Lincoln:** Oh, that's just-

 **Harold:** No worries. _[takes Lincoln's shoe off]_ I'll just give it a little tappity tap.

 **Lincoln:** Wow. You're not gonna just use a stapler on that?

 **Howard:** Hold up, Lincoln. Your sideburns are uneven.

 **Lincoln:** I know. Usually, I just tilt my head.

 **Howard:** No worries.

Howard and Harold give Lincoln's sideburns a little trim to make them even.

 **Harold:** Perfect!

 **Howard:** Hot towel? _[as he and Harold offer one to Lincoln.]_

 _Dinnertime…_

 **Howard:** Sorry dinner's nothing fancy. Just roasted organic chicken with a homemade marinade.

 **Harold:** And vegetables from our garden. Help yourself, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** There's no foil to peel back?

 **Harold:** _[chuckles]_ Foil. LOL. That's a hot one, Lincoln.

 **Howard:** _[dims the lights and turns on the music.]_ Clyde, how was your day?

 **Clyde:** It was great. I lasted 37 seconds in Dodgeball.

 **Howard:** Did you hear that, Hare Bear? Thirty. Seven. Seconds.

 **Harold:** Good job, son. And Lincoln, how was your day?

 **Lincoln:** _[coughing a little at that response]_ What? Me? You wanna know how my day was? Now?

He looks on with ecstasy and a choir suddenly starts playing.

 **Choir:** _HALLELUJAH!_

But it turns out it was Howard's phone's ringtone.

 **Howard:** Oops. Sorry. _[turns phone off]_

 **Clyde:** You know the rules, Dad: no phones at the dinner table!

 **Lincoln:** Seriously? What about amps, or pitching machines, or toilet snakes?

 **Harold:** _[laughs at such notions.]_ You're so funny, Lincoln! _[offering Lincoln more food]_ Here. Have seconds.

Lincoln looks on ecstatic again and Howard's phone rings again.

 **Howard:** Oh. I thought I turned this off.

Now they're relaxing in massage chairs with facial masks on and their voices wobble as they speak due to the chairs' vibrations.

 **Howard:** Sorry we didn't finish your volcano tonight, Lincoln. Why don't you come back tomorrow?

 **Harold:** It's Mani-Pedi Night at the McBride House.

 **Lincoln:** Ooh, I love Italian food!

 **Harold:** _[laughs some more]_ You are too much, Lincoln.

Lincoln turns off his massage chair.

 **Lincoln:** _[happily to the viewers]_ I gotta say, getting some undivided attention is pretty sweet. And now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta give some undivided attention to my hammies _[turns the chair back on]_ Awww, yeah.

* * *

Lincoln returns to his house where he witnesses Lori carrying Lily who has a stinky diaper and is crying over about it, Lana riding Lola's princess car...

 **Lana:** YAHOO!

 **Lola:** CAR THIEF!

...Luan chasing Lola with pies that she hits her with, Lisa carrying a radiating teddy bear with her tongs...

 **Lisa:** Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

...and an explosion from said teddy bear. The chaos in his house causes him to sigh with despair and slam the door.

 _[Enter Luke playing football]_

 **Luke:** Lincoln! What goes on? _[examines him]_ Why do you look so different?

 **Lynn:** FUMBLE! _[tackles Luke to the ground]_ Hey, Lincoln! _[examines him as well]_ You look different.

 **Luke:** _[in pain]_ That's what I said… ow. _[gets up and brushes himself off]_

 **Lincoln:** My sideburns are even.

 **Lynn:** No, it's more than that. Your skin is glowing, you look taller, and you smell like... _[smells him]_ ...organic Brussels sprouts? Okay, what gives?

 **Luke:** Yeah, where have you been all day?

 **Lincoln:** I spent tonight at Clyde's. His dads helped me with my volcano and served me food with no foil and asked me about my day!

 **Luke:** _[amazed]_ Get outta here!

 **Lynn:** Yeah, that sounds amazing! _[thinks for a second]_ Hey, do you think they could help me with my baseball swing?

 **Lincoln:** Sure. I think Clyde said one of his dads played ball in college. Why don't you come over after school tomorrow?

 **Lynn:** Oh, that would be awesome! _[playfully punches his arm]_

 **Lincoln:** Ow! Lynn, do you mind? Clyde's dads just gave me my vaccinations.

 **Luke:** Vaccinations?! Okay, you have to take me, too. Please?

 **Lincoln:** Okay, you can come too.

 **Luke:** YES! Thanks, dude! _[playfully punches his arm as well]_

 **Lincoln:** Ow! Really?!

 **Luke:** _[sheepishly]_ Sorry…

* * *

 _September 23, 2016_

The next day, Lincoln, Luke, and Lynn are just leaving Clyde's house.

 **Harold:** Goodbye!

 **Howard:** Take care!

 **Lynn:** I just can't believe Mr. McBride spent a whole hour coaching me!

 **Luke:** And how about that dinner though? Who knew that cultinary meat tasted so good. _[looks up with ecstasy]_

 **Lincoln:** Well, I'm glad you guys enjoyed the experience.

 **Lynn:** Yeah. It was amazing. Ah, I'd punch you, but my arm is sore from the vaccinations.

 **Luke:** Yeah, mine too.

They return home to find Luna out front.

 **Luna:** Hey, dudes. _[examines them]_ Wait. You look different. _[pulls in their arms]_ Your nail beds are rockin'. _[smells them]_ And do I smell meat? _[suspicious]_ What's going on?

 **Luke:** We've been hanging out with Clyde's dads all day. They've been giving us all _kinds_ of one-on-one time.

 **Luna:** Rad! Hey, you think they could jam with me? Dad's got a wicked canker and he can't blow the sax anymore.

 **Lynn:** Sure. One of Clyde's dads told me he was in a band in college.

 **Lincoln:** _[sternly]_ Okay, but this is it. If anymore of you find out about Clyde's dads, the undivided attention is going to get pretty divided.

 **Luna:** _[giving him a pinch on the cheek]_ Don't worry, bro. _[mimes sealing her lips, rolling down a car window, tossing a key out of it, and rolling it back up.]_ That was a car window.

 **Lincoln, Luke, and Lynn:** Yeah, we get it.

 _[Cut to Luna jamming with Howard and assuring Lincoln everything's good. Lynn is practicing ball with Harold.]_

 **Lincoln:** Well, this is okay. I can handle sharing with a couple of sibilngs.

 **Luke:** _[pans over to him next to Lincoln]_ Uhh, I don't think I can. I just asked Mr. McBride if we could play a game together, but he said he would after he was done throwing some pitches to Lynn. That wasn't kind of fair.

 **Lincoln:** Don't worry, Luke. It could be worse.

Suddenly, an uninvited guest appears.

 **Luan:** And the woodpecker said, "That's why I tell knock-knock jokes". _[laughs as Howard accompanies with a rimshot.]_

 **Lincoln:** _[confused]_ Luan?

 _[Enter Lori]_

 **Lori:** Mr. McBride, would you say I'm more an Autumn or a Winter?

 **Howard:** You are definitely a Summer.

 **Lori:** Literally, right?

 **Lincoln:** _[shocked]_ Lori?!

 **Clyde:** _[bursts in]_ Lori? My future wife? Here with my dads?! What do I do? What do I do? Oh, I know! _[faints in Lincoln's arms]_

 **Luke:** _[sarcastically]_ Great plan, Clyde.

 _[Enter Lana in Lola's princess car]_

 **Lana:** YAHOO! MR. MCBRIDE, YO!

 _[Enter Lisa in a radiation suit and holding a beaker.]_

 **Lisa:** Oh, I can't believe you guys have sodium salicylate on the premises!

 _[Enter Leni, Lola, and Lucy]_

 **Leni, Lola, and Lucy:** MR. MCBRIDE! _[rush over to Howard]_

The girls are starting to overcrowd Howard.

 **Howard:** _[panicking]_ HAROLD!

 **Harold:** What is it, Howie? _[gasps upon seeing the other girls.]_ Great Betty Buckley...

 **Lily:** _[crawling in naked]_ Poo-poo!

 **Howard & Harold:** THE CARPET!

Harold tosses the newspaper to Howard who then spreads it out to leave a trail for Lily.

 **Lily:** _[crawling on the paper]_ Poo-poo, poo-poo...

 **Luke:** Oh, boy...

 **Lincoln:** _[angrily turns to Luna]_ Hey! You blabbed our secret to everyone?

 **Luna:** No, bro! I would never do that! But...I may have sung it in the shower.

 _[Flashback to Luna taking a shower and singing.]_

 _ **Luna:** Undivided attention / So good, but it can't be mentioned / One-on-one time is totally cool / Hangin' with Clyde's dads after school~_

 _It's revealed that the others overheard this and got the idea._

 _[End flashback.]_

 **Luna:** Sorry. I was just so amped.

 _[Cut to a practice funeral held by Lucy with Howard as the corpse.]_

 **Lucy:** Dearly beloved, we are gathered today to say goodbye-

 **Leni:** Guys, I can't find my bedroom!

 **Howard:** Remember, Leni, you're not in your own house.

 **Lucy:** _[silences him]_ No talking at your own funeral.

* * *

While the girls are having fun at Clyde's house, Luke is sitting at the table with his head resting on his arms, and Lincoln is still struggling to get his volcano finished.

 **Lincoln:** Mr. McBride, can you help me with my volcano? It's due tomorrow.

 **Harold:** Sure thing, Lincoln. Just give me five minutes. Luan wants me to try out this pie.

 **Lincoln:** Hey, Mr. McB, wanna help me with my volcano?

 **Howard:** Absolutely. Uh, just give me five minutes while I help Lola with her double pageant wave.

Lincoln sighs and Luan splatters Harold with her pie.

 **Harold:** _[face covered in meringue]_ So, that's what she meant by 'try out this pie'. _[trips]_ Just give me five minutes, Lincoln. Gotta get this meringue out of my eye.

 **Howard:** _[with Lily on his head]_ Quiz Lori, jam with Luna, find Lily...

 **Harold:** _[face now clean]_ There we go. Now, who was it that needed my help? _[hears an explosion]_ Lisa! _[runs off]_

The two brothers are joined by Lincoln's best friend while sulking that Lincoln's back to square one.

 **Lincoln:** This stinks, Clyde. I finally get some attention and my sisters come over here and hog it. They all gotta go.

 **Clyde:** I totally agree. Except for Lori. _[holds up her magazine]_ I'm studying all her quiz answers, and if I change everything about myself, we'll be soulmates!

 **Lincoln:** You know, if you wanna impress Lori, you can just talk to her.

 **Clyde:** Yes. Talk to her. That's a valid- _[suddenly faints again]_

Lincoln puts a pillow on his unconscious friend's face.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ Well, so much for getting all the attention for once in this family.

 **Lincoln:** What are you talking about?

 **Luke:** I mean, you're not the only one who finds trouble getting attention from our parents nowadays. Sometimes, I suffer the same problem you have, whether it's with Mom not having time to help me with my English homework, or Dad not being able to show me how some classic video game consoles that were in the attic work back in his day.

 **Lincoln:** I get what you're saying, Luke, I've had just about enough of this myself. Now listen up! _[fails to get their attention]_ I guess I picked the wrong day to stop shouting. _[gets louder]_ I SAID-

 **Lola:** Thank you, Lincoln! I got it! I am going to dominate the Little Miss Ambidextrous Pageant!

 **Leni:** You're the best, Lincoln. Clyde's dads really helped with my makeup. Now if I can just find my bedroom. _[checks the grandfather clock]_ Nope. That's Lisa's room.

 **Lana:** Lincoln, did you know Mr. McBride put himself through theater school working as a plumber? He spent a whole hour teaching me about flush valves!

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Wow. Maybe I had it wrong. My sisters aren't trying to hog Clyde's dads. They just want a little attention, too. And you know what? I'm gonna let them have it. _[takes his volcano]_

 **Luke:** Where are you going?

 **Lincoln:** I'm going home. You're welcome to join me if you'd like.

 **Luke:** _[gets up from his chair]_ Sure. I think I'd rather be at home right now, too. _[grabs a dinner dish.]_ But this meat is _definitely_ coming with us.

 **Lincoln:** For sure, let's go. _[The two leave]_

* * *

 _[The Loud House. Lincoln and Luke are at the table and Lincoln is resuming his volcano by himself.]_

 **Luke:** Nice to see the structure coming along, dude.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, Luke.

 _Just then..._

 **Rita:** Oh, Lincoln. There you are. I got some more materials for your volcano.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[with a pot of sauce]_ And I made my special marinara sauce for lava.

 **Lincoln:** _[elated]_ Wow! Thanks! You guys remembered my volcano!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Of course we did. We always planned to help. We just needed to find some time.

 **Luke:** Even for me?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Yes, Luke, you too. _[ruffles Luke's hair]_

 **Rita:** We're sorry it took so long, honey. Did you do something to your sideburns?

Just then, a car comes careening down the street, drops something off, and drives away. The boys' sisters are home now.

 **Lynn:** We broke Clyde's dads.

 **Rita:** You did what?

 **Lori:** We were having a great time when all of a sudden they just snapped, herded us into their car and drove us home.

 **Lisa:** I have no idea what precipitated this. I simply suggested a sleepover.

 **Luke:** _[rolls his eyes]_ No comment.

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ Not everyone can handle 12 kids like Mom and Dad can.

Back at Clyde's house, Howard is stressed out from the ordeal that was the Loud sisters.

 **Clyde:** Hey, Dad, what did you think of my future bride, Lori?

 **Howard:** _[traumatized]_ Which one was she? There were so many... _[shudders]_

 **Harold:** _[disappointed in himself]_ I'm sorry. Frozen dinners were all I could manage.

Clyde's dinner is still frozen and the fork is jammed in the ice surrounding it.

 **Clyde:** Dad, I think you forgot to- _[notices his dads are exhausted and sleeping from what they were put through with the Loud girls.]_

 _Back to the Loud House..._

 **Lincoln:** _[to the viewers]_ I guess I really underestimated my parents. Even if it takes a while, they eventually find time for all of us, everyday. No wonder Dad has a wicked canker.

The girls start begging for a little attention from their parents.

 **Rita & Lynn Sr.:** Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it! Five minutes, girls. We're helping Lincoln now.

 _ **FIVE MINUTES LATER...**_

 **Lincoln:** It's finished! Ahem. Drum roll, please. _[drum roll commences]_ Three...two...one! _[presses a button, causing marinara sauce to splatter everywhere for an eruption.]_


	36. Snow Bored

**Snow Bored**

 _November 15, 2016_

It is nighttime at the Loud House and snow is falling all throughout Royal Woods. Inside, the siblings are watching the television news.

 **Katherine Mulligan:** _Good evening, everybody. Now stay warm and stay tuned. Because we'll have tonight's weather right after this._

 **Luke:** _[bouncing]_ I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait.

 **Lucy:** _[wishing]_ Oh, spirit in the sky, grant my wish.

 **Lori:** _[her fingers are crossed]_ Fingers crossed.

 **Luan:** _[her arms and legs are crossed.]_ Everything crossed.

Lily drinks milk from her bottle, burps and laughs.

 **Lola:** I got my lucky rabbit's foot.

 **Lana:** I got my lucky booger. This baby got me through preschool.

 **Lynn:** And I got my lucky jock. _[stretches it, slinging it into Lincoln's face.]_

 **Lincoln:** Ugh. _[to the viewers]_ You may be wondering what the heck is going on here. I'll show ya'. _[opens the front door and steps outside.]_ See that? Snow, beautiful snow. And if it keeps coming down, we can be in for a snow day tomorrow. So tonight, we're doing everything in our power to make it happen.

 **Luna:** Dudes! The weather's on!

Lincoln runs back in and cross his fingers.

 **Patchy Drizzle:** _Patchy Drizzle here. Takin' on the weather, myself. Rollin' up my sleeves [rolling his sleeves up] Takin' it on._

The Loud kids watch it seriously.

 **Patchy Drizzle:** _Better put on the old snowshoes, folks, 'cause we could be getting up to twenty four inches of Mother Nature's dandruff. I regret saying that. [takes a piece of paper] Ahem. The following schools will be closed tomorrow._

 **Loud Siblings:** _[hopeful]_ Royal Woods! Royal Woods! Royal Woods!

 **Patchy Drizzle:** _Beaverton, Hazeltucky, Huntington Oaks and... [The kids look on in awe.] …that's it._

 **Loud Siblings:** _[sad]_ Awwww...

 **Lola:** _[angrily]_ WHY YOU LOUSY-

 **Patchy Drizzle:** _I'm just kidding. You too, Royal Woods!_

 _[Aerial view of the house and the whole neighborhood; the kids start cheering and jumping up and down.]_

 **Loud Siblings:** _[excited]_ HOORAY! WOO HOO! Snow Day! Snow Day! Snow Day!

 **Patchy Drizzle:** _Snow Day!_

Lisa appears and turns off the TV.

 **Lisa:** This just in. There will not be a snow day tomorrow. _[Her siblings are surprised and stop cheering.]_ Once I spray my super strength salt across the city roadways, we shall have no trouble accessing school.

 **Luke:** What?!

They all boo at Lisa and throw pillows at her.

 **Lola:** _[angrily]_ WHY WOULD YOU RUIN OUR SNOW DAY?!

 **Lisa:** Ahem. _[pulls a chart down]_ For every school day you miss, your brain functionality decreases by approximately point 0.006 %

 **Leni:** But Lisa, snow days are F-O-N, fun!

 **Lisa:** _[presses a button and the chart goes up.]_ I rest my case. Besides, I fail to see how frolicking in frozen temperatures like a bunch of nincompoops is fun.

 **Luke:** Well, maybe it's because you never knew what it's like to have an actual snow day.

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, what if we could show you how fun snow days can be? Then would you call off the salt?

The siblings agree with Lincoln and are excited to help Lisa.

 **Leni:** Yeah! F-O-N! F-O-N!

 **Loud Sisters:** F-O-N! F-O-N!

 **Lisa:** Fine! But only because I can't stand to hear you spell erroneously.

The Loud kids cheer as they walk off.

 **Leni:** _[stops walking]_ Wait, I thought we were spelling "fun".

* * *

 _November 16, 2016_

The next day, everybody gets out of the house in their winter clothes to have fun in the snow.

 **Luke:** _[approaches Lisa]_ Alright, Lisa, ready to experience all the fun things you can do on a snow day?

 **Lisa:** Yes, but you've got four hours. Dazzle me or it's back to school for you truants. _[puts on her snow goggles.]_

 **Luke:** Okay... let's get to it.

Lincoln runs while pulling Lisa and Luke on the sled.

 **Luke:** Sledding is an adventure of thrills. It's basically an activity of traveling or sliding downhill over snow on this little guy right here.

 **Lincoln:** What do you think, Lis?

 **Lisa:** I think my buttocks are cold. _[The sled hits a rock and Lisa accidentally gets off it while yelping.]_ And now bruised.

* * *

Lincoln finishes building an igloo.

 **Luke:** Here's another snow day classic. A snow fort! Something that you can build with open-topped temporary structure made of walls that is usually used for recreational purposes.

 **Lincoln:** _[pops out of the snow fort]_ Come on in. You gotta check out the built in cup holders. _[goes in]_

 **Lisa:** Hmm... lacks crossbeams, low baring walls, a solid foundation...

 **Lincoln:** All choices that I made.

 **Lisa:** Hardly up to code.

After Lisa touches the igloo, it falls apart.

 **Lincoln:** It's collapsible too.

 **Luke:** And yet unexpected.

 **Lana:** _[comes along]_ How about letting old Lans take the reins?

 **Lincoln:** Knock yourself out. My buttocks are cold. And bruised.

* * *

Lana has made a snowman.

 **Lana:** Say hello to Mr. Twig Arms!

 **Lisa:** Huh. So, what does Mr. Twig Arms do?

 **Lana:** Uh... nothing. But, he's awful jolly.

 **Lisa:** Perhaps if you valued your education, you could build something with more pizazz. _[presses a button and a robot appears out of the garage.]_ Say hello to Mr. Reinforced Titanium Alloy Arms.

The robot is searching for a target to destroy and thinks the snowman is the enemy and shoot lasers at Mr. Twig Arms, causing him to explode.

 **Lisa:** Sorry, I forgot he has jolly seeking lasers.

* * *

Lola is ice skating, and Luke and Lisa are observing this.

 **Luke:** Ice skating is a fun way to get out there and put your skills to the test. It was recognized as a sport of artistic excellence in performing a series of prescribed patterns and free skating.

 **Lisa:** Hm, wise words for a ten-year-old like you.

 **Luke:** Heh, I've been watching the winter olympics a lot lately. Take a look at Lola for example.

 **Lola:** Here's the returning champion, Lola Loud! About to execute a triple sachow! _[performs her triple salcow and sticks the landing]_

 **Luke:** See?

 **Lola:** Come on, Lisa! It's your turn!

 **Lisa:** _[counting formulas]_ Hmm, based on water density, air temp, and the weight of a small human, that ice should give away in 3, 2...

The ice breaks and Lola falls into the water.

 **Lola:** Dang it.

 **Lisa:** Dang it's right. I was one second off.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ Okay, moving on...

* * *

Lisa and Lucy are making snow angels.

 **Lisa:** What exactly are we doing?

 **Lucy:** Playing corpsicle. It's my favorite snow game.

 **Lisa:** How do you win? By getting hypothermia?

 **Lucy:** Yes.

* * *

Luan is holding a bucket full of snow.

 **Luan:** Watch this, Lis. You're gonna love snow pranks.

The two siblings walk up to Lincoln, who is rebuilding his snow fort. Luan winks at Lisa, who is confused and puts snow balls on Lincoln's butt.

 **Luan:** FROST BUTT!

 **Lincoln:** _[panics and shivers]_ Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!

 **Luan:** _[laughs]_ Oh, man. Classic Luan.

 **Lincoln:** _[still shivering]_ Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!

 **Lisa:** _[researching on her phone]_ Uh...as the famous Shackleton expedition has shown us, losing a buttock to frostbite is no laughing matter.

 **Luan:** Eesh, I'd really like to make a _crack_ right now. But, it's _snow_ time to be _cheeky_. _[laughs]_ Get it?

 **Lisa:** Unfortunately, yes.

 **Lincoln:** _[still shivering]_ Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!

* * *

Lynn and Lisa are on a bobsled while their siblings watch.

 **Lynn:** Representing Royal Woods in the World Bobsled Finals, it's Lynn and Lisa Loud! Oh, yeah! _[starts the sled on the slope.]_

 **Lisa:** Woah, woah, woah... Stop!

 **Lynn:** _[slips and accidentally lets the sled move away.]_ Uh-oh.

 **Lisa:** I can't see this ending well.

Lisa goes really fast and gets off from her sled screaming in panic and falls in the snow. Her siblings gasp and come to her location.

 **Lincoln:** Umm.. Snow angels?

 **Lisa:** It's over, guys. Snow days are both pointless and a health hazard. Ergo, I shall unleash the salt.

 **Lisa's Siblings:** NOOOOOOOO!

The Loud kids complain at Lisa.

 **Luke:** Lisa, come on! Think about this!

 **Lisa:** My decision is final. You cannot talk me out of it.

Just then, someone throws a snowball at Lisa.

 **Lisa:** _[angry]_ Alright, who did that?

The Loud kids move away and reveal that it was Lana.

 **Lana:** Aw, you finks!

 **Lisa:** You've poked a bear, my friend.

 **Lana:** Haha. What are you going to do...

Lisa throws a snowball at Lana.

 **Lisa:** Huh. That was actually quite satisfying. _[makes another snowball.]_

 **Lynn:** _[helping Lana up with Lincoln]_ Here, Lana.

 **Lincoln:** Let's help you up.

Lisa throws a snowball at Lana again, and the others as well.

 **Lisa:** Hey, this is kind of...

 **Lincoln:** ...fun?

 **Lisa:** Yes, F-O-N, fun.

And so, the Loud kids break out into a snowball fight, now that Lisa's thoughts on snow days have been completely turned around. Later that night, Lincoln and Luke are blowing hot air at their hot cocoa.

 **Lisa:** Hey, guys. Thanks for today. You made a snow day convert out of me.

 **Luke:** Glad you enjoyed the experience, Lis.

 **Lincoln:** Me too. Especially since Patchy said we're going back to school tomorrow.

Lisa gets surprised and smiles.

* * *

 _November 17, 2016_

The next morning, Luke is sound asleep when his siblings enter the room.

 **Lynn:** Luke, wake up! Wake up!

 **Luke:** GAAAH! _[falls out of bed]_ Lynn, what is your deal?

 **Lynn:** Look outside your window! It's snowing!

 **Luke:** Huh? _[_ _looks out the window to see it's another snow day.]_ Oh, what?! How did _this_ even happen?!

 **Lincoln:** Trust me, I had the same reaction you had.

 **Lana:** Oh, my lucky booger worked again!

 **Lisa:** _[imitates buzzer]_ Incorrect. I called some friends at NASA. They pulled a few strings, and a little cloud-seedding later, we have ourselves another snow day.

 **Luke:** That is AWESOME! Thanks, Lisa.

 **Lana:** Aw, I still think that was you, Lucky B. _[Kisses her booger]_

* * *

Outside, Lincoln is top of a hill, adjusts his trooper hat, and slides down the hill.

 **Lincoln:** YEAH!

Suddenly, Lisa blasts snowballs at him and Lincoln crashes into a tree where a pile of snow falls onto him.

 **Lisa:** _[laughs]_ There's nothing like another whole day of lobbing frozen projectiles. WOO HOO! Snow day!

Lana is making another snowman.

 **Lana:** Ah. Even better.

Suddenly, Lisa starts firing snowballs and makes a bunch of holes on Mr. Twig Arms Jr.

 **Lana:** _[gasps]_ Mr. Twig Arms Jr.!

 **Lisa:** _[laughs]_ Look alive, Lana! Mr. Twig Arms sure doesn't.

Luke is making little drawings in the snow with a stick when suddenly, a shadow appeared and huge ambush of snowballs lands on top of him.

 **Luke:** _[muffled]_ Mmmph!

 **Lisa:** Cold enough for you, Luke?! _[laughs]_

Lynn is riding her sled when suddenly Lisa appears on her own one.

 **Lisa:** Hey, Lynn! _[busts out a snowball gatling gun]_ Say hello to my not-so-little friend. _[laughs as she throws snowballs at her sister.]_ Snow daaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Lynn falls into Lincoln's fort.

 **Lincoln:** Dang it.

* * *

Lisa comes by with a bazooka loaded with snow.

 **Lisa:** Hey, guys! I want to show you my latest invention: the Ultra Snowzooka! Patent pending. _[Looks around]_ Guys? Where'd they go?

The others are inside the house.

 **Lincoln:** Sheesh! We've created a monster!

 **Luke:** We wanted her to have fun with us, not barricade us with snowballs all day.

 **Lori:** Well, at least we're safe in here.

 **Lucy:** Yeah. It's not like she can bring snow inside the house.

Lisa shoots snow at them and they yelp at their ambush.

 **Lisa:** Behold, my latest _latest_ invention! Indoor snow! Patent pending. _[Lisa starts shooting snowballs and laughs while her siblings run off terrified.]_

* * *

Lori is hiding in her room's closet.

 **Lori:** _[to Bobby on her tablet]_ Boo Boo Bear, Lisa is literally out of control. _[pants in fear]_

 **Lisa:** _[opens the door]_ On the contrary, I've never felt more _in_ control, or more alive! _[to Bobby]_ She'll have to call you back, Boo Boo Bear.

 **Lori:** I love you.

Lisa shoots Lori with snow, covering the phone's camera, and it shuts off. In the hallway, Lana is checking outside of her room and runs to the bathroom. In the bathroom, Lisa shoots snow.

 **Lana:** _[runs out of the bathroom with her dungarees down while screaming.]_ Is nothing sacred?!

Lisa laughs evilly. Downstairs, Lincoln and Leni are hiding in the fireplace.

 **Lincoln:** We should be safe under here.

 **Leni:** _[holds a bag of brown nuts]_ I brought chestnuts for roasting.

 **Lisa:** _[up the chimney]_ YOO HOO! Here's Jack Frost nipping at your nose! _[shoots snow down the chimney.]_

 **Lincoln:** Oh, shoot. _[the snow covers him and Leni.]_

Lucy is hiding in the vent.

 **Lucy:** That maniac will never find me here.

 **Lynn:** _[Shows up]_ Mind if I join you?

 **Lucy:** It's pretty crowded up here with me and the spirits. But I think there's room next to Great Grandma Harriet.

 **Lynn:** _[sits next to her sister]_ Phew! Oh, safe at last!

Just then, a giant snowball is rolling towards Lynn and Lucy. They panic and run away from it.

 **Lynn:** Move it, Grandma!

Snow splatters outside the vent as the Wilhelm scream is heard. In Luke's room, Luke barricades his door with his dresser and looks out his window.

 **Luke:** No sign of her. I should be safe in here til' she cools down.

 **Lisa:** _[offscreen]_ Oh, Luuuuuuke...

In a petrify manner, Luke quickly hides under his desk to avoid being seen. Lisa enters the room with her Snowzooka.

 **Lisa:** Come out, come out wherever your keister is hiding.

As Lisa walks across the room, Luke covers his mouth with both his hands so that she couldn't hear him breathe. Just then, an object on top of his desk falls over, Lisa turns her head at the sound and Luke winced, still trying not to breathe. After a few seconds, Lisa shrugs, and walks out of the room. He takes a sigh of relief and is about to come out but sees the Snowzooka in front of the end of his nose.

 **Lisa:** _[smiles]_ Hello.

 **Luke:** _[deadpanned]_ Dang it.

 _[Cut to the outside of Luke's window as snow is heard splatting offscreen]_

* * *

Later that night, the Loud kids are at the living room and wish to end snow days.

 **Lucy:** Oh, spirit in the sky. End this madness.

 **Luke:** _[begging]_ I just want this to end already!

 **Lori:** _[fingers crossed]_ Please, please. No more snow!

 **Luan:** _[arms and legs crossed]_ Yeah, I can't take another day of this.

Lily drinks milk from her bottle, burps and laughs.

 **Lola:** How do you reverse a rabbit's foot?

 **Lana:** Lucky B, you've gone too far!

 **Luna:** Dudes! It's on!

 **Patchy Drizzle:** _Well, no one saw this coming but it looks like we're in for another foot of snow tonight! And that's gonna mean..._ _[The Loud kids gasp.] ...School closings!_

The Loud kids groan sadly.

 **Lisa:** YESSS! Thank you, NASA! You punks ready for tomorrow? 'Cause my snow powered tank sure is! _[clicks a button]_

Outside, the tank sends in more snow.

 **Lisa's Siblings:** NOOOOO!

 **Lincoln:** Lisa, please, enough! You have to call off the snow day.

 **Lisa:** Sorry, bub. Cloud-seeding isn't exactly reversible.

 **Lincoln:** Then use your special salt!

 **Lisa:** But I'm really looking forward to another snow day. You guys convinced me, they are F-O-N, fun!

 **Luke:** Lisa, I think we've had _enough_ fun. Can't you see that we're all tired of your little games? _[The sisters beg Lisa to call off the snow day.]_

 **Leni:** Please! We gotta go back to school!

 **Luan:** Bring on the learning!

 **Lisa:** Well, I'm quite crestfallen. But if that is the consensus, I'll submit to the will of the majority.

 **Leni:** So...going back to school?

Lisa nods and the siblings cheer.

 **Leni:** S-K-O-O-L! S-K-O-O-L!

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, Lis.

 **Lisa:** No problem, Lincoln. Best get ready for bed. School day tomorrow.

* * *

 _November 18, 2016_

The next morning, Lisa is sitting in her tank, which now shoots the salt.

 **Lisa:** _[to the viewers]_ Well, Houston, mission accomplished. My master plan was a major success. I'm pretty sure my siblings won't be wanting anymore snow days. _[rises out of the tank]_ And now that I've repurposed my snow tank to a salt-spraying, snow-melting de-icer, it's time for some real F-U-N, spelled correctly, I might add.

Lisa makes the tank move forward and spray salt as her siblings follow her.

 **Lisa's Sisters:** School day! School day! School day!

 **Lincoln:** _[to Luke; confused]_ Wait. What just happened?

 **Luke:** _[being none the wiser]_ I have no idea.


	37. Study Muffin

**Study Muffin**

 _November 27, 2016_

Today on the walk home from school, Lincoln is looking at his test with an F.

 **Lincoln:** I don't get it Clyde. Usually, I'm a good student but lately it's been all C's and D's and now an F.

 **Clyde:** _[Grabs Lincoln's test]_ Wow, and a frowny face too. That's cold.

 **Lincoln:** If I don't turn this around, I could fail fifth grade!

 **Clyde:** Lincoln, you can't! If I go to middle school without you, I could fall in with the wrong crowd, and get tattoos, and start littering!

 _[Flash into Clyde's imagination, where Clyde is throwing a corndog on the ground, then the rest of his lunch, and then proceeds to hit the food with his backpack. End fantasy.]_

 **Lincoln:** Don't worry, Clyde. I've got a plan.

 _Lisa and Lily's room…_

 **Lisa:** Sorry, Lincoln. But my tutoring schedule is completely booked. I got math with Lucy on Mondays, geology with Lynn on Tuesdays, finger painting with Lily on Wednesdays, English with Luke on Thursdays, et cetera et cetera. _[shows Lincoln her schedule]_ Oh, being the residence genius is both a blessing and a curse, though I believe in neither.

 **Lincoln:** But, Lisa, you're my last hope!

 **Lisa:** Mm. Pish Posh. Try the Community College. I've heard through the tutoring grapevine that students there tutor for extra credit.

 **Lincoln:** Great idea, Lis! _[heads off to the Community College.]_

 **Lisa:** _[holding a stopwatch]_ LORI, YOU'RE THREE MINUTES LATE FOR PRE-CALC! MOVE IT OR LOSE IT!

* * *

Later, the doorbell rings and Lincoln answers it to find a good looking fellow at the door.

 **Hugh:** Um...beg your pardon. Is this the Loud residence?

 **Lincoln:** Yep. You must be my tutor. I'm Lincoln.

 **Hugh:** I'm Hugh. Quite chuffed to meet you.

 **Lincoln:** Uh...the chuff is all mine. Come on in.

They both head inside and begin their study session in the dining room.

 **Lincoln:** I really appreciate this, Hugh. I have a big multi-subject test coming up, and I need to ace it.

 _[Enter Lori]_

 **Lori:** So, I'm like, if you literally don't know the difference between dance team and color guard- _[gasps at the sight of Hugh and drops her phone; now stammering.]_ Ba...ba...ba...

 **Lincoln:** _[concerned]_ Lori, you okay?

 **Lori:** _[speechless]_ Er...um...yes. _[picks up her phone]_ I was just going to get a...hunk of meat. I mean, a...dish of cereal. Er, tall drink of water! _[turns and smacks into the wall, dropping her phone again.]_

 **Hugh:** Miss, you dropped your mobile. _[picks it up and hands it to her.]_

Lori fawns awkwardly and Lana enters with a net.

 **Lana:** I heard a goose! I call dibs! _[notices Hugh and gets the same reaction as Lori.]_ Ba...ba...ba...

 _[Enter Leni wearing a facial mask.]_

 **Leni:** I heard a sheep. _[removes the cucumber slices on her eyes and sees Hugh.]_ AAH! MY FACE! _[runs off]_

The rest of Lincoln's sisters, minus Lily, show up with their things. They see Hugh and react like Lori and Lana did.

 **Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, and Lisa:** Ba...ba...ba...

Leni returns without her facial mask.

 **Leni:** Hey, guys. Oh, Lincoln, I didn't know you were entertaining. Hi. I'm- _[sees Hugh up-close and reacts the same way]_ Ba...ba...ba...ba...

 **Hugh:** Um, hello. I'm Hugh, Lincoln's tutor. It's lovely to meet you all.

 **Sisters:** _[infatuated]_ Ba...ba...ba...

 **Lincoln:** _[annoyed]_ Could you guys please get out of here? We're trying to study.

 **Lola:** It's a free country, Lincoln. _[stands next to Hugh]_ We can stand where we want to.

 **Lana:** _[cuts in front of Lola]_ I'm standing here!

 **Lola:** The heck you are!

The twins start fighting by flailing their hands at each other.

 **Lana:** You're blocking my view!

 **Lola:** You're blocking my Hugh!

The girls start marching toward Hugh who backs up into a corner.

 **Lori:** Get out of my way!

 **Hugh:** _[nervous]_ Oh my word. There's quite a few of you. Friendly lot.

The girls get closer with Luna hopping and flailing her tongue like a dog up front. Walt perches himself on Hugh's arm.

 **Hugh:** Oh. Hello. Bit cheeky, aren't we?

Cliff and Charles are nuzzling his legs. Seeing this, Lincoln comes to help him.

 **Lincoln:** Come on, Hugh! Let's go somewhere a little less crowded. _[pulls Hugh free]_

* * *

 _The living room…_

 **Lincoln:** Sorry about my sisters. They're not usually like this.

 **Hugh:** Oh, it's no bother. They seem like very _spirited_ young ladies.

 _[Enter Luke with his controller whistling and stops when he sees the two]_

 **Luke:** Oh. I didn't know we had company over today.

 **Hugh:** Ah, who might this be?

 **Lincoln:** Oh, right. Hugh, this is my little brother, Luke.

 **Hugh:** Luke, huh? Smashing name. Pleased to meet you.

 **Luke:** Uh, good to meet you too. Also, I heard a _lot_ of commotion downstairs and-

 **Lincoln:** _[rolls his eyes; annoyed]_ Ugh. Our sisters were going head over heels for this guy right here earlier and I had to get him out of there.

 **Luke:** You mean...?

 **Lincoln:** Yes, Luke, _that_ kind of crush.

 **Luke:** _[winces]_ Ooooh. _[to Hugh]_ That must've been stressful to go through, eh, buddy?

 **Hugh:** Oh, like I said before, no worries.

Suddenly, there's a banging at the window and it's revealed to be the sisters looking through the window. Luan has her camera to film Hugh.

 **Lynn:** Get out of my way!

 **Leni:** You're blocking my Hugh!

Their behavior enrages Lincoln and he closes the curtain on them so he can resume his studies.

 **Luke:** You sure you want to rethink that?

 **Lincoln:** _[sighs]_ As I was saying, sorry about my-

A periscope comes in with one of the sisters peeping in and Lincoln angrily shoves it back up, hitting the peeping sister, which is Lola.

 **Lola:** OW! MY EYE!

Lincoln groans in annoyance and Luke puts a hand on his shoulder.

 **Luke:** Maybe you should find somewhere else to study before they go at it again.

 **Lincoln:** You're right. Come on, Hugh.

* * *

Lincoln and Hugh go upstairs where Lynn Sr. is as he notices Hugh as well.

 **Lincoln:** Again, sorry about my sisters. Maybe we should study in my room.

 **Hugh:** Brilliant!

Lynn Sr. is now wearing a bowler hat and holding a miniature Union Jack.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[in a faux British accent]_ Cheerio! Pip-pip and all that rut! Lynn Loud, Sr. I did a college semester in merry old England. So many memories. Bangers and mash, riding the Tube...

 **Hugh:** _[uncomfortable]_ Ah, yes. Cheers.

 _[Enter Lori]_

 **Lori:** Oh, Hugh. My window is literally stuck and I need someone very strong to open it. _[takes Hugh away from her dad, who doesn't even notice.]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[humming]_ Hmm, hmm...fish and chips.

Lincoln sighs at this sight. In Lori and Leni's room, Hugh opens the not-so-stuck window.

 **Hugh:** There you are, love. Right as rain.

 **Lori:** _[amorous]_ Wow. I bet you work out a lot, huh?

 **Hugh:** Well, I did do a spot of crew in fifth form.

 **Lori:** I like all your forms. _[fawns awkwardly again]_

 _[Enter Lisa]_

 **Lisa:** I need to borrow Hugh for a second. I'm tutoring Lola. _[takes Hugh away]_

 **Lincoln:** What?

 **Hugh:** Glad to help. What's the subject.

Lisa stares at him with a creepy smile and makes a creepy giggle to go along with it.

 _[Cut to Lola's tutoring session.]_

 **Lisa:** _[showing Hugh's abdomen]_ This is called a rectus abdominis. Otherwise known as a six pack.

 **Hugh:** _[embarrassed]_ Oh, I say! _[pulls his shirt down]_

 **Lisa:** Now, if you'll turn around, I'll point out the gluteus maximus.

The rest of the girls charge in and they and Lola squeal enticingly.

 **Hugh:** _[frightened]_ Really? But this is most-

 **Lincoln:** _[Fed up]_ Okay, okay, class dismissed. _[takes Hugh away]_

As they leave, Lori gets a quick snapshot of Hugh's butt.

 _The attic…_

 **Lincoln:** Sorry about this. It's the only place we'll get any privacy. It's a bit dark, but there's a lamp right here.

Lincoln turns on the light and Lucy is right there from the shadowy corner, startling them.

 **Lucy:** Hi, Hugh. I wrote a poem about you.

 _Hugh._

 _Wavy hair._

 _Mysterious eyes._

 _Pretty cool for a living guy. Hugh._

 _[Enter Lynn Sr. now wearing a royal guard hat.]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[in his accent]_ 'Ello, governor! Picked this up at ye olde Buckingham Palace gift shoppe.

 _[Enter Lola who pushes her family members aside.]_

 **Lola:** EVERYBODY OUT! _[gets out her tea party set]_ It's tea time for me and Hugh. I made yours without sugar, 'cause you're already sweet. _[giggles and flutters her eyelashes]_

 _Charles' Doghouse…_

 **Lincoln:** Okay, I highly doubt anyone's gonna bother us here.

Lincoln looks over there as Lana is in the doghouse drinking water with Charles.

 **Lana:** _[notices Hugh and waves flirtatiously]_ Oh, hi, Hughie.

Charles gets up on Hugh and licks his face.

 **Luna:** Dudes! He's in the pooch pad!

The rest of the girls, their dad, Walt, and Cliff all rush to the doghouse, each getting stuck in the hole, begging for Hugh to join them, leaving him in a panic.

 **Hugh:** Aah! This again!

This commotion ultimately destroys Charles' doghouse.

 **Lincoln:** _[furious]_ ALRIGHT! FAMILY MEETING! _[to Hugh]_ Back in a jiff.

* * *

 _Family meeting in the living room…_

 **Luke:** _[having heard everything from Lincoln]_ So, they didn't leave you guys alone, huh?

 **Lincoln:** No, they didn't. _[to the girls and his dad]_ And this is exactly what I want to talk to guys about. The minute a good-looking guy with an accent shows up, you all go completely bonkers.

 **Leni:** _[in denial]_ That is so not true! _[reveals to be wearing a sweater dedicated to Hugh]_ I've got these Hugh sweaters in small, medium, and large.

 **Girls and Lynn Sr.:** Ooh!

 **Luke:** _[deadpanned]_ Et tu, Dad?

 **Lynn Sr.:** What? They're stylish.

 **Lincoln:** This has to end. I need to study, or I'm gonna flunk fifth grade! So from now on, Hugh is off limits.

The girls all complain at Lincoln's decision and walk away disappointed.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[in accent]_ Now, girls, you heard Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** _[agitated]_ Uh, that means you too, Dad.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[disappointed]_ Oh.

He and the three pets leave upset and Walt poops on Lincoln in retaliation.

 **Lincoln:** Ugh! _[He gets even more annoyed.]_

 **Luke:** _[tries to wipe the poop off him]_ Don't worry, dude, you did the right thing. And hey, maybe they'll actually leave you alone this time.

 **Lincoln:** _[having his doubts]_ Hmm, I don't think so. Maybe _you_ should guard my door, just in case they try to get into my room.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ Fine, but you owe me after this.

 **Lincoln:** It's worth it.

* * *

 _Lincoln's room…_

 **Lincoln:** Sorry that took so long to take care. Finally, we can get down to business.

 **Hugh:** Brilliant. Let's start with mathematics. _[opens math book]_ See if you can solve for X.

Lincoln writes down his equation.

 **Lincoln:** Is that right?

 **Hugh:** Well done! Let's move onto social studies. _[opens social studies book]_ What are the three major exports of Bosnia-Herzegovina?

 **Lincoln:** _[thinking]_ Um...aluminum, car seats, and leather footwear?

 **Hugh:** Smashing! Shall we have a go at Earth sciences?

 _Later on…_

 **Hugh:** _[impressed]_ Lincoln, you're spot-on in all of your lessons. Even surrealist art.

Lincoln had painted his version of The Son of Man by René Magritte with him as the son and a Tennis ball as the apple.

 **Lincoln:** _[confused]_ It's weird. I thought I needed so much help.

 **Hugh:** It's all in your head, chum. There's no reason you shouldn't be getting top marks on your exam. Well, I guess you won't be needing me anymore.

The girls and pets burst in, slamming Luke against the wall.

 **Sisters:** _[devastated]_ NOOOOOOOOO!

 **Lincoln:** _[angry]_ Luke, what the heck?!

 **Luke:** _[in pain]_ Can you blame me? It was ten against one.

 **Hugh:** _[frantic]_ Good heavens! Are all yanks like this? Careful! Mind the hair!

The girls and their dad all surround Hugh with little to no escape. He crawls out and runs for his life.

 **Lynn Sr.:** GIRLS! HE'S GETTIN' AWAY!

Hugh is on a Penny-Farthing pedaling as fast as he can as the girls, their dad, and the pets give chase.

 **Girls:** NO! / You can't leave! / I want a lock of your hair! / MARRY ME!

* * *

 _November 28, 2016_

The next day, Lincoln returns home from school with a despondent look on his face.

 **Lynn:** How'd the test go, bro? You ace it?

 **Lincoln:** No! I got an F! _[slumps on the floor]_

 **Luan:** _[takes the test off of her brother's head and looks at it]_ Oh, and a frowny face. That's cold! _[pulls out a phone]_ I know just _Hugh_ to call! _[laughs]_ Get it?

The girls start fighting over who should call him.

 **Lana:** _I'm_ calling Hugh!

 **Lola:** No, me!

 **Lori:** _I'm_ calling Hugh!

 **Luke:** _[rolls his eyes]_ I don't think anyone's gonna call Hugh at this point.

 **Lincoln:** I don't get it. I thought I knew all the answers. _[sighs]_ Ms. DiMartino is definitely gonna flunk me now.

The girls cease their fight.

 **Lynn:** Wait. Ms. DiMartino?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah. She's been our substitute teacher since Mrs. Johnson broke her leg riding a mechanical bull.

 **Luke:** Uh, wasn't there another reason you've been doing so poor on your tests?

 **Luna:** Like the fact that Ms. D is so smokin', guys go completely bonkers around her.

 **Lori:** Yeah. Even Bobby nearly flunked because of her. Of course, that was BL: Before Lori. _[grimly]_ Or he never would have noticed her.

 **Lincoln:** But that couldn't happen to _me_! _[thinking]_ Could it?

 _[A flashback to Ms. DiMartino preparing for her first day as the substitute for Mrs. Johnson's class.]_

 _ **Girl Jordan:**_ _Hi, Ms. DiMartino!_

 _[Enter Lincoln walking by, captivated.]_

 _ **Lincoln:**_ _Ba...ba...ba..._ _[walks into a locker door.]_

 _In class, Zach gives Ms. DiMartino an apple with a heart-shaped balloon tied to its stem. Rusty gives her a box of chocolates. Liam gives her a bonsai tree trimmed like a heart. Lincoln gives her a fruit basket dedicated to the state of Michigan. Lincoln is sharpening his pencil while being distracted by Ms. DiMartino's beauty. He sharpens his pencil down so much, it's stubby now. It happened to a lot of his pencils. Ms. DiMartino is writing down the French term for "to love", Aimer, and how to conjugate it._

 _ **Ms. DiMartino:**_ _Let's conjugate the French verb, "Aimer", to love._ _J'aime, tu aimes, il aime, nous aimons..._

 _The boys are too busy ogling and drooling over her to pay attention. At lunchtime in the cafeteria, Lincoln and his friends all look at her and wander into the trashcan._

 _ **Liam:** Oh! Found my retainer!_

 _The class is taking a test._

 _ **Ms. DiMartino:**_ _You'll have one hour to complete your test. Eyes on your own paper._

 _During the test, Lincoln fills in his test with a big heart._

 _[End flashback]_

 **Lincoln:** _[realizes]_ Holy shamoley! You guys are right! I _do_ go completely bonkers around Ms. DiMartino. Just like you guys did around Hugh.

The girls are all wearing Hugh sweaters.

 **Leni:** I don't know why you keep saying that.

 **Luke:** _[looks at the sweaters they're wearing]_ Yeah, you're right, you clearly don't.

 **Leni:** Oh, by the way, if Hugh and I ever got married and had a baby... _[shows an online baby picture she made]_ ...here's what it would look like.

 **Lisa:** Oh, Leni, you're delusional. Because _I'm_ gonna marry him, and our progeny is gonna look like this. _[shows her online baby]_

The girls start fighting again, this time over who will marry Hugh. Luke is practically annoyed at this point.

 **Lincoln:** Guys, you gotta help me! I don't wanna flunk fifth grade! Clyde could end up as a tattooed litterbug!

The girls stop again and are puzzled by what he said.

 **Luke:** _[just as puzzled as them]_ What?

 **Lincoln:** It made sense when he said it.

 **Luan:** Maybe you can get Ms. DiMartino to let you retake the test.

 **Lincoln:** But as long as she's anywhere near me, I'm still gonna blow it!

 **Lisa:** Well then, the solution would be to remove her from your field of vision. Observe. _[takes Lori's phone with a picture of Hugh as its wallpaper which she makes that creepy smile towards it and goes to Lori.]_ Lori, what is Bobby's full name?

 **Lori:** Roberto Alejandro Martinez- _[gets shown the Hugh picture and fawns over it; Lisa pulls it back.]_ Roberto Alejandro- _[gets shown it and fawns again; it's pulled back.]_ Roberto- _[shown and fawning again.]_

 **Lisa:** And now to delete.

 **Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, and Lola:** NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lisa deletes the Hugh image which is now replaced with a picture of Lori taking a duckface selfie.

 **Lori:** _[shakes her head and comes to her senses.]_ Roberto Alejandro Martinez-Millan Luis Santiago, Jr.

 **Lisa:** Case closed.

 **Lincoln:** Got it. _[leaves]_

 **Lisa:** Don't worry, guys. I have more photos of Hugh saved in the cloud.

 **Luke:** _[feigning curiousity]_ Ohhhh, you do, huh?

 **Lisa:** Precisely, elder brother.

 **Luke:** Hmm, interesting. Would be a real shame if something happened to those photos, eh?

 **Lisa:** Yes, it woul- _[now suspicious]_ Wait a second. What are you...? _[sees that Luke is already running upstairs with his phone]_

 **Luke:** YOU GOTTA CATCH ME FIRST, SUCKERS! _[laughs maniacally]_

 **Lola:** _[angry]_ Hey! You better not delete those photos, too! _[She and the other sisters give chase to Luke offscreen]_

* * *

 _November 29, 2016_

The next day at school, Lincoln is retaking the test in his locker to avoid seeing Ms. DiMartino.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks for letting me retake my test, Ms. DiMartino.

 **Ms. DiMartino:** No problem, Lincoln. _[slides the retake through the locker's slot.]_ "Here you go. You have one hour to complete it, and keep your eyes on your own paper. _[giggles]_

 **Lincoln:** _[charmed]_ Gosh, and you're funny, too. _[makes an air horn sound to focus.]_

In his locker, Lincoln has a headlight on so he can see and writes down the answers to the questions. Later, Lincoln joins up with Clyde with some good news.

 **Lincoln:** Clyde! I did it! I aced the test!

 **Clyde:** That's awesome, Lincoln! So, you're not gonna flunk fifth grade?

 **Lincoln:** Nope. Only downside is, I'm going to be spending a lot of time inside my locker.

They approach their classroom.

 **Lincoln:** Well, here goes. _[covers his eyes and steps in]_ Better shield my eyes from our teacher's blinding beauty.

 **Mrs. Johnson:** Oh, well, thank you.

Mrs. Johnson is back in the classroom with her leg in a cast and sitting in a wheelchair.

 **Mrs. Johnson:** I'm flattered. _[charmingly]_ Why don't you come sit in the front row, Lincoln?

 **Lincoln:** _[laughs awkwardly]_ Uh...yes. Brilliant.

* * *

 _Gym class outside..._

 **Lincoln:** Now that Mrs. Johnson's back, looks like my troubles are over.

Unfortunately for Lincoln, he and Clyde see a familiar face. Ms. DiMartino is now a substitute coach.

 **Lincoln & Clyde:** _[captivated]_ Ba...ba...ba...ba...

 **Girl Jordan:** What happened to Coach Pacowski?

 **Ms. DiMartino:** Mrs. Johnson ran over his foot with her wheelchair, so I'll be subbing in gym class for a while. _[blows her whistle]_ Let's do some laps, everybody! _[giggles]_

The girls are well focused, but the boys are too distracted.

 **Lincoln & Clyde:** _[running while distracted]_ Ba...ba...ba...

They collide into a basketball pole due to their infatuated state, as do a few other boys.


	38. The Old and the Restless

**The Old and the Restless**

 _November 30, 2016_

Vanzilla drives into Sunset Canyon Retirement Home and Lincoln and Luke step out.

 **Rita:** Have fun with Pop-Pop, boys, I'll see you at 6:00! _[drives off]_

 **Luke:** Oh, man! It's been a long time since I've seen the old kahuna. Thanks again for convincing Mom to let me join you.

 **Lincoln:** Don't mention it, Luke, I knew how bad you wanted to see him.

An elderly man is coming out with a box of his belongings.

 **Elderly Man:** But…but...but...but...

 **Sue:** _[pushing the elderly man out of retirement home.]_ If you would've had your butt home by curfew, you'd still have a place to live.

 **Luke:** What was that about?

 **Lincoln:** Beats me. Come on, let's head inside.

The two brothers enter the retirement home and Lincoln rings the bell. An elderly man taps the two boys' shoulders then tip-toes to the side.

 **Lincoln & Luke:** Pop-Pop!

 **Albert:** Ha, ha, ha! _[to Luke]_ Good to see you again, Luke, how are your sisters doing?

 **Luke:** Oh, you know, the usual.

 **Lincoln:** Your new place looks nice!

 **Albert:** Thanks, kiddo. It took me months to get in here. I had to wait for three people to kick the bu-uh, move out. This place has got a pool, shuffleboard tournaments, and it's filled with all my old pals. I'm really loving it here. So, what's on the day's agenda?

 **Lincoln:** I got our whole day planned: arcade, carnival, maybe laser tag?

 **Luke:** _[just as excited] I'm_ mostly looking forward to the arcade.

 **Sue:** Wowsers! _[chuckles]_ That sound's like oodles of fun...if you wanna end up in the ER. I think your grandfather will be happier spending the day here at Sunset Canyon. Right, Albert?

 **Albert:** _[sadly]_ Oh, yes, of course. Good call, Sue.

 **Luke:** What?

 **Lincoln:** But Pop-Pop-

 **Albert:** It's okay, boys. Sue here takes real care of us. She knows best.

Scoots comes speeding on her electrical scooter.

 **Sue:** Scoots! _[pulls out a velocity speed gun]_ You're going 5 miles over the speed limit! Someone just lost her pudding privileges. _[runs after the speeding elder]_ Get back here.

 **Luke:** Oi, _she_ sure knows how to live her life.

 **Lincoln:** _[Looks at his grandfather all happy.]_ Hey, how 'bout a swim?

Albert obliges and walks with the two boys.

* * *

 _The pool…_

 **Lincoln & Luke:** Cannonball!

The three stop as they here Sue's whistle.

 **Sue:** Cannonball? That sounds like a hoot, if you want to brake a hip. Do you want to break a hip, Albert? _[Albert shakes his head in a nerveless agreement.]_ Then why don't you grab a seat on the helper chair?

An elder is on the helper chair with a line of elders waiting for their turn.

 **Albert:** _[Disappointed]_ Good call, Sue. _[Walks towards the helper chair.]_

 **Sue:** _[Looks towards Lincoln and Luke]_ And speaking of pool safety, I have something for you two. _[smiling evilly]_

Lincoln and Luke are now floating unhappy in the pool, wearing a life vest and water nose-plugs.

 **Luke:** _[deadpanned]_ I don't think I've ever been more humiliated…

 **Albert:** Okay, boys, splash fight in 3,2,- _[gets interrupted by Sue's whistle.]_

 **Sue:** Everybody out! Time to reapply sunblock.

 **Albert:** _[Disappointed]_ Aww.

He goes back up in the helper chair.

 **Lincoln:** _[looks at Sue, confused]_ But we're indoors

 **Albert:** _[Still disappointed; looks at Lincoln]_ Now, Lincoln, Sue knows best.

Lincoln and Luke swim away offscreen.

 **Seymour:** _[In the pool on a purple water noddle.]_ But Sue I-I just got the hang of this noodle and I- _[gets interrupted by Sue.]_

 **Sue:** Okay, Seymour, you can stay in the water. If you want your skin to flake off like a burnt potato!

 **Seymour:** _[Disappointed, paddling backwards]_ Oh, good call Sue.

* * *

Albert, Lincoln, Luke are now playing Twister. Lincoln spins the board.

 **Lincoln:** Left foot red!

Luke puts his left foot on a red panel and Albert tries to stretches his left foot onto another red panel and blows a raspberry upon placing it. Lincoln spins again, but Sue stomps on the arrow.

 **Sue:** Well, doesn't this look like a great way to end up in traction? Why don't you go help Scoots with her cat puzzle?

Scoots is eating from the pudding dispenser despite having her privileges taken away.

 **Sue:** _[blows her whistle]_ I EXPRESSLY SAID NO PUDDING!

 **Scoots:** You'll never catch me, SHREW! _[laughs and scoots off while Sue gives chase and keeps blowing her whistle.]_

 _Albert's room…_

 **Lincoln:** Pop-Pop, you really need a nap?

 **Albert:** _[in bed]_ Those are Sue's rules and Sue knows best.

 **Luke:** _[groans]_ "Sue knows best, Sue knows best!" Can't you see what that woman has done to you?! This is the first time I've visited you in years, Pop-Pop, and she's letting you control you like a puppet!

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, she's convinced you you're old and frail. But you're not. The last time we hung out, you crushed those Navy SEAL's in paintball.

 _[Flashback to the SEAL's screaming and being splattered by Albert who comes swinging on a vine vigorously; end flashback.]_

 **Albert:** Ho, ho. I took it to 'em. But that was years ago, Lincoln.

 **Lincoln:** It was last month. Pop-Pop, I think we should go have a fun day out on the town like we used to.

 **Albert:** Okay, you sold me. Let's blow this popsicle stand!

Sue is monitoring the lobby when she spots Lincoln, Luke, and Pop-Pop heading out the door.

 **Sue:** Where are you three Peppy Pete's off to? Albert, shouldn't you be in bed?

 **Lincoln:** He's not tired.

 **Sue:** _[sarcastic]_ Oh, I didn't realize we had a geriatric expert on the premises.

 **Luke:** We're just going out to have some fun, alright?

 **Sue:** Well, that sounds like a good way to miss our 6:00 PM curfew. And you know what happens if you miss curfew. You'll be out on your proverbial keister.

 **Albert:** _[nervous]_ Uh...come on, boys. Race you to the shuffleboard court.

 **Lincoln:** No! We're gonna have a great time, and I promise we'll be back by 6:00 o'clock curfew.

 **Albert:** Hm, okay, kiddo. Lead the way.

Just as they're about to leave, Sue points to her watch to remind the boys not to be late as Lincoln smiles nervously and Luke rolls his eyes.

* * *

 _Dine 'N' Dance..._

Lincoln, Luke, and Albert are ordering lunch.

 **Lincoln:** Three cheeseburgers, three fries, two chocolate shakes, and one vanilla shake.

 **Albert:** Oh, not for me. I'll just have the cottage cheese and melon slices. _[His grandsons looks at him confused.]_ Sue says I should stick to food that's a little easier to digest.

 **Luke:** Says the guy who cleaned out an entire Chinese buffet in one go.

 _[Flashback to Albert eating everything at the buffet, forcing the family who owns the restaurant to close up shop; end flashback.]_

 **Albert:** _[chuckles]_ I took it to 'em. Ah, what the heck? I'll have what they're havin'. And put chili on everything!

After lunch, the two boys and Albert are stuffed and Albert passes gas.

 **Albert:** Who stepped on a frog?

 _[They laugh]_

 **Waitress:** _[announcing]_ Hey, hap cats and kittens! It's time to do the twist!

A 50's style greaser dances with one of the waitresses and another waitress offers to dance with Albert.

 **Albert:** _[unsure]_ Uh, thank you, but I really shouldn't. Sue says dancing is a great way to slip a disk.

 **Lincoln:** But, Pop-Pop, you love to dance.

 **Albert:** They did call me "Jitterbug" in the Army. _[dances with the waitress after all.]_

 **Waitress:** Woo-hoo! _[laughs gleefully while dancing with Albert.]_

They are now playing Laser Tag. Lincoln fires at Albert, but he dodges the shot and blasts Lincoln's vest, thus eliminating his grandson.

 **Luke:** I got you, dude!

He attempts to fire at Albert too, but Albert dodges that shot too and blasts Luke. But then, a little girl easily takes him out.

 **Albert:** Oh, you got me! _[pretends to keel over much to the girl's confusion.]_

Now they're riding bumper cars and ram into each other, causing Albert's dentures to fly out and hit Lincoln's forehead as they laugh. They then drink Flippees really fast to see who can finish theirs first.

 **Lincoln & Luke:** _[feeling the pain]_ Aah! Brain freeze!

 **Albert:** _[finishes his]_ Winner!

They then go mountain climbing, reach the top, admire the view and high-five. Later, the two boys get themselves and their Pop-Pop three hot dogs and notice he made a new friend.

 **Albert:** Lincoln, Luke, my new friend T-Bone here was just telling me about a mechanical bull riding competition.

 **Luke:** _[checking his phone]_ Hate to cut this short, Pop-Pop, but it's almost 6:00 and we gotta head back. Sue said-

 **Albert:** Aw, nuts to Sue! You boys were right about her! She got me thinking I'm an old geezer. But I still got some pep in my step." _[shows off a few dance moves.]_ Huh? Huh?

 **Lincoln:** Yeah, but Sue said if we miss curfew, you'll be out on your proverbial keister.

 **Albert:** _[finishes his hot dog]_ You let me deal with Sue. Now, you ready to saddle up?

 **Lincoln:** Pop-Pop, we can't.

 **Albert:** Okay, worrywart, then I'm outta here. Let's ride, T-Bone!

The biker and the geezer head off.

 **Lincoln:** Pop-Pop, wait!

 **Luke:** Crud! We're dead.

 **Lincoln:** Not yet, Luke. We just have to get him to snap out of it and get him back to Sunset Canyon before curfew. You in?

 **Luke:** Normally, I say no to these kinds of things, but this is for Pop-Pop. Let's do this!

The two boys chase after their Pop-Pop down the street and spots the motorcycle parked next to a bar _._

 **Lincoln:** T-Bone's bike! _[enters the bar and can't find his Pop-Pop anywhere.]_ Mr. Bone, do you know where our grandpa is?

 **T-Bone:** Oh, you mean Cowboy Al? Haven't seen him since he won the competition.

T-Bone shows a recording he took of Albert on the mechanical bull on his phone.

 _ **Albert:** YEE-HAW!_

 **Luke:** Dang, he's got it down on that bull.

 **Lincoln:** Well, if he's not here, where is he?

A baseball game is playing on the bar's TV.

 _ **Sportscaster:** Martinez goes back for the catch, and...what in blazes? There's an old man on the field, in his boxers! And there go the boxers._

Lincoln and Luke cover their eyes upon hearing that last part.

 **Lincoln:** To the ballpark! _[The two leave the bar]_

 _Sterrett Field..._

Albert gets kicked out for that little incident and a crowd comes raging out and seems to have carried him off. Now Albert is skateboarding off a half-pipe and lands right on a breakdancing stage in style. The heavy metal band Horns on a Rabbit then grabs him and takes him in their van where he performs sax on stage with them with the crowd raving as he then performs a stage dive outside of the theater with the two boys trying to catch up every which way to no avail.

 **Luke:** _[checking his phone again]_ It's 5:30!

 **Lincoln:** Pop-Pop's curfew is in 30 minutes.

They then look up to see that he's riding a plane, skywriting " _Pop-Pop Rules_ ". He grabs some passerby's glasses to get a better look while said passerby crashes offscreen.

 **Albert:** LOOK OUT, WORLD! ALBERT'S ABOUT TO TAKE IT TO YA! _[jumps out of the plane]_ YAHOO-AH!

The two boys yelp and rushes to where Albert's gonna land. The old man lands somewhere in the trees nearby and lets out a fart.

 **Lincoln & Luke:** Pop-Pop!

 **Albert:** Whoops! Guess I had too much chili. Sorry, boys. I think I overdid it a little today.

 **Luke:** Uh, try _huge_.

 **Lincoln:** That's okay, Pop-Pop. If we hurry, we can still get you back in time. Hold on. _[They proceed to get him down.]_

* * *

Back at Sunset Canyon, Lincoln and Albert reach the front door only to find that Sue's patrolling the lobby again and split up. She gets out her keys, ready to lock up, and looks at her watch which shows it's a few minutes before curfew.

 **Sue:** Ah, close enough. _[locks up]_

Lincoln tries to open the front door, but it's no use.

 **Lincoln:** Dang it!

 **Sue:** _[on voice box]_ _Attention, residents! Time for room check!_

 **Albert:** Double dang it!

 **Luke:** What are we gonna do?

 **Bernie:** Psst! Al! Up here!

Lincoln, Luke, and Albert turn to the others at their windows.

 **Bernie:** We saw you at the ball game on TV. Didn't know you were a boxers guy.

 **Seymour:** I saw your name in the sky, Al. You really do rule!

 **Scoots:** We're not gonna let Shrew kick you outta here. Come on, you old farts! I need your canes!

They smile with hope. Meanwhile, Sue's checking on the rooms.

 **Sue:** Evening, Melba. Ah ah ah! No liquids before bed.

Scoots hooks Seymour and Bernie's canes down to the two boys and Albert, who use them like a climbing rope and get up to her room, but Sue is checking up on that room next only to see Scoots.

 **Scoots:** _[chuckles]_ Just workin' on my cat puzzle.

As soon as Sue leaves, they pop out from behind her sofa.

 **Lincoln, Luke, and Albert:** Phew.

 **Sue:** _[preparing to check Albert's room]_ Albert?

Seymour comes out in a towel holding a shower head.

 **Seymour:** Sue! Help! I can't turn my shower off.

Sue goes into Seymour's room to help him out and they sneak over to the door to Albert's room only to find it's locked. Albert checks his pockets.

 **Albert:** Nuts. Can't find my key.

 **Bernie:** I got ya. You gave me a spare.

They enter Bernie's room and get the spare key.

 **Lincoln:** Thanks, Bernie.

They use the key and get into Albert's room.

 **Luke:** Yes!

 **Lincoln:** We did it!

 **Albert:** We sure took it to Sue.

The three fist bump, but...

 **Sue:** Oh, did you, now?

It's revealed that she was waiting in his bed and has caught them in the act.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ Triple dang it...

* * *

Now, Albert is being kicked out of the home.

 **Lincoln:** But-but-but-but-

 **Sue:** No buts. You missed curfew and it's out on your keister!

 **Lincoln:** We're sorry, Pop-Pop. We never should have made you leave today. And now you're getting kicked out. I know how much you loved it here.

 **Albert:** No worries, kiddo. I regret nothing. You see that day we just had? I don't wanna be livin' in a place that makes me feel like an old geezer anyhow.

Lincoln and Luke smile at what his Pop-Pop just said.

 **Sue:** Who cares? Let's get moving.

 _[Enter Scoots]_

 **Scoots:** Hold on there, Shrew. If you kick Albert out, then you gotta kick me out, too.

 **Sue:** _[mercilessly]_ With pleasure.

 **Seymour:** And us, too!

All the seniors are shown to be standing up for Albert.

 **Bernie:** Yeah! You won't have much of a seniors' center without seniors! Zing! That's a burn from Bernie!

 **Luke:** _[smug]_ Whatcha going to do now, Shrew?

The seniors and Sue eye each other back and forth.

 **Sue:** _[defeated]_ Fine! Albert stays! NOW GO BACK TO YOUR ROOMS!

 **Albert:** We'll go back when we're good and ready! We're not babies and you're gonna stop treating us that way!

Sue viciously snaps her clipboard in half and stomps away while the seniors and Lincoln hold Albert, but that proves to be a mistake as they drop him on their frail bodies and moan in pain.

 **Luke:** _[winces]_ Ooooh.

 **Albert:** There goes the hip.

* * *

Rita drives the van up to pick up Lincoln and Luke with his grandpa waving to his daughter.

 **Rita:** Hi, Dad! Come on, boys!

 **Luke:** It was good to see you again, Pop-Pop.

 **Albert:** So long, kiddos! I can't wait for your next visit. _[winks]_ And, bring your chaps in case we wanna do some bull riding. And, my parachute.

 **Seymour:** _[from inside]_ Hey, Big Al! We're having a celebratory late night swim!

 **Albert:** Don't need 'em! Till next time, boys! _[heads inside and takes off all his clothes, throwing them out at the van.]_

 **Scoots:** Now this guy knows how to party!

The expression on Lincoln and Luke's faces indicates they don't want to see that.


	39. UPDATE & HIATUS!

**UPDATE & HIATUS**

 _First off, this is not a new episode. Sorry to disappoint you. :(_

 _But anyway, hey everyone, SGWarrior here with an update on this series and why I haven't been posting for a long time. Let me just say that I'm so sorry if y'all were asking me to keep up to date on episodes. Believe me, I'd love to fulfill your requests, it's just that with school, and pretty much everything that's coming up in my life, I haven't had_ any _time to write anything for LLTLH. To make sense here, I just want to focus on what's important right now, since I am currently in my last year of high school, and I can't ditch everything just to write new episodes all the time. But, since I need more time to think about things, I'm gonna have to go on a hiatus for a while. I'm not taking this in a harsh way, I'm just explaining myself thoroughly and why I haven't been writing, so don't get all whatever with me._

 _But other than that, surprise!_ _Season 2 of LLTLH is here!_ (It started with **Old and the Restless** ) _Hold up. Did I just say Season 2? Yup, I suuuure did._ _And I have some **big** announcements for that particular season:_

 _*We'll get to find out Luke's secret talents._

 _*The story will focus more on Luke's respective this season._

 _*And..._ **ORIGINAL EPISODES & SHORTS **_coming soon. So if any one of you have an idea for a Luke episode or short, leave them in the reviews or you can PM me if you'd like._ (I mean, some of you have already been requesting ideas months ago.)

 _That's all I want to say to you guys. So, to make a long update short:_

 **Luke Loud will return.**

 _Heh. See what I did there. Because of the... Eh, never mind... I will be back on January 25, starting with_ **Baby Steps**. _Until then, I'll see you guys soon! :D_

 **-SGWarrior**


	40. Baby Steps

**Baby Steps**

 _November 30, 2016_

It is night time in the Loud House. In Lincoln's room, he is sleeping with his dog Charles. Just then, his walkie talkie comes on itself.

 **Lincoln:** _[jumps on his bed in surprise]_ AAAAHHH!

 **Clyde:** _Slumberjack! Come in! It's Night Owl!_

Lincoln opens his drawer of toys and grabs his walkie talkie.

 **Clyde:** _Slumberjack! Do you read me?_

 **Lincoln:** Clyde?

 **Clyde:** Sorry about the late hour, but I have the best news ever!

 **Lincoln:** Lori found the book of poems you wrote about her and realized she's in love with you?

 **Clyde:** Okay, second best news ever. My dads are having another baby! _[Lincoln gasps]_ I'm gonna be a big brother!

 **Lincoln:** Clyde, that's amazing! Did they just tell you?

 **Clyde:** Well, not exactly. But I've been noticing clues for a while.

 _[Flashback starts with Clyde in the laundry room, walks out with a mop and a bucket of things to clean with. Clyde stops and looks at the clothes from the washing machine.]_

 _ **Clyde:**_ _Baby clothes?_

 _[Second flashback starts with Clyde in the kitchen, opening the refrigerator to grab a carton of milk. He opens the dishwasher, he saw baby bottles.]_

 _ **Clyde:**_ _Baby bottles?_

 _[Third flashback of Clyde bringing his cat Cleopawtra home.]_

 _ **Clyde:**_ _Come on, Cleopawtra._

 _Clyde sees his dads, Harold with two nails in his mouth and holding a hammer, and Howard with a notepad and pencil._

 _ **Harold:**_ _There. Can't be too safe with a little one on the loose._

 _ **Howard:**_ _[sighs]_ _That reminds me, we need to secure loose cables, and cover the outlets, and lock up the cleaning supplies._

 _[Flashback ends back to Lincoln and Clyde.]_

 **Clyde:** So it was pretty clear what was going on. But I wasn't positive until about 5 minutes ago.

 _[Flashback starts with Clyde walking in the bathroom at night and Howard and Harold talking to each other in their bedroom.]_

 _ **Harold:**_ _Well, Howie, I think our home is ready. But what about our hearts? Do we really have room for another little bundle of joy?_

 _Clyde peeks out of the bathroom holding a roll of toilet paper staring at the viewers._

 _ **Howard:**_ _Of course we do, Harebear._ _[gasps]_ _I cannot wait to surprise Clyde._

 _Clyde dances out of the bathroom._

 _[End flashback]_

 **Clyde:** Being a big brother is the most important job I'll ever have. Apart from being Lori's soulmate. I need to make sure I'm ready for it!

 **Lincoln:** You woke up the right guy, Clyde. I got the Big Brother thing down to a science. Why don't you spend a day shadowing me so you can learn firsthand?

 **Clyde:** Sweet! I'm on my way. _[gets off his bed and puts on his jacket.]_

 **Lincoln:** Love that enthusiasm, Night Owl, but it's 1:00 AM.

 **Clyde:** _[chuckles]_ Right. See you at 9:00, Slumber Jack.

 **Lincoln:** Sleep well, Night Owl.

* * *

 _December 1, 2016_

 **Lincoln:** Okay, Clyde, allow me to introduce **Lincoln Loud's 3 C's of Big Brothering:** Confidence, caring, and when all else fails, cookies. _[passes Clyde a fanny pack full of cookies.]_

 **Clyde:** _[takes a cookie out]_ Snickerdoodles, my favorite. _[Tries to eat one, but Lincoln takes it away.]_

 **Lincoln:** Ah ah ah. Those aren't for us. Now, time to start my rounds so you can observe the 3 C's in action. _[puts on a fanny pack]_

As they step out of the room, Lily starts crying.

 **Lincoln:** Hear that? _[sporting sunglasses]_ First big brother cue of the day!

Lily is crying because she smashed her thumb with her toy hammer while playing with her hardware toys, showing a red soreness spot.

 **Lincoln:** First up, Confidence. _[walks up to Lily]_ Don't worry, Lily. Your big brother's here to help. Let's get a look at that thumb of yours. _[looks at it]_ Just what I thought: a boo-boo. This calls for caring.

Clyde takes notes.

 **Lincoln:** Aw. I'm sorry you got such a bad ouchie. But we can make it better. _[Kisses it, gives Lily her corn popper and takes her hammer; thumbs up to Clyde.]_

 **Clyde:** Wow. You didn't even need a cookie.

 **Lily:** Cookie? _[begs for one]_

 **Lincoln:** _[gives Lily the cookie]_ Sometimes it's safer to spell.

Off in the distance…

 **Lola:** LANA! STOP IT!

 **Lana:** MAKE ME!

 **Lincoln:** Sounds like a twin fight. This should be very educational.

Lola and Lana are having a big fight in their room.

 **Lincoln:** Alright, Clyde, what do you think we need here?

 **Clyde:** _[going through his notes]_ Um... confidence?

Lincoln steps in and breaks up the fight between the twins who are dressed as a princess and a knight.

 **Lincoln:** What seems to be the problem?

 **Lola:** Lana's supposed to be guarding my Princess tower, not attacking it!

 **Lincoln:** Now, Lana-

 **Lana:** Aw, guarding is boring! Attacking is cool! _[attacks the tower made out of cushions with her toy sword.]_

 **Lincoln:** Clyde, any guesses?

 **Clyde:** Um... caring?

 **Lincoln:** _[nods to Clyde; to the twins]_ I think I know a compromise that will make you both happy. _[wraps a dirty old robe around him and attacks the tower.]_ The evil troll is attacking your tower! Rawr!

 **Lola & Lana:** _[bursting with excitement]_ GET HIM!

They defend their tower from the big brother troll.

 **Clyde:** Nice! And once again, you didn't need the C-O-O-K-I-E-S.

Despite his spelling, the twins realize...

 **Lola & Lana:** THE TROLL'S GOT COOKIES! _[They attack Lincoln to get what they want.]_

 **Lola:** I saw them!

 **Lincoln:** _[holding them back]_ Another tip: six-year-olds can spell.

The fight resumes.

 **Lola:** I need-

 **Lana:** -cookies!

* * *

Lincoln is now seen with a shiner as he walks down the hallway with Clyde.

 **Clyde:** Sorry about that, buddy.

 **Lincoln:** No worries, Clyde, let's just go to the kitchen and find something frozen to put on my eye.

 **Luke:** _[offscreen and filled with rage, causing the boys to jump]_ AAAAAUGH! DANG IT!

 **Clyde:** Was that your brother?

 **Lincoln:** Yup. Luckily, I came prepared for this kind of situation.

Downstairs, Luke seems to be focusing on trying to beat a level that he can't get past on.

 **Luke:** _[livid]_ COME ON! I was right there! _[growls in rage]_

 _[Enter Lincoln and Clyde]_

 **Lincoln:** Everything okay, Luke?

 **Luke:** Not now, Lincoln, I've been trying to beat this stage for about half an hour and I can't get past this stupid part right- _[now angry]_ Are you serious right now?! I had it that time! _[throws his controller and groans in frustration]_

 **Lincoln:** Mm-hmm. You know what this calls for, Clyde?

 **Clyde:** Confidence?

 **Lincoln:** _[nods and goes up to Luke]_ Take it easy, Luke, you just have to find a way to improve your skills more.

 **Luke:** I _am_! It's just not working!

 **Lincoln:** Well, how about taking a breather once in a while. It always helps me when I get my butt kicked in _Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter XXIV_.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ Fine. _[He slowly takes two breathers and his expression changes]_ Huh. Actually, I think I know what to do now. _[picks up his controller and gets back into the game]_ Thanks, Linc.

 **Clyde:** Wow. We didn't even need the cookies- _[quickly covers his mouth]_

 **Luke:** _[hears what Clyde said and pauses the game]_ Did you say cookies?

Lincoln sighs, opens his fanny pack, and gives Luke a cookie. Luke then notices his black eye.

 **Luke:** What happened to your eye?

 **Lincoln:** Uh, it's a long story…

* * *

After dealing with Luke, the boys go into the kitchen where Lincoln is getting some ice.

 _[Enter Lisa]_

 **Lisa:** Elder brother, I require your assistance.

 **Lincoln:** _[with frozen peas on his black eye]_ What can I help you with, Lisa? Lab explosion? Nuclear crisis?

 **Lisa:** No. I have a hankering for a PB&J.

 **Lincoln:** Coming right up! _[begins making a sandwich]_

 **Lisa:** _[to Clyde]_ I can isolate uranium, but they won't let me use a butter knife. Also, I like the way Lincoln makes my sandwiches.

 **Lincoln:** _[with the completed sandwich]_ Here you go. Easy on the jelly, crusts cut off, and sliced into four right triangles for optimum mouth fit.

 **Lisa:** _[takes it]_ Thank you. Technically, they're isosceles, but I'm not gonna bite the hand that feeds me.

As she walks off and Lincoln is putting the sandwich supplies away, Lucy pops out of nowhere.

 **Lincoln:** AAH! _[drops sandwich supplies]_

 **Lucy:** Hey, Lincoln, could you help me with a poem for school? I need a rhyme for "tomb".

 **Lincoln:** _[washing himself off and thinking]_ Hmm... Gloom? Doom? Powder room?

 **Lucy:** I knew I could depend on you. _[smells something]_ Do I smell snickerdoodles?

Lincoln gives her one and she leaves.

 **Clyde:** It's a real pleasure to watch a master at work.

 **Lincoln:** Eh, I've had a lot of practice.

 **Lana:** _[from upstairs]_ GIVE IT!

 **Lisa:** _[also from upstairs]_ NO, YOU GIVE IT!

 **Lincoln:** You ready to get some practice, too?

 **Clyde:** Heck, yes! _[heads upstairs to the source of the feud]_ Okay, Clyde. Confidence. _[walks forward to the fight]_ Um, hey guys. Do you think you could just- _[not getting their attention; steps forward and gets bitten]_ AGH! That was my foot! _[regains confidence]_ What seems to be the problem here?

Lana and Lisa stop fighting.

 **Lana:** You? Where's Lincoln?

 **Clyde:** I'm temporarily filling in for him and would be happy to help you settle your differences.

 **Lana:** Lisa stole my best rat, Bitey!

 **Lisa:** Who's Bitey? This is Subject 57A.

The rat leaps at Clyde who yelps in fright and stops him from attacking him.

 **Clyde:** Uh, well, you both seem attached to it, and I want to be fair.

At that moment, Lucy appears out of the vent and scares him, making him lose Bitey while Lana and Lisa resuming fighting.

 **Lucy:** Hey, Clyde, I need advice. How do you know you've met your soulmate?

 **Clyde:** Oh. Uh, wow. That's some serious stuff. How much time do you have?

Lola steps out of her room with a ribbon.

 **Lola:** LINCOLN! _[notices Clyde]_ CLYDE! Help me choreograph my ribbon dance!

 **Clyde:** Hold on a sec, Lucy. _[checking his notes]_ Did Lincoln even go over ribbon dancing?

Lily comes out with her corn popper which has a hole in the dome.

 **Lily:** _[whimpers]_ Boo-boo!

 **Clyde:** Just another minute, Lucy. Hang on, Lola. _[picks up the toy and drops the balls out of them.]_ Whoops!

Lily starts crying.

 **Clyde:** No, no, no, no, no. Wait. It's all okay. Shh. Shh.

Bitey then climbs up his pant leg, making him yelp again and trip over one of the popper's balls. The girls gather around Clyde and demand that they help him with their problems. Seeing no way out, he knows what he has to do. He takes off the pack and...

 **Clyde:** JUST TAKE THE COOKIES! _[tosses them]_

The girls and Bitey look on and see the cookies flying through the air and go after them.

 **Luke:** _[comes up the stairs]_ What is going on-? _[Clyde runs downstairs, making Luke spin around]_ Whoaaaa!

Clyde is now going for the door.

 **Lincoln:** Clyde! What happened?

Clyde opens the door only to run into his dream girl.

 **Clyde:** L-L-L-L-Lori? _[gets a nosebleed and passes out as Lincoln holds him.]_

 **Lori:** Whatever. _[walks away inside]_

* * *

Back in Lincoln's room, Clyde comes to his senses.

 **Lincoln:** Clyde! Talk to me, buddy. What happened back there?

 **Clyde:** _[sighs]_ I failed at the 3 C's.

 **Lincoln:** What? How is that possible? You're the most caring person I know. And you make great cookies.

 **Clyde:** It's the confidence I'm struggling with. _[panicking]_ What if I give bad crush advice, and my future sibling gets their heart broken? Or what if I can't choreograph a ribbon dance, and they drop out of school and start holding up convenience stores? I'm going to be a terrible big brother!

 **Lincoln:** _[worried; caring]_ CLYDE! _[shakes Clyde]_ You're spiraling! You can do this. Just get out there and try again.

 **Clyde:** I can't, Lincoln! I don't have the confidence you do. And I never will.

 **Lincoln:** _[caring]_ It's okay, buddy. How about we just forget the whole training thing and play some video games?

 **Clyde:** That sounds great.

 **Lincoln:** I'll just go grab us some snacks. _[leaves]_

Later, while Clyde is playing, a knock on the door is heard.

 **Clyde:** _[screams]_ Who's there?!

 **Luke:** _[from outside the door]_ Chill, Clyde. It's me, Luke. Can I come in?

 **Clyde:** Uh, okay.

 **Luke:** _[opens the door]_ Hey, man. Lincoln told me what you guys have been doing. Congrats by the way.

 **Clyde:** _[sighs]_ Thanks, but I just don't know if I'll be able to succeed as a big brother.

 **Luke:** Aw, come on, don't get all down about this. I mean, look who you're talking to. _[points to himself]_ Lincoln's not the only one that has the big brothering down. I do too. And sure, every day can be a struggle dealing with your siblings like with me and Lincoln, but my point is: Sometimes, you gotta have faith being a big brother. Sometimes, you just gotta take it one step at a time. Trust me, I know this for a fact.

 **Clyde:** _[smiles]_ Wow. Thanks, Luke. I guess you and Lincoln _do_ make a great team after all.

 **Luke:** Don't mention it, dude. Just trust me.

Luke steps out of the room. A few minutes later, Lisa enters.

 **Lisa:** Lincoln?

 **Clyde:** _[startled]_ AAH! SISTER! _[calmly]_ I mean, hi, Lisa.

 **Lisa:** I require assistance securing my shoestrings.

 **Clyde:** Aren't you a certified genius?

 **Lisa:** Yes. Which is why there is no room in my brain for such trivialities.

Clyde ties her shoe.

 **Lisa:** Thanks, Clyde. You're a lifesaver. _[leaves]_

Lucy appears right behind Clyde.

 **Lucy:** Where's Lincoln?

 **Clyde:** YAH! I mean, you might wanna try the kitchen.

 **Lucy:** That's a long walk. I need a rhyme for... Lori.

 **Clyde:** Really? Well, I've got about a hundred! Story, glory, Montessori... _[writing all of them down much later]_ ... and inventory. Now, those are just the ones in English.

 **Lucy:** Thanks, Clyde. You're a lifesaver.

As she leaves, Lola comes driving by in her princess car.

 **Lola:** Where's Lincoln? I need him to show me how to buckle my seat belt.

 **Clyde:** Oh. Well, that's simple enough. Why don't I show you? Just insert the metal fitting into the buckle and pull tightly across your waist. To release, simply press the center button.

 **Lola:** _[buckles up]_ Oh. I never could have figured that out. _[hugs Clyde who smiles confidently]_ You're a lifesaver, Clydey. _[drives off]_

Lily crawls in with a storybook.

 **Clyde:** You... you want _me_ to read to you?

Lily nods. Clyde sits down and reads with her.

 _Later..._

 **Clyde:** "And "Z" is for "Zucchini". The end."

Lily laughs and claps. Clyde smiles feeling confident now and heads to the kitchen.

 **Clyde:** Hey, Lincoln! Guess what? I think I have the missing C now! _[notices Lincoln's not there]_ Lincoln?

 **Lola:** _[From outside]_ Okay, I did the damsel in distress act. Now where's my 5 bucks?

It is shown that Lincoln is paying his sisters for pretending to need Clyde's help.

 **Lucy:** Yeah, pay up.

 **Lisa:** I should be doubly compensated for having to act like such an ignoramus.

 **Clyde:** _[lividly]_ YOU STAGED THAT WHOLE THING?!

 **Lincoln:** Clyde! I can explain! I was just trying to boost your confidence!

Clyde approaches Lincoln and angrily gives him Lily.

 **Clyde:** I think I should go. _[leaves in a huff]_

 **Lincoln:** Clyde, wait!

Lily grabs her payment out of Lincoln's pocket. Back with Clyde, he appears to be making his way home when all of a sudden...

 **Lana:** _[up in a tree]_ COME ON, LUKE, YOU GOTTA GET ME DOWN, PLEASE!

Her rat Bitey appears to be up there, too.

 **Luke:** I'm sorry, but you know I'm not good with heights!

 **Clyde:** Uh, what's going on?

 **Lana:** CLYDE! HELP! I CAN'T GET DOWN!

 **Luke:** Long story short: Lana climbed that tree to get her rat down, but she ended up getting stuck up there as well, as you can see.

 **Clyde:** _[rolls his eyes; disbelieving]_ Ugh. You can save the act, you guys. I know Lincoln's paying you to do this. _[to Luke]_ That probably goes for the inspirational junk you told me too, huh?

 **Luke:** _[confused]_ Huh? What payment?

 **Lana:** Yeah, what are you talking about? Bitey and I are really stuck, and I think he's afraid of heights.

Clyde then starts to show concern.

 **Lana:** And... maybe I am, too. _[clings to the tree in fear.]_

 **Clyde:** Oh. It's okay, Lana. Don't be scared. I'll rescue you!

Clyde has gotten Lana and Bitey out of the tree and is bringing them down via a ladder.

 **Clyde:** You guys doing okay? _[Lana nods still terrified.]_ I know what it's like. One time, I got stuck on a diving board. And a step stool.

They finally make it down to the ground.

 **Lana:** YAY!

 **Luke:** _[sighs in relief]_ Thank goodness. You okay, Lana?

 **Lana:** Yeah, I'm fine, thanks to Clyde.

 **Clyde:** _[gives her a cookie]_ Here. You earned it.

 **Lana:** I don't know what I would have done without you. _[gives half her cookie to Bitey and hugs Clyde]_ Oh, you're a real life saver! _[runs off and waves to him as he waves back]_

 **Luke:** Wow. That was a pretty cool thing you did, Clyde. I told you, you just gotta find faith in yourself, and you did.

 **Clyde:** Thanks, Luke.

 **Lincoln:** _[arriving just in time]_ Clyde! I thought you left. Look, I owe you an apology.

 **Clyde:** It's okay, Lincoln. I finally got my confidence. For real this time. I gotta go tell my dads I'm ready to be a big brother! _[heads home]_

 **Lincoln:** _[Impressed with his friend's breakthrough]_ Good luck, buddy. You're gonna do great.

 **Luke:** Hey, speaking of which, what was Clyde talking about with you paying us to do stuff.

 **Lincoln:** Uh... _[chuckles nervously]_ I-I don't know what you're talking about...

 **Luke:** _[stern]_ Lincoln.

 _Off in the distance..._

 **Lola:** Lisa, move your big butt!

 **Lisa:** Move your own oversized posterior!

 **Lincoln:** Gotta go! Big brother duties call! _[dashes off]_

 **Luke:** _[sighs; to the viewers]_ The things I put up with him.

* * *

 _That night, at Clyde's house during dessert..._

 **Harold:** Clyde, honey, we have something to tell you.

 **Clyde:** _[overjoyed]_ I already know what it is! We're having a baby, and I'm gonna be a big brother! And it's gonna be great, 'cause Lincoln taught me the three C's, and I can't wait to start baking cookies, and-

 **Harold:** Clyde, you're spiraling.

 **Howard:** And did you say "baby"?

 **Clyde:** Yeah. I saw the bottles, and the clothes, and I heard you guys talking.

Howard and Harold look at each other awkwardly.

 **Harold:** "I'm afraid there's been a bit of a mix-up. Your dad and I haven't been preparing for a baby.

Clyde looks on devastated to hear that.

 **Howard:** We've been preparing for... _[picks something up]_... A KITTEN! Meet Cleopawtra's sister, Nepurrtiti. We finally got to bring her home from the shelter today.

Nepurrtiti gets up in Clyde's arm and nuzzles against him.

 **Clyde:** Wow. She's perfect. And just so you guys know, if you ever do decide to have another human child, I'm totally ready for it.

Harold and Howard look on confused, but then smile. Sometime later, Cleopawtra and Nepurrtiti are nuzzling together and Clyde's dads are leaving the house.

 **Howard:** We'll be back in an hour. You okay keeping an eye on the kitties?

 **Clyde:** _[nods]_ I've got the three C's: Caring, Confidence, and Cat treats.

The cats attack him and get into the cat treats.

 **Clyde:** Whoops. Guess I should have spelled that.


	41. Suite and Sour

_I have returned! Now enjoy this episode of LLTLH! :D_

* * *

 **Suite and Sour**

 _March 18, 2017_

Spring break has just arrived, and at the Loud House, Rita and Lynn Sr. are in their bedroom packing up for a vacation.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Well, it took 18 years, but the old jug of loose change is finally paying off!

 **Rita:** I can't believe we saved enough for a luxury spa weekend this spring break! I can't remember the last time we had two whole days to ourselves.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Summer of '98. Clinton, The Spice Girls and Mark McGuire.

Lynn Sr. puts a rather tacky hat into the suitcase, while Rita discretely takes the hat out, and puts it on Geo's hamster ball, where Geo quickly runs off. He then pulls out some red Speedos and sticks them into the suitcase.

 **Lynn Sr.:** You think the kids will be okay? I feel bad we aren't taking them.

 **Rita:** Oh, they'll be fine.

When Lynn Sr. turns around, she flings the Speedos out the window. Unbeknownst to them, all the Loud kids are listening to them from the bathroom air vent.

 **Lola:** We will _not_ be fine! _[picks up and looks at the spa pamphlet.]_ Look at this place, you guys! It's got a spa, eight different pools, and a business center! We are missing out on _all of it_!

 **Lynn:** Yeah, and while Mom and Dad are living it up, we'll be sucking in cat hair at Aunt Ruth's!

 **Luke:** Some spring break _this_ will be.

 **Luan:** _[touches her nose]_ Ooh, I call dibs on not clipping her toenails!

Everyone does the same, but Lincoln is the last to react.

 **Lincoln:** _[realizing he was last]_ Dang it!

 **Lori:** We're just gonna have to convince Mom and Dad to take us with them.

 **Lincoln:** I know just the thing.

* * *

 _Living room…_

Rita and Lynn Sr. are sitting in front of a closed curtain.

 **Rita:** Oh, it's so cute the kids are putting on a play for us.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Yeah, yeah, do I have time to pee? _[the lights go off]_ Dang it.

 **Luke:** _[comes out of the curtains]_ Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages! Welcome to a Loud House Theater Production of... "Weekend at Aunt Ruth's"!

Rita and Lynn Sr. look at each other in confusion. Luke pushes the curtain away to reveal Leni, Lana, and Lily wearing cat costumes, behaving and making sounds like a cat.

 **Lily:** Kitty cat!

Luna comes out, eating out of a pudding container.

 **Luna:** "Ugh! This pudding expired four years ago!"

Lincoln comes into the scene, dressed as Aunt Ruth.

 **Lincoln:** _[imitating Aunt Ruth's voice]_ "You waste that and it's litterbox duty for you!"

 **Luan:** _[closes the curtain.]_ One day later.

Luan re-opens the curtain to reveal Luna playing dead and Lucy playing the undertaker.

 **Lucy:** Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to say farewell to our sister, Luna. If only her pudding had been as fresh as her jams.

Lucy places Luna's guitar on her laying body. Luke closes the curtain again.

 **Luke:** And now, we have another play entitled for you, folks. "Weekend at a Luxury Spa Hotel".

Luke opens the curtains back up to show a business center set. Lola and Lisa appear.

 **Lola:** "What a beautiful business center!"

 **Lisa:** "Sister, keep your voice down! We must be respectful of other guests."

Lori and Lynn come out dressed up as Rita and Lynn Sr., respectively.

 **Lynn:** _[imitating_ _Lynn Sr.]_ "Golly, our kids are so well-behaved."

 **Lori:** _[imitating Rita]_ "And since we took them on this nice trip, maybe they won't put us in a nursing home when we're older."

The curtains close and re-open again to reveal all the siblings as they take a bow. Rita and Lynn Sr. look rather unimpressed.

 **Rita:** _[unconvinced]_ I take it you kids want to go the hotel this weekend.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Look, kiddos, this is the first chance your mother and get to relax for a _long_ time, and I don't think it's worth it.

 **Lincoln:** Come on, Dad, we'll be so good, you won't even know we're there. We promise.

The Loud kids look at them with promising faces, as Rita and Lynn Sr. look at each other with concern.

* * *

 _Royal Woods Spa_

The Loud family arrives. Rita walks in with a couple suitcases, while Lynn Sr. walks in with the jug of change.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Lynn Loud Sr. checking in.

 **Jeffery:** Welcome. Uh, just the two bags?

 **Lynn Sr.:** Yup. Ha Ha, just kidding! _[the Loud kids are seen struggling to pull out all of the luggage.]_ Everything in the van, good sir.

Jeffery is shocked. Later, the Loud family are now in their room. Jeffery puts down the last piece of luggage.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Thank you much! Oh, I almost forgot: _[takes out several coins and hands them to Jeffery.]_ There's more where that came from. _[Jeffery leaves. To the kids]_ Okay, gang. Your mom and I are headed to the spa. Now we're trusting you to stay out of trouble.

 **Luke:** Don't you worry, Dad. We got it all under- _[notices that his siblings are gone]_ Hey! Wait for me! _[runs off]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[opens up one of the suitcases, trying to find his feathered fedora.]_ Could've sworn I packed my feathered fedora.

 **Rita** : _[feigning concern]_ No. Oh, darn. You look so good in it too. _[slowly backs away.]_

Down below, Lynn and Lana are at the elevators. Lynn is pressing the down button, and both elevators open up.

 **Lynn:** Race you to the bottom!

 **Lana:** Oh, it is on!

Lynn and Lana enter both elevators and begin to mash all the buttons. As the two elevators descend, Lynn's elevator breaks down, and halts to a stop. As Lana laughs at Lynn at her fate, her elevator breaks down as well.

 **Lynn:** Ugh!

 **Lana:** What?!

Lori, wearing a baby carrier with Lily in it, is impatiently waiting for the elevator to arrive.

 **Lori** : Ugh! What is taking so long? If I don't get back to the room and get my phone, I could literally die! _[groans in frustration]_ Let's just take the stairs.

As Lori heads to the staircase, Lincoln walks by, holding a ghost scanner.

 **Lucy:** What are you doing?

Lucy's sudden appearance causes Lincoln to fall over in shock. He stands himself up.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, hi, Lucy. I read somewhere that this resort is haunted by the ghost of the Footless Bellboy. They say if you listen carefully, you can still hear his stumps trying to deliver room service.

 **Lucy:** Whoa. Sign me up.

 **Fritz:** _[responding to a call on his walkie-talkie.]_ Both elevators out? I'm on it!

Lincoln and Lucy suddenly bump into Fritz, causing Fritz's nametag to fall off.

 **Lincoln:** Oh, excuse us.

Lincoln, Lucy, and Fritz head off. Leni walks by and discovers Fritz's nametag on the floor. She picks it up.

 **Leni:** Cute pin! _[she attaches it to her dress.]_ Totes matches my dress!

 **Whitney Wetta:** Excuse me, um... Fritz, how am I supposed to get to my room with the elevator broken?

 **Leni:** _[looking at Whitney's high heel shoes.]_ Ooh, heels and stairs? You should def take a room on the _first_ floor.

 **Whitney Wetta:** Great! Can I get a key?

Leni heads behind the counter and gives Whitney a room key, and heads off. A new guest named Jeffrey arrives at the counter.

 **Jeffre** **y:** Excuse me, Fritz. I'd also like a different room.

 **Leni:** Okay!

Elsewhere, Rita and Lynn Sr., wearing bathrobes, are at the spa. Lynn Sr. is ringing the bell on the counter. A worker responds to the bell and comes out.

 **Diem Doan:** I'm so sorry, but a private party booked the entire massage facility.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[taking several coins out]_ Might this _change_ your mind? _[the change trick doesn't work]_ Well, worth a shot. _[Rita and Lynn Sr. begin to leave]_ I wonder what big-wig is in there.

In the massaging facility, a bunch of stuffed animals are getting oil rubbed on them. As the camera pans around to show what's going on, the last one to show up is Lola, wearing nothing but a two-piece swimsuit. Diem Doan approaches Lola, squirts some oil on to her hands, and starts rubbing Lola's back. Lola stops her the moment she starts.

 **Lola:** Less oil, sweetheart. You're not marinating a chicken.

Back at the elevator, Fritz is hard at work is repairing the elevators. Luan is seen right next to him.

 **Luan:** Elevator repair, huh? Bet that job's got a lot of _ups and downs_! _[realizing something]_ Sorry, didn't mean to _push your buttons_. _[laughs]_ Get it?

 _The pool..._

 **Luke:** _[pumps a fist in the air]_ Woo-hoo! I've been looking forward to cooling down in the water all year! _[beat]_ Unlike last summer... _[Camera pans to show that_ _Lisa is next to him]_ So, you ready to go in?

Suddenly, three guys exit the pool, running past the two siblings.

 **Miguel Puga:** Let's go rage!

 **Lisa:** _[disgusted]_ Uck! I will, once I disinfect the pool. Goodness knows what fungi await me in these waters.

Lisa pulls out a chemical flask from her tote bag, and uses a dropper to get a little bit of the chemical.

 **Luke:** Uh, are you sure that's safe?

 **Lisa:** Yes, Luke, I am absolutely certain this chemical has no enclosure to the public danger.

Suddenly, one of the hotel guests runs by Lisa to grab a pool ring, unknowingly bumping into her, causing her to spill all of the chemical into the pool. The results cause the water to being bubbling rapidly. Rita and Lynn Sr., in their swimsuits, arrive for a dip.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Papa Loud in the house!

Lynn Sr. tosses an inflatable lounge chair into the pool, but Lisa's chemical has made the water highly corrosive, which causes the lounge chair to pop and disintegrate.

 **Luke:** _[sarcastically]_ Oh yeah. That _definitely_ had no enclosure whatsoever.

 **Lisa:** SCATTER!

Lisa and Luke quickly run away from the scene. They run by the counter where Leni is.

 **Lisa:** _[panicking]_ Might wanna close the pool, Fritz!

Leni is confused as to who just said that. Lisa and Luke run past Fritz and Luan, who are still at the elevators.

 **Luan:** If you don't fix this, will they give you the _shaft_? _[laughs]_ Get it?

 **Fritz:** _[annoyed]_ Please leave.

Up above, Lori is exhausted after climbing so many steps. She opens the door in front of her, expecting it to be the floor of the room where they're staying. However, it turns out to be the roof.

 **Lori:** Uh oh. This isn't our floor.

Suddenly, the door behind her closes. She tries to open it, but it's locked, causing her to gasp in horror. Far down below, in the basement of the hotel, Lincoln and Lucy are wandering around.

 **Lucy:** I can sense the Footless Bellboy's presence, but he's not going to show himself with all these lights on.

 **Lincoln:** _[finds the power box]_ I'm a step ahead of you. But which one of these is for the basement?

 **Lucy:** Try them all.

In a gym, Rita is on an exercise bike, and Lynn Sr. is on a treadmill. Suddenly, the power to the gym shuts off, causing Lynn Sr. to slam himself against the wall, resulting in the building to slightly vibrate.

 **Lincoln & Lucy:** _[feeling the vibration]_ It's him!

Rita and Lynn Sr. arrive back to their room, limping.

 **Lynn Sr.:** I think our trip might be cursed.

 **Rita:** Don't say that. We still have the TV. 267 glorious satellite channels.

Rita turns the TV on and "The Dream Boat" appears on the screen. A second later, the TV goes out, causing Lynn Sr. to start crying in despair. Back on the roof, Lori breaks the antenna off of the satellite dish and starts running towards the door with it while emitting a battle cry. She rams into the door and successfully breaks it down. She weakly gives a thumbs up, making Lily giggle. Back in the hotel room, Lynn Sr. is holding an ice pack on his knee.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Well, on the bright side, at least the kids haven't been causing any trouble.

 **Rita:** That's true. I haven't heard a peep from them all day.

The room phone begins ringing. Lynn Sr. answers it.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Yello?

The caller is revealed to be Leni.

 **Leni:** Mr. La-ood? We've been getting some complaints about your kids.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _My_ kids? _[suspicious]_ Wait, you sound a lot like my daughter, Leni.

 **Leni:** You sound a lot like my dad, Dad.

* * *

The Loud Family is back at their room, and Rita and Lynn Sr. are peeved.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Ghost hunting? Elevator breaking? Pool wrecking?! What happened to "You won't even know we're here"?!

 **Rita:** You're all grounded to the room for the rest of the weekend! Your father and I would like to _try_ to enjoy some relaxation time!

They exit the room, leaving the kids all alone.

 **Luke:** Great job, guys, now we can't do _anything_ fun.

 **Lincoln:** Well, I feel terrible.

 **Luan:** Yeah, from now on, we _really_ have to behave.

As the Loud kids frown and hang their heads in shame and guilt, a ringtone is heard. Lori answers her phone.

 **Lori** : Bobby Boo-Boo Bear? It's literally been forever! Hang on, let me go somewhere more private.

Lori is about to head onto the balcony.

 **Lola** : Lori! We're grounded to the room!

 **Lori** : The balcony _is_ the room. _[she closes the sliding door.]_

 **Lynn** : Well, I'm gonna hit the showers.

 **Lola** : Uh, Lynn?!

 **Lynn** : The bathroom is _also_ the room.

 **Luke:** Fair points.

 **Jeffery:** _[on the walkie-talkie]_ _Fritz, break's over. Get down here._ _[Leni is forced to leave]_

 **Lincoln:** Leni, you can't leave!

 **Leni:** Do you wanna tell my boss that? _[she leaves]_

In the bathroom, Lynn is fiddling around with the numerous buttons and knobs in the shower, figuring out which one turns the water on. Suddenly, several showerheads begin spraying Lynn with water. She tries to turn the water off, but only succeeds in breaking off one of the faucets, casing a stream of water to knock her over.

 **Lynn:** Guys! Little problem with the shower.

 **Lana:** _[with a tool belt]_ I'm on it, sister. _[Lana enters the bathroom and sees the problem.]_ Hmm. I've never worked with this particular model before, but I'm sure I can figure something out.

Lana opens up the shower's piping, and with a few twists of a wrench, the showers stop spraying water.

 **Lynn:** _[amazed]_ Wow, Lana! That was amazing!

 **Lana:** _[giving Lynn a business card]_ Here's my card. Referrals are welcome.

Suddenly, water begins erupting from the toilet, causing Lynn and Lana to scream in terror. As Lana frantically gets to work on the pipes, Lynn grabs the bed comforter and jams it into the toilet, causing water to build up. On the balcony, Lori continues to talk to Bobby on her phone.

 **Lori:** _[giggling]_ No, you hang up first. _[laughs]_ No, silly. You. _[Bobby hangs up]_ Huh. I can't believe he hung up. _[Lori tries to enter the room, but the sliding door is locked.]_ Not again!

Lori begins to bang on the door. In the room, the siblings hear Lori's pounding.

 **Lincoln:** That sounds like the thumps of the Footless Bellboy!

 **Luke:** The Footless who now?

 **Luan:** This must be his _stomping_ grounds. You guys better shake a _leg_ , there's a ghost _afoot_! _[She points to her foot and laughs]_ Get it?

 **Lincoln:** _[fed up]_ Are you done?

 **Lucy:** He must be trapped behind the air conditioner. We need to free him.

Lincoln and Lucy try to pull the air conditioner out of the wall, when suddenly, it falls out of the building and lands on top of a delivery van, forming a large dent and causing the alarm to begin wailing.

 **Lucy:** _[at the same time Lincoln gasps]_ Gasp!

Lori looks over on the other side of the balcony she's on, and sees that the neighboring room has its balcony door open. Inside the room, a knock at the door is heard. Lola answers it, and it's revealed to be the three guys from the pool earlier.

 **Kyle Marshall:** Yo, what are you guys doing in here? Fritz said this was _our_ room.

 **Lola:** Well, "Fritz" was wrong. Bye, now.

Lola closes the door, but Kyle puts his foot in the way, and pushes the door open.

 **Kyle Marshall:** Not so fast! Come on, boys!

 **Miguel Puga:** Alright! Let's rage!

The three guys walk into the room, and begin to shout like crazy while music blares loudly from their boom box. The room phone begins ringing, and Lily answers it.

 **Lily:** Goo?

The caller is once again revealed to be Leni.

 **Leni:** Yes, La-ood family? This is Fritz at the front desk. Could you please keep it down? We're getting some complaints.

Lily babbles some incomprehensible dialogue.

 **Leni:** Well you sound just like my sister, Lily.

Luna, Luan, Luke, and Lola ram the three guys out of their room with a couch.

 **Lola:** And stay out, you stinkers!

Lisa approaches them and begins to pour a disinfectant onto the carpet.

 **Lisa:** Ugh! We must disinfect the area immediately. Who knows where those hooligans have been.

 **Luke:** I suggest you don't do that before-!

Just then, a bird flies into the room from the hole where the AC was and bumps into Lisa, causing her to spill all of her disinfectant, which burns a giant hole onto the floor.

 **Luke:** _[facepalms and sighs]_... _that_ happens.

As Lisa, Luna, Lola, and Luan peek through the hole, Lori enters the room from the front door, visibly upset.

 **Lori:** _[agitated]_ Thanks for locking me out, you g-

As Lori was approaching them, she blindly walked into the hole, causing her to fall into it. Lynn and Lana are suddenly washed out of the bathroom, apparently unable to fix the toilet problem, and fall into the hole as well.

 **Rita:** What is going on here?!

As Rita and Lynn Sr. arrive back to their room to see what all the hubbub is about, Leni suddenly approaches them.

 **Leni:** _[clears throat]_ I'm sorry, La-oods, but I have to ask you to leave.

* * *

 _March 19, 2017_

Back at the Loud House, Rita and Lynn Sr. are in their room, moping.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Our one chance at a relaxing weekend, gone. Poof!

 **Rita:** Aw, now come on, honey. We'll get that jug filled up again someday.

 **Lynn Sr.:** Oh, you're right. Gotta stay positive. In fact, here's the first nickel. _[Lynn Sr. tosses what he thinks is a coin into the jug, but upon closer inspection...]_ D'oh, it was a button! It's hopeless!

As Lynn Sr. collapses to the floor, crying in despondence, the siblings are once again listening to them from the bathroom air vent. They all feel regretful for what they did to their parents.

 **Lynn:** We really blew it.

 **Leni:** Yeah. We gotta make it up to them.

 **Lincoln:** I have an idea!

 **Lola:** Not another one of your dumb plays.

 **Luke:** _[gets an idea of his own]_ Hang on... I think I know how we can do this!

* * *

Lincoln knocks on Rita and Lynn Sr.'s bedroom door, and they answer it. They see Lincoln and Luke dressed up as hotel workers.

 **Lincoln:** Mr. and Mrs. La-ood, welcome to your very own luxury spa hotel.

Lincoln points over to Lana, Lola, and Lisa under a sign that reads " _LOUD-INN LUXURY SPA HOTEL_ ".

 **Luke:** Amenities include a hot tub as well. _[Lisa dumps some soap into a kiddie pool labelled "HOT TUB".]_

 **Lola:** Complimentary dry cleaning.

 **Lana:** _[dressed as a chef]_ Room service. _[She lifts the lid off a platter, revealing an array of snacks.]_

 **Lynn:** And free in-room massage. _[grabs hold of both her father's hands.]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** Uh, what are you do- _[Lynn gives him a hard kick on his back, cracking it.]_ OW! Actually, that feels great.

 **Luan:** We want you guys to have the weekend you were expecting, the weekend you deserve.

 **Rita:** I can't believe you kids did all this.

A honk is heard outside, and Luna peeks out the window.

 **Luna:** Dudes! She's here!

The Loud kids are surrounded by bags of luggage.

 **Lincoln:** This time, you truly won't know we're here, because we won't be. We're going to Aunt Ruth's, so you guys can _really_ relax.

 **Lynn Sr.:** _[engaging in a group hug]_ How did we get such thoughtful kids?

* * *

Outside, the kids head off as Rita and Lynn Sr. wave them off on the porch.

 **Rita:** Think we've should've told them why we _really_ got kicked out?

 _[Flashback to yesterday.]_

 _Rita and Lynn Sr. are in Jeffery's office, in their bathrobes, soaking wet. Jeffery turns the TV in his office on, showing security footage of the pool. In the footage, Lynn Sr. pops out, making sure no one is peeking. When the coast is clear, he and Rita jog to the other side in their swimsuits, laughing joyously. Off-screen, they strip off their swimsuits, and jump into the water._

 _ **Lynn Sr.:**_ Marco!

 _ **Rita:**_ Polo!

 _Jeffery shuts the TV off._

 _ **Jeffery:** Well, care to explain?_

 _ **Lynn Sr.:** [placing a coin on the manager's desk.] Let's say we just forget about this?_

 _The manager looks at the coin, but points out..._

 _ **Jeffery:** That's a button, pal._

 _[End flashback, and Rita and Lynn Sr. are awkwardly thinking about that.]_

 **Lynn Sr.:** Ah, we'll tell them when they're older. Race you to the hot tub!

Rita and Lynn Sr. run back into the house to enjoy their own spa.

 **Rita:** _[giggling]_ Oh no, you don't!

 **Lynn Sr.:** Come on, come on, come on!


	42. ORIGINAL SHORT: Gettin' the Mojo

**Gettin' the Mojo**

 _March 20, 2017_

We begin with Luke sliding down the banister, racing to the living room, jumping to the couch, and grabbing his Wii controller.

 **Luke:** Ahh, spring break. I get a week off school, _and_ I can sit back and wreck some kids on… _Super Smash Bros._! Best, fighting game, ever! _[Inhales and then exhales]_ Alright, let's do this.

For the past few hours, Luke has going been non-stop on online matches and winning every single one of them.

 **Luke:** _[gaining another win]_ Yes! _[to the viewers]_ Yup, this is exactly how I wanted the first day of spring break to go. These guys can try and fight all they want, but none of them are no match for the Lukester. And I mean not even one of 'em! I can do this all day if I want to, too. _[Hears a "ping" sound effect and notices]_ Huh?

Luke leans forward from his position on the couch to see some text on the screen that says: **"A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES! DO YOU ACCEPT?"**

 **Luke:** New challenger? _[laughs]_ Aw, alright, I guess I can do one more match, and then I'll go and see if there's any pastry tarts left in the kitchen. _[looks at the stomach]_ I'm kinda hungry.

He goes ahead and clicks the "Yes" button. As the match goes underway with Luke attempting to get a head start on the opponent, he talks to the viewers again.

 **Luke:** Like I said, no way in heck that someone will have the guts to defeat-

 **Announcer:** _PEACH WINS!_

 **Luke:** _[frozen in shock]_ Wha-… WHAT?! But how?! That's impossible! I learned every combo from each character, memorized every single attack, and some newbie just owns me, just like that?! _[takes a deep breath]_ You know what? Whatever. I think he just had beginner's luck, that's all. _[Raises his controller as his face scrunches with determination]_ This time I'll get him for sure…

He may thought that his opponent had beginner's luck, but as he goes into the second match, he gets the same results.

 **Announcer:** _PEACH WINS!_

 **Luke:** Big deal, most people get two wins in a row.

 _[Cut to a montage of Luke trying again and again to beat the player. But no matter what he does, the opponent just keeps winning every single time, which annoys him more and more.]_

 **Announcer:** _PEACH WINS!_

 **Luke:** _[His eye twitches]_ Gotta…

 **Announcer:** _PEACH WINS!_

 **Luke:** _[His teeth gritting]_ …win…

 **Announcer:** _PEACH WINS!_

 **Luke:** …this game!

At this point, Luke is seething with rage, after what seems like the seventh win in a row.

 **Luke: GAAAHHH!** What is with this guy?! How is it every time I keep playing him, I get the boot of total fatality?! It's not fair! I'm the video game boy! I'm the one who wins! Not him! _[stuffs his face in the cushion and sighs]_ Maybe I just lost the mojo… I might as well give up and retire as _Super Smash Bros._ champion of Royal Woods.

 **Leni:** _[offscreen]_ Lincoln, where are you?!

 **Luke:** _[Recognizing that voice]_ Leni?

 **Leni:** _[comes downstairs]_ Lincoln! I need your help with something! _[notices Luke]_ Oh, hi, Luke, have you seen Lincoln anywhere?

 **Luke:** Lincoln's at Clyde's house all day. Sorry.

 **Leni:** Oh. Well, I tried asking everyone else, but they were all busy, too. So I guess Charles or Cliff could help me.

 **Luke:** You know what? Maybe I can help you with your problem, Leni. It's not like I have anything better to do anyway.

 **Leni:** Aww, thanks, Luke. So anyway, I just got this new phone, and I need some help trying to figure it out.

 **Luke:** _[sighs]_ Simple enough. Give it here.

 **Leni:** Okay! _[Goes into her purse and pulls out what appears to be a second Wiimote controller. Luke is in shock once again.]_ I tried pushing all the buttons on it, but it won't turn on. Could you tell me how to do it right?

Luke is then handed the controller and then stares back and forth between the viewers and Leni, right before passing out in utter disbelief.

* * *

 _Hey, guys, SGWarrior here. I hope you enjoyed this short, because I noticed that today marks the 1 year anniversary_ **Luke Loud in the Loud House** _came to the FanFiction world. So I immediately knew that I had to write something just for this particular day, and sorry this was late, this was all I had, so, yeah... Again, I hope you enjoyed this short and more exciting episodes will be on the way soon. Until next time, folks, see you around :)_


End file.
